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To Shiro: Thanks a lot for your review. Lol, I get told by my FY readers that I'm terrible with the cliffhangars!
Chapter 3: Kari!
The feeling that suddenly overwhelms me is excruciating. My heart bangs against the walls of my chest painfully, and my blood seems to burn hot while my fingers go ice cold. The feeling worsens as I encircle the house. She's always come when I've called, where is she?
I dash to the bathhouse in the back, walking over the grasses with only my socks on. I run up the few wooden steps there and fling the door open, but of course it's empty as well. I just stand there, facing the empty apartment, feeling as though my lungs have shrunken so that I need more air. Where was she? Where was Kari?!
"EIJI!" I shouted, running from the bathhouse to the main house, not bothering to shut the door behind me. "EIJI!" I shouted.
He appears on the top of the stairs, and he looks worried since he's never heard my voice so frantic. "Tokio, Doushita?"
"Eiji, do you know where Kari is?" I question, almost pleading as if he were holding her from me. "Kari, I can't find her!"
His eyes go wide. He turned back away from the stair well and shouts her name, his feet banging against the floor as he runs between the few rooms on the upper level. As he does so I check the basement again, frantically calling for my daughter.
"KARI!" There is the sound of fear in my voice, and as I turn to the next hiding place I feel a few tears fly from my eyes. "KARI!"
Loud footsteps thump against the stairs and Eiji runs into the kitchen, where I am.
"I can't find her Tokio! She's not upstairs!"
Those words make the pain in my chest spread to my shoulders. "Look again Eiji, look again!" I order him. I rush after him but run out the front door, searching again.
My eyes almost immediately catch onto the sight that forces my stomach up. The front gate -- it was unlatched.
"Kari..." I whisper. She left? She wasn't tall enough to reach that lock! Had Saitou left it open?
I turn on my heels to the wooden sandals outside the front door, and Eiji appears in the doorway out of breath as I put them on. A four year old alone in the streets of Tokyo could be lethal. How far could she have gotten?
"Tokio!" Eiji speaks.
"Stay here in case she comes back!" I dart off the porch and down the sandy path towards the gate, and fling it open. I don't know which way my little one could have gone, but I can't find her by myself. She could be anywhere by now.
~
My lungs all ready burn as I run down the streets of Tokyo, sure that I'm getting odd looks from other pedestrians. Oh please... any god that can hear me... please let her be safe, please!
I scan the crowds desperately for her as I run, and with each unfamiliar face I see my pain grows heavier and my eyes go wetter. I grab the front of my kimono so I can run better, and the images of all the terrible things that could be happening to her flood through my mind; I'm sure I've left no possibilities unchecked.
It seems to take me forever to reach it, the building seems so much farther than I remember it being. I don't even stop as I push between people and swing the door open. A man I don't know is sitting at the front desk, and he looks up at me strangely as I burst in, panting.
"Miss, I..."
"Fujita!" I shout. "Please, Get Goro Fujita! I need to see him!"
He stands at my urgency. "What has happened?"
"Please, get him!" I cry, my sobs escaping me with my words.
I lean heavily onto the desk to catch my breath as the police officer runs out of the room to the back. Please don't let him be at call, please let him be here!
I feel a hot tear fall down my cheek as the back door opens again, but I don't feel any noticeable relief when he emerges.
"Tokio!" Saitou yells, no doubt from my apparent condition. He runs to me, grabbing my arms with his hands. "Tokio, what..."
"Kari," I interrupt, almost not having the breath to speak anymore. "Kari, I can't find her anywhere. The gate was open, and... I called for her Saitou, but I can't find her!"
His narrow eyes widen after my poor explanation, and he turns from me to the other officer. "Ko, I have to leave." He says seriously. "Tokio, please tell him of this." And with that, he releases me and runs out the front door.
"Saitou..." I whisper.
"Kari," Ko speaks behind me, "Please Miss, describe her to me. I can have officers out as soon as you do."
I feel so confused as I look at him, my face stained with tears and my lungs burning from exhaustion. However, I do manage to muster some words together. "Kari... She's four, about this high..." I motion with my hand, my words still sounding eager. "She has short black hair and green eyes, and she's wearing a plain peach kimono." I stop again to catch my breath, but Ko doesn't push my any further.
"Please stay here Miss." He instructs me before retreating again out of my sight.
I stand there, leaning over with one hand on his desk, watching the back door intensely. I'm sure now that my erratic breathing isn't from running. I don't know how long I stayed in that trance before I came to my senses.
Stay here? My only child is lost, unseen, and I have to stay here and wait? I've always done what I was told by my superiors, but the burning pain in my chest won't leave until I have Kari in my arms, safe.
I relinquish the desk from my touch and head back out the front door, pulling the front of my Kimono up as I go. I head off in a different direction from which I came, but I'm not going as fast so I can search the small crowds for her.
I feel my tears coming on again as I go. How could I have let such a thing happen? How could I have let Kari out of my sight for so long, with the gate unlocked and no one watching her? What decent mother would do that to her child?
I stop walking and lean against the side of some unknown building, not being able to see straight through the watery veil over my eyes. I cover my face with my hands to hide my humiliation from watching eyes.
No... I need to look for her. I can't cry now, I can't... and I won't. Pulling my hands away from me, I dry them on the sleeve of my kimono, and bring the sleeve up to my eyes to do the same. Saitou is looking, Eiji is watching the house, and police will be out soon. Kari... I have to find her, oh God, please let someone find her...
Soon my feet are carrying me forward, but I can't find the internal strength to move faster than I am. The sun is still bright in the sky, so it's the best time to find her.
I exit from the small alley I had stopped in and look around, trying to control myself. I keep my eyes low, so I don't waste time looking at adults when I'm looking for a small child. So many children still have black hair though, so I worry Kari won't stand out if I pass by her. I take a deep breath to calm myself. I'd ask if anyone has seen her, but right now I can't control my emotions well enough to do so. Who would notice such a young girl in the streets?
~
After what feels like eternity but probably is only an hour or so, I start in the direction of the house, my hand clutching the front of my kimono as I walk from the dreadful pain that threatens to overwhelm me. Kari may have only gone a small ways and returned to the house, and even not she may not have gotten out as far as I am, she's not familiar with these surroundings enough, so I hope she would have gotten scared and retreated. I still search constantly and thoroughly as I make my way back. I notice the hand enclosed over the fabric of my front is shaking, but I do nothing to relieve it.
My socks are dirty from the sand of the road as I approach the gates, and when I slowly open them, Eiji is sitting on the front porch, his brother's sword at his side and his chin cupped in his hands. He looks up at me when I enter, hopefulness in his brown eyes.
"Tokio...?"
Immediately I know. Kari hasn't returned, he's sat and waited for her, but his luck has been the same as mine.
I can't feel my legs anymore, so there is no pain in them when my knees collide with the ground of the front walk.
"Tokio!" Eiji runs, kneeling at my side. He shakes my shoulders, and I think he's saying something, but I can't here him. The pain in my chest has reached my throat, and it hurts for me to swallow. I feel as though I've been hit in the stomach, and a tremendous nauseated feeling washes over me. I feel like I've swallowed a poison, one that I never meant to take.
My fingernails dig into the hot earth and I cry again, hoping that my tears will release the stress in me. My clothes feel heavy and loose strands of hair stick to my face from the heat, and my eyes start to hurt from my torrid emotions. She hasn't been gone half the day yet and I feel as though I haven't seen her in ages.
I'm a terrible mother.
I notice Eiji helping me walk towards the house, and I force myself to keep my weight off him as he opens the door and the cool air of the house floods out. I don't even bother to take my shoes off, I just sink to the floor right inside the living room.
I can feel Eiji standing over me, not sure what to do. He says something about keeping watch, but he's gone before I can figure his words out. If Kari is hurt, it's my fault. Kari has been with me everyday since she was born, and now I've lost her to surrender her to the outside world.
"Please be okay..." My muffled voice prays. "Oh please, please let her be all right..."
My speech chokes out as the nausea returns, and my sobs rack my body sharply as tears fall to the wooden floor I rest on. I don't remember falling asleep.
~
I wake up, and the room is dark, which means the sun has set. How long have a slept for? How late was it when I got back to the house?
I'm in the same place, my legs folded against a wall, my shoulder bruised from the odd position I've remained in. The side of my face sticks to the floor slightly when I pull myself up. My eyes feel swollen despite my rest.
After a few slow breaths I stand up, heaving my pathetic body forward with aid from the wall. I place my hands on the sliding door and open it to reveal a darkened sky outside.
"Eiji?" I whisper.
Eiji glances back at me, his features gloomy. He shakes his head.
I don't cry though. I leave the door cracked open and walk back into the room, down to the table in the center of it. I kneel down and place my arms on its smooth surface, staring into the contours of the wood.
At the sound of the front gate I look back towards the door. Did Eiji leave?
"Kari!" he shouts. The name puts my full attention towards the door, but I'm frozen in place. Finally, the door opens completely, and a tall, blue clad figure stands there, holding Kari in both his arms. She's awake, but tired.
Tears fall again, but they're not from despair. I leap off the floor and run towards him, and he releases Kari into my grasp. I hold her tightly to me, still crying, and then Kari joins me.
"I'm.... s...sorry..." She hiccups. Her voice tells me that she's been crying for a long time too. I lower to the floor a bit so that she's standing, but I don't let go of her.
"Oh Kari..." I whisper into her ear. "It's okay now, it's okay..."
She starts crying again into my shoulder, her tiny arms wrapped around my neck. I glance up at Saitou, who's watching beside Eiji. I close my eyes and hold Kari tighter to me, in a way that feels like she could never leave me again.
~
It's very late at night when I come downstairs from her and Eiji's room.
"I found her nearly a mile from here, near the Ikyobi fields." Saitou says, waiting at the bottom of the stairwell. "She wasn't hurt." He looks away at me for a moment, but I can't tell whether he's focused on something. "I'm pretty sure she was looking for me."
I stopped on the stairs at that remark. It makes sense. Kari had gone months without seeing her father, and when Saitou came back she was only with him for a moment before he left. I realize that Saitou was looking away because of guilt.
I reach the second to the last stair, so that I'm close to him and about his height. When he looks back at me, I lean forward slightly and encase my arms around his neck. He quickly embraces me to keep me from falling forward.
"Thank you for finding her..." I whisper to him, pressing my forehead into the base of his neck. "Thank you..."
His lips touch my jawbone and he brings me down to the floor, the elevation difference bringing his arms up higher on my back.
"Tokio..." his undertone comes to me.
I don't say anything, I only hold him close to me.
To Shiro: Thanks a lot for your review. Lol, I get told by my FY readers that I'm terrible with the cliffhangars!
Chapter 3: Kari!
The feeling that suddenly overwhelms me is excruciating. My heart bangs against the walls of my chest painfully, and my blood seems to burn hot while my fingers go ice cold. The feeling worsens as I encircle the house. She's always come when I've called, where is she?
I dash to the bathhouse in the back, walking over the grasses with only my socks on. I run up the few wooden steps there and fling the door open, but of course it's empty as well. I just stand there, facing the empty apartment, feeling as though my lungs have shrunken so that I need more air. Where was she? Where was Kari?!
"EIJI!" I shouted, running from the bathhouse to the main house, not bothering to shut the door behind me. "EIJI!" I shouted.
He appears on the top of the stairs, and he looks worried since he's never heard my voice so frantic. "Tokio, Doushita?"
"Eiji, do you know where Kari is?" I question, almost pleading as if he were holding her from me. "Kari, I can't find her!"
His eyes go wide. He turned back away from the stair well and shouts her name, his feet banging against the floor as he runs between the few rooms on the upper level. As he does so I check the basement again, frantically calling for my daughter.
"KARI!" There is the sound of fear in my voice, and as I turn to the next hiding place I feel a few tears fly from my eyes. "KARI!"
Loud footsteps thump against the stairs and Eiji runs into the kitchen, where I am.
"I can't find her Tokio! She's not upstairs!"
Those words make the pain in my chest spread to my shoulders. "Look again Eiji, look again!" I order him. I rush after him but run out the front door, searching again.
My eyes almost immediately catch onto the sight that forces my stomach up. The front gate -- it was unlatched.
"Kari..." I whisper. She left? She wasn't tall enough to reach that lock! Had Saitou left it open?
I turn on my heels to the wooden sandals outside the front door, and Eiji appears in the doorway out of breath as I put them on. A four year old alone in the streets of Tokyo could be lethal. How far could she have gotten?
"Tokio!" Eiji speaks.
"Stay here in case she comes back!" I dart off the porch and down the sandy path towards the gate, and fling it open. I don't know which way my little one could have gone, but I can't find her by myself. She could be anywhere by now.
~
My lungs all ready burn as I run down the streets of Tokyo, sure that I'm getting odd looks from other pedestrians. Oh please... any god that can hear me... please let her be safe, please!
I scan the crowds desperately for her as I run, and with each unfamiliar face I see my pain grows heavier and my eyes go wetter. I grab the front of my kimono so I can run better, and the images of all the terrible things that could be happening to her flood through my mind; I'm sure I've left no possibilities unchecked.
It seems to take me forever to reach it, the building seems so much farther than I remember it being. I don't even stop as I push between people and swing the door open. A man I don't know is sitting at the front desk, and he looks up at me strangely as I burst in, panting.
"Miss, I..."
"Fujita!" I shout. "Please, Get Goro Fujita! I need to see him!"
He stands at my urgency. "What has happened?"
"Please, get him!" I cry, my sobs escaping me with my words.
I lean heavily onto the desk to catch my breath as the police officer runs out of the room to the back. Please don't let him be at call, please let him be here!
I feel a hot tear fall down my cheek as the back door opens again, but I don't feel any noticeable relief when he emerges.
"Tokio!" Saitou yells, no doubt from my apparent condition. He runs to me, grabbing my arms with his hands. "Tokio, what..."
"Kari," I interrupt, almost not having the breath to speak anymore. "Kari, I can't find her anywhere. The gate was open, and... I called for her Saitou, but I can't find her!"
His narrow eyes widen after my poor explanation, and he turns from me to the other officer. "Ko, I have to leave." He says seriously. "Tokio, please tell him of this." And with that, he releases me and runs out the front door.
"Saitou..." I whisper.
"Kari," Ko speaks behind me, "Please Miss, describe her to me. I can have officers out as soon as you do."
I feel so confused as I look at him, my face stained with tears and my lungs burning from exhaustion. However, I do manage to muster some words together. "Kari... She's four, about this high..." I motion with my hand, my words still sounding eager. "She has short black hair and green eyes, and she's wearing a plain peach kimono." I stop again to catch my breath, but Ko doesn't push my any further.
"Please stay here Miss." He instructs me before retreating again out of my sight.
I stand there, leaning over with one hand on his desk, watching the back door intensely. I'm sure now that my erratic breathing isn't from running. I don't know how long I stayed in that trance before I came to my senses.
Stay here? My only child is lost, unseen, and I have to stay here and wait? I've always done what I was told by my superiors, but the burning pain in my chest won't leave until I have Kari in my arms, safe.
I relinquish the desk from my touch and head back out the front door, pulling the front of my Kimono up as I go. I head off in a different direction from which I came, but I'm not going as fast so I can search the small crowds for her.
I feel my tears coming on again as I go. How could I have let such a thing happen? How could I have let Kari out of my sight for so long, with the gate unlocked and no one watching her? What decent mother would do that to her child?
I stop walking and lean against the side of some unknown building, not being able to see straight through the watery veil over my eyes. I cover my face with my hands to hide my humiliation from watching eyes.
No... I need to look for her. I can't cry now, I can't... and I won't. Pulling my hands away from me, I dry them on the sleeve of my kimono, and bring the sleeve up to my eyes to do the same. Saitou is looking, Eiji is watching the house, and police will be out soon. Kari... I have to find her, oh God, please let someone find her...
Soon my feet are carrying me forward, but I can't find the internal strength to move faster than I am. The sun is still bright in the sky, so it's the best time to find her.
I exit from the small alley I had stopped in and look around, trying to control myself. I keep my eyes low, so I don't waste time looking at adults when I'm looking for a small child. So many children still have black hair though, so I worry Kari won't stand out if I pass by her. I take a deep breath to calm myself. I'd ask if anyone has seen her, but right now I can't control my emotions well enough to do so. Who would notice such a young girl in the streets?
~
After what feels like eternity but probably is only an hour or so, I start in the direction of the house, my hand clutching the front of my kimono as I walk from the dreadful pain that threatens to overwhelm me. Kari may have only gone a small ways and returned to the house, and even not she may not have gotten out as far as I am, she's not familiar with these surroundings enough, so I hope she would have gotten scared and retreated. I still search constantly and thoroughly as I make my way back. I notice the hand enclosed over the fabric of my front is shaking, but I do nothing to relieve it.
My socks are dirty from the sand of the road as I approach the gates, and when I slowly open them, Eiji is sitting on the front porch, his brother's sword at his side and his chin cupped in his hands. He looks up at me when I enter, hopefulness in his brown eyes.
"Tokio...?"
Immediately I know. Kari hasn't returned, he's sat and waited for her, but his luck has been the same as mine.
I can't feel my legs anymore, so there is no pain in them when my knees collide with the ground of the front walk.
"Tokio!" Eiji runs, kneeling at my side. He shakes my shoulders, and I think he's saying something, but I can't here him. The pain in my chest has reached my throat, and it hurts for me to swallow. I feel as though I've been hit in the stomach, and a tremendous nauseated feeling washes over me. I feel like I've swallowed a poison, one that I never meant to take.
My fingernails dig into the hot earth and I cry again, hoping that my tears will release the stress in me. My clothes feel heavy and loose strands of hair stick to my face from the heat, and my eyes start to hurt from my torrid emotions. She hasn't been gone half the day yet and I feel as though I haven't seen her in ages.
I'm a terrible mother.
I notice Eiji helping me walk towards the house, and I force myself to keep my weight off him as he opens the door and the cool air of the house floods out. I don't even bother to take my shoes off, I just sink to the floor right inside the living room.
I can feel Eiji standing over me, not sure what to do. He says something about keeping watch, but he's gone before I can figure his words out. If Kari is hurt, it's my fault. Kari has been with me everyday since she was born, and now I've lost her to surrender her to the outside world.
"Please be okay..." My muffled voice prays. "Oh please, please let her be all right..."
My speech chokes out as the nausea returns, and my sobs rack my body sharply as tears fall to the wooden floor I rest on. I don't remember falling asleep.
~
I wake up, and the room is dark, which means the sun has set. How long have a slept for? How late was it when I got back to the house?
I'm in the same place, my legs folded against a wall, my shoulder bruised from the odd position I've remained in. The side of my face sticks to the floor slightly when I pull myself up. My eyes feel swollen despite my rest.
After a few slow breaths I stand up, heaving my pathetic body forward with aid from the wall. I place my hands on the sliding door and open it to reveal a darkened sky outside.
"Eiji?" I whisper.
Eiji glances back at me, his features gloomy. He shakes his head.
I don't cry though. I leave the door cracked open and walk back into the room, down to the table in the center of it. I kneel down and place my arms on its smooth surface, staring into the contours of the wood.
At the sound of the front gate I look back towards the door. Did Eiji leave?
"Kari!" he shouts. The name puts my full attention towards the door, but I'm frozen in place. Finally, the door opens completely, and a tall, blue clad figure stands there, holding Kari in both his arms. She's awake, but tired.
Tears fall again, but they're not from despair. I leap off the floor and run towards him, and he releases Kari into my grasp. I hold her tightly to me, still crying, and then Kari joins me.
"I'm.... s...sorry..." She hiccups. Her voice tells me that she's been crying for a long time too. I lower to the floor a bit so that she's standing, but I don't let go of her.
"Oh Kari..." I whisper into her ear. "It's okay now, it's okay..."
She starts crying again into my shoulder, her tiny arms wrapped around my neck. I glance up at Saitou, who's watching beside Eiji. I close my eyes and hold Kari tighter to me, in a way that feels like she could never leave me again.
~
It's very late at night when I come downstairs from her and Eiji's room.
"I found her nearly a mile from here, near the Ikyobi fields." Saitou says, waiting at the bottom of the stairwell. "She wasn't hurt." He looks away at me for a moment, but I can't tell whether he's focused on something. "I'm pretty sure she was looking for me."
I stopped on the stairs at that remark. It makes sense. Kari had gone months without seeing her father, and when Saitou came back she was only with him for a moment before he left. I realize that Saitou was looking away because of guilt.
I reach the second to the last stair, so that I'm close to him and about his height. When he looks back at me, I lean forward slightly and encase my arms around his neck. He quickly embraces me to keep me from falling forward.
"Thank you for finding her..." I whisper to him, pressing my forehead into the base of his neck. "Thank you..."
His lips touch my jawbone and he brings me down to the floor, the elevation difference bringing his arms up higher on my back.
"Tokio..." his undertone comes to me.
I don't say anything, I only hold him close to me.