Chapter 15:

"Sometimes you should think about what's really important in life." –Bay Lohemann

Jason was feeling good. He hadn't seen Becky all day long, he'd managed to pull off a 360 flip and a heel flip, and he'd just gotten a call from the front office of camp. The jacket had arrived.

Jason brought the package back to his room. He set it on the bed like it was a treasure—well, it was, he reminded himself.

Then, since Pat was staring at him from the other bed, he ripped the brown packaging off and pulled out the jacket. He read the note from Jorge, laughed, and examined the green jacket.

West had scrawled, "Sarah! Sarah! Sarah!" on a sleeve. Alek had scribbled, "Taking care of Bay" and on one pocket was the name "Nikki" looking like Nikki had done it herself, which Jason reminded himself probably was the case. Jorge had written, "Julie and Kathy and Connor" and girlish writing filled the collar reading, "Julie says 'hi'."

Then, Jason pulled on the jacket, almost feeling like his friends were there with him—supporting everything he did.

Pat looked up from a Seventeen magazine he was flipping through. He told Jason that he wanted to get Cazz something. In Jason's opinion, it was sort of weird that he stole it from her in the first place.

"Jason," he said, looking hard at the teen. "That jacket makes you look good." He flashed Jason an evil grin.

Jason felt himself blush. "Thanks."

"Jason," crooned Patrick in a sing-song voice. "Is Jason looking for a girl?" He pulled up the Seventeen magazine, pushing the face of the girl—who happened to be Jamie Lynn Spears—up at Jason.

Jason's ears turned red. "No." He explained the significance of the jacket to Pat, who looked a little let down after.

"But it is good luck, isn't it?" pressed Pat. "Maybe it will help you find a girl."

Jason felt like screaming at the whole world. HE DIDN'T WANT A GIRL! HE WANTED TO SKATE! That was all.

But Jason wasn't that person. He was tired of not being able to stand up for himself—to tell others that they were wrong. He didn't want people to decide who he was on the spot, but what was there to discover.

"No," he trailed off weakly.

Pat grinned, arching an eyebrow and reminding Jason of West. West and Pat would get along just fine if they just talked to each other for about two minutes. "Right, Jason. Right."

Jason shrugged. He didn't want this. He didn't need this. He didn't have to listen to it.

He grabbed his Enjoi, pulled on the jacket, and stuffed his feet into his Emericas. He had to get out of here.

xxx

"Sarah," West stopped, trying to get his voice to stop cracking. "I… I need to tell you something."

Sarah turned and looked at him with a semi-interested look on her face. "Yeah?"

"I like you," West said, but nothing came out.

"Excuse me?"

"I really…" West stumbled for words. "I really like you… you're kind and… I don't know… inspiring. I like you… I like you more than a friend."

Sarah glanced at him, her eyes looking genuinely sorry. "I'm really sorry, West. I didn't know… I'm going out with Paul right now."

He should have known.

If West had been Jorge, he would have puked. If he'd been Alek, he'd shrug it off. If he'd been Jason, he wouldn't have gotten into this mess in the first place.

But West wasn't his friends.

He was him.

And all he could feel was pain crashing down on him. Rejection. He'd rejected so many girls, and now he knew what it felt like.

It was at times like these where he needed his dad. It was at times like these where he wanted and missed his dad more than ever. It was times like these when turning to his friends and his mom and his sister wasn't enough.

Yet his dad wasn't here.

He turned and ran.

xxx

"Hey, Jorge?" came a quiet voice.

Jorge looked up from the paper he was scribbling furiously on. "Yeah, Julie?"

"I was just wondering…" she broke off, looking down at the floor. "Never mind, it's nothing."

Jorge looked up, starting to be interested. "What is it?"

"I have to go visit my dad today—he's not doing so well. I don't want to ask Mom because she's going through enough right now, planning for the wedding and everything, and your dad… well… would you take me?"

Jorge was a bit stunned. All this time he'd been here with Julie—he'd never really considered her more than just a friend, but now he was starting to feel like something more. Something like a brother.

Julie bit her bottom lip and looked worried, pushing back her strip of pink hair. Something desperate was prominent in her eyes, and Jorge knew he couldn't say no.

"Yeah, I can," he said, looking at her. "I can."

xxx

"You're really lucky," said Bay, glancing over at Alek. "You've got a great family."

"Yeah, I guess," Alek said, looking up at Bay. They were sitting in his room, and Bay was picking at a toenail while he was writing a letter to Jason.

"No, I'm serious," pressed Bay, as if trying to get him to truly understand. "They love you… it's more than my parents have ever done."

"Your parents love you," Alek protested weakly. "They…"

"Well, they sure don't show it," Bay said. "I mean, just because they buy me everything and I get everything I want basically… it's not really what I want." She stopped sadly. "It's not really what I want. I guess money can't buy everything." She paused again. "I hate money."

Alek couldn't help but laugh. "Well, you'd sure love it if you didn't have any. Look at me, working at Dolly's for extra stuff for college." Sometimes he felt dirt-poor when Bay was in the room—her room was almost three times as big as his. His was as big as her closet.

"But you're happy," Bay said. "You're normal, you can have a normal life. You still have your future… mine's already planned out for me—I'll take over Dad's business. Well, that is if I last that long…"

"What do you mean?" Alek asked sharply. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm not going to make it, Alek," Bay said, glancing at him sadly as she pulled back a wisp of her dark hair. "I don't think I can. My schizophrenia's getting to me. Bad. Some days I know who I am, and some days I don't. And I'm almost fifteen—the age where everything will mess up and I won't know who I am all the time… I won't know who I am anymore. I guess I'll lose myself. I don't want to hate life. I've thought about ending it right there… August 22…"

"You can stop it," Alek told her, getting up from his chair and walking over to her. "You can stop it, Bay, because you know you don't want that to happen. You can be strong and fight it." He draped his arm over her shoulder. "Don't give up on me now, Bay. You can do it. I believe in you."

"How can you believe in me?" asked Bay, her eyes filling with tears. "If I can't even believe in myself?"

xxx

Jorge parked and pulled his keys out of the ignition.

"Hey," he said gently, putting his hand on Julie's. "You ok?"

She was shaking—looking rather scared. "Yeah, I guess."

There was an awkward silence.

"He used to beat me, you know," Julie said quietly.

"What?" Jorge then realized she was talking about her father. Then he flushed guiltily. "Yeah… I know… my dad told me…"

"It hurt so much, Jorge, and I wanted to know why. I just wanted always to know…" Julie's voice broke in pain, and she glanced at him, her tears matting her eyelashes together. "I just wanted to know why he… why he never wanted me…"

Jorge was speechless. This is what he had wanted to say to Connor all these years, but he'd never had the courage to.

"Why wasn't I good enough?" Julie wanted to know. "Was there something wrong with me? Mom tells me it's not my fault… but… I just don't know, Jorge. I just don't know…"

Jorge pulled her close to him and hugged her, surprised at how protective he felt. Like a brother, he realized.

"It's not your fault, Julie. It's really not. That's what I've always wanted to know about my own dad… what was wrong with me… but it wasn't my fault… it's not your fault. There's just something wrong with people, I guess. They always want something more… something better."

"Ok," breathed Julie softly, wiping a tear from her eye with her finger. She steadied her voice. "I think I'm ok. Thanks Jorge."

"No problem," Jorge said, feeling about ready to cry himself.

"I'm ready… I can go in now," Julie said. "I can do it."

She could do it, Jorge understood. He just wanted to know if he would ever be able to.

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