Disclaimer: I own an MP3 player. His name is Gilligan. I own a computer. His name is Tom Collins. I own a car. Her name is Pookie. I don't own anything or anyone named Harry, Hermione, Severus, Draco, Ron, et al. Not mine. Never will be.

A/N: I got reviews for this story! Yes! You have no idea how happy that makes me! And everyone said such nice things! Quick thanks to: Megan Consoer, Horned-Halo, Teri, lazyllama101, Random Day, dryade, and We are the Walrus. I appreciate you taking the time to review. My goal is to update once a week, at least until classes are done at the beginning of May. I've been very, very, very sick, so these may not get posted as fast as I want! But once I'm health, I'll try to get a regular update time! Well, on with the story!

Much Ado about Something

Chapter 2: Aftermaths, Announcements, and Advice

Marry, peace it bodes, and love and quiet life,
And awful rule and right supremacy;
And, to be short, what not, that's sweet and happy?

---Petruchio, Taming of the Shrew. Act 5 scene2

She managed to avoid speaking to anyone during breakfast. Honestly, she thought they were still in shock. And for that she was thankful. None of her boys exploded until the event at the end of breakfast. Hermione was just about to leave, planing to finally get caught up on her projects she'd put off to read her marriage contracts when a roll of parchment appeared by her with a small pop. She unrolled it and scanned it. It said exactly what she'd expected. She looked up and her eyes caught Profess—Severus' eyes instantly. She gave him a small nodded, confirming their marriage had been approved. And that's when it happened. The explosion. She was surprised, honestly. She thought Ron would be the first to crack, but it was, in fact, Harry who caused a scene. "That is it! YOU!" He pointed to Hermione. "OUTSIDE! NOW!" Hermione calmly gathered her things and exited the Great Hall with as much dignity as she could muster, which was a great deal.

She was soon joined by her boys, Draco included. She didn't say a word, but kept walking until she reached the Head's dorm, deciding that this was certainly not a conversation she wanted the world to hear. When the portrait slammed shut, Harry jumped right in. "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST DO?" Hermione seated herself in her favorite armchair and quietly responded, "I found myself a husband." "Hermione, are you sure? I mean, I've known Severus for years. What exactly were you thinking?" This time it was Draco who questioned her. She sighed. "Look, I have less than a week left. If I hadn't chosen a husband by Wednesday night, Fudge would have picked for me! I couldn't allow that! Severus was the only viable option left to me." It was Ron's turn to explode. "What do you mean the only viable option? What about the three of us? Or my brothers? Or Oliver Wood? Anyone but Snape!" That seemed to have been the last straw. Hermione had had enough.

"Who the hell do you three think you are? Trying to tell me I didn't make the best choice! If any of you had bothered to listen to me or read any of my contracts, you'd know why I did this! For starters, I could never marry any of you three! I'd kill one of you before the first month was over. And as for your brothers Ron, which one would you have me marry? Bill? He's only cut out for flings, not marriage! Charlie? He lives on a damn dragon reserve in Romania! Thanks but no thanks, Norbert was more than enough dragon for me! Percy? I may well have a stick shoved up my ass, but it's only half the size of the on shoved up his! One of the twins? That doesn't even deserve an answer! And as for Oliver Wood, well, I'd rather be married to a hippogriff than sign that piece of rubbage he called a marriage contract! And I suppose it never crossed your mind that Severus and I might actually have something in common? Of course not! You only thought of your image of him! He's incredibly intelligent and listens to me when I speak and he's actually rather funny, if you pay attention!"

Hermione broke off, breathing heavily. The boys seemed thrown by the venomous statement. Harry and Draco both looked resigned, but Ron still sputtered, "But—But Hermione it's Snape!" Hermione sighed. "Yes Ron, it is Snape. Did you know I spent hours talking with him in his office yesterday? Did you know he listened to me bitch about my problems before finally helping me take my mind off of them by making me laugh? Do you realize that he is facing ridicule by the staff—his peers—and probably the students as well, for marrying me, a student? Honestly Ron! Did you think it was something spur of the moment? Did you think that neither of us had thought this out completely? He didn't even send me a contract until hours after I'd spoken with him, and neither of us had discussed it then. Did you know I hardly slept last night, and woke up early this morning to re-read it and weigh my options? No, you didn't. Because you didn't think." Ron looked pensive for a bit, before trying his last argument. "But Hermione you going to have to have SEX with him? Did you think about that?" No, she hadn't thought about that! Sex was the last thing on her mind! "Of course I've thought of that Ron! I suppose it never occurred to you that I might like having an experienced lover? Besides, once we consummate the marriage, we won't have to be together again for at least three years! Neither of us wants children all that much! And besides, if the law gets appealed before that, we'll only ever have to sleep together the one time!"

But still Ron wasn't done. "But that can't be your only option! Couldn't you become a nun? A lifetime celibate with other women has got to be better than marrying and having sex with Snape!" "Oh come on Weasel! Severus is not that bad! Besides, how do you plan on finding her a convent?" Ron shrugged. "I don't know! Can't we just use that fellytone book Professor Flitwick stands on and look up a nunnery?" Hermione wanted to scream. "MEN! I can't believe you! You can't fix every problem with women by forcing them to become nuns! I mean honestly, when has that ever worked? I mean look at history: Oh! I had an affair with my husband's most trusted friend and destroyed the kingdom! To the nunnery! You know she died in the end, alone! Caused his death too! And she's glorified for it! Even Shakespeare does it! Oh, poor Hamlet can't handle Ophelia anymore and what does he do? He tries to send her to a nunnery! And she went insane in the end!" Hermione fumed while the boys looked at her, completely lost for the most part. They knew most of the words, but didn't understand her meaning at all.

She sat down again, sedately. "Look, we share the same ideas on marriage and children is all. He doesn't like this anymore than I do! And we share a similar hatred for Fudge at the moment. In fact we spent a good hour last night planning various forms of revenge. We finally came up with a suitable punishment involving rabid Knezels, honey, a bear, Cornish Pixies, Gilderoy Lockhart, and several sticks of Muggle dynamite shoved up his ass. And sharks…lots of sharks." The boys stared at her, not sure at all of how to reply. Finally, Hermione sighed and started to go to her room. She was nearly to the staircase leading up to it when she heard Ron say behind her, "What about a bucket of slugs?" She turned around slowly, unsure of what he meant by it. "Oh! And a boxing kangaroo!" Harry added in with excitement. "And dingoes!" Draco chimed in. "In the middle of the Australian Outback!" Harry finished. "Oh come now Potter! How are you going to get the sharks to the middle of the Outback?" Draco drawled. "With a fork lift," Harry replied stubbornly. Hermione turned and shook her head as the argued about fork lifts, knowing that this was the closest thing to an apology and their approval that she was going to get.

Hermione sat down on her bed, unable to get Ron's comment out of her mind. How in Merlin's name could she have possibly forgotten about the sex? And of course it was just a bluff when she told Ron she wanted an experienced lover. She had no idea what kind of lover she wanted! And—Oh dear God! —What would he say when he realized he had to bed an inexperienced virgin? He'd look at her and see a little girl. Maybe she'd been too rash in signing the contract. But everything had seemed so perfect! And then again, what she'd told Ron had been right. They'd hardly have to share a bed at all. And besides, she was absolutely sure he'd thought of everything. Surely he had planned for this as well.

Across the castle, Severus Snape was having a bad day. He had been dragged unceremoniously from his breakfast by Minerva McGonagall, Rolanda Hooch, and Pomona Sprout. They dragged him into the staff lounge where they were soon joined by the entire staff, including Poppy Pompfrey, Hagrid, Filch, Trelawny, and Dumbledore himself. This could not possibly be good. He was about to make a snarky comment, just to get the ball rolling, when Minerva finally burst out. "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO HER? What spell is she under? Did you threaten her? Blackmail her? Hold her grades over her head? WHAT DID YOU DO, YOU BASTARD?" Severus was floored by the acidity of her statement. He knew that Miss Gran—Hermione—was her favorite student, but he'd never known she cared for her that much. "Now, now Minerva, calm down. I'm sure Severus will explain what's going on. We are all, after all, curious." Severus sighed .

That was Albus' subtle hint for him to get on with the story. "It's rather simple, really. Yesterday, I found Hermione down in the dungeons, in such a state. I've never seen her like this before. She was sitting up against the wall, crying, practically hysterical. I assumed it was about Fudge's asinine law. I thought perhaps she could use someone to talk to, so I took her to my office to calm down." He thought it best not to mention the Fire Whiskey. That wouldn't look good for him. "Once I got her calm, she explained to me her problems. I can't believe she's not come to one of us sooner! Apparently, her suitors include ninety percent of the former Death Eaters, including Lucius, Mr. Potter, young Mr. Malfoy, Mr. Wood, and every Mr. Wesley, past and present, excluding Arthur of course. Based on her own reasoning, she'd eliminated everyone but Oliver Wood." Minerva burst in. "Well then, why isn't she marrying him? He's a perfectly good candidate!"

Severus glared at her. "A perfectly good candidate who would have her leave Hogwarts without finishing her education, would not allow her a career, and insisted she produce a minimum of seven children or as she phrased it, a Quidditch team's worth. None of those are thing she wanted. She was completely prepared at that point to accept Lucius' offer. I believe she said something along the lines of "I don't die easily. Besides if I go I'm taking him with me," or some other Gryffindor thing along those lines. Well, I simply couldn't allow her to do that. When she left my office for dinner, I saw another option. I sent her a marriage contract, and she accepted. And that is all there is to it!"

No one said anything. The rest of the staff had not really bothered to speak with Hermione about her options. They'd not realized how bleak things really were. Finally, Albus spoke. "Well, Severus, I suppose none o us can fault you. I'm certain you've thought this out thoroughly. However, you do realize tat there will be talk about both of you. Things will be insinuated." Severus snorted "As if things are not said about me already? And she's certainly been fuel for the gossip mills for the last few years. I'm sure it will be nothing we haven't handled before."

Before anything else could be said, the bell rang for first class of the day. The rest of the staff quickly left, leaving Severus alone with Minerva. "I don't like Severus. I probably never will. I still think you are taking advantage of a young girl's innocence. But, I won't interfere, as much as I hate it. Just remember when the time come, you brought it on yourself." And on that note, Minerva spun on her heels and left Severus to his thoughts. Luckily, he had no early class today, so he had no where he needed to be. Something Minerva had said really stung him. It made him think about…

Oh great Merlin! He was going to have to sleep with her! She was little more than a child! And he would have to—Oh God! Granted, they could keep that kind of contact down to a minimum, but still! But, surely she'd had other lovers by now. She as eighteen after all! At east he wouldn't be her fist! He couldn't handle that knowledge! And gods! He was nineteen years her senior! What if she looked at him and saw an old man? This was possibly the worst decision he'd made since he'd joined Voldemort. Perhaps Hermione already had planned for this. She certainly had a plan for everything else. Why should this be any different?

Time seemed to fly for Hermione. She'd spoken to Severus often, but neither had brought up the elephant in the corner that was sex. Before she realized it, it was the day before Halloween, they day before her wedding. And as per her agreement with Fudge, it was the day she announced the Marriage Law to the school. She and Dumbledore had agreed it was best that she spoke during dinner, right before anyone could leave the Great Hall. And so, unable to eat, Hermione was sitting at the Gryffindor Table, drumming her fingers to a silent song and trying not to do as Ron suggested and find the nearest convent. Finally, Dumbledore gave her the signal. She nodded to how she was ready, and gripped the parchment that contained the Marriage law tightly in her hands. Dumbledore stood and motioned for quiet. When the Hall was silent Dumbledore spoke. "I'm glad I have your attention. Now, if you could all remain quiet and calm, our Head Girl, Hermione Granger, has a very important announcement to make. This will effect all of you, so I suggest you give her your full attention."

Hermione made her way up to the Head Table, and stood on the platform Dumbledore had raised in front of it for the occasion. Hermione took a deep breath and began. "I'm afraid the announcement I have to make to you tonight is not a pleasant one. I would like you all to remember that I do not make this announcement of my own free will, but under orders from the Minster of Magic himself." That asshole, she added silently. She unrolled the parchment and began to read.

"By order of the Ministry of Magic, law number 3,473, the Marriage Law. Effective on October 31. It is decreed by the Ministry that all wizards and witches that are of legal age and unwed shall be subjected to this Marriage Law. In an attempt to eliminate the birth of squibs along with the eradication of major birth defects, all wizards and witches born into Pureblood families shall marry those born with half-blood, or born of Muggles." A great eruption of whispers started. But Hermione pushed on. There was still more to be said.

"Wizards of Pureblood may submit a marriage contract to a witch, either Muggleborn or half-blood. Wizards with half-blood may submit a contract to a witch, Pureblood, half-blood, or Muggleborn. Those Muggleborn wizards may submit a contract to a witch, either Pureblood or half-blood. Upon receiving a contract, a witch has two weeks to either refuse or accept the offer. Any wizard or witch who is unmarried within one year of their eighteenth birthday will have their spouse chosen by the Ministry. All signed contracts will be approved by an outside source. Should a signed contract be refused, a wizard is allowed to resubmit, a long as proper changes have been made."

"All marriages must produce one offspring within five years of the marriage. Should anyone try to defy the law, their wand will be snapped and they shall be exiled to the Muggle world. The first marriage ceremony shall take place at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry on October 31, between Hermione Granger, and Severus Snape."

As Hermione ended, no one spoke. There, she'd done it. She'd ruined their lives. Wherever Fudge was, she hoped he was happy. Looking up, she realized that Fudge was there, watching her, and smiling in triumph. No! She'd have the last word damn it! She wouldn't let him win!

"I was encouraged by the Ministry to tell you all to not fight this law, to accept it and abide by it. I was encouraged to tell you that I supported it whole-heartedly and wished for you to do the same. However, lying has never been a trait of Gryffindor House, and I will not insult your intelligence by pretending. We will fight his law, and it will be appealed. However, it will take time. It will be too late for me, too late for many of you. But I ask you not to despair, for through our own sacrifices we may find a way to put a stop to this foolishness." She looked Fudge in the eye as she finished. "I would like to take this opportunity to say fuck you, Minister Fudge, and your Marriage Law as well. I hope you burn in Hell for all eternity for the sorrow you've caused us."

And on that note Hermione left the platform, tears streaming down her face. She missed the look of pride she was given by Dumbledore and the rest of the staff. She missed the tears shed for her by her year mates. She missed the glares thrown at Fudge and the murmured whispers of rebellion. She missed Fudge slinking out of the back of the Hall amid jeers and curses. She did not however miss the man who suddenly stood before her. As everyone in the Hall was moving about, consoling each other, making plans, Hermione looked up to see Severus standing before her. Without a word from either, he did what no one thought possible, not even himself: he gently wrapped his arms around her and held her as she cried, offering her his silent support and praise for her actions. And so, unnoticed by the Hall, save the twinkling blue eyes of the Headmaster, they stood there in silence while Hermione composed herself. When she felt herself in control once more, she pulled away, giving Severus a small smile. She nodded, then went on her way. Before exiting the Hall, she managed to catch the eyes of most of her friends, telling them somehow, silently, to meet her in the Head's dorms.

It was nearly midnight hen Hermione finally got rid of everyone. The girls ha all offered her their sympathy and advice, not that she had asked for it. The boys had disappeared for about an hour, and were escorted back by Severus himself. Apparently, they'd all found it necessary to give him "advice" regarding Hermione, their unofficial sister. Mostly it involved pitiful threats. Great. What must Severus think of her? As she was showing the last few out, congratulating Neville and Ginny on their elopement over the summer. They'd had a brilliant sense of timing. She swore up and down to Parvati and Lavender that she'd help them find away to stay together. She promised Pansy and Millicent she'd help them find husbands.

Finally, she made it into her room alone. He needed a good night's sleep, in her own bed, for the last time. Starting the next night, she'd be sleeping in the dungeon. Sharing her bed. With her husband. "I'm getting married tomorrow," she said into the quiet room, her back against the door. Slowly, she slid down to the floor, repeating in a whisper, "I'm getting married tomorrow."

A/N: Well, thanks or reading. Again, I'm sorry for how long it took. Hope to get the next chapter up sooner. Already have it planed out. Also, I'm looking for a beta. I'm looking for someone who is serious and works fast, and preferably over the age of 17. I need someone who's willing to read several different pairings, because I can't seem to stick to one ship, and possibly stuff in other fandoms.. I mostly need someone to double check spelling and make sure I don't do anything stupid to the plot. If you're interested, go to my profile and send me a message.