I got this idea and I just couldn't wait till I finished Happy's story to do this slash parody. We'll leave Happy hangin' for a while ;-)

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. How many times do I have to tell you, damn it?

Author's Very Important Note That Will Probably Be Ignored Anyway: I've said it a thousand times before, I have nothing against homosexuality, but HARRY, DRACO, RON, DUMBLEDORE, AND EVERYONE ELSE are NOT GAY!

Brokeback Hogwarts, Chapter One: Random Trip to Wyoming

On the night of Sep. 1, all ofHogwarts was sitting in the Great Hall, eating all that yummy food that has been described in fanfics before, but never even begun to even rival that of J. K. Rowling's which causes me to salivate uncontrollably. Then Dumbledore stood up and did his annual Don'tmissthiscuzitsreallyimportant Speech:

"Guess what, kiddies?"

"What?" roared the crowd, despite the fact that he sounded rather pedophilic by using the term "kiddies."

"We are going on a field trip for no reason to Wyoming right out of the blue because as if I'm not spontaneous enough, I'm going to be even MORE wimsy. Yay, wimsy! No, I'm not on drugs."

Nobody seemed to think this odd, especially since Hogwarts always has field trips. Instead everybody hooted and hollered.

"There is a correction. To avoid anything getting to racy/horny with those out-of-control hormones, the girls are going to Montana and the guys are going to Wyoming."

Crowd groans. The first time they care about anything he's said this year. No sex?

"What are you waiting for? Get packing!"

Even though they could have easily packed via magic, Dumbledore wanted them to have the "good ol' Muggle experience of camping" (even if most of…THEM don't do it that way anymore…AHEM…non-camping people…) but they were still allowed to bring their wands, just so that there is magic in this story, not just kinky sex.

So, everybody packed up (I bet they wished they had backpacks and not big wooden trunks!) and got on (gasp!) an airplane.

Everybody except Hermione got airsick cuz Hermione is the only Muggleborn who has loving parents that take her on vacation. Except in the Fanfic world, where her parents are uber-abusive. Goddamn dentists. Somehow all that beating in the Fanfic world made her boobs and hips like Playboy boobs and hips. Weird, huh? Dolly Parton musta been seriously abused.

And suddenly, all of the guys were in Wyoming and the girls in Montana.

Wyoming:

"Kiddies, we are gonna stay here all year! Surprise!" said Dumbledore.

Montana:

McGonagall pretty much said the same thing, only she wasn't a pedophile.

Bwahaha! Ooh boy, this is gonna get RACY.