"Rui! Where have you been hiding?" Doumyouji exclaimed petulantly as his errant friend entered the room. Nevertheless, he perked up at the sight of the slender boy. Finally, the F4 was all together. ". .. And I see you brought your girlfriend with you." Still, he refused to heed the words Everyone had tried to convince him of—that the pale girl clutching Rui's hand had once been the love of his life.
"Yes, I did." Rui was unperturbed. He hardly even heeded the icy glare Sakurako was shooting Tsukushi—a glare which only intensified as the other girl refused to contradict this assertion.
"Well, good for you!" Tsukasa remained cheerfully oblivious to the byplay going on around him. Sakurako had just opened her mouth to direct some cutting remark at Tsukushi, only to be hurriedly shushed by a frantically gesticulating Akira. "Though, I still don't see how you could give up Shizuka for such a plain girl."
Eyes rolled in skulls around the room.
Actually, Tsukushi had to admit to herself, that Doumyouji's continued insensitivity, and obliviousness to the tensions around him did serve as a welcome distraction. In fact, it would be so easy to slip into a familiar dynamic, letting a wave of cleansing anger sweep the lingering uncertainties and depression from her mind. She was sick of being unhappy, sick of feeling sorry for herself, sick of acting like an idiot all the time. The least she could do was release some of the stored up tension in a ball of red-hot fury at the snottily snide comments Doumyouji was making at her expense. Not to mention the fact that he was acting like she wasn't really there at all. . . She could feel her pulse speed as she focused on this highly irritating behavior. . .
"You. . ." She stepped out from behind Rui to jab a tremblingly furious finger in Doumyouji's direction, "You don't get the right to say anything! You stupid, insensitive idiot! Just because you're sitting there feeling sorry for yourself, doesn't give you the right to criticize. And what do you mean by acting like I'm not even in the room? Didn't anyone ever teach you better manners than that? If you want to forget me, then fine, that's your choice. But you don't get to pretend I don't exist. Asshole." Her face was flushed with indignation as she finished. God, it felt good to yell, to flush the bad vibes from her soul in one long lungful of indignation.
"Way to tell it, Makino." Akira clapped slowly in the resounding silence that followed.
"Oh. Right." Sakurako crossed her arms and sneered sarcastically, "We're all one big happy family now. Tsukushi, you want to tell us what you and your 'boyfriend' there have been up to?"
"Sakurako, stop being such a bitch." This time it was Soujiro who spoke, after another meaningful exchange of glances with Akira. "Why don't you go show Tsukushi her room?" The two boys knew, Tsukushi being who she was, that Sakurako's prodding would just result in more blushes and uncomfortable silences, especially, if Tsukushi was forced to admit her recent activities in Tsukasa's presence. Best to let the two girls have it out and settle their differences in private.
Sakurako sniffed disparagingly at Soujiro. "Fine then, have it your way. Come on Tsukushi, let's go have a little talk, shall we?"
Tsukushi nodded stiffly, and reluctantly released Rui's hand. There was no way she was going to let Sakurako upset her. That girl had no right. Nevertheless, as Sakurako led her down the hallway, Tsukushi felt a measure of her previous depression settle back upon her. Doumyouji not only still didn't remember her, but he refused to treat her like a real person, as well. Well then, maybe she had made the right choice after all, in throwing her lot in with Rui? She didn't know. She just wished it didn't feel so much like betrayal still.
Everyone had been avoiding Tsukasa's eyes after Tsukushi's little outburst, and Doumyouji was getting rather upset. He had missed the first couple of silent exchanges, but now, he was sure there was something going on here, some unspoken secret which everyone was a part of except him. He could tell by the vehement way Soujiro shut Sakurako up, by the haste they made to push the girls out of the room. . . And what was up with that Makino chick anyway? When she'd yelled at him, he'd almost felt something stir deep inside. It was eerily similar to the feeling he'd had when Sakurako had burst in on him at the hospital and begun furiously berating him. . . And her face. . . somehow, despite its plainness, when she'd blushed with anger, it had seemed to glow. . . almost even seemed somehow attractive. . .He couldn't explain it. . Maybe he just liked violent girls? What a thing to forget! If he hadn't been so frustrated, he would have laughed. Instead, he turned to Rui, and growled,
"What a loudmouth. I can't believe you actually like a chick like that. She's nothing like Shizuka."
"No, she's not." Rui agreed, with a faint smile.
"So, what the fuck?" Tsukasa, having lost all memories closely associated with Tsukushi, couldn't recall how Shizuka had left Japan for good, how Rui had turned to Tsukushi for comfort, how one step led inexorably to the next. . . "What happened?"
Rui shrugged. "What do you remember?"
"Aww, give it up man. It's useless." Soujiro cut in. "Tsukasa, have you ever considered that you're going to remain a virgin forever if you can't learn to control your mouth around the ladies? I mean, really, now even Rui knows how to charm a woman.. . " Soujiro shut up with a stifled yelp of pain, as Akira elbowed him sharply in the side.
Tsukasa flushed angrily. Why did Soujiro always have to taunt him about that? He wished he could remember if it was really true or not. . . "I could get a girlfriend anytime I wanted to!" He proclaimed hotly, "I just haven't found the right woman!"
"Riiiight. . ." Soujiro remained skeptical. . "I'd like to see you try. . . "
"Fine then! I'll prove it!" Doumyouji never could resist a challenge.
"You can't have Tsukushi." Rui, now sprawled across a couch, spoke up quietly.
"Who says I'd want an annoying girl like her?"
"Whatever." Rui shrugged, "But remember. She's my girlfriend. You should go after Shigeru. She likes you."
"You don't tell me what to do!" Doumyouji looked pissed off. And why did Rui think he'd actually go after his plain girlfriend? And why was Akira glancing around the room at his friends like they were collectively insane?
In fact, Akira was wondering just what the hell Soujiro was thinking, taunting Tsukasa like that, inciting him to god only knows what behavior. Leaning over to whisper in his ear, he asked Soujiro as much.
Soujiro smiled secretively, and whispered back, "What's the worst that can happen?"
"He could end up with Sakurako." Akira shuddered.
"Why not? She's violent too. A perfect couple."
. . . But.. . "
". . . Besides, if he sleeps with Sakurako, then Tsukushi won't feel so bad about Rui, right?"
"Umm. . ." Akira tried to find fault with Soujiro's logic.
"And, it'll be good for him.. . " Soujiro continued confidently
"What are you two whispering about over there?" Doumyouji exclaimed peevishly. They were ignoring him again.
"Oh nothing." Soujiro smiled as innocently as he could. Which is to say, not very. More like a Cheshire cat overly pleased with his own clever schemes.
". . .Nothing at all." Akira nodded in agreement. Nothing to see here. Nope. Not. A. Thing.
Doumyouji frowned skeptically, and even Rui looked vaguely interested, but further questioning was interrupted by the Shigeru bursting through the door like an out-of-control whirlwind.
"Whew, that was a good run! Hey guys, you're up! Rui, When'd you get here? Is Tsukushi with you? Where've you been? How is she?. . . "
"Whoa, there! Slow down!" Akira pled desperately with the short-haired girl.
"Sorry. . " Shigeru took a deep breath, and tried to pace herself. "What's been going on in here?"
"Oh nothing." Soujiro answered casually, glancing at Tsukasa out of the corner of his eye as he did so. "We found Rui. . . well, sort of.. ."
"I can see that." Shigeru rolled her eyes, "Where's Tsukushi?"
"Why is everyone fixated on that stupid girl?" Tsukasa grumbled from his chair. Again he was left out of the discussion, simply by dint of her being a stranger to him.
"Who are you calling stupid? . . . You Moron." Sakurako and Tsukushi had returned. The conversation they'd had while finding a room for Tsukushi and Rui had been quite enlightening. . .
-----
"How could you have abandoned Tsukasa like that!" Sakurako had exclaimed, as soon as they'd left the boys behind. "We were counting on you to make him remember!"
Tsukushi, refusing to let herself fall apart anymore, especially in front of Sakurako, replied simply, "He doesn't want to remember me. I don't have to deal with him. Rui has always been there for me." It was the truth, sort of. She could almost believe it was that simple, if she could just forget her breakdown, the emotional collapse, and all of its consequences.
"But you love Doumyouji!" Sakurako protested vehemently, "How can you just give up on that?"
"Same way you did." Tsukushi bit her lip, and refused to think of her ultimate betrayal. "He's obviously happier without me."
"That's not true!" Sakurako looked like she was the one who was about to start crying, "Did you look closely! He's lost. He's confused! He's lonely! He wants to remember!"
"Why don't you go cheer him up, then?" Tsukushi threw back.
"Because. . . I don't love him anymore!" Sakurako admitted in a defeated tone, as she slumped back against the wall behind her.
Tsukushi almost spoke reflexively, demanding 'When has that ever stopped you?' However, the meaning of Sakurako's words hit her brain just in time, and she bit down upon what she'd been about to say. Instead, her eyes widened in surprised, in time for Sakurako's next hushed admission.
"I kissed him. Tsukushi. He wanted me to. . . and it wasn't the same. Wasn't what I thought I wanted. You changed him. And. . I don't love what he has become.: . . Don't you see? You're the only one who's right for him."
"But. . . . He kissed you?" Tsukushi would have reeled in shock if she wasn't suffering such severe emotional burnout, already.
"You're missing the point."
"No, No. . . I'm not. . ." Tsukushi was remembering all the times when Doumyouji had insisted that he could only kiss a girl he really liked.. . That means. . either he really likes Sakurako. . . or. . he's changed more than we know. . . She felt a twinge of jealousy, . . . . or was it merely concern for Doumyouji's mental status?
Now Sakurako was the one to look at the other girl with widened eyes. "Are you listening to me at all? Why won't you help him remember?"
"I can't." Tsukushi looked away, pushing aside the rising tide of jealousy she felt at Sakurako's newfound favor with Tsukasa. .. . "And if I did. . he'd hate me forever. . ."
"Explain." Sakurako demanded intently. The tone of her voice brooked no denial.
". . . I ummm… well.. umm.. Rui. . ." Tsukushi blushed furiously.
"Come on then, girl. Spit it out!"
"IsleptwithHanazawaRui!" Tsukushi admitted in a frantic rush of breath.
"I thought so." Sakurako took Tsukushi's flustered pronouncement completely in stride.
"Eh?!" Tsukushi assumed a stricken expression.
"Oh come on!" Sakurako almost laughed at the expression on Tsukushi's face, "It's totally obvious from the way Rui was watching you, back there. Something happened. Not to mention the way the guys were being all overprotective of you. I've never seen them act like that before, Wouldn't have thought that wolves like that were capable of it.. . But really, Tsukushi. It's just sex. Do you love him?"
Tsukushi was completely flummoxed. Sakurako, of all people, was giving her a lecture on love. It was really too much.. "You sound like the boys did." She stammered.
"Of course." Sakurako sniffed. "We know what we're talking about. So, why'd you do it? Do you love him? Or do you love Doumyouji?"
"Why does it matter to you?" Tsukushi was sick of being quizzed. And, she didn't want to think too hard about the answers to any of those questions right now.
"Because, you idiot. You look like shit." Sakurako finally explained in frustration. "Tsukushi-sempai, as your junior, I shouldn't be the one to have to tell you this, but. . . Whatever you're doing to yourself here, it's tearing you apart. You need to sit down and think about what you're doing. Not only to yourself, but to Rui and Tsukasa as well." Yes, even Sakurako was capable of a moment of maturity. "So think about it. I'll forgive you for cheating on Doumyouji, for now. But you'd better figure out what you want soon, or else. . . " She cracked her knuckles menacingly, as if pondering suitable punishments for Tsukushi's thick-headedness.
Tsukushi sighed. She hated to admit that Sakurako could be right about anything. .. but. . .
" . . . Anyway," Sakurako continued, "The house is a bit crowded right now, so you're going to have to share a room. I'm assuming you and Rui don't mind sharing." She finished with only a minimum of rancor.
Tsukushi nodded jerkily, as she realized the room Sakurako was indicating, was the exact same room she and Rui had shared during their previous visit to this place. . .
That trip had ended poorly. This one began poorly. Perhaps the two would cancel each other out and pave the way for a brighter tomorrow?
It was probably too much to hope for.
Walking back to the common room where the boys waited, Sakurako, her ire momentarily stilled, caught Tsukushi up on the events of the past few days. She even managed to make Tsukushi laugh as she described how she threw Umi bodily from Doumyouji's hospital room, and how yesterday, she'd caught Akira trying to flirt with Shigeru while they bathed in the springs—and how Shigeru had laughingly put the boy in his place with just a few pointed comments. . .
It seemed that Tsukushi's friends didn't hate her as much as she'd thought. In fact, they all seemed willing to forgive her mistakes. .. . She could almost convince herself everything would be ok. . . If only she could forgive herself as well. .
To be continued.