Sorry it took so long to update everyone! It's officially summer vacate now, though, so the updates should come much quicker!

Disclaimer: We don't own house. If we did, you'd all worship us, and trust me, we are VERY likely to abuse such power. BOW TO US, OUR SLAVES, BOW! MWAHAHAHAHAH

Chapter 3: Teasing and Trouble on Tatooine

Foreman and Chase were sitting around the break room table, clearly frustrated.

"Damn it!" said Foreman finally, just as Cameron walked in, with lunch for everyone.

"What's wrong?"

"We have no idea what's wrong with this guy. There's no indication of a stroke, which would have explained his face..."

"...And there's nothing wrong with his heart either," finished Chase.

"So the tests were no help at all?"

"The CT scan didn't show any brain abnormalities," said Foreman.

"And the EKG was clear," responded Chase. "Did you send away for blood work?"

"Yeah, but it's not back yet. Any ideas?"

"I haven't the foggiest."

"Perhaps arthritis? Or fibromyalgia?" asked Cameron.

"That would explain the muscle pain, but what about the paralysis? And the heart problems?"

"I just can't believe it wasn't a stroke," said Foreman.

"Well of course it wasn't!" At that movement, Dr. House burst into the break room, papers in his hand and a sadistic grin on his face. "What, you haven't figured it out yet?"

"No." Chase glared at House. "And you have?"

"Why, of course! But I can't tell you, it's a secret." He nodded condescendingly at his interns.

"Well, you're just a picture of usefulness," Chase mumbled under his breath.

"Excuse me if I thought I might give you a chance to shine. But apparently your finish needs polishing. And here I thought you'd have diagnosed him and were lounging in here because you were bored. I even went to the trouble of bringing gifts."

He spilled the contents of his bag on the table. "See? I was going to lend Chase my iPod, and Foreman my Nintendo DS...but I see you two still have work to do, so I guess I'll keep them." He grinned at his ticked-off co-workers. "And Cameron, I went to all the trouble to get you this, and here you are, case still unsolved, lounging in the break room...tut tut." He threw a stack of paper at the table, which Chase snatched up.

"What's this? It looks like a story...who's this 'jperez1118' person?"

"It's Star Wars fanfic...apparently Cameron's rather fond of it." House allowed himself a moment of almost fatherly pride as he saw the evil glint rising in Foreman and Chase's eyes as they scanned the story.

"Fanfiction?" said Foreman, one eyebrow carefully raised. "Interesting. Well, Chase, why are we still here?"

"Beats me," replied Chase, "I'd rather be anywhere but. If there's a bright center of the universe, we're in the room farthest from it."

Cameron started blushing.

"Ah, but return to it we do. Day after day, if such a horrible place it is, why return do we?" Foreman responded quizzically. Both sniggered quietly, trying to maintain some semblance of professionalism.

"Watch this," said House. He approached Cameron. "You want to get me some coffee." He waved a hand in a vague motion.

"Good lord, he's doing the Jedi mind trick," Cameron thought, deeply embarrassed. Then an idea from one of her psychology books hit her. "Hmmm," she thought. "Perhaps it will be less fun for them if I play along?" She carefully blanked her face, then stated in a monotone:

"I want to get you some coffee."

House chuckled inwardly. She had took the bait. "You want to do my clinic hours for me."

"I want to do your clinic hours for you."

"You want to have wild sex in the supply closet."

"I want to... wait a minute!"

"Sorry Cameron," he leaned over and started Darth Vader breathing in her ear. "I'm old enough to be your father."

Her face turned beet red. "ARGH!" She rose sharply from the table and stormed out into the hallway.

"Cameron," Foreman leaned out the doorway and called after her. She whipped around, her face bright red
and her eyes full of rage. "May the Force be with you!"

The three men finally let out their laughter as they heard her stomp down the hall, shrieking.

HOUSEMDHOUSEMDHOUSEMDHOUSEMD

"What'd you do to Cameron?" Wilson walked into House's office "Y'know, you really ought to be nicer to the little ducklings."

"Oh, so Little Red Riding Hood came crying to you about the big bad House?

"Actually, I just passed the locker room, and she was crying as she was beating the doors, probably imagining they were your ugly mug."

"So someone is crying in the hospital and automatically it's MY fault?"

"Yeah. You trying to deny it?"

House glared at him.

"Anyway, I think you seriously upset her, so try being human for once and apologize."

"I am human. In fact, I'm more human than most. All humans are this mean. I'm just honest about it."
Wilson rolled his eyes.

"Besides, she needs to get tougher if she wants to make it as a doctor. How is she going to handle angry and suspicious patients if she can't handle a little teasing from her colleagues?"

"Whatever, if you have any compassion...oh God, who am I talking to? I'll see you tomorrow"

He walked out, but then poked his head back in the door.

"It's more than teasing to her, you know."

"Yeah, and that's the problem," House thought

HOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSEHOUSE

House walked up to the locker room, hoping she would be gone already and save him the humiliation, but she was still there...and still pounding on lockers. She stopped as she caught sight of him, and he walked up to her and handed her an ice pack.

"Uh, thanks" she said, surprised, and put the pack on her bruised knuckles.

"You must be calm, young padawan," he said maliciously, "I think the empire droids are sufficiently deterred, you must not allow excess violence to drag you to the-"

He didn't get much farther, as the young "padawan" had thrown the ice pack...and hit him square in the eye.

"Ack...The force is strong in this one I see," House quipped. Holding a hand to his eye, he glanced at his watch. "Hey, don't you have some sort of Star Wars convention to get to?"

"House, haven't you got enough out of me already?"

"What's that you say? You're dad won't lend you the car?"

"You're pushing it, even for you. Just leave me alone"

"Well if you're really hung up on this conference, I guess I'll give you a ride."

"This is a long set-up. What are you up to this time?"

"You're welcome. I'll pick you up at nine. Wait outside for me...I don't want to climb all those stairs. Gimp leg, you know."

And he turned and left, emphasizing the limp for good measure.