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I didnt know what to do or where to go, but I knew one thing I wasn't headed home that was for sure. I knew Steve would tell Sodapop and Soda would freak and tell Darry and then.. A shiver went up my spine I don't want to think about that part right now.

At first I thought about running away but that idea quickly faded from my mind when a memory of Johnny in the hospital barged in. There was no way I was gonna run away and have anything like that ever happen to me again. I ran and ran not stopping or looking back I ran for blocks and found myself in soc territory. That's when I turned around and ran back ignoring the pain in my chest, I ran until I reached Joeys house. I stood out front my hands on my knees breathing deeply until I finally got a steady breath again. My throat was hoarse and dry when I rang the doorbell to Joeys house, my spit wasn't helping the dryness any. The front door opened and Joeys mom stood there she gave me an evil glare then called Joey. His smiling face appearing at the door made me feel a little bit better and I smiled but it was fake.

"Hey Pony what y-"

"can I come in?"I cut him off

"um.."he looked inside "s-sure"

I stepped in and he led me up to his room, I had never been in his room before I thought that was weird considering he's my best friend.

"What's up?"he asked taking a seat on his bed, I took a seat on his wooden floor

"um.." I looked down at the dry blood on my sweatshirt

"Steve found out that I cut"I said scaring myself

"are you serious! How? When?"Joey asked now standing up, I took a deep breath and I think it made him relax a little then he took a seat next to me.

"W-we were in the lot playing football, then we started wrestling f-for fun and he gripped my wrists real hard and made my cuts bleed so I sorta bleeded on him"my hands were shaking

"shit"was all Joey said

"do you think he told anyone?"he asked me with wide eyes

"I don't know I didnt stick around to hear nothing I just ran, he probably will tho"now my voice sounded shaky

"come on"Joey said standing up

"where we going?"I asked not much feeling like doing anything

"a guy from school said he was having a party today, lets go check it out"he led me to the front door told his mom he'd be back later and dragged me outside

"Joey I don't much feel like going anywhere"I said really meaning it

"hey its either come with me or face the wrath of Darry"he said shrugging

then he added "your choice" and started walking away

I lazily agreed and followed him dragging my feet, we walked avoiding my house and everyone elses house in the gang.

"I don't feel like really talking to anybody or picking up girls Joey, and I aint doing no crack!"

"Take it easy Pony were not going to talk, pick up girls or do crack, were going for a pain killer"he said

"what?"I asked

"when I cant cut and I really need to, I drink"he said flatly

I never had a drink in my whole life the only time alcohol ever touched my lips was when I had a sip of Darrys' drink once, and I remember it tasting awful.

"It really numbs the pain, trust me"right now I was willing to do anything to feel relief

He grabbed my arm and led me up someones front porch, there was music blasting on the inside and the sound of a ton of voices filled the house. We entered and a few people nodded at us and some girls smiled then one walked up to us.

"Are you related to Sodapop? The boy that works at the DX?"she asked me

"y-yeah im his younger brother Ponyboy"I answered really wanting to leave if it meant talking to strangers about my brother

"I thought so, you look just like him! Your both so cute"then she ruffled my hair making me feel like I dog and walked away. My cheeks must have been bright red because I could feel then burning, she said I was cute, and that I looked just like soda.

"Come on Pony keep up"he said dragging me through the crowd

The he grabbed a couple of beers and handed one to me "drink up man" he said slapping me on the back

Me and him sat down in a corner drinking, I don't know how many I chugged down but it was a lot, and each time I finished one Joey handed me another. I kept drinking and he kept handing, at first I didnt feel anything but then I felt my eye site getting the better of me. Pretty soon the room had started spinning all those beers had finally caught up to me and I was still guzzling down more. I looked over at Joey he wasn't drinking nearly as many as he was handing me I guess because he realized he needed to get me wasted. Then he would have to look out for me in the end, he only had about 3 beers and I was well beating that number. He was trying to say something to me but he was talking in slow motion and I couldn't hear him, I wasn't really trying to hear him. My goal at the moment was trying to focus so I would only see one Joey and not three. Joey had been right about one thing it sure did numb the pain, I couldn't feel anything and it was scaring me that I was loving it so much. Hours dragged on slowly and people had started to leave Joey took the beer I was drinking out of my hand and lifted me up I leaned on his shoulder putting all my weight onto him. The cold outside air hit me hard, the wind was blowing and at first I forgot how to breath.

"J-jooey"my words sounded slurred

"take it easy Pony"he said

"I don't feel too good"I said Joey was saying something to me but I couldn't hear him he was getting blurry and farther away until I couldn't see him at all.

Joeys POV

I felt bad, I knew Pony had never drank before and I new that this would happen but it was all I could do for the kid. The moment he passed out in my arms my heart stopped I knew of people dying from drinking too much and Pony had drunken a lot. I knew I shouldn't have gave him so many! Shit. At least I knew what I should do, I laid him on his stomach on the grass in case he threw up so he wouldn't choke on his vomit. I've heard of stuff like that happening, then I started walking toward his house. I was hoping this wouldn't happen and I know that im probably walking to my own funeral. But I know better than to not tell somebody that Pony had passed out, even if that someone was Darry Curtis. I felt bad since it was pretty cold out and I left Pony on the wet grass without putting at least my jacket over him, but it was too late now. I walked up Ponys' front steps my hand shaking as I knocked on the door I heard footsteps inside rushing around and then the door jerked open. Soda was standing there, thank god and he looked real worried, then I realized I didnt know if Soda knew about Ponyboy cutting.

"W-where's my b-brother?"he asked sounding sad and mad at the same time

I looked at him real scared like I didnt know what to say to him, I froze.

"Joey, I-I know about P-pony"he said with begging eyes

"s-so please tell me where he is, I wont be mad at you I p-promise"

sure you wont.. Then I noticed Steve sitting on the couch looking at his hands and seeming very depressed.

"um.. He, he's at a friends house, he's b-been drinking and passed out"I said

Soda stared at me in disbelief and relief at the same time, maybe he thought Pony was gonna commit suicide or something. Then he looked at Steve who had gotten up from his spot on the couch and was standing next to Soda.

"Show me"Soda said, then him and Steve grabbed their coats and followed me as I ran all the way to the house.

Pony hadn't moved from his position I had left him in, and he hadn't thrown up either Soda took Pony in his arms. Pony was unconsciously shivering, wanting to get him home and warm he and Steve lifted him up and carried him home. I followed half way then explained to them that I better be getting home before my parents killed me. They agreed and I ran hoping that Pony was going to be alright, not just from the drinking but form what Darry will do to him.

Sodapop POV

Me and Steve laid Ponyboy down on the couch we hadn't told Darry yet since he was gonna be home late, he had gone out to hang with some friends. I was dreading to tell Darry, what with the news of Pony that Steve had found out earlier that day.

"No lay him on his side in case he throws up"Steve said to me and I turned him over, I wasn't thinking clearly at all and probably would have never thought of doing that. Ponyboy looked like he was in pain from the expression on his face and I wanted to help him to let him know it was alright, that his big brother was here. Steve brought a pot over and laid it on the floor near Ponys head just in case he started to throw up. Then I carefully took his hands in mine, I could see small red stains on his sleeves and already wanted to turn away. But I continued by slowly sliding his sleeve up his arm revealing to myself small cuts all up his arm and I wondered how long this had been going on for. Then I got a flashback. The blood on the bathroom floor and Ponys bloody arm, I knew now the true story. My arms were shaking like leaves and I easily lifted Pony up then sat in his spot laying him in my lap. I rocked him back and forth holding his wrists gingerly in my sweaty palms and every now and then kissing it. Remembering how mom used to do the same to my scrapes and I would believe that they made the pain stop, I wanted so much for that to work with Pony.