Rob Lowe is now 42! And still beautiful AHH he's also coming out in theaters! in Thankyou For Smoking! AH I love him soooooooo much! &&$$

all of you should go see it! For Rob Lowes sake. I know I am

Friday

Ponyboys POV

A psychiatrist. A psychiatrist! What did they think I was crazy or something? I hate this, im in the backseat of Darrys car, Soda and him are in deep conversation about something. They decide to break the news to me this morning that they made an appointment for me today. And you can bet I wasn't too happy, I kind of threw a fit actually, I didn't mean to! It's just that im sick and tired of doctors, and when I finally thought that I got them off my back, new ones come. I just want this whole thing to be over, if I knew that cutting would bring all this, I might have had second thoughts. But it's too late for that now, but I swear all this stuff is making me go crazy. They think im crazy now? Wait till they send a few more doctors after me, then I'll show them what crazy really is.

"Oh cheer up Pony"Soda said glancing at me threw the review mirror

I held onto the arm rest tightly, soda was driving.

"You wanna go to a psychiatrist?"I asked

"I'm not the one that's having bad dreams"

That's right, I was pretty mad I sorta forgot the reason why I was going, well bad dreams or no bad dreams I don't want to go to no psychiatrist. I mean they can't be that bad can they? Everyone gets bed dreams, don't they?

"Why are we going now? I've always had bad dreams what makes these so different?"I asked

"well.."Soda began but Darry interrupted

"Pony, you remember when we brought you to the hospital to take some tests?"

I had forgotten about that completely.

"Yeah.. How did that go anyway?"I asked

"well, the tests were about your dreams"Darry looked at me and when I didn't say anything he continued

"me an Soda were starting to really worry about you, so we brought you to take some tests that record the waves of your dreams"

"u huh"I was sorta confused

"and the doctor told us that your dreams were way beyond normal, meaning that they were very unnatural"

"how come you didn't tell me that we were going to record my dreams?"I asked

"we didn't wanna upset you or anything"he said turning back around and glancing at Soda

I didn't say anything more, I wondered what else they lied to me about..

We finally arrived at the psychiatrist office it was cold in there and smelled funny, I didn't like it.

"Ponyboy Curtis?"the lady at the counter called out and Darry stood up grabbing my arm and dragging me to the counter

"here"

"alright, Mrs. Daily will see you now"she said pointing down a small hallway

I followed Darry down the hall until we came to the small doorway and Mrs. Daily told Darry that he had to wait outside.

"Hello Ponyboy, please have a seat"she said motioning to the chair infront of her desk. I shut the door behind me and walked over.

"So I have been given your medical records, seems to me that you've been through quite a lot"she said shuffling papers

"im just gonna go over some of the things to clarify"

I nodded

"you've had quite a few loses in the past year, that must have been hard on you"

I nodded

"this caused you to start cutting"

I nodded

"you were sent to a hospital"

I nodded

"and you tried to escape and almost did"

I nodded

"then you had quite a stay in an asylum, where you were stabbed by another patient"

I nodded

"but the reason you are here is your dreams"

"now I understand that you have very violent dreams"

I nodded

"you wanna say anything? I haven't heard you say a word yet"

"sorry ma'am"I said

"their, that's better, you have a very cute voice Pony, you should use it more often"she said crossing her hands

"alright"

"now you want to tell me about these dreams you have?"

"Well.."

I paused. I was kinda worried that she would tell Soda and Darry, for some reason I didn't like the fact that they knew what I was dreaming. They would start acting different around me just like the gang had. Ever since I got back from the asylum they've all been extra nice to me and talking to me like I was about to go out of my mind. Which almost made me.

Then as if reading my mind Mrs. Daily said "everything you say is confidential Pony, nothing will leave these walls"she said smiling

I liked her smile, it wasn't fake like the doctors smiles, she had a smile I could trust, one that would always tell me the truth.

"Well, in my dream it usually begins with me on this street where my friend Dallas was shot by a police officer, but in my dream im the on that shoots him."

I looked at her and when she nodded for me to continue I did

"then I turn around and im suddenly at the church where I stayed in for five days, and Johnny, my other friend that got killed was there too. And well you know about the fire and everything right?"

She nodded

"okay, so then suddenly in my hand is a match and it starts to burn at my fingers so I drop it, then im safe and outside the church but I hear my friend inside screaming and getting burnt, because the match I dropped caused the big fire."that part was always hard to talk about

"go on Pony"

"t-then im in the country, where my mother and father were the day that they died, and they're there in their car. I hear a train coming and run to warn them but trip on this track switcher, which then switches the train onto the track that they were on, and they're dead. They're all just dead, and I caused every one of their deaths"

I fought back tears.

"Theirs also this guy in my dream, I can never see his face he has a dark hood over him and he's in every place that I am. Like he's following me, and after I kill my mom and dad I run over to him."I swallowed then continued

"and I start yelling at him, asking him why he's following me and then this deep dark voice comes out of him saying 'you killed them Pony! You killed them all'. Then he cries, but his tears are blood, I turn around and there are Johnny, Dally, mom and dad. They're all crying, even Dally. But they're all crying blood then only Dally speaks an he said 'why Pony? Why'd you kill us? It's not fair for you to do this to Johnny'"

I chocked on a sob and didn't speak for a long time, I was afraid if I opened my mouth, or even looked at Mrs. Daily I would start crying. That one part in my dream scared me the most, the part where Dally asks me why I did this to Johnny, an I try telling him that it wasn't me, but I can never get the words out. Because deep down, I know that it was. And then I looked at Johnny and he still looks like he always has, like a lost puppy that's been kicked one too many times. His eyes are always full of sorrow, and I curse myself because Johnny was only sixteen, that's only two years older than me, he didn't deserve to die.

"I know you live a very rough life Pony, believe me I know, I've been in the neighborhood you live in. I know that a lot of people you know, have to convert to stealing just so they can survive. They have fights to prove who's the top dog and you have to be careful of getting jumped. You have it very rough."

"Things are rough all over"I mumbled

"excuse me?"she said

"things are rough all over"I said a little louder

"well I don't doubt that, im just saying, that you're living conditions are a lot rougher than most peoples. No parents, just living with your brothers"

I looked up suddenly, was she planning on splitting us up? She couldn't right? I mean Darry is now my legal guardian.

"Y-you're not thinking about splitting me an my brothers up.. Are you?"I asked my fingers were shaking and I wanted a cigarette

"well, im not going to split you up, but I think it would be a good idea, for you personally if you go live with another relative for a few weeks, you know just to spend some time away from this place that holds so much memories"she said unsteady

"no, you can't do that you're just here to help me with my dreams, you can't do anything!"I said standing up

"Pony im not forcing you into anything, and this is me trying to help you with you're dreams! I am just suggesting that it would be best for your health"she said standing up and escorting me out the door

"our session is over for today anyway, I will see you soon, I will discuss my proposition with you guardian"she meant my brother

I didn't want her to, I knew Darry and I knew that he would consider her proposition very thoroughly, they might send me away. And that's the last thing I want to happen right now, to tell you the truth. I consider myself the luckiest kid in the world right now, just the fact that I was able to stay with my brothers. I can't be taken away from them now, not now.

I walked into the waiting room and sat down next to Soda who had his feet on the seat of the chair and his but on the back rest watching television. Some girls were watching him from the corner, they were old too, that sorts creeped me out. I wonder if Soda noticed, but he didn't he was too into the cartoon show that was on to notice anyone around him. I watched Darry shake his head at Soda and smile then he got up and followed Mrs. Daily into her office, where she motioned him to sit. I couldn't hear or see them but I imagined the scene In my head. She would talk to Darry and use grown up words to explain my case and situation, then she would assure him that she's not forcing any of this but just thinks that is would be for my best interest if.. Blah blah blah. My leg started to tremble as I saw Darry walk back out motioning for me to follow, I smacked Soda in the leg and he flipped over the back of the chair. I didn't think I hit him that hard. I started cracking up, so did the girls, soda got up rubbing his head. Then he grabbed me and threw me over his shoulders and carried me out to our car, I smiled. I swear I wasn't leaving Darry or Sodapop, not now... not ever.

Sorry it took me so long! I'll try to get another chapter up soon..don't forget to review pleaseeee!

Thankyou!