AN: George is still living with Meredith & Izzie, because the George/Meredith thing never happened…just thought I would repeat that. Thanks to everyone that reviewed last chapter. And I posted this chapter before I just accidentally deleted it when I was trying to change something...so typical of me...lol.

Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, or any of the characters except for any OC's…it all belongs to ABC.

Chapter 5- Breaking my Heart

"I'm not going to dinner with him," Meredith stated for the last time. She looked across the room at George and Izzie who were both staring back at her in disbelief. "Well I don't care if you guys don't believe me." Meredith wrapped the covers around her shoulders as she stared back at the television. She scowled when she realized that Jerry Springer was on. "Seriously, a midget stole my boyfriend? Who is watching this trash?"
Izzie smirked as she looked at George, "No one was watching it, we just thought you would think it was funny."

Meredith sighed, "Not really, can someone give me the remote so I can find something of substance. What is on Lifetime?"

George shot up, "That is my cue to leave."

"C'mon George you know you want to watch with us," Izzie teased playfully. She searched around in the chair for the remote and handed it to Meredith. "Gone with the Wind is on AMC,"

"Gone with the Wind…bad," George commented tapping Izzie on the shoulder.

"What George? It's a classic." Izzie protested.

George pointed to Meredith and then leaned closer to Izzie so he could whisper in her ear. "Allowing Meredith to watch Gone with the Wind is like adding fuel to the fire, look at her she doesn't need any sad movies right now."

"I can hear you," Meredith grumbled. She turned down the volume and looked back at George and Izzie. "I can handle a sad movie or two, I'm fine, I don't any chaperons to make sure that I don't go all suicidal. So just stop."

Izzie shrugged in George's direction and then looked back at the screen. "So what are we eating tonight?"

Meredith sighed as she thought about Derek inviting her to dinner. He wouldn't take no for an answer earlier, but she left the hospital without even seeing if he was okay. After she talked with Mark, and he seemed so convinced that Derek was in love with her, she had to leave. Confusion just didn't feel good right now. She needed to change her trail of thought. "Izzie, I thought you were going out with Alex tonight?"

"Oh I don't know, he asked me out but I'm not going to call him. If he wants to take me out tonight then he can call himself." Izzie tapped her hand on the chair and then glanced quickly at the phone. "I'm not going to build my life around that boy."

George chuckled, "Boy, you should call him that to his face." He replied as he walked towards the kitchen.

"I will, and I'll make sure that you're around when I do." Izzie smirked as she glanced at the phone once again. She didn't care if Alex called or not. She was fine sitting inside and watching Gone with the Wind with Meredith. Okay, maybe not.

Meredith turned around in her chair, she reached for a purple throw pillow and propped it underneath her head. "It's amazing how ready you look to go out since you don't care. Do you have another date besides Alex?"

Izzie scoffed and shrugged off Meredith's comment with a quick hand gesture. "I might go to Joe's later. You're welcome to come if you want,"

"I look like shit, I think I'll pass." Meredith focused back on the television screen and then back at Izzie. "Are you wearing Gucci Rush?"
Izzie's eyes widened for a second. Gucci Rush was her going out perfume. She never wore that just to go to Joe's. Usually she wore it whenever Alex was around. Izzie focused on a few strands of her blonde hair which were tangled together. Meredith suspected that she was waiting for Alex so no use in lying anymore. Now it would be even worse if Alex didn't call her or show up. Izzie was a little frustrated with herself for waiting around for Alex, she knew better than to depend on him for anything.

"He better show up…but then again he's a boy…stupid boys." Meredith said with a pout.

"I second that," Izzie agreed.

"Hey," George said walking back into the den with Meredith and Izzie. He lowered himself down onto the couch next to Meredith and held out a bowl of popcorn. "Not all boys are bad…I mean men, we're men."

Izzie smiled, "Some men are so immature they don't deserve to be called men."

"And some men can't make up their minds," Meredith growled as she pushed away the popcorn that George held in front of her. "Tell me why he would attack Mark just for talking to me, but yet he won't choose me over her. I'm getting frustrated with him, and I'm getting frustrated with myself for caring. It's like this cycle that I can't get out of…"

Izzie sensed a Meredith "meltdown" was on the way so she focused on the television screen as Meredith ranted. Occasionally she would look over and nod, but right now she couldn't emotionally be there for her because she had a feeling that Alex was going to stand her up. Izzie crossed her arms. And if he stood her up, then she wasn't talking to him anymore, she had given him enough chances already.

"Okay, I'm finished. From now on when I start talking about Derek someone just change the subject, I won't be offended, just stop me." Meredith sighed. "I think I might go to Joe's with you Izzie,"

George winced. No Joe's was bad too. Whenever Meredith went to Joe's she picked up some random guy. He felt like he should stop her most of the time, but it wasn't really his place. "Actually I think we should stay here,"

Meredith glanced at George. "If I stay here then I'm just going to think about him, and this movie…that is not helping. Izzie turn it off."

Izzie raised an eyebrow. "I was um…kinda watching it."

"Okay," Meredith pulled her comforter up with her and then slowly walked up the stairs two at a time. "I'll just go to sleep then." On her way up she glanced at the door and then shook her head. Mark's words echoed over and over in her head.

"He doesn't love her…He's never looked at anyone the way he just looked at you…he loves you…you…you…Meredith…he loves you."

Meredith clenched her jaw as she opened her room door. If only Derek could leave her alone for once. Every time she closed her eyes she saw his face. Meredith fell back onto her bed. She sunk down into the softness of her sheets which smelled like fabric softener. Even if she tried to go to sleep now, she knew that she couldn't. Her room was freezing so she wrapped the comforter tighter around her body.

Meredith closed her eyes for a second but then she pictured her mom sitting in the nursing home and looking out the window. Her face was blank and she looked sad. Meredith exhaled as she opened her eyes. It seemed as if her biggest fears were coming true prematurely, she didn't want her life to turn into her mother's, but it already was. Meredith shivered at the thought of spending the rest of her days alone and miserable. If she turned out like Ellis then it would be her own fault, because she did this to herself, she wasn't trying hard enough to move on. She needed to try, or else she would stay in this state of depression. Meredith clutched tightly onto her pillow and looked around at the darkness. If only she could make sense of why she couldn't let Derek go. Her eyebrows furrowed low over her eyes. Maybe because she loved him…but why did she love him? How come she couldn't just move on because it was obvious that Derek was staying with Addison, no matter what Mark said. Meredith heard the doorbell ring downstairs. It had to be Alex. Derek wasn't going to show up here, especially after she avoided him at work.

Izzie jumped up excitedly and then she stopped. "Get the door George…please."

George looked back at Izzie as if she were crazy. "But you're standing up?"

Izzie quickly sat back down. "If that is Alex, which it probably isn't, and it's not like I care anyways, but the point is if Dr. Evil does decide to show up here then I don't want to look desperate."

"But you're just answering the door?"

"That has desperation written all over it. He's going to think I was waiting for him…ohh, and if he sees me in the den even more reason to think that. I'll be upstairs. Just get the door George."

George let out a groan as he forced himself up. "This is crazy."

"If you were a woman then you would understand." Izzie replied. She whispered a silent thank you to George and then ran up the stairs.

George walked towards the door, and opened it seconds later for Derek. "Hi…um Dr. Shepard."

"Is Meredith here?" Derek asked looking inside.

George wanted to say "No" but he couldn't lie. "Yeah, she's here but she might be asleep."

"I brought her food, she's going to have to wake up then. It's eight o' clock, only my grandmother goes to sleep at eight o' clock." As Derek stepped inside he put down his umbrella. "Is she okay?"

George closed the door, "She's good." His eyes traveled down to Derek's hand, around his knuckles were bruised with a faint purplish color. George looked away. He didn't want to get involved in Derek's business. "I can tell Mere that you're here if you want."

Derek took off his shoes and placed them next to Meredith's. "If it's okay, I'll go upstairs and announce myself."

Izzie waved at Derek as she walked down the stairs. "I knew it wasn't him."

"You smell good," George commented trying to be as helpful as possible.

"It's the last time I'm wearing Gucci Rush for that asshole, okay George you can see right through me. I thought he was going to come, I mean seriously, how pathetic am I?"

"You're not pathetic."

Izzie nodded, "I'm going to bake some cookies, you can be my assistant if you want I need someone to talk to."

George looked towards his popcorn and the movies he had rented earlier. He could almost hear the popcorn saying "George, just sit down and relax. After working all day you just want peace…peace." But he couldn't just leave Izzie to bake all her problems away. "Coming,"

"Chocolate chip cookies, cupcakes, or devil's food cake?" Izzie asked as she started to raid the pantry.

George opened his mouth to answer.

"Devil's food cake it is, I'll make sure to give Alex a piece in the morning with a piece of my mind."

Alex frowned as he looked back at his reflection in the mirror. He felt like he was trying to hard. He took off his sports jacket, and then wrinkled his nose as he looked back at his starched shirt and tie. God, he looked like a joke. He wasn't really into the prep look, and if he showed up to Izzie's place looking like this, then she would probably laugh at him.

"Damn," He groaned as he pulled the tie from around his neck. Izzie probably wouldn't care if he showed up in some jeans and a flannel shirt. But then again he knew that she was going to be dressed up. Alex smiled to himself as he flashed back to the last time he had taken Izzie out. She had been wearing this sexy black dress which showed off her great body. There was no doubt in his mind that Izzie was hot, but he actually liked her. Alex looked away from the mirror as he noticed an odd lovesick look on his face. He didn't consider himself a romantic, he was far from it, but yet Izzie made him want to do special things for her. And that scared him.

There was a knock at his door.

"Go bother someone else, I'm busy." He groaned.

They knocked again.

"Are you deaf? I said I'm busy." Alex repeated. He sprayed some cologne around his neck and then looked at the clothes in front of him. If Izzie ever knew that he picked out outfits for her then he wouldn't be able to live it down. "What are you doing to me Stevens?" He said under his breath as he pulled his shirt over his head.

The door opened.

Alex turned around in surprise. He looked back at the woman that lived across from his apartment, Cassidy. "What are you doing here?"

She smiled, "You gave me a key remember…Hmm, you smell good."

Alex clenched his jaw. He quickly picked up another one of the shirts on his bed. Fuck it, Izzie would just have to like whatever he chooses.

"You have a date?"

"I'm not in the mood right now, so how about you leave." Alex pulled the 2nd shirt over his head and then fixed the collar. "Cassidy,"

She smiled, "Karev, I figured you had a hard day at work. You interns work way too hard." She pushed aside some of his shirts and lowered herself onto his bed. "Every time that I've come over here we've had a good time, up until these last couple of weeks."

"So then stop throwing yourself at me."

Cassidy gasped, "Are you kidding me? Did you hear what you just said? You're turning down sex." She grinned, "Did you turn gay overnight or something?"

"Get out."

"I was just kidding. Calm down Alex," Cassidy stood up. She focused her green eyes on Alex as he pulled on his shoes. "You've fallen in love with some girl…is it that one um…Izzie?"

"No,"

"When she calls, you get this stupid smile on your face."

"I do not, and I'm not going to argue with you about this. This conversation is pointless and you know it."

Cassidy leaned forward to plant a kiss on Alex's cheek. "So…why are you getting all dressed up then? I think you're in love."

"You're crazy."

Cassidy trailed her lips against Alex's cheek until she reached his mouth. His lips were still until she placed her hand against his chest and pushed him back against the chair. "We used to have so much fun."

Alex leaned away from her.

"You do love that Stevens girl."

Maybe he did. But he wasn't going to admit that. Cassidy was kissing him again, and now she was sitting in his lap. Alex thought about pushing her away, but if he did then that would only confirm Cassidy's beliefs. Of course he didn't care what she thought, but the fact that he could admit to himself that he was in love with Izzie scared him.

"You're still here?" Mark asked Addison.

She arched an eyebrow as she looked down the hallway. Her eyes fluttered shut in agitation. She was at the breaking point with him. "How is your eye?"

"Fine,"

"You really need to leave." Addison said stopping. She looked around the hospital and then began to talk to Mark in a hushed tone. "People are already talking enough as it is. When I showed up here I had to deal with all the gossip about Meredith and my husband, and now you're tossed in the middle of this. I'm here to do my job, not to be the entertainment for anyone that wants to hear a juicy piece of gossip."

"Which is why you should leave, I know without a doubt that if you go back to New York tomorrow they'll hire you back. You're the best over there Addie, not a day goes by when the chief of surgery doesn't ask about you."

"Mark," Addison raised her hand. "I'm tired. I'm exhausted, and I have to fix this mess when I go home…"

"He's probably not going to be there." Mark pointed out.

"I've tried to talk to you reasonably, but you know what I can't." Addison shook her head and then exhaled. "Just go back to New York because no matter how long you stay here, I'm not going to leave Derek."

Mark looked down in disappointment. "Well I tried,"

Addison crossed her arms as she looked back at him. She didn't want things to be like this, but if she wanted to work things out with Derek then she had no choice. "Have a safe trip back."

"I'll wait for you."

Addison started to walk away and then she turned around. She looked around once more and then slightly raised her chin. "Don't be foolish, you can have any woman you want in New York…"

Mark smiled, "I could,"

"So then don't wait for me, because I'm not going back there."

"I could have any woman in New York, but I only want the one that got away." Mark looked away from Addison. "If I didn't care about you so much then believe me I wouldn't have come all the way across the country."

Addison placed her hand to the bridge of her nose.

"Are you okay Addie?" Webber asked walking towards her. He eyed Mark as if he could tell that he was bothering one of his favorite doctors.

"I'm fine Richard," Addison said giving him a smile.

"Are you sure, because I can…"

"Adele called for you, she said dinner is going to be ready in ten minutes and you better be there," Addison replied changing the subject quickly.

Webber sighed, "She expects me to be there every night. I do what I can, but I mean really." He glared at Mark once more and then focused back on Addison, "So she's calling you now?"

"Adele had people looking for you. You were no where to be seen so I took the call for you."

Webber scowled, "Knowing Adele she'll show up here in five minutes looking for me, I have to go. But if you need anything at all don't hesitate to…"

"I know," Addison said with a nod.

"Derek had every reason to do what he did." Webber directed to Mark obviously referring to the beating Derek had given Mark earlier.

Mark watched after Webber, "Well I take it that he doesn't like me."

"Just go."

"Not without you." Mark stepped closer to Addison. "I'll be at Joe's tonight right before my plane leaves. Please meet me there." He reached out for Addison's hand and gave her a letter.

"What is this?"

"If you don't show up, then it's good bye. Because I can't force you to come back with me if you don't want to." He clenched his jaw as he looked down at the letter in Addison's hand. "I'm sure you've seen the way Derek looks at the intern. You don't deserve to be the 2nd woman in his life."

Addison opened her mouth to come up with a clever comeback but she was speechless.

"I'll be waiting at Joe's until eleven."

Derek opened Meredith's door. He watched as she turned away from the window. The room was dark so he turned on the light. "Hey,"

"Hey," Meredith replied back. She looked down at the bag in his hand, and then sat down on the window sill. "I'm not really hungry, but maybe George and Izzie are."

"They're old enough to cook for themselves." Derek said with a smile.

"I'm not really in the mood for company." Meredith replied. She looked down at her hands which were clamped together and then back up at him. "I'm about to go to sleep,"

Derek pulled off his coat and hung it on the back of Meredith's door. "Then we won't eat," He walked over to her and sat down on the edge of her bed. "We can talk, I'm a good listener, try me."

"I'm not going to talk to you."

"Why not?" Derek asked as if he were slightly offended.

"Do you really think that's going to help? Me talking to you?"

Derek nodded, "I don't see why not. Sharing time has always been good for me."

Meredith sighed, "I could come up with so many arguments to refute that lie but I'm just not up for it now."

"So I'm a liar now?" He said.

Meredith rested her head against the window as she looked back at him in irritation. "You're not going to leave are you?"

"I don't want to be near Addison right now."

"So of course you would come here." Meredith stood up and walked over to the other side of her bed. She laid down and then kicked Derek off of her bed. "You…go sit on the window sill."

"No bed?" He asked in surprise.

Meredith sat up, "Of course not, it's either the windowsill, the chair in the corner or out."

"Fine," Derek shook his head at Meredith. "So what's wrong?"

"Don't want to talk about it." She pulled the covers up to her chin and tried to ignore the thoughts that were reminding her that she could very well end up like her mother.

"Then I'll just sit here, and if you want to talk to me then I'll listen." Derek said softly.

Why can't he just make up his mind? Meredith listened as the rain fell down the glass pane windows. She wasn't going to tell him how much he hurt her. She was feeling low…but not that low. "Why did you punch him?"

"Who?" Derek asked obviously trying to ignore Meredith's question.

"You know who, don't play dumb with me Derek. Mark, you punched him when you saw him talking to me. Why did you do it?"

"He seduced my wife. I would think that's the only excuse I need." Derek declared. He wondered if he was as obvious as he felt. Meredith had to know that he got jealous.

She nodded, "I guess so. I'm not really that hungry and I don't really have anything else to say to you so I…"

Derek stood up and sat down on the edge of Meredith's bed.

"Why did you look so sad earlier?"
"It wasn't because of you," Meredith snapped.

"Okay," Derek said in a comforting tone. "But don't shut me out, let me be there for you."

"You shut me out," Meredith replied.

"I would neve…"

"I'm not feeling up to this conversation now. I just want to get some sleep because I really need it."

Derek watched sadly as Meredith turned over on her side. He couldn't just leave. "I'll stay until you go to sleep."

"Not necessary,"

"You're going to have to kick me out, but I'm not leaving yet." Derek went to the top end the bed and sat down. He looked over at Meredith and then crossed his arms over his chest. "When I first came here you were there for me."

"We had sex that is barely being there for someone." Meredith muttered.

"I have to disagree with that. But I'm not talking about the sex…well I am, but you listened to me." Derek glanced over at Meredith once more. She looked like a child with her arms wrapped around her pillow and her hair spilling down her back "It meant a lot."

There was a moment of silence between them and then Meredith finally spoke up.

"I just feel like I'm alone in this world, and the only way that I can feel whole is if I hold onto something that I can't have. I'm not sure what's worse. Feeling like this, or setting myself up to be hurt over and over again."

"You're not alone,"

"I feel like I should have 'idiot' stamped on my forehead."

Derek got closer to Meredith.

"Don't," she whispered.

He stopped.

"I just want to get over you…and the more you come around the harder it gets." Meredith sat up and turned to face him. "The only way that we could ever be friends is if you tell me that you don't want to be with me. I need you to tell me that, so I can move on with my life, and find someone that actually does care."