Thank you so much guys for reviewing last chapter. You all rock, and this chapter is a little longer so I hope ya'll like it. I'm going to use some things from last night's episode like Mark & Addison for example, but the sequence of events will be different, and Mark may stay awhile just for jealousy purposes with Derek. I'm not going to have Meredith sleep with George…at least I'm not planning on it. If anyone has questions, ask and I will answer, and also if any characters seem OC then just let me know, because I'm still working on understanding everyone on the show. Also I apologize for any errors, it's one o' clock in the morning, and I wanted to post this before I fell asleep on it! Thanks again:)
Chapter 3- Breathe Me
Derek loved Meredith. As he stared deep into her hypnotizing baby blue saucers, his hand slowly inched towards her dirty blonde tresses. Her hair was always soft. He would never date a woman with hair that he couldn't run his hands through. His body yearned to get closer to Meredith. Right now it didn't matter if he was late, and it was all because of her. Derek had always been dependable, in a matter of fact it was his quota. Being a doctor ruled his life, because he desired to save as many patients as possible, and not to mention he had his eye on the chief of surgery title after Webber retired. Derek leaned forward and inhaled the seducing scent of Meredith's hair. His job was very important to him, but so was she. Meredith meant the world to him, and she would probably never know that. With Addison still in the picture Derek couldn't be as open with Meredith as he wanted. His nose rested against her cheek, and he breathed in shallow breaths along the pale skin on her neck. His lips hungered to taste Meredith. Kiss her all over her body, hold her in his arms, and just forget about the world for a while. They hadn't kissed in so long and Meredith wasn't the only one to notice that. Surprisingly Meredith wasn't giving in, he knew that she cared about him as much as he did about her, but then again she did deserve better. Derek wrapped his arms around Meredith and held her tighter. She deserved a man that could be there for her physically and emotionally all the time. Someone that she didn't have to share with another woman. Derek clenched his jaw. No matter what he did whether he had chosen Meredith or Addison he would've hurt someone. If he left Addison then he would feel as if he was just giving up on there marriage even though she had been the one that had nearly destroyed it. Derek rested his chin down on Meredith's shoulder for a while. She remained still, not moving her arms which were dropped down by her sides. Even though Derek knew that Meredith deserved to move on, he didn't want her too. He was selfish, because even though her happiness meant the world to him, he still didn't want to see her with another man.
"Derek," Meredith whispered.
Derek grabbed onto her shirt a little tighter. What if the bomb had exploded? What if she had died? And most importantly what if he never got to hold her like this again? Realizing that he was losing more control than he wanted to at the moment, Derek raised his chin. He took in a deep breath as he looked back at Meredith's eyes which were brimming with tears. Kissing her wouldn't do any good, it would just remind them both that they couldn't be together. Derek closed his eyes as he felt his eyes starting to tear up as well. He felt guilty because he wasn't there when Meredith had been holding that bomb. And the thought alone would get to him for a while. "Meredith,"
"What?"
"I know you hate me, and you have every reason to…"
"We're not going to do this now," Meredith placed her hand on his chest and then gently pushed him away. She wiped her hand across her eyes thankful that she hadn't shed any tears. Derek couldn't be there for her the way she needed him to be there for her, so she couldn't be his case. She used to be dependent before all of this, because she didn't have much of choice growing up with Ellis Grey as her mother. Meredith walked into her room and grabbed her scarf off of her bed. Derek followed behind her.
"I never stopped caring for you. I still do."
Meredith remained silent as she tied up her hair into a messy bun. "We're late, you don't have anything to prove, but I do. I'm an intern still trying to get to the top, you're already there, so I have more at risk than you."
"I'll talk to Webber or anyone else that wants to give you trouble,"
"I don't need any favors," She said quickly as she brushed past him. Meredith marched down the hall completely forgetting that Derek was still in the house. She took the stairs two at a time, set the alarm, and then slammed the door behind her.
Late, Late, Late.
Meredith tossed her belongings inside her car, and then turned on the ignition. She groaned in disgust when "We Belong Together" by Mariah Carey filtered from the radio. "Oh c'mon, for the love of all…" She turned off the radio and then looked towards the window. There Derek stood pointing towards the door.
"Oh shit!" Meredith placed her hand to her head. She killed the ignition and then ran back towards the door. Derek opened it for her, and then she quickly disarmed the security system. "I thought you were right behind me!"
"You sped out of here like I was Bailey, I couldn't keep up with you." Derek said trying to force a smile.
Her heart was broken into a million pieces and the only cure seemed to being with Derek. "We're late lets go." Meredith felt sick in the pit of her stomach. This kind of love was the painful kind that no one wanted. Instead of wrapping up tonight with Derek, she knew that all of her attention would be on a container of Ben & Jerry's and some sappy movie.
Derek opened the door for her.
Meredith nodded in his direction and then got in the car without saying anything else to him.
"We need to do something for Meredith," George said looking down the on call bed at Izzie and Cristina.
Cristina rotated her head around and then placed her hands on the table so she could stretch forward. "Yeah we do. I'm sure McDreamy is good in bed and all, but she has been sulking around for days since he's left her for Satan. The sex can't be that good, I mean really."
Izzie dipped her spoon into a small cup of strawberry yogurt. She glanced outside at the dismal clouds, and then back at George. "We should, I mean she's been so down lately. I hate to say it because I love Meredith and all, but lately I've been avoiding her like the plague. I'm a good mood, I'm happy, I don't want to be down."
"Hey," George complained.
Izzie wince back at George. She placed down the yogurt for a second and brought her legs up onto the bed. "I really try to be comforting, but sometimes I just can't…I mean she was crying the other day and then I started to laugh."
Both George and Cristina passed Izzie identical expressions of confusion.
Cristina looked around the room and then back at Izzie. "And they say I am the sadistic one?"
Izzie gasped, "I'm not sadistic!"
"Okay unfeeling," Cristina added.
"I'm not that either," Izzie pulled her golden locks out of her clip and let it fall down around her shoulders. "I just was thinking about something and…"
"So you weren't interested in listening to Meredith's crap. She's my friend and I care to some degree but the woman needs to get over it. Everyone in this damn hospital knows that Meredith and McDreamy will eventually get together for good, but now just isn't the right time. So tell her to stop whining, suck it up, and have as much sex as possible until Derek gets jealous and then dumps Addison's ass." Cristina nodded. "That about sums it up."
George scooted away from Cristina and closer to Izzie.
Cristina grabbed George's chips and took a satisfying bite. "So what were you thinking about Izzie when you started to laugh at Meredith. Was she making funny faces or sounds when she was crying her eyes out?"
"I wasn't laughing at Meredith, it was just something I was thinking about," Izzie grinned. Of course she had been thinking about sex in the linen closet with Alex, but no one else had to know that. Izzie bit her lip as she felt a giggle about to escape.
"Hold her down George," Cristina jumped off the bed and then dusted her hand free of chip crumbs. "I'm going to beat it out of her."
"No!" Izzie laughed as she threw her head back. The wall was closer than she expected. She hit her head with a loud bump. "Oww!"
Cristina let out a witch like cackle.
George placed his hands on Izzie's arms, "Are you okay?"
Cristina quickly straightened up. She cleared her throat, and put on her "serious" face in two seconds flat. "I didn't mean to laugh, well actually I did so I'm not going to lie."
"I've had too much sugar." Izzie gently massaged the back of her head. "It's nothing big seriously…"
"I'm horny," Alex announced as he stepped into the break room with them.
"Good to know," George muttered.
"Oh c'mon George don't be so uptight, sex is a part of life," Alex sat down next to Izzie scooting as close to her as possible. "And might I add that it's a good part of life. How the hell would we function without it?"
Izzie blushed, but refused to let Alex get to her.
"I bet I am the last one in this room that got laid." Alex added. In his hands he had two cookies, he handed one to Izzie and kept the other for himself.
"Yang?" Alex asked playfully raising his eyebrows, "When was the last time you got a full body workout?"
"I'm about to give you a full body work out when I shove my foot up your ass," Cristina delivered with a smile.
Alex chuckled, "It's been a while I can see." He looked down at George and then grinned. "Meredith giving you any yet, O'Malley?"
George practically spit out the soda that he was drinking. "Don't talk about Meredith like that!"
"George, calm down," Izzie replied patting his shoulder.
"I am calm…I just…" George took a second to catch his breath. His cheeks grew a shade of crimson as he tried to calm down. "Meredith could walk in any second and I just don't want her to hear that."
"Are you that disgusting?" Alex asked laughing.
"What is that supposed to mean you ass?" Izzie asked hitting Alex roughly in the shoulder.
Alex let out a grunt and then smiled back at her, "Touch me again,"
Izzie rolled her eyes, "Some people just can't be helped. Is there one word that comes out of your mouth that isn't about sex?"
"You're pretty," Alex said.
Izzie crossed her arms, "That's a pick-up line,"
"Shit," Alex said snapping his fingers. Even though he did think Izzie was pretty she didn't have to know that. He wasn't the compliment type of guy.
Cristina looked down at her watch. "I'm heading back out. I could take a break when I'm dead but there is too much action going on out there for me to just be sitting around in here."
George forced himself up. "Izzie if you see Meredith can you let me know?"
"Sure thing Georgie," Alex said pointing to George and then giving him a thumbs up. "We'll make sure to let you know when your booty call arrives."
Izzie playfully pushed Alex.
"You shut up," George said pointing to him. He promptly turned around and followed after Cristina.
Alex crossed his arms over his legs. "So go out with me tonight."
"I told you I'm busy." Izzie stood up and grabbed onto her empty yogurt container. "Thanks for the cookie by the way,"
"What are you doing?"
"For me to know…and for you to think about all night until it eats you up inside and then you go crazy."
"You're loss, I'll just find another chick." Alex said.
"Good, find another chick I don't care," Izzie added passing Alex a sunny smile.
Alex watched after Izzie. He had to admit that he actually liked her.
Meredith watched her windshield wipers fight with the rain. Today wasn't going to be a good day. She glanced in the rearview mirror. A small part of her hoped that Derek was right behind her car. It was sad really how much she loved that man. Even if she was mad as hell at him all he had to do was smile, and then she wanted him bad. Meredith smiled as she wiped away a tear. The only way she could describe chasing after a married man was love. Because she didn't chase after married men, that wasn't her style. Meredith wiped away her tears. "I need to get my life back together." She sighed and then pulled her hair down. "I'll find another guy…even if he doesn't compare to McDreamy, I'm sure there is someone out there who is just as good." Meredith scowled. She had reason to be concerned, because she was talking to herself, and to make matters worse lying too. Meredith gritted her teeth. "What did I do to deserve this huh?" She slammed her hands on the steering wheel.
Meredith you're going crazy. "Oh shut up," She turned up the radio. A song was playing in the background but her attention was focused elsewhere. Of course she was thinking about Derek, whenever she needed a break, or life got to hard, she would just think about him. Meredith couldn't explain why, but when she was around Derek without Addison close by he had a calming effect on her. Meredith smiled as she thought about how she used to wake up to him every morning. He would always complain about her snoring, which she didn't believe was her, it had to be all in his head, but anyways every time she woke up he would be holding her in his arms with his nose buried in her hair. It was cute. Meredith grinned to herself. Reality would have to set in another day because right now fantasy world felt damn good, even though it hadn't before Derek came. Meredith turned up the heat and then started to tap her hands on the wheel. Derek had wanted to kiss her, but she was glad she resisted. Meredith didn't want to make it too easy for Derek. If she was always available for a kiss or much more than that then Derek would be able to have the best of both worlds.
Meredith's car suddenly jerked to the right. She let out a frantic squeal and then lightly tapped her foot on the break. The car slid across the rain soaked asphalt and halted to an abrupt stop on the shoulder. Meredith placed her hand to her heart which was pounding so hard against her chest she felt as if she would have a heart attack. After the rush of adrenaline had passed over, Meredith glanced into the side mirror. What happened? Just when everything was starting to seem a little better of course this had to happen. With shaking hands Meredith opened the door.
Cars rushed past. She jumped out and her shoes landed in a muddy puddle of rain water. Meredith shivered as the sensation of cold water splashing against her ankles and seeping into her sneakers came over her. She wrapped her arms around her body as the rain started to hammer down on her. Seconds later Meredith discovered that her tire was flat.
"Oh great!" Meredith threw her hands up in the air. "What else can happen!"
A car pulled up behind her.
Oh crap Derek. Feeling embarrassed Meredith quickly turned on her heel and headed back towards the front seat. She would call Triple A and see if they could change the tire for her. Why did shit like this have to happen when McDreamy was around? Even though she needed him, Meredith didn't want to be as obvious as she used to be. Derek broke her heart more times than she could count, and she didn't want to have to deal with the pain of heartache once again.
"Don't run from me," Derek stepped out of his car with an umbrella.
"I'm fine, it's just a flat, I can fix it." Meredith said over her shoulder.
Derek shoved his hands in his pocket, "No you can't."
Meredith scowled in his direction, "So you're telling me that a woman can't change a tire, is that what you're saying."
Derek smiled back at Meredith. He remained silent for a couple of seconds with that all-knowing flirtatious "I want you Meredith" smile.
"I can change a tire," She popped the trunk and then moved around him.
Derek followed after Meredtih, and quickly held the umbrella over her head. "I talked to Webber for us both, so he knows that you're going to be late."
"That doesn't look to good. We're both late, and seemingly together. I could've handled it on my own."
"I have no doubt that you could have, but today just seems like crap for you so I wanted to do something."
Meredith looked at Derek. He reached for her small hand in his and then handed her the umbrella. "Let me change the tire, why don't you go wait in my car."
"I can change the tire,"
"You're stubborn you know that." Derek said.
Meredith tilted her head to the side, "And you're obnoxious, arrogant, cocky, and…"
"Charming," Derek replied. He waited for Meredith to deliver another insult, but instead she looked towards his car. "Go ahead and wait in there, let me take care of this."
Meredith bit her lip as she watched Derek pull off his shirt. He tossed it inside her open trunk and then looked around for the car jack and the spare. Meredith crossed her arms. Her cheeks grew warm as she watched Derek. "I could've done it on my own."
"Of course you could because you had to learn to do everything on your own." Derek's eyes softened as he looked back at Meredith. "But I got this," He placed his hand on Meredith's shoulder as he stepped aside her. "I'm putting the car into park, and by the time I step out then I hope you're in my car getting warm."
"And if I'm not?"
Derek smiled, "Then I'm picking you up over my shoulder and carrying you to the car."
Meredith turned around and walked towards his car. She opened the door and relaxed against the comfortable seats. "The Clash" was playing full blast. Meredith smiled as she rested her head against the headrest. "The Clash" was Derek's favorite band. She closed her eyes for a while, and then opened them when the music stopped. The whole car smelled like Derek. Mmm…it smelled good. She sat up and then looked around his car. A small piece of paper sticking out from the side door caught her attention. Meredith glanced at Derek who was now taking the spare from the trunk. It was just a piece of paper, and it was in plain sight so she wasn't necessarily snooping around. She reached for the piece of paper. It was a list of things to do, and then at the very top was Call Meredith underlined, right above Dinner with Addison. Meredith placed the sheet of paper back and sunk down in his chair. Instead of calling her, he showed up at the house but why?
"Dr. Burke will be right in Sir," Alex said as he tucked his pen into his lab jacket.
"Thank you," The patient squinted to look at Alex's name tag.
"Dr. Karev," Alex filled in for the patient. He tapped the edge of the bed and nodded. "If you need anything before Dr. Burke comes in page me."
"Thank you,Wait…could you talk to me?"
Alex ignored his initial reaction to wrinkle his nose. He plastered on a smile and then walked back over to the patient, "Sure I can,"
Izzie walked past and then stepped into the room with Alex, "Burke got held up with an emergency surgery, you're going to have to present to Dr. Shepard when he comes,"
Alex nodded. "Thanks,"
The patient sighed, "I would keep this damn tumor if I could, the thought of surgery scares me to death."
"Most of the patients that come in here are scared to death, but it'll be okay. Just go in there with a clear mind, focus on something…pleasant, and it will all be good."
Izzie leaned against the wall and listened to Alex. She tilted her head to the side. So he was "human", maybe Dr. Evil Spawn 666 wasn't so bad, but she had always thought there was something underneath the crude frat boy image Alex gave off. Izzie's smile widened and she flashed her pearly white teeth at Alex as he turned around.
They stared at each other for a while, and then Izzie headed out.
"Izzie!"
She turned around and then waved at George, "Hey?"
"Meredith still isn't here…"
"Nope, but I promise I'll page you express when she comes in," Izzie couldn't help but to laugh. "If you want to ask her out, you should do it now."
"Wh…" George cleared his throat and then looked around in embarrassment. "I do not like her,"
"Oh George," Izzie sighed.
"I don't…I mean Meredith is pretty, and all but…"
"You were staring dead straight at her black panties this morning George, you're a man it's okay…"
George grabbed Izzie's hands and pulled her aside. "I was not staring at her black panties!"
"Ohh black panties," Alex said as he stepped out of the room. "Stevens you let George get a sneak peak at the goods and you didn't let me in, c'mon now that just doesn't seem right."
"Well, well, well, if it isn't Addison Montgomery-Shepard," Mark said coming up behind Addison. He got close enough without touching her.
Addison placed down her cell phone. She had been trying to call Derek for the last two hours. Where was he? Of course she noticed that Meredith was no where in sight either. Addison placed a hand to her forehead, because she had an aggravating headache.
"I didn't expect to run into you right off the bat,"
Addison turned around her fire engine red locks cascaded down her shoulders. Her mouth dropped open, and then she stepped back. Control yourself Addie. She shook her head slightly and then cleared her throat. "What are you doing here?"
Mark smiled back at her. He squinted his eyes as he looked deep into Addison's eyes which were cold, even though he knew that she was happier to see him than she played off. "You don't need to be a hard ass with me…"
"You have no business here, you have to leave now." Addison scooped up her cell phone and tossed it into the coat of her lab jacket. "I don't understand why you would come all the way to Seattle to tell me that."
"I missed you," Mark whispered. He clenched his jaw and stared back at Addison with his eyebrows furrowed, "You don't look any happier than the day he left, now tell me honestly if moving out here solved anything."
"We are not going to talk about this!" Addison whispered harshly.
"Where is he Addie? He's absent again, he was never there in the first place. And you come back to this?"
"We're not going to talk about this. You're going to leave now because Derek will be back any second. I love him Mark, and that's why I came back here to fix things,"
"Then prove it to me,"
"I will certainly not," Addison stepped aside him, but Mark reached for her hand.
"Just one kiss Addie, just one…and if you don't feel anything."
"Let me go right now,"
"Then we'll just wait for him to get here." Mark said squeezing Addison's hand tighter.
Meredith watched as Derek ran back towards the car. She leaned across the seat to open the driver's door for him. He quickly got inside and then rubbed his hands together. Meredith reached for the handle of the passenger door, but then her hand slowly dropped. She swallowed down her troubled thoughts, and allowed her hand to fumble around for the piece of paper.
"The tire has been switched, you're good to go." Derek said.
Meredith nodded. "What is this?" She handed the paper to Derek. As he looked down at it, she couldn't help but to bite her lip nervously. He wrote her name above Addison's surely that meant something.
Derek wiped his hand across his mouth, and then held his chin. "I meant to call you…"
"But you didn't," Meredith said in a low rasp.
Her voice sent shivers through Derek's body. He loved that soft, raspy voice of hers. Derek placed down the letter in his lap and then turned to look into Meredith's eyes. "I stopped by instead."
"Why were you going to call me?"
"Because I…" Derek tapped his hand along the dashboard. "I just wanted to…" He cleared his throat.
Meredith reached across him and held onto his hand. His hand was noticeably bigger than hers, so she placed her other hand on his as well. "I thought we still had open communication, even though you choose her, I thought we could still talk. I mean I know I sound bitter, but I'm really not. I don't care that you didn't pick me, and that you don't love me…okay, why am I lying I am bitter."
"Mere,"
"No let me finish," She squeezed his hand tighter. Meredith looked down at his fingers which were entwined between her own. She was starting to believe that she was a masochist because how else could she explain her behavior around him. Derek was looking down. "Can you at least look at me?" She was begging now! Meredith get your act together.
"Meredith, I don't know how I can fix this, I really don't know what to say, and…"
Meredith let go of his hands and then cupped his face in her hands. "Why did you want to call me?"
Derek slowly turned to Meredith. When he was this close to her, he couldn't lie. He was trying to keep it together when he was around Meredith for Addison's sake, but he was doing the best he could. After all it was Addison that messed up not him. She slept with Mark. Addison ruined their marriage, but for some reason he still cared about her. Derek reached for Meredith's hands, her eyes were glistening with tears, those beautiful blue eyes of hers. He just wanted to make sure that she was okay. Derek leaned closer. "I looked for you after I found out that you were the one holding the bomb…and I couldn't find you. I looked but I…" Derek clenched his jaw. "I had to see for myself that you were okay…and breathing and…oh god, I'm sorry." Derek looked towards Meredith's car, "Well that's the end of that."
"The end of what?"
"I'm sorry?" Derek asked in confusion.
"You said it was the end, so I guess you mean it's the end of us, and there are no more chances. It's just over." Meredith forced a nod, "Okay…"
"No," Derek massaged Meredith's shoulders. He loved her. He loved Meredith Grey, and the sad thing was he couldn't tell her how much he loved her. She was broken inside, but she always managed to hide her pain with a smile. Derek could read her. Without thinking Derek leaned forward. His lips met Meredith's and something inside of him woke up. It seemed as if he had been walking around half-alive, barely living since last time he had kissed Meredith.
Her lips were still at first, but then Meredith allowed her mouth to move along with Derek's. His lips were soft and inviting and she knew that she should stop kissing him. But she couldn't. Meredith ran her hands through Derek's wet hair. She felt herself starting to become weak as he wrapped his arm around her body and pulled her closer.
The hood of the car felt as if it would collapse underneath the weight of the pounding rain, but both Meredith and Derek ignored the rain.
This wasn't right, but it felt so good. Meredith slipped her hand underneath Derek's shirt and felt his body. When she kissed him, some of the pain just drifted away, and it made her feel guilty, because she felt as if every time Derek kissed her he took on some of that pain as his own.
He mumbled something that sounded like "I love you," but Meredith couldn't be sure. She slowly pushed him away, but Derek was kissing her again. "We're late,"
Derek had to pull away when Meredith pushed him away softly once again. Her lipstick was smeared across his lips and his cheeks, and his hair was in disarray. He closed his mouth and tried to hide the wounded look hidden behind his eyes.
Before opening the door Meredith ran her thumb along his lips and his cheeks so she could wipe away her lipstick. She stared at him for a couple more seconds in admiration and then slipped outside. Derek was out as well, he opened his umbrella and quickly walked her to the car.
"You didn't have to do that," Meredith said quickly.
"I did," Derek stepped back as Meredith got into her car. He stepped back as she started the engine back up and then pulled away. Life would be so much easier if he could just be with Meredith, but he couldn't because of Addison. Derek kicked at some rocks underneath his feet. He didn't want to love Meredith this much, because it had gotten to the point where she occupied all of his thoughts.
Meredith wiped away a tear as she looked into the rearview mirror. Derek still stood on the side of the road looking at the back of her car. This was what she wanted. She wanted him to pick her, choose her, and love her, but yet she had just run away.