Title: Untitled Romance for Pilot 02
Author: Kasa
Series: Gundam Wing
Genre: Romance
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: shonen-ai, hints to self-mutilation, Duo mentally beating himself, and lots o'sappiness
Summery: 2x, Duo gets annoyed when he does something to upset his lover, read on to find out the pairing, and it isn't 1x2 P
I cursed myself for being so thoughtless, He had only been curious, and then I went and snapped at him like that. 'Stupid! I'm so stupid!' I mentally yelled at myself. 'You know how he is!' I buried his head into his pillow but cursed when it aggravated the stitches on my right upper arm. "Ita-ta-ta-ta-ta-!" I clenched my left hand over the stitches, making sure that I hadn't reopened the wound. I sighed in relief when I didn't feel any blood. I slowly rolled over onto my back and looked at the clock next to the bed. 'Only 10 o'clock… atleast I can probably get about 5 hours of sleep.' Knowing it would take me awhile to fall asleep by myself and that I had to be ready by 5:15 for our mission. I cursed myself again for being so stupid. I glared at the ceiling as I thought of having to spend the whole night alone, I hadn't done that in awhile. I let my right arm bring up the small black teddy bear that lay next to me. Sighing, I wrapped my arms around the bear and held it to my chest. I was annoyed with myself, to say the least. I closed my eyes-clenching them tight, trying to forget what an ass I am-when I heard the squeak of the door opening. I instantly pretended to be asleep. I heard the door close with a slightly less audible squeak and the subsequent footfalls approaching my bed. I could tell instantly who it was by how softly and deliberately he stepped, making sure not to step on any of the numerous items that littered the floor. I couldn't understand why he was here, He should still be mad at me. But here he was, standing next to my bed, as I lay pretending to sleep. Sometimes I'm such a dumb ass. Here I am, two minutes ago wishing he'd come, but now I simply lay here faking unconsciousness, hoping he'd go away. I know I should embrace him, pull him into my arms and apologize. But, I knew exactly why he is here, he had come to use my hurtful words against me, to rub salt into the pain I already felt since earlier. I knew I should raise and embrace him, kiss him passionately and let him succumb to lust, just to postpone the talking for a little while. But, like the dumb ass I am, I just lay here pretending to sleep, and praying it would come soon.
I mentally calculated a list of a hundred-and-one things we might say or do that all ended with me in tears. I expected everything, everything except what he did.
I felt his soft lips on my forehead and my eyes shot open. I was shocked to watch him wrap his arms around me and rest his head upon my chest, so he could look at me and listen to my heartbeat.
Clear blue eyes met with mine, making my flush with embarrassment. I felt awkward, staring into those blue eyes whilst he listened to my quickening heartbeat, and I found myself trying to turn my head so I could bury it into my pillow.
"I'm not mad at you." He said softly, I almost couldn't hear him over the blood pounding in my ears.
"You aren't?" I squeaked out in disbelief, my voice still unsteady from earlier sobbing. I looked up at him slowly and was greatly shocked to find him smiling at me.
"Of course not," he replied, coming up to kiss me lovingly on the forehead, a habit he had developed to calm me. "How could I get mad at you for something as trivial as that?"
"But I yelled at you…" I still had trouble believing him, even though his eyes only reflected love.
"You yell at everyone." I blushed at his slightly harsh, but completely factual comment. "I yell at people too. Everyone gets upset, Love." He kissed my forehead once more, as I thought how masterfully he could make you feel guilty with one sentence then completely rid you of that guilt with the next.
"Are you sure you're not mad at me?" I asked meekly, I knew what he was going to say, but I had to reassure myself that I hadn't misheard him.
"No, I'm not mad at you." And with that he kissed me, not on the forehead like the last three times, but full on the lips, tongue begging for entrance. I wanted to refuse him, thinking his words were only to get me lax enough to consent to sex, but it was hard with his tongue running across my lips and his hand softly roaming the regions under my shirt.
My lips parted and his tongue shot into my mouth. I had always found it funny how forceful he could be in bed, he had always seemed so shy. I felt my way to the part in his button-down sleep shirt. I could feel his smile against my lips and expected him to push my arms down and assault my neck and collar bone like he would on any other night, nipping and sucking as he went.
Instead, he nuzzled into the crook of my neck and took me into a comforting embrace. My roaming hands slid down to rest at the small of his back.
"I love you, you know that, right?"
I nodded, making an affirmative noise that rumbled in my chest.
"And, did you know, that nothing you could do will ever change that?" He squeezed tighter around me, kissing me so softly that it tickled. He lifted his head, eyes meeting mine-no hint of lust left in them. "Not even the scars of the past." He ran his fingers along the scars on my inner upper arm, where I had cut myself.
I gasped, not used to anything but cloth touching them. "Don't-" I flinched, bringing my arm against my side. I blushed at my stupid reaction to his intimate gesture. I could see the hurt and confusion in his eyes, and I turned my face to stare at the ceiling over his shoulder. "I'm sorry…" I whispered, tears welling once again in my eyes. Curse me and my stupid sentimentalism.
"That's alright, we'll just have to work on that." His slender fingers pried my arm away from my side. He gently kissed my cheek, licking the tears I had cried, his blonde hair falling onto my forehead. I was able to relax enough that it didn't take much force to move my arm so that he could inspect it again, but this time he didn't use his fingers. "Everyone has scars, Love." His eyes met mine, pure love the only thing shining in their blue depths. "Just that some have more on the inside then the outside…" He kissed me softly, lips barely brushing mine. He ran his finger along the stitches on the back of my arm. Not a self-inflicted wound, but it was still sore, so I flinched a little.
"Sorry…" My blush deepened. "It still hurts…"
His only response was to smile at me. His fingers continued to play with the outside edges of stitched wound. It was then that I understood. He wished to make me comforterable with him touching my scars. I was grateful that it was him, and not anyone else, doing it. He then moved and gently kissed the wound and trailed his lips over a scar close to it. His hand returned to tracing over the cutting scars on the inside of my arm. I had to forcibly stop myself from snapping my arm against my side. I couldn't understand why I couldn't just let him touch them. My jaw clenched tightly, my hands became knotted fists, and I shut my eyes to hide the fear and panic they revealed. My breathing shallowed and sweat beaded at my brow. I couldn't understand why I was having such a reaction to him touching them. He wasn't ridiculing my weakness, but maybe that was the problem. I had never expected anyone to understand. I had expected disgust and rejection. But he was not only accepting my scars, but embracing them. It was a strange feeling, to feel unconditionally accepted, and it felt oddly frightening.
I was greatly relived when he stopped and lightly kissed my forehead. "I've stopped, Love." He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me onto my side. "I know it must feel…" he paused, searching. "Uncomfortable." Crystal Blue eyes met mine. "I just want you to be able to let me have all of you."
I'm not quite sure what exactly happened at that moment. All I know is that I was soon sobbing into his shoulder. I wanted to be able to give myself to him, body and soul, but Trust was a stranger that scared me. I knew he trusted me with the entirety of his being, but we had very different upbringings. We both knew that.
"Quatre, I love you!" I choked between sobs. "I love you, with all my heart…" He was trying to shush me, but I would not be deterred. "I try to be the best lover I can be, but it's hard. Everything comes easy for you, and it's a little intimidating. But, I try as hard as I can, and I still don't feel I'm good enough. You're an Angel, and you deserve so much better than me…" And then the flood gates opened. Quatre held me close to him, gently rubbing my back and humming softly.
I couldn't tell you how our relationship had gotten this way, with us pledging our undying love for the other. It had started in a rather different way, each of us wanting physical comfort and finding it in each other. I had lost my previous lover to a Harpy in a business suit. Quatre's affair with Trowa fizzled, the stoic clown fleeing to the circus. Both of us needed a shoulder to cry on, an understanding partner when an itch needed to be scratched.
But I'm glad that understanding came to be this love we shared.
I nuzzled further into his shoulder, letting the tears soak into his pajama top. I can't help but think that Quatre deserves a better lover then me, but I know he'd say that I am the only one he'd ever love.
"Quatre?" I asked, looking into his eyes.
"Hai, Koibito?" He asked, his fingers still gently working at my back.
"I love you, I know you know this, but I have to say it. I love you with all my heart. I trust you with my life, and I just need you to understand that. I need you to know that I'd do anything for you, I need you that much." I kissed him before he could respond, soft lips pressed against my chapped ones. His mouth opened needily, his tongue licking at my closed teeth. I thrust my tongue into his mouth, tasting the sweetness of Quatre.
Our kiss was a short one, but everything that needed to be said had been communicated. I wrapped my arms tightly about him and laid my head down on my pillow. He rested his next to mine, our eyes meeting. He smiled shyly at me, snuggling closer. I only responded by securing my arms across his back.
Quatre had always been fast to fall asleep, and tonight was no exception. His even breathing was calming as I closed my eyes and softly breathed in his scent, consciousness escaping my grasp.