To Reviewers:
I didn't realize I had gotten so many reviews! Gomen to whoever I forgot to reply to! I think most of you will be pleased with this chapter just by the title! I've been in a huge Saitou kick lately, so big update. I'm working on Chapter 7, and boy am I haveing fun with THAT.
To Shiro: I'm glad you like my story! You're a very devoted reader, I appreciate it.
To Jadegoddes and Kakashi-fan: Thank you very much for your reviews. (and yes, Saitou is dreamy.)
Chapter 4: His Warmth
Sun light stings my eyes as I open them, and I shade them with my hands until I adjust to the brightness of the room. I'm facing the futon next to me, and it's pulled closer than it had been the night before. However, it is empty, but the blankets are pulled over it neatly. I sit up, my long, dark hair falling over my shoulders as I do so. I pull my sleeping robe tighter around me and stand up. It's probably later in the morning than usual, since I stayed up so late last night.
Then the memories of that night flood back to me, and I remember everything. Kari had left, but Saitou had brought her back, and after four months I finally got the chance to really be held in his embrace again.
I glance down at his bed. I imagine he's all ready left for work, but I can never be too sure. Though he's a very dedicated police officer and isn't home as much as I'd like him to be, I feel a love for that man unlike one I've ever had for anyone else. I feel comforted to know that he trusts me with the secrets of his past, of the shisengumi, of his work, even though I know he keeps things from me, things he doesn't want me to know.
I never would have expected I'd feel like this when I first married him. It wasn't a shock to me, my stepfather never allowed other men to court me in my younger years, so I had little interest in them. I won't say that sometimes knowing that I all ready had my husband picked out for me and that I couldn't choose for myself didn't bother me, but I did as I was told. When I married Saito eight years ago, it was like living in a house with a stranger. We were polite to each other, but we mostly stayed out of the other's way. I still cooked and cleaned like I do now, but more for a guest than a friend, or even a lover. I could barely carry a conversation with him for the first year, but I knew he was a good man, so I didn't complain. He provided for me and respected me, so I was happy. If I count now, I think it probably took two more years after that for me to start feeling something different for him, when I actually started feeling lonely when he was away, even just at work. I remember the night when I realized I was truly in love with him... it was the night that I conceived Kari.
I blink my eyes and come out of my thoughts. I must have been standing with a dull look on my face for a minute there... I turn towards my dresser, and I notice that Saitou's uniform is gone. I pull open the doors of my wardrobe and find a light blue kimono with a blue sash, and I remove it from the hangar and dress there. When I'm done I realize I should probably bathe before I head to the preschool later, and I could do some more laundry on top of that. Because of this reasoning, I only braid my hair for now; it's no use to do anything extravagant with it.
~
When I open the sliding door to the hallway I hear one of Kari's loud giggles coming from the kitchen. I follow them, rubbing the rest of sleep from my eyes, and when I get into the living room I see a glimpse of her foot through the kitchen entrance. Confused, I crank my neck and walk into the living room, a surprised expression appearing on my face.
It wasn't Eiji who was with her, but Saitou. Kari's grip encased around two fingers on each of his larger hands and she bounced on the floor happily, a wide smile on her face, one that reflected off the grin of her father. She shouted "Again!" several times, and at the peek of one of her jumps Saitou would lift her up with his hands and land her somewhere else in the room.
I don't know why I'm in such awe as I watch this, but I am. I quietly watch the interaction between these two as if by revelation, and a strange desire forms in my chest as I am allowed to spectate unnoticed. A sudden but light scent reaches me, and I notice that Saitou had started what looked like miso soup on the stove.
"Mommy!"
I jump and my hand instinctively flies up to my heart as my focus shoots back to the duo. Before I have time to reply, Kari's weight thrusts into my legs, embracing me with a one-sided hug. I loosen her grip a bit and kneel down to meet her so I can hug her back. I think the reason for this is, though she is four, Kari had some remaining worry and guilt left in her from the day before.
"How long have you been awake Kari?" I ask, looking at her green eyes.
"Since morning." She replies. Of course I can't expect a better answer from her.
I stand up and look at Saitou, seeing that his calm demeanor has all ready returned. "Aren't you going to work today?" I ask.
He shakes his head. "I'll be at home today, Tokio."
I feel myself smile, and I see a glint in his eyes that tells me he notices. He raises a hand to his mouth and clears his throat, turning to the miso soup on the stove.
"I'm going to get Eiji!" Kari announces to us, running from the kitchen.
I watch her as she leaves, remembering for a moment the scare of the night before.
"You didn't have to make breakfast, Saitou." I finally say.
"I may as well do something with my time since I won't be working today." He replies. "When do you leave for school?"
"A little after noon." I answer. I look out the window to guess the time; there isn't a clock in the kitchen. "I have my lessons ready for today, but I still need to take a bath before I leave." I glance into the living room. "I have less time then I thought..."
Saitou removes the pot off the stove and onto a pad on the counter. "I'll run the water for you." He states.
He gets a somewhat dazed reaction from me. "Arigatou." I finally say. That is a very kind thing for him to do for me.
"Oi Tokio, what's cookin'?"
I turn around to see Eiji come in, hands linked with Kari. Kari swung her arm with his happily.
"Saitou made us miso soup." I answer, smiling.
Eiji looks past me at the taller man. "He can cook?"
I laugh lightly and turn to see his reaction. Saitou is taking out a cigarette.
~
I relax my shoulders into the warm water, hearing the faintest crackle of wood from the fire under the bathhouse. My long hair is pulled up on top of my head out of the water. I should only relax here for a little while, it's terrible for a teacher to be tardy, especially when she has to guide so many young souls.
My eyes open onto the wooden roof of the house, and they follow along a single plank of wood among the rafters.
I sigh. A worry that has been in the back of my mind for some time now finally arises, not wanting to be ignored anymore. I really hate worrying so much, but I can't help it.
Saitou. I still haven't asked him about Kyoto. Not only have I not really gotten the chance to, but I don't know how to bring it up. Was he hurt at all? I can see for myself that nothing serious happened, but something as simple as a shirt could hide a world of pain from me. And he went back into work so soon after too. Why is it so hard for me to just ask him? I want to know so badly about him, about Shishio. I know the Hitokiri Battousai was there as well, what kind of man is he now though? I was surprised when I first heard his name from Saitou, though he never went into detail. I hadn't heard of the legendary manslayer since I was about 15 in the revolution.
I sit up in the large tub and hug my knees to my bare chest, fixing my eyes onto the clear, rippling water. "Saitou..." his name escape my lips. "I want to know Saitou, but would you ever come to me and tell me? Do I have to ask?" I speak quietly. I don't want to upset him, he's always such a serious person, I can't see what he really thinks, what he really feels.
I pull the tie out of my hair and it falls dry onto the surface of the water. I rest back again and submerge myself completely into the water, resurfacing after a moment. My bangs are mingled in with the rest of my hair, leaving my forehead uncovered.
I love him so much, but I sound like a hypocrite to myself. Why is it so hard for me to just go up to him and declare how I feel? I've said it before, but how long ago? Have I always been this shy?
My hand reaches for the pale yellow bar of soap resting on the edge of the tub. I rub it smoothly up and down both of my arms, then I roll it in between my hands until I have some good suds going. I lift one leg out of the water, then the other, washing away any remaining dirt from my body. I get some more suds on my fingers and palms and stroke my hands through my hair, trying to be careful to not create too many knots in the fine strands. Finally I go back under the water, holding my breath to remain in the warm liquid as long as I can. I come back up for air and rinse the water through my hair again, and then I stand up in the tub, wringing the water out of my hair and shaking my feet off when I step out. I grab one of the towels from the small stack on a low shelf and bend over so that my hair falls towards the floor. I take the white linen and wrap it around my head and over my ears, twisting it off before standing upright again. I take a second towel and begin to dry myself off, making my way to the hook where my blue kimono is hanging.
I wrap the towel around my shoulders to get the rest of the drops on my back and remove the kimono from the hook, my thin, white, under robe beneath it. I put that on first and then the kimono itself, and it takes me a good five minutes to get my obi settled on me just right, tying it in the desired style against my back. I take the towel off my head and place it with the other in a hamper near the door. Back on the shelf is a wide toothed comb, and I run it through my wet locks before leaving. There's no mirror in here, so I prefer to do my hair in the bathroom of the house.
I step outside into the fresh, cool air, which is a relief from the steamy environment I had just been in. I can hear a few cicadas chirping, hidden beneath the grasses and leaves of the yard.
My eye catches something.
I turn towards the tall fence at my left, a dark one draped in vines. I take a step toward it, but it's not worth investigating. I could have sworn I saw a man's face, but the fence is built high enough to keep pedestrians from peering through. Me and my paranoia again...
I walk towards the house and enter in through the sliding door of the kitchen. I pass into the living room where Eiji is trying to keep Kari still enough to fix the big, pink bow to her own kimono.
"Eiji, where is Saitou?"
Eiji looks up at me. "I think he went outsIDE!" He nearly fell forward as Kari tried to bolt forward like a young pup.
I laugh. I know I probably shouldn't, but the sight of Eiji trying to tame that girl was amusing. However, Kari is starting to fuss, so I interfere.
"Kari," I say her name slowly, "Let Eiji help you. It will get done a lot faster if you stand still."
Kari frowns, but she folds her arms all the same and stands still with her feet together like a soldier.
I turn and head for the front door. I should be outside anyway so that my hair will dry faster. As I open the thin door, I see Saitou on the porch, standing, leaning against a wooden support beam. He has a lit cigarette in his hand.
"You don't need to wear your uniform if you're not going to work, Saitou." I remind him, stepping up beside him, placing a hand on his arm.
"This is easier to get around in." Saitou responds, "and a police officer is never off duty."
"You're right, of course." I say.
Saitou drops his cigarette and covers it with the sole of his shoe, standing straight to relieve his weight off the beam.
He's so much taller than me. I find my gaze automatically has to look higher.
"Saitou, there's something I've been meaning to talk to you about." There, I said it. Or at least I'm going to say it; ask it.
He looks at me with the slightest hint of curiosity. "What is it?"
Is now even a good time? I bring my hands together in front of me. "I know I really shouldn't be asking, but I'm just worried..."
Just then the door pushes open and Kari skips out, instantly wrapping her arms around one of Saitou's long legs. "Hi daddy! I'm done!" She declares.
"I see that." Saitou smiles. He picks her up and rests her small body on his hip. "What would you like to do?"
I sigh. His persona is completely different when he speaks to Kari. I'm glad for it though. He's a good father. I hope that he can be home long enough to bond further with Kari. Kari loves him, even though I feel that too much time from her years has been spent knowing her daddy is in another city, another island of Japan.
"Tokio," Eiji calls my attention away from the others, "remember what you said, about my school work?"
"You mean enrolling you in a dojo?" I ask, folding my arms with superiority.
"Yeah." Eiji scratches the back of his head. "How good do my papers need to be for that?"
I think for a moment. "Well, I want you to do your best, Eiji. I'll have to decide that later, but even after you're enrolled you'll have to keep up your scores. You'll also need to check with Saitou."
Saitou looks over at the mention of his name.
I meet his gaze. "I told Eiji that if he does well with his schooling, we could enroll him in a dojo so he can learn kendo."
Saitou nods. "It's fair." He looks towards Eiji.
I watch these two, almost oblivious to the words their exchanging. I wonder how Eiji feels with Saitou back. He had taken the rolls as the man of the house, but with Saitou, he's returned to being just a child. I hope they begin to bond as well.
~
"I think it would be good practice for Mamo if he tried to recognize the kanji we're learning write now." I explain. I hand the young mother the list I had been holding. "These are the ones I've been having the children draw. Doing something as simple has hanging them up around the house can help Mamo to learn faster. He really is a bright boy."
Mamo's mother smiles at me. "Arigatou Gozaimasu, Tokio-san. He loves your class very much, he's quite the talker when it comes to the Seishun."
I know I must be beaming at those words, and I bow politely. "Arigatou Makoto-san. I enjoy him in my class as well." I look down at the young boy hanging off Makoto's hand. He smiles at me.
Makoto's stare moves beyond me, and she smiles. "I see Goro is back, ne?"
I turn around to see Saitou walking towards the pre-school, and Eiji is a few steps behind him, not able to fully keep up with Saitou's long strides.
"Hai." I answer, still watching Saitou. "He took work off today."
Makoto stepped up beside me. "Has he been watching Eiji?"
I nod. "Though Eiji is a very responsible boy. He takes good care of Kari."
"It's so kind for you to take him in too..."
I quickly hush Makoto when Eiji gets closer. I don't like reminding him that he wasn't always part of the family.
"Konnichi wa Makoto." Saitou's low voice appears beside me.
Makoto bowed. "Konnichi wa Fujita-san." She looked towards Mamo. "Shall we go?"
"Hai!" Mamo smiles. Makoto gives one last nod to us before she heads back down the rode, her hand clasped tightly with her son's.
"Is that all of them?" Eiji asks.
"Hai." I say, my voice apparent of my good mood. "Eiji, Kari is sitting inside. Would you bring her for me?"
Eiji nods and heads for the preschool. Instead of taking the stairs though, he bounds onto the porch with one leap, entering through the all ready open door.
I shake my head. "Still a few things to work out, I suppose." I turn towards Saitou, the same bright smile still on my face. "What did you two do today?"
Saitou smiles a bit at my countenance. "I didn't spend all my time with him, but I did improve on his form today."
I blink at him a few times. "Form? Oh, for kendo?"
Saitou nods.
My smile returns. "I'm glad. I think in some ways, you two have a lot in common."
My statement seemed to confuse him.
"Oi, Tokio!" Eiji calls out, Kari on his back. He takes his time down the steps this time. I would have spoken to him if he had jumped down that far with Kari secured to him like that. Kari has an ink drawing in one of her hands, and it waves in front of Eiji's neck as he bounds towards me.
"Well, let's go home." I suggest, turning towards the direction of our house.
~
"Faster! Faster!" Kari screeches, laughing as Eiji runs ahead when our gates come into view. I'm calmly walking with Saitou. Both his hands are in the pockets of his uniform, but one of my hands rests on the inside of his arm as we walk.
"Tokio." He says my name.
"Hai?" I look up at him.
"Earlier, you said you needed to speak with me." His tone is serious, like usual.
My smile slowly disappears as I look over to Eiji and Kari. "It wasn't anything... important." I say.
I don't look at him, but I know how he's looking at me. He knows I'm lying. I guess I'm a terrible liar, and I don't know whether that trait is good or bad.
We enter in through the gates, Eiji and Kari all ready stepping p to the porch, where Eiji carefully lets Kari down. I make sure to lock the gate after we're all in.
"Saitou, what would you like for dinner?" I ask him as we enter the house.
"You know what I like, Tokio."
I sigh. "I'm not making soba again." I declare rather profoundly. "You need to get some new tastes." I find myself slightly proud with myself. Though he had been away for a while, the longer Saitou stayed here the easier my speech with him came. It was always hard for me to talk to him when he got back from these long journeys, but we were finally getting back into the usual groove of things.
"Kari." Saitou called her, "What would you like for dinner?"
Kari puts a finger to her chin and thinks for a moment. "Mmmm..."
Eiji leans over and whispers something to her.
"Koyadofu!" Kari yells out Eiji's request.
I look into the kitchen. "Do we have any mushrooms?"
Eiji nods. "I checked this morning, we have just enough."
"Ah, so you had this planned?" Saitou asks casually.
I laugh a bit. "All right, I'll get started on that. I should have it done in about an hour."
Eiji raises his hands in a sense of victory.
"Eiji, I wanna play." Kari tugs on his sleeve.
I don't hear the rest of their conversation since I'm in the kitchen. Sure enough, I find some dried mushrooms in a small canister on the shelf near the rice, and I bring them over to the sink. Then I remember what else is in Koyadofu.
"Eiji!" I call, trying not to be too loud, "Eiji, will you please go buy some tofu?"
~
I bring my hand up to stifle a yawn. Saitou was putting Kari to bed, and I think Eiji was staying up a little later than her. I had just finished putting on my night robe and taking my hair down, and it fell over my back smoothly since I hadn't put it into a braid yet. I kneeled down onto my futon. I set both of them up before I got dressed as well. I glance out the window in the bedroom, seeing the deep blue sky outside. The dim light of the room enhanced it a bit, since the candles really couldn't compare to normal daylight.
"Saitou..." I whisper his name again. I know he's fine, I know it, but I want to know so badly what happened with Shishio Makoto. But if it were bad, would I want to find out? There was only one thing I knew about from Saitou's journey, and that was how he found Eiji, which he obviously explained to me when he brought him here. I've never pressed Eiji for anything... it would bring painful memories of his parents, and his brother, back to him.
"Tokio."
I look up to see Saitou coming in, taking off the blue jacket of his uniform.
"Did Kari get to bed all right?" I ask, not seeing if he had intended to say something to me.
"Yes, she should be sleeping now." Saitou answered. He hung the jacket up on a hook attached to the wall--mostly for that purpose.
"That's good." I reply.
Saitou knelt down on his own futon, but faced me. I looked at him quizzically, seeing something uncomforting in his expression.
"Nani?" I ask.
"You wanted to speak with me, alone, I take it." He reminded me.
I frown in my mind. I knew he knew I was lying.
"It really wasn't..." Oh Tokio, stop it. Don't pursue something you don't want. "Actually, there was something."
He listened.
"I..." I take a breath, "I want you to tell me... what happened with Shishio Makoto." There, plain and simple.
Saitou nodded, as if knowing I was going to ask him that sooner or later. He repositioned himself facing forward, his legs crossed in front of him. "You're all ready aware of what you need to know, Tokio."
I look down at my hands. Of course he'd say something like that. I know he's all ready put so much faith in me with everything, but...
"Please..." I didn't realize I said that until a moment after it came out.
Saitou's amber eyes glance towards me.
I'm still looking at my hands when I speak. "Saitou... I... I worry about you..." Oh please Tokio, please don't cry... "I know it's not my place to ask, but I just... I want to know that you're safe."
I pause for a moment, but he doesn't say anything. I hope my voice didn't reveal my weak spirit.
"You don't have to tell me everything... but please Saitou, tell me something. Onegai shimasu..."
I hear the movement of fabric and that's when I look up, seeing him kneel down in front of me. I feel tears in my eyes, but luckily I'm able to blink them away before they fall.
"Tokio," He says softer this time, placing his hands on my arms, "Tokio..."
I find myself staring right into his eyes, unable to pull away. "Gomen... ne..."
"I did fight with Shishio," He whispers as if not to wake someone, "and with one other man, but nothing has come of it. I am fine."
I still watch him, I watch his eyes, and he's watching mine. "Anshin...saseri..." I manage to say. I lean forward, resting my forehead in the valley between his neck and shoulder, closing my eyes. "Gomen nasai, Saitou..." I whisper, "I worry about you..."
Saitou grasps my shoulders and pulls me away from him. "Nothing will happen, Tokio." He reassures me.
I feel my eyes water again. He's so kind to me. Oh Saitou, I love you so much...
Without thinking much of it, I push away one of his hands and lean in closer to him, brushing my lips carefully against his, my hand pressing lightly against the smooth skin of his cheek. When he moves in closer to me, I instantly feel his warmth spread throughout my body, a sensation I haven't experience for what feels like eternity. I lift myself up just enough to connect with him fully, the feeling of him utterly blissful. I feel myself pleading with him as our kiss slowly grows deeper.
A knock comes at the bedroom door and it opens, and by instinct I quickly pull myself away from him, the luxurious warmth gradually fading from me.
"Is Kari sleeping?" Eiji asks, poking his head into the room.
I nod. "Hai, Eiji... You'll have to be quiet so you don't wake her."
Eiji moves back into the hallway. I get a glimpse of his brother's sword in his hand as he closes the door and leaves.
A small sigh escapes me, but my mind is at ease. Saitou is still beside me, though his head is turned towards the door. I pull aside the covers of my futon. When Saitou turns back to me, I kiss him softly once more.
"Oyasumi." I whisper.
~
I sleep well that night, and my dreams are ones that comfort me. However, I don't get through the entire night.
I wake up, my eyes looking about the darkness. Saitou's breathing is beside me. I relax back into my pillow, but that uneasy feeling won't go away.
Then I sit up. I was sure I heard something that time. Was Kari up for a glass of water?
Despite trying to reason with myself, I very silently get out of bed and tip toe through my room, opening the door out into the hallway. I wrap my robe tighter around myself, hearing a different noise this time. It's not from the kitchen though, but from the front yard.
I slow down a bit in my step, still holding my robe to me as I get closer to the door. I hear it more now, almost like men in the distance conversing with each other. I see the faintest light through the cracks of the thin door. My hand reaches out to it, and ever so slowly I move it, peering out to see what was going on...
I didn't realize I had gotten so many reviews! Gomen to whoever I forgot to reply to! I think most of you will be pleased with this chapter just by the title! I've been in a huge Saitou kick lately, so big update. I'm working on Chapter 7, and boy am I haveing fun with THAT.
To Shiro: I'm glad you like my story! You're a very devoted reader, I appreciate it.
To Jadegoddes and Kakashi-fan: Thank you very much for your reviews. (and yes, Saitou is dreamy.)
Chapter 4: His Warmth
Sun light stings my eyes as I open them, and I shade them with my hands until I adjust to the brightness of the room. I'm facing the futon next to me, and it's pulled closer than it had been the night before. However, it is empty, but the blankets are pulled over it neatly. I sit up, my long, dark hair falling over my shoulders as I do so. I pull my sleeping robe tighter around me and stand up. It's probably later in the morning than usual, since I stayed up so late last night.
Then the memories of that night flood back to me, and I remember everything. Kari had left, but Saitou had brought her back, and after four months I finally got the chance to really be held in his embrace again.
I glance down at his bed. I imagine he's all ready left for work, but I can never be too sure. Though he's a very dedicated police officer and isn't home as much as I'd like him to be, I feel a love for that man unlike one I've ever had for anyone else. I feel comforted to know that he trusts me with the secrets of his past, of the shisengumi, of his work, even though I know he keeps things from me, things he doesn't want me to know.
I never would have expected I'd feel like this when I first married him. It wasn't a shock to me, my stepfather never allowed other men to court me in my younger years, so I had little interest in them. I won't say that sometimes knowing that I all ready had my husband picked out for me and that I couldn't choose for myself didn't bother me, but I did as I was told. When I married Saito eight years ago, it was like living in a house with a stranger. We were polite to each other, but we mostly stayed out of the other's way. I still cooked and cleaned like I do now, but more for a guest than a friend, or even a lover. I could barely carry a conversation with him for the first year, but I knew he was a good man, so I didn't complain. He provided for me and respected me, so I was happy. If I count now, I think it probably took two more years after that for me to start feeling something different for him, when I actually started feeling lonely when he was away, even just at work. I remember the night when I realized I was truly in love with him... it was the night that I conceived Kari.
I blink my eyes and come out of my thoughts. I must have been standing with a dull look on my face for a minute there... I turn towards my dresser, and I notice that Saitou's uniform is gone. I pull open the doors of my wardrobe and find a light blue kimono with a blue sash, and I remove it from the hangar and dress there. When I'm done I realize I should probably bathe before I head to the preschool later, and I could do some more laundry on top of that. Because of this reasoning, I only braid my hair for now; it's no use to do anything extravagant with it.
~
When I open the sliding door to the hallway I hear one of Kari's loud giggles coming from the kitchen. I follow them, rubbing the rest of sleep from my eyes, and when I get into the living room I see a glimpse of her foot through the kitchen entrance. Confused, I crank my neck and walk into the living room, a surprised expression appearing on my face.
It wasn't Eiji who was with her, but Saitou. Kari's grip encased around two fingers on each of his larger hands and she bounced on the floor happily, a wide smile on her face, one that reflected off the grin of her father. She shouted "Again!" several times, and at the peek of one of her jumps Saitou would lift her up with his hands and land her somewhere else in the room.
I don't know why I'm in such awe as I watch this, but I am. I quietly watch the interaction between these two as if by revelation, and a strange desire forms in my chest as I am allowed to spectate unnoticed. A sudden but light scent reaches me, and I notice that Saitou had started what looked like miso soup on the stove.
"Mommy!"
I jump and my hand instinctively flies up to my heart as my focus shoots back to the duo. Before I have time to reply, Kari's weight thrusts into my legs, embracing me with a one-sided hug. I loosen her grip a bit and kneel down to meet her so I can hug her back. I think the reason for this is, though she is four, Kari had some remaining worry and guilt left in her from the day before.
"How long have you been awake Kari?" I ask, looking at her green eyes.
"Since morning." She replies. Of course I can't expect a better answer from her.
I stand up and look at Saitou, seeing that his calm demeanor has all ready returned. "Aren't you going to work today?" I ask.
He shakes his head. "I'll be at home today, Tokio."
I feel myself smile, and I see a glint in his eyes that tells me he notices. He raises a hand to his mouth and clears his throat, turning to the miso soup on the stove.
"I'm going to get Eiji!" Kari announces to us, running from the kitchen.
I watch her as she leaves, remembering for a moment the scare of the night before.
"You didn't have to make breakfast, Saitou." I finally say.
"I may as well do something with my time since I won't be working today." He replies. "When do you leave for school?"
"A little after noon." I answer. I look out the window to guess the time; there isn't a clock in the kitchen. "I have my lessons ready for today, but I still need to take a bath before I leave." I glance into the living room. "I have less time then I thought..."
Saitou removes the pot off the stove and onto a pad on the counter. "I'll run the water for you." He states.
He gets a somewhat dazed reaction from me. "Arigatou." I finally say. That is a very kind thing for him to do for me.
"Oi Tokio, what's cookin'?"
I turn around to see Eiji come in, hands linked with Kari. Kari swung her arm with his happily.
"Saitou made us miso soup." I answer, smiling.
Eiji looks past me at the taller man. "He can cook?"
I laugh lightly and turn to see his reaction. Saitou is taking out a cigarette.
~
I relax my shoulders into the warm water, hearing the faintest crackle of wood from the fire under the bathhouse. My long hair is pulled up on top of my head out of the water. I should only relax here for a little while, it's terrible for a teacher to be tardy, especially when she has to guide so many young souls.
My eyes open onto the wooden roof of the house, and they follow along a single plank of wood among the rafters.
I sigh. A worry that has been in the back of my mind for some time now finally arises, not wanting to be ignored anymore. I really hate worrying so much, but I can't help it.
Saitou. I still haven't asked him about Kyoto. Not only have I not really gotten the chance to, but I don't know how to bring it up. Was he hurt at all? I can see for myself that nothing serious happened, but something as simple as a shirt could hide a world of pain from me. And he went back into work so soon after too. Why is it so hard for me to just ask him? I want to know so badly about him, about Shishio. I know the Hitokiri Battousai was there as well, what kind of man is he now though? I was surprised when I first heard his name from Saitou, though he never went into detail. I hadn't heard of the legendary manslayer since I was about 15 in the revolution.
I sit up in the large tub and hug my knees to my bare chest, fixing my eyes onto the clear, rippling water. "Saitou..." his name escape my lips. "I want to know Saitou, but would you ever come to me and tell me? Do I have to ask?" I speak quietly. I don't want to upset him, he's always such a serious person, I can't see what he really thinks, what he really feels.
I pull the tie out of my hair and it falls dry onto the surface of the water. I rest back again and submerge myself completely into the water, resurfacing after a moment. My bangs are mingled in with the rest of my hair, leaving my forehead uncovered.
I love him so much, but I sound like a hypocrite to myself. Why is it so hard for me to just go up to him and declare how I feel? I've said it before, but how long ago? Have I always been this shy?
My hand reaches for the pale yellow bar of soap resting on the edge of the tub. I rub it smoothly up and down both of my arms, then I roll it in between my hands until I have some good suds going. I lift one leg out of the water, then the other, washing away any remaining dirt from my body. I get some more suds on my fingers and palms and stroke my hands through my hair, trying to be careful to not create too many knots in the fine strands. Finally I go back under the water, holding my breath to remain in the warm liquid as long as I can. I come back up for air and rinse the water through my hair again, and then I stand up in the tub, wringing the water out of my hair and shaking my feet off when I step out. I grab one of the towels from the small stack on a low shelf and bend over so that my hair falls towards the floor. I take the white linen and wrap it around my head and over my ears, twisting it off before standing upright again. I take a second towel and begin to dry myself off, making my way to the hook where my blue kimono is hanging.
I wrap the towel around my shoulders to get the rest of the drops on my back and remove the kimono from the hook, my thin, white, under robe beneath it. I put that on first and then the kimono itself, and it takes me a good five minutes to get my obi settled on me just right, tying it in the desired style against my back. I take the towel off my head and place it with the other in a hamper near the door. Back on the shelf is a wide toothed comb, and I run it through my wet locks before leaving. There's no mirror in here, so I prefer to do my hair in the bathroom of the house.
I step outside into the fresh, cool air, which is a relief from the steamy environment I had just been in. I can hear a few cicadas chirping, hidden beneath the grasses and leaves of the yard.
My eye catches something.
I turn towards the tall fence at my left, a dark one draped in vines. I take a step toward it, but it's not worth investigating. I could have sworn I saw a man's face, but the fence is built high enough to keep pedestrians from peering through. Me and my paranoia again...
I walk towards the house and enter in through the sliding door of the kitchen. I pass into the living room where Eiji is trying to keep Kari still enough to fix the big, pink bow to her own kimono.
"Eiji, where is Saitou?"
Eiji looks up at me. "I think he went outsIDE!" He nearly fell forward as Kari tried to bolt forward like a young pup.
I laugh. I know I probably shouldn't, but the sight of Eiji trying to tame that girl was amusing. However, Kari is starting to fuss, so I interfere.
"Kari," I say her name slowly, "Let Eiji help you. It will get done a lot faster if you stand still."
Kari frowns, but she folds her arms all the same and stands still with her feet together like a soldier.
I turn and head for the front door. I should be outside anyway so that my hair will dry faster. As I open the thin door, I see Saitou on the porch, standing, leaning against a wooden support beam. He has a lit cigarette in his hand.
"You don't need to wear your uniform if you're not going to work, Saitou." I remind him, stepping up beside him, placing a hand on his arm.
"This is easier to get around in." Saitou responds, "and a police officer is never off duty."
"You're right, of course." I say.
Saitou drops his cigarette and covers it with the sole of his shoe, standing straight to relieve his weight off the beam.
He's so much taller than me. I find my gaze automatically has to look higher.
"Saitou, there's something I've been meaning to talk to you about." There, I said it. Or at least I'm going to say it; ask it.
He looks at me with the slightest hint of curiosity. "What is it?"
Is now even a good time? I bring my hands together in front of me. "I know I really shouldn't be asking, but I'm just worried..."
Just then the door pushes open and Kari skips out, instantly wrapping her arms around one of Saitou's long legs. "Hi daddy! I'm done!" She declares.
"I see that." Saitou smiles. He picks her up and rests her small body on his hip. "What would you like to do?"
I sigh. His persona is completely different when he speaks to Kari. I'm glad for it though. He's a good father. I hope that he can be home long enough to bond further with Kari. Kari loves him, even though I feel that too much time from her years has been spent knowing her daddy is in another city, another island of Japan.
"Tokio," Eiji calls my attention away from the others, "remember what you said, about my school work?"
"You mean enrolling you in a dojo?" I ask, folding my arms with superiority.
"Yeah." Eiji scratches the back of his head. "How good do my papers need to be for that?"
I think for a moment. "Well, I want you to do your best, Eiji. I'll have to decide that later, but even after you're enrolled you'll have to keep up your scores. You'll also need to check with Saitou."
Saitou looks over at the mention of his name.
I meet his gaze. "I told Eiji that if he does well with his schooling, we could enroll him in a dojo so he can learn kendo."
Saitou nods. "It's fair." He looks towards Eiji.
I watch these two, almost oblivious to the words their exchanging. I wonder how Eiji feels with Saitou back. He had taken the rolls as the man of the house, but with Saitou, he's returned to being just a child. I hope they begin to bond as well.
~
"I think it would be good practice for Mamo if he tried to recognize the kanji we're learning write now." I explain. I hand the young mother the list I had been holding. "These are the ones I've been having the children draw. Doing something as simple has hanging them up around the house can help Mamo to learn faster. He really is a bright boy."
Mamo's mother smiles at me. "Arigatou Gozaimasu, Tokio-san. He loves your class very much, he's quite the talker when it comes to the Seishun."
I know I must be beaming at those words, and I bow politely. "Arigatou Makoto-san. I enjoy him in my class as well." I look down at the young boy hanging off Makoto's hand. He smiles at me.
Makoto's stare moves beyond me, and she smiles. "I see Goro is back, ne?"
I turn around to see Saitou walking towards the pre-school, and Eiji is a few steps behind him, not able to fully keep up with Saitou's long strides.
"Hai." I answer, still watching Saitou. "He took work off today."
Makoto stepped up beside me. "Has he been watching Eiji?"
I nod. "Though Eiji is a very responsible boy. He takes good care of Kari."
"It's so kind for you to take him in too..."
I quickly hush Makoto when Eiji gets closer. I don't like reminding him that he wasn't always part of the family.
"Konnichi wa Makoto." Saitou's low voice appears beside me.
Makoto bowed. "Konnichi wa Fujita-san." She looked towards Mamo. "Shall we go?"
"Hai!" Mamo smiles. Makoto gives one last nod to us before she heads back down the rode, her hand clasped tightly with her son's.
"Is that all of them?" Eiji asks.
"Hai." I say, my voice apparent of my good mood. "Eiji, Kari is sitting inside. Would you bring her for me?"
Eiji nods and heads for the preschool. Instead of taking the stairs though, he bounds onto the porch with one leap, entering through the all ready open door.
I shake my head. "Still a few things to work out, I suppose." I turn towards Saitou, the same bright smile still on my face. "What did you two do today?"
Saitou smiles a bit at my countenance. "I didn't spend all my time with him, but I did improve on his form today."
I blink at him a few times. "Form? Oh, for kendo?"
Saitou nods.
My smile returns. "I'm glad. I think in some ways, you two have a lot in common."
My statement seemed to confuse him.
"Oi, Tokio!" Eiji calls out, Kari on his back. He takes his time down the steps this time. I would have spoken to him if he had jumped down that far with Kari secured to him like that. Kari has an ink drawing in one of her hands, and it waves in front of Eiji's neck as he bounds towards me.
"Well, let's go home." I suggest, turning towards the direction of our house.
~
"Faster! Faster!" Kari screeches, laughing as Eiji runs ahead when our gates come into view. I'm calmly walking with Saitou. Both his hands are in the pockets of his uniform, but one of my hands rests on the inside of his arm as we walk.
"Tokio." He says my name.
"Hai?" I look up at him.
"Earlier, you said you needed to speak with me." His tone is serious, like usual.
My smile slowly disappears as I look over to Eiji and Kari. "It wasn't anything... important." I say.
I don't look at him, but I know how he's looking at me. He knows I'm lying. I guess I'm a terrible liar, and I don't know whether that trait is good or bad.
We enter in through the gates, Eiji and Kari all ready stepping p to the porch, where Eiji carefully lets Kari down. I make sure to lock the gate after we're all in.
"Saitou, what would you like for dinner?" I ask him as we enter the house.
"You know what I like, Tokio."
I sigh. "I'm not making soba again." I declare rather profoundly. "You need to get some new tastes." I find myself slightly proud with myself. Though he had been away for a while, the longer Saitou stayed here the easier my speech with him came. It was always hard for me to talk to him when he got back from these long journeys, but we were finally getting back into the usual groove of things.
"Kari." Saitou called her, "What would you like for dinner?"
Kari puts a finger to her chin and thinks for a moment. "Mmmm..."
Eiji leans over and whispers something to her.
"Koyadofu!" Kari yells out Eiji's request.
I look into the kitchen. "Do we have any mushrooms?"
Eiji nods. "I checked this morning, we have just enough."
"Ah, so you had this planned?" Saitou asks casually.
I laugh a bit. "All right, I'll get started on that. I should have it done in about an hour."
Eiji raises his hands in a sense of victory.
"Eiji, I wanna play." Kari tugs on his sleeve.
I don't hear the rest of their conversation since I'm in the kitchen. Sure enough, I find some dried mushrooms in a small canister on the shelf near the rice, and I bring them over to the sink. Then I remember what else is in Koyadofu.
"Eiji!" I call, trying not to be too loud, "Eiji, will you please go buy some tofu?"
~
I bring my hand up to stifle a yawn. Saitou was putting Kari to bed, and I think Eiji was staying up a little later than her. I had just finished putting on my night robe and taking my hair down, and it fell over my back smoothly since I hadn't put it into a braid yet. I kneeled down onto my futon. I set both of them up before I got dressed as well. I glance out the window in the bedroom, seeing the deep blue sky outside. The dim light of the room enhanced it a bit, since the candles really couldn't compare to normal daylight.
"Saitou..." I whisper his name again. I know he's fine, I know it, but I want to know so badly what happened with Shishio Makoto. But if it were bad, would I want to find out? There was only one thing I knew about from Saitou's journey, and that was how he found Eiji, which he obviously explained to me when he brought him here. I've never pressed Eiji for anything... it would bring painful memories of his parents, and his brother, back to him.
"Tokio."
I look up to see Saitou coming in, taking off the blue jacket of his uniform.
"Did Kari get to bed all right?" I ask, not seeing if he had intended to say something to me.
"Yes, she should be sleeping now." Saitou answered. He hung the jacket up on a hook attached to the wall--mostly for that purpose.
"That's good." I reply.
Saitou knelt down on his own futon, but faced me. I looked at him quizzically, seeing something uncomforting in his expression.
"Nani?" I ask.
"You wanted to speak with me, alone, I take it." He reminded me.
I frown in my mind. I knew he knew I was lying.
"It really wasn't..." Oh Tokio, stop it. Don't pursue something you don't want. "Actually, there was something."
He listened.
"I..." I take a breath, "I want you to tell me... what happened with Shishio Makoto." There, plain and simple.
Saitou nodded, as if knowing I was going to ask him that sooner or later. He repositioned himself facing forward, his legs crossed in front of him. "You're all ready aware of what you need to know, Tokio."
I look down at my hands. Of course he'd say something like that. I know he's all ready put so much faith in me with everything, but...
"Please..." I didn't realize I said that until a moment after it came out.
Saitou's amber eyes glance towards me.
I'm still looking at my hands when I speak. "Saitou... I... I worry about you..." Oh please Tokio, please don't cry... "I know it's not my place to ask, but I just... I want to know that you're safe."
I pause for a moment, but he doesn't say anything. I hope my voice didn't reveal my weak spirit.
"You don't have to tell me everything... but please Saitou, tell me something. Onegai shimasu..."
I hear the movement of fabric and that's when I look up, seeing him kneel down in front of me. I feel tears in my eyes, but luckily I'm able to blink them away before they fall.
"Tokio," He says softer this time, placing his hands on my arms, "Tokio..."
I find myself staring right into his eyes, unable to pull away. "Gomen... ne..."
"I did fight with Shishio," He whispers as if not to wake someone, "and with one other man, but nothing has come of it. I am fine."
I still watch him, I watch his eyes, and he's watching mine. "Anshin...saseri..." I manage to say. I lean forward, resting my forehead in the valley between his neck and shoulder, closing my eyes. "Gomen nasai, Saitou..." I whisper, "I worry about you..."
Saitou grasps my shoulders and pulls me away from him. "Nothing will happen, Tokio." He reassures me.
I feel my eyes water again. He's so kind to me. Oh Saitou, I love you so much...
Without thinking much of it, I push away one of his hands and lean in closer to him, brushing my lips carefully against his, my hand pressing lightly against the smooth skin of his cheek. When he moves in closer to me, I instantly feel his warmth spread throughout my body, a sensation I haven't experience for what feels like eternity. I lift myself up just enough to connect with him fully, the feeling of him utterly blissful. I feel myself pleading with him as our kiss slowly grows deeper.
A knock comes at the bedroom door and it opens, and by instinct I quickly pull myself away from him, the luxurious warmth gradually fading from me.
"Is Kari sleeping?" Eiji asks, poking his head into the room.
I nod. "Hai, Eiji... You'll have to be quiet so you don't wake her."
Eiji moves back into the hallway. I get a glimpse of his brother's sword in his hand as he closes the door and leaves.
A small sigh escapes me, but my mind is at ease. Saitou is still beside me, though his head is turned towards the door. I pull aside the covers of my futon. When Saitou turns back to me, I kiss him softly once more.
"Oyasumi." I whisper.
~
I sleep well that night, and my dreams are ones that comfort me. However, I don't get through the entire night.
I wake up, my eyes looking about the darkness. Saitou's breathing is beside me. I relax back into my pillow, but that uneasy feeling won't go away.
Then I sit up. I was sure I heard something that time. Was Kari up for a glass of water?
Despite trying to reason with myself, I very silently get out of bed and tip toe through my room, opening the door out into the hallway. I wrap my robe tighter around myself, hearing a different noise this time. It's not from the kitchen though, but from the front yard.
I slow down a bit in my step, still holding my robe to me as I get closer to the door. I hear it more now, almost like men in the distance conversing with each other. I see the faintest light through the cracks of the thin door. My hand reaches out to it, and ever so slowly I move it, peering out to see what was going on...