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Ponboys POV

I woke up to Dr. Chambers in my face and for a fearful second thought I was back In the hospital, but when I looked around nervously and saw that I was in my living room I calmed down.

"Ponyboy? Are you all right?"he asked in a soothing voice

I nodded.

"Your brothers have brought to my attention that you will be needing a different medication, and I must agree"he said in his doctorally tone

"so I have put you on new medication, but im a little concerned with what the effects might be on you.. But I know for one thing that you will be able to eat again"he said with a nervous smile

Darry and Soda were staring at me worriedly and for a second I was mad at them for not being at work, it was morning and usually they were at work by now.

"Well I guess my work here is done, take it easy Ponyboy.. And do us a favor, eat"he said before exiting the house

"these are your new pills Pony"Darry said pulling out two cases

"this one is for the morning and the night"Darry said holding up the left bottle

"and this one.. Is only when necessary"he said holding up the right bottle

"necessary?"I asked

"yeah, we don't know what type of an effect this medication will have on you, but if the doctors guess of the side effects are true, then your gonna need these"he said

"what might be the side effects?"I asked

"don't worry about it kiddo"Darry said patting my head and walked into the kitchen

I was going to argue with him but decided not to, I wasn't feeling too hot and didn't feel like getting Darry annoyed or upset.

"Don't you two have work today?"I asked

"yeah but how could we go to work when you were unconscious on the couch?"Soda said while taking a sip of Pepsi

Suddenly I ran up to him, stumbling on my way and grabbed the Pepsi out of his hand and guzzled it down.

"Jesus Christ"Soda said

I looked at both of them with a pleased look on my face and they both burst out laughing.

"Your crazy"

"crazy? Golly I haven't had me a Pepsi in lord knows how long"I said breathing heavily

"you feelin any better Pony?"Soda asked from his spot on the chair

"yupp, I don't feel dizzy anymore if that's what you mean"

"why? What else is bothering you?"he asked gently

"I still feel real empty"

"yeah the doctor told us that you haven't had a decent meal in a month, you've been living off nutrients being transported through your wires, and stuff"he said sounding like he didnt understand himself

"golly.. Is that how long it's been?"I asked walking over to the fridge and taking out leftover pizza

I heated it up and devoured three slices in a matter of seconds, Darry and Soda watched me stunned.

I smiled.

1 week later

Darry didnt need to tell me what the side effects of the medication might be.. I could guess. It made me real uneasy, I could feel it, I suddenly got really nervous when I was alone.. Because I would start to hallucinate. Every night now I would wake up in a cold sweat and screaming, sometimes I wouldn't scream so loud but I would start crying in my sleep. I often woke up to Sodas worried face and his arms trying to comfort me, I felt awful for scaring him so much, but I was scaring me more. Pretty soon I couldn't tell if it was the medicine or me that was doing this, because when I would take the medicine after having a bad dream I would calm down. I didnt know what to think anymore, was I just going crazy? Maybe I was slowly slipping away from myself. I don't know but it was a scary thing, especially since I knew what was going on and I knew I couldn't stop it.

It was time for me to go to sleep again I started to shiver, I didnt want the dream to come back. Soda slid in next to me and carefully put his arm around me, preparing himself for the night of torment.

"Try not to think about it Pony"he said soothingly

"I do, but I cant stop it"I answered in a daze

"can you ever remember your dreams?"he asked

"I don't want to remember"I said in a robotic tone

I was staring straight ahead at the wall and didnt blink once the whole time Soda was talking to me.

I finally fell asleep.

And it came.

Not again.

Wake up! Soda! Darry!

But it's no use, I am trapped inside my own mine. Inside myself, and I cant get out.

It's foggy. And im standing in the middle of a street.. It's the street where Dallas died. I hate that street, I can never cross it without hearing the gun shots in my mind. I could see him now, here he comes. He's running but the cops aren't there, but I am. And I am the one with the gun. Dally runs to me and I fire, but I am not me, I am under control. A prisoner in my own mind. Dally crumples to the floor, and he is dead. I killed him. I drop the gun and I run, I run until I am in Windrixville. I am crying by the time I am there. Then I see the church, I run up to it and run though the back door. I whistle and Johnny answers.. I run up to him. Then he stares at me in a shocked way, I look down at my hands.. Feeling a hot sensation. And I drop the burning match I am holding. It's just a small match, but the church goes up in flames. I am able to get out but Johnny is trapped inside, screaming. I run back to him screaming his name but he doesn't answer, I feel myself in the flames getting hot. Then the fire goes away.. And I see Johnny, he is dead. And I killed him. I did it. Once again I run away, running from the memories running and crying. The world starts to shake and I see mom and dad up on a hill, they're in their car. I run up to them yelling for them, then I trip over something. I look to see what it was, it's a track switcher. Then I hear it. Oh no. Not this. I hear the roar of the engine, the sound of the blaring whistle. I scream for mom and dad but they don't hear me and the train hits them, the whole ground shakes. I killed them. I killed them all.

Sodapops POV

I woke up to Ponys sweaty and shaky body, he starts whimpering and I hold him, he calms down a bit. Then he shouts out..

"Dally!"and starts crying silently

He calms down a bit after that and is only shaking, until he starts to sweat again, then he screams for Johnny. Numerous times, I hold him tighter but it's no use he keeps screaming and crying, Darry runs in the room. I look at him helplessly trying to calm a hysteric Pony.

"Pony"I say soothingly in his ear

but he doesn't stop and the next name he calls out really hits me.

"Mom! Dad! Look out!"he yells so loud I thought my ear drums would pop

"Pony!"Darry yelled and started shaking him

Pony still didnt awake his horrible nightmare and Darry shook him violently, I hugged me knees and watched the site of them. One of my brothers angry and sorry for the younger one, and the younger one trapped in a violent dream.. That only he can get himself out of.

Darry shakes harder and Pony finally stirs awake, his eyes blinking wildly, the tears streaming down his tear stained face.

He starts hyperventilating and I give Darry a worried glance, this hasn't happened before, none of his dreams have ever had this big of an effect on him.

"Pony, breath!"Darry yells frightened

But Pony continues hyperventilating and I hold his hand tightly, he looks at me like he doesn't know who I am.

"Breath like me!"I say breathing in and out calmly

But Pony still hyperventilates and looks scared out of his mind.

"Sodapops go get his medication!"Darry yells out

I reach out and hand him the bottle that was at the side of my bed, the one that read if necessary on it. I handed Darry a pill and he somehow got it into Ponys gaping mouth.

"Swallow, honey"Darry said and Pony did as he was told, but gagged on the pill but he eventually got it down okay.

We waited until his breathing returned to a normal pace, we tried to talk to Pony and make him less frightened. But his eyes stayed wide and he refused to speak, or maybe he just couldn't speak.. I wasn't sure. I fell back asleep eventually but I knew Pony didnt, the poor kid stayed in the same position all night, staring into the silent darkness.