"Hey! Wait up!" Tsukushi turned around at the sound of Sakurako's cry.
Even Rui, walking next to her in the fog-shrouded garden, paused for a
moment in response to the younger girl's plea.
"Hey, Sakurako. What is it?" Tsukushi asked with a worried frown as Sakurako finally caught up.
"Ah! We've been looking all over for you!" Sakurako was too-well mannered to pant her message breathlessly, despite her appearance of haste. (Of course, Tsukushi had no way to tell that that's all it was -- an appearance put on by the ever-sneaky girl.)
"What's wrong?"
"Shigeru needs to talk to you . . . You know, girl stuff." She added, with a wary glance at Rui, "She said it was important. . ."
"Are you sure?" Rui asked skeptically. He had been trying to have a conversation with Tsukushi, and he didn't appreciate being interrupted by anyone, much less Sakurako.
"Of course I'm sure! And you're not invited, so why don't you come with me, while Tsukushi goes and talks to Shigeru." Not waiting for an answer, Sakurako latched on to Rui's arm and started none-too-subtly to drag him off, calling out over her shoulder "She's off that way," to a very confused Tsukushi.
Shrugging her shoulders in resignation, Tsukushi turned back down the path. It was probably just as well, she reflected. After all, her 'Conversation' with Rui was going absolutely nowhere. It was both painful and frustrating to try to keep her promises to him, when she felt that she wasn't being true to herself. And his quiet melancholy, as if he knew the cause of her discontent already, wasn't helping anything.
"Of course he knows!" she grumbled in frustration, "He's always known!" That didn't help matters either. Why couldn't he be a bit more like Tsukasa in this, a bit more thickskulled, a bit more blind, when it came to reading her moods? Then this farce, for a farce it was, of a relationship, might at least make one of its participants happy, as it had originally been intended to do. But no. Rui was too perceptive, and she was too transparent, so why did they even pretend anymore? "Oh to Hell with it!" Tsukushi kicked the gravel path. Now, it seemed, even her primary comfort from Rui-- his calm air of stability and peace-- had been banished by this huge mistake. "I guess I'm already in hell, huh?" she mused to the silent mists. Hell Couldn't get much more fucked up than this, after all.
"Now don't say that, Makino!" the cheerful voice emanating from the dense fog on her right, almost made her jump off the path; apparently, she wasn't as alone as she'd thought, "How can you be in hell, when you've got such sexy companions as us?"
"Nishikado?" She didn't know whether to be upset that he'd over heard her ramblings, or pleased by the welcome distraction. How the hell, did he and Akira always know just when she needed to see their grinning faces?
"Aww, Tsukushi, where have you been hiding all morning? We wanted a rematch for last night."
"I haven't been hiding . . .I've been with Rui." She ignored the last suggestion, "Have you seen Shigeru? Sakurako told me she was looking for me."
"Sure." Soujiro, grinned a slow secretive little smile, before continuing, "Let me show you where she is, you'll never find her in this fog by yourself."
"What? I don't need help -- just tell me!" Tsukushi protested vehemently. What, did they think she was a child who needed to be shepherded everywhere?
"Uh-uh." He shook his head again, teasingly slipped his arm around her waist, as if to lead her off. As expected, Tsukushi jumped and slapped at him (Some things never change,) but ultimately allowed him to show her the way to Shigeru.
Of course, there was a reason for Soujiro's presence, and the way he shushed Tsukushi as they grew nearer to their destination, for Shigeru, and Akira as well, were crouched down behind a large, moss-encrusted boulder, listening intently to mist-muffled voices nearby.
"What is going on here!?" Tsukushi just barely had enough presence of mind to whisper her outrage rather than squawk it.
"Tsukasa's asleep, so we're eavesdropping!" Akira explained, pulling her down next to him, as Soujiro lowered himself to a squat nearby.
"On what? . . . Oh." Tsukushi frowned in disapproval as realization dawned.
"Yup! And you're just in time."
"I gotta go." Tsukushi shook her head.
"No way!" Shigeru protested, and grabbed her friend's arm, "You don't want to miss this!"
"Yes I do! I shouldn't listen in. . ."
"Hell with that, it'll be good for you." Akira cut in, "Come on, quiet down, before he hears you."
". . .Serve you right if he did." Tsukushi grumbled, but ceased her protests anyway. What harm could it really do to listen just for a little while?
Sakurako and Rui stood a short distance away, damp and invisible in the heavy mountain mists, their voices muffled and barely audible through the dense water vapor. The four eavesdroppers listened intently, ignoring the damp seeping into their pants from the ground, or the water dripping from sodden trees onto their upturned faces.
"Listen Hanazawa Rui," Sakurako was saying, "I know you don't like me much. No, don't interrupt. I can tell by the way you look at me, but so what? You're not my type either, and that's not the point anyway. I have advice for you. Don't try to blow me off. You will listen now, and you will listen Well, because I'm not through with you.
"Yeah, that glare of yours works well with everyone else, doesn't it? Makes you feel powerful and superior doesn't it? To stand there silently, and pretend you know it all. Hah. I watched you for years, Hanazawa Rui, year. You and Tsukasa, and the rest of the F4, and you're all just as human as everyone else, no better than I am."
". . ." Rui's quiet reply was too low to be distinguished by the listeners, but Sakurako's shrill and angry reply certainly was.
"Sneaky and underhanded I may be, but can you really say you're any better, sleeping with your best friend's girlfriend?"
"So that's what this is all about."
"Of course. What else? Look here. Do you know why It's me that's, talking to you now, and not Mimasaka or Soujiro? Or even Shigeru?"
"Akira and Soujiro tried to have a "Talk" with me yesterday." Rui shrugged, "It's none of their business, nor yours either. This is between Tsukushi, Tsukasa, and I."
"Yeah, and you all are acting like such responsible people about it too!" Sakurako snorted. "No, I'm here, because You and I are very similar in that way. Oh don't look so disgusted. You know it's true. I know you were in France at the time, but I'm sure you've heard the story. Let me refresh your memory a little.
"I'd had a thing for Doumyouji since we were little. Call it love, call it hate. I wanted him. I changed my face for him, I learned to seduce and lie, how to manipulate men, their hearts, their 'brains' --what males use for a brain anyway -- and I wanted Doumyouji. Just one thing stood in my way, or so I thought. A confused, girl, stubborn and angry, who didn't even realize she was just as in love with him as I was. Easy to dispose of, I thought. Get into her good graces, and then a little jealousy, a little trickery, and he'd be mine. Stealing my best -- my only -- friend's boyfriend. And she didn't even realize, until it was far too late, that it was I who broke the trust between them. After that, though I betrayed her more and more, she still protected me. You know, Tsukushi's the only person I know who'd do something like that. And though I failed in my attempt, failed to seduce Tsukasa, it wasn't for lack of trying. You never had to try as hard as I, though did you? Despair is a far easier thing to manipulate than jealousy. But my story is not really the point. I betrayed my best friend's trust. I tried to have her killed, so that I could steal her boyfriend. Whoop de fuck. You didn't try to have Tsukasa killed, I'll give you that.
"Don't interrupt! The real point is something different. You see, there came a moment in that fiasco; Tsukushi was somewhere being tortured by our ever-so-wonderful Eitoku classmates, and I, I was holed up with Tsukasa in a hotel room, trying my level best to get him into bed. And I could see it in his eye, see it that he was fighting with himself, he wanted to go along, as if to punish Tsukushi for her imaginary betrayal. But the stronger part knew that he didn't belong there, that he wanted no part of the comfort I offered him. Really, it took him only a few seconds to come to his senses and get out of there. The boy always was too thick-headed to be distracted from his goals.
"Do you see the parallels here? No, of course you don't. You don't want to. You only see clearly when it comes to her, don't you? Sometimes I envy you that singlemindedness -- I don't have that anymore. It took me a long time after that incident to realize the truth, that my selfish love for Tsukasa was futile. That the best thing I could do for him, the only gift he would accept from me, would be to ensure his and Tsukushi's happiness. I used to think that you were the same way. Everyone knew you were in love with Tsukushi. You're not as subtle as you'd like to think. But we all thought you'd chosen the right course, Like Shigeru and I, losers in the game of love, we stand by in silent support.
"But No! You fucking had to regress! Repeating the same mistakes Shigeru and I made. Who would've thought that you'd be such a fool? You who should have known better! And see, what have you learned? What have you done? You fucked up royally, didn't you? Just like Shigeru, you got your pseudo- relationship with the one you wanted, but it hasn't done you any good!
"Was Shigeru happy when she was with Tsukasa? You know she wasn't! And why not? Because his mind was always on Tsukushi. Always!"
"Tsukushi loves me." Rui's eyes flashed angrily, though his voice was deadly calm.
"Fucking hell." Sakurako burst out, "Tsukushi loves everyone. But only as a brother!"
"I know that." Rui glared right back, "Tsukasa never loved you, or Shigeru, not even as a sister."
"Is that supposed to prove something? Look around you, man! Is Tsukushi happy? Are you happy? Is Tsukasa happy? . . . Fine, don't answer. We all know the answer is No! So if none of you are happy, why do you continue this farce of a relationship?"
"I Love her. I could make her happy. If you didn't interfere."
"Not in a million years." Sakurako sniffed, "She won't be happy as long as she feels guilty. And Tsukushi is good at guilt. Even if by some miracle she fell out of love for him, there would always be guilt for abandoning him."
"She didn't abandon him. He forgot her! I only picked up the pieces."
"Self righteous lies. This is getting us nowhere." Sakurako rolled her eyes, "Are you really even listening to me? Let me try to get through to you one more time. Tsukushi is unhappy. If you really loved her as much, or even a fraction as much as Shigeru and I love Tsukasa, then you would do your level best to ensure her happiness. And right now, that means letting her out oft his so-called relationship of yours. Let her make her peace with Tsukasa. You want her to be happy, don't you?"
"Of course I do," he replied stubbornly, "I can make her happy."
"For like two seconds at a time!" Sakurako scowled, frown lines creasing her pretty features, "You made her happier before you fucked her."
"I know." Rui finally sighed, his first real sign, in this conversation, of regret for any of his actions. I wish I could change that. But I can't. Even so. . ." The sentence trailed off, the words left unsaid, 'I love her too much to let her go.'
Sakurako (and the hidden listeners) heard the words anyway, as if they had been spoken aloud. "Your selfishness hurts you as much as her. I hope you learn from your mistake more quickly than I learned from mine, more quickly than Shigeru learned from hers. Give up soon, before you hurt Tsukushi anymore. Do the right thing. Or I will make you suffer until the day you die."
Wit this none-too-subtle threat, Sakurako stalked off, leaving Rui to stand stolidly, staring vacantly off into space.
Back behind the boulder, Shigeru's eyes flashed angrily as she turned to her companions. "Well, she screwed that up royally. I told you I should have been the one to talk to him." Belatedly, she realized that Tsukushi wasn't paying attention to her. Instead, the brown-eyed girl was staring fixedly at a point only she could see, as slow tears dripped down her face.
"What's wrong, Tsukushi?" Shigeru asked worriedly, not quite sure just which part of the overheard conversation had set the other girl off this time.
"It's just. . . " Tsukushi sighed, "If he won't leave me, I'm going to have to leave him. . . don't I?" All three members of her audience nodded. "I know, none of this should ever have happened, and I can't go on like this. But how can I do this? He's my best friend. . . It'll hurt so much."
"Better sooner than later." Akira advised.
"I'm a terrible selfish person." Tsukushi buried her face in her hands, "I just wanted to be happy. I wanted us to be happy. And look what I did. This is all my fault."
"No, No, it's not." Soujiro tried to comfort her, but she could see right through him.
"Of course it is. That's why I have to fix it." Tsukushi sniffed and wiped her eyes, before taking several deep breaths. "Right. Just give me a minute."
Her three friends looked at each other, as if exchanging silent signals over her head.
"Now?"
"Are you sure?" Soujiro and Akira asked simultaneously.
Tsukushi shrugged in resignation. "Why put it off anymore? I don't know how much more of this I can take. I love him too much to keep up this charade. I can't be strong enough to let Tsukasa go, and I refuse to be weak enough to pretend that I can be with Rui now. . . What else can I do?"
"Good luck." Impulsively, Shigeru leaned over to give Tsukushi a comforting hug.
"If you need us, give a yell." Akira encouraged, as he got to his feet, while Soujiro merely whispered in Tsukushi's ear, "And don't forget to tell him that you're still wearing my underwear!"
"Thanks guys." Tsukushi managed a small, grateful smile, as her friends departed into the enshrouding mists, evaporating like ghosts into the hazy air. A few more minutes, that's all she needed. A few minutes to clear all the ghosts of what was, what might be, and what could have been, from her weary brain. A few minutes, and few more deep breaths, and she would face the man who loved her, who carried her through everything but himself. Face him to let him down again.
It had to be done. It was for his own good, for her own good. For Tsukushi wasn't stupid. She knew why she'd really been dragged here to listen to Sakurako lecturing Rui. It hadn't been meant for him at all. Not if he'd been cast in Sakurako's role -- Sakurako who hadn't given up on Doumyouji for long after she'd lost completely. Not like Shigeru, who had known exactly when to give up when her ploy on Tsukasa failed. No, if Rui was playing Sakurako's role, that made her Tsukasa. And the thing about Tsukasa, was that if he tried a thing, and it didn't work, if it felt wrong- - he'd stop. He wouldn't beat a dead relationship into the ground, not if he knew it wasn't meant to be, not if his heart wasn't in it. As hers wasn't really in this thing with Rui. She had to be strong. Like Tsukasa had always been. She had to be true to her heart, true to the man she really loved. Thus, she had to end this now. It was the right thing to do
But that didn't make her feel any better about the whole situation.
TBC
~~Life is both much simpler, and more complex than I could ever say. And with a sudden topic change -- Why so few reviews anymore? Is this story really that forgotten and unloved? Not that it matters, I'll finish it at the same rate either way~~
"Hey, Sakurako. What is it?" Tsukushi asked with a worried frown as Sakurako finally caught up.
"Ah! We've been looking all over for you!" Sakurako was too-well mannered to pant her message breathlessly, despite her appearance of haste. (Of course, Tsukushi had no way to tell that that's all it was -- an appearance put on by the ever-sneaky girl.)
"What's wrong?"
"Shigeru needs to talk to you . . . You know, girl stuff." She added, with a wary glance at Rui, "She said it was important. . ."
"Are you sure?" Rui asked skeptically. He had been trying to have a conversation with Tsukushi, and he didn't appreciate being interrupted by anyone, much less Sakurako.
"Of course I'm sure! And you're not invited, so why don't you come with me, while Tsukushi goes and talks to Shigeru." Not waiting for an answer, Sakurako latched on to Rui's arm and started none-too-subtly to drag him off, calling out over her shoulder "She's off that way," to a very confused Tsukushi.
Shrugging her shoulders in resignation, Tsukushi turned back down the path. It was probably just as well, she reflected. After all, her 'Conversation' with Rui was going absolutely nowhere. It was both painful and frustrating to try to keep her promises to him, when she felt that she wasn't being true to herself. And his quiet melancholy, as if he knew the cause of her discontent already, wasn't helping anything.
"Of course he knows!" she grumbled in frustration, "He's always known!" That didn't help matters either. Why couldn't he be a bit more like Tsukasa in this, a bit more thickskulled, a bit more blind, when it came to reading her moods? Then this farce, for a farce it was, of a relationship, might at least make one of its participants happy, as it had originally been intended to do. But no. Rui was too perceptive, and she was too transparent, so why did they even pretend anymore? "Oh to Hell with it!" Tsukushi kicked the gravel path. Now, it seemed, even her primary comfort from Rui-- his calm air of stability and peace-- had been banished by this huge mistake. "I guess I'm already in hell, huh?" she mused to the silent mists. Hell Couldn't get much more fucked up than this, after all.
"Now don't say that, Makino!" the cheerful voice emanating from the dense fog on her right, almost made her jump off the path; apparently, she wasn't as alone as she'd thought, "How can you be in hell, when you've got such sexy companions as us?"
"Nishikado?" She didn't know whether to be upset that he'd over heard her ramblings, or pleased by the welcome distraction. How the hell, did he and Akira always know just when she needed to see their grinning faces?
"Aww, Tsukushi, where have you been hiding all morning? We wanted a rematch for last night."
"I haven't been hiding . . .I've been with Rui." She ignored the last suggestion, "Have you seen Shigeru? Sakurako told me she was looking for me."
"Sure." Soujiro, grinned a slow secretive little smile, before continuing, "Let me show you where she is, you'll never find her in this fog by yourself."
"What? I don't need help -- just tell me!" Tsukushi protested vehemently. What, did they think she was a child who needed to be shepherded everywhere?
"Uh-uh." He shook his head again, teasingly slipped his arm around her waist, as if to lead her off. As expected, Tsukushi jumped and slapped at him (Some things never change,) but ultimately allowed him to show her the way to Shigeru.
Of course, there was a reason for Soujiro's presence, and the way he shushed Tsukushi as they grew nearer to their destination, for Shigeru, and Akira as well, were crouched down behind a large, moss-encrusted boulder, listening intently to mist-muffled voices nearby.
"What is going on here!?" Tsukushi just barely had enough presence of mind to whisper her outrage rather than squawk it.
"Tsukasa's asleep, so we're eavesdropping!" Akira explained, pulling her down next to him, as Soujiro lowered himself to a squat nearby.
"On what? . . . Oh." Tsukushi frowned in disapproval as realization dawned.
"Yup! And you're just in time."
"I gotta go." Tsukushi shook her head.
"No way!" Shigeru protested, and grabbed her friend's arm, "You don't want to miss this!"
"Yes I do! I shouldn't listen in. . ."
"Hell with that, it'll be good for you." Akira cut in, "Come on, quiet down, before he hears you."
". . .Serve you right if he did." Tsukushi grumbled, but ceased her protests anyway. What harm could it really do to listen just for a little while?
Sakurako and Rui stood a short distance away, damp and invisible in the heavy mountain mists, their voices muffled and barely audible through the dense water vapor. The four eavesdroppers listened intently, ignoring the damp seeping into their pants from the ground, or the water dripping from sodden trees onto their upturned faces.
"Listen Hanazawa Rui," Sakurako was saying, "I know you don't like me much. No, don't interrupt. I can tell by the way you look at me, but so what? You're not my type either, and that's not the point anyway. I have advice for you. Don't try to blow me off. You will listen now, and you will listen Well, because I'm not through with you.
"Yeah, that glare of yours works well with everyone else, doesn't it? Makes you feel powerful and superior doesn't it? To stand there silently, and pretend you know it all. Hah. I watched you for years, Hanazawa Rui, year. You and Tsukasa, and the rest of the F4, and you're all just as human as everyone else, no better than I am."
". . ." Rui's quiet reply was too low to be distinguished by the listeners, but Sakurako's shrill and angry reply certainly was.
"Sneaky and underhanded I may be, but can you really say you're any better, sleeping with your best friend's girlfriend?"
"So that's what this is all about."
"Of course. What else? Look here. Do you know why It's me that's, talking to you now, and not Mimasaka or Soujiro? Or even Shigeru?"
"Akira and Soujiro tried to have a "Talk" with me yesterday." Rui shrugged, "It's none of their business, nor yours either. This is between Tsukushi, Tsukasa, and I."
"Yeah, and you all are acting like such responsible people about it too!" Sakurako snorted. "No, I'm here, because You and I are very similar in that way. Oh don't look so disgusted. You know it's true. I know you were in France at the time, but I'm sure you've heard the story. Let me refresh your memory a little.
"I'd had a thing for Doumyouji since we were little. Call it love, call it hate. I wanted him. I changed my face for him, I learned to seduce and lie, how to manipulate men, their hearts, their 'brains' --what males use for a brain anyway -- and I wanted Doumyouji. Just one thing stood in my way, or so I thought. A confused, girl, stubborn and angry, who didn't even realize she was just as in love with him as I was. Easy to dispose of, I thought. Get into her good graces, and then a little jealousy, a little trickery, and he'd be mine. Stealing my best -- my only -- friend's boyfriend. And she didn't even realize, until it was far too late, that it was I who broke the trust between them. After that, though I betrayed her more and more, she still protected me. You know, Tsukushi's the only person I know who'd do something like that. And though I failed in my attempt, failed to seduce Tsukasa, it wasn't for lack of trying. You never had to try as hard as I, though did you? Despair is a far easier thing to manipulate than jealousy. But my story is not really the point. I betrayed my best friend's trust. I tried to have her killed, so that I could steal her boyfriend. Whoop de fuck. You didn't try to have Tsukasa killed, I'll give you that.
"Don't interrupt! The real point is something different. You see, there came a moment in that fiasco; Tsukushi was somewhere being tortured by our ever-so-wonderful Eitoku classmates, and I, I was holed up with Tsukasa in a hotel room, trying my level best to get him into bed. And I could see it in his eye, see it that he was fighting with himself, he wanted to go along, as if to punish Tsukushi for her imaginary betrayal. But the stronger part knew that he didn't belong there, that he wanted no part of the comfort I offered him. Really, it took him only a few seconds to come to his senses and get out of there. The boy always was too thick-headed to be distracted from his goals.
"Do you see the parallels here? No, of course you don't. You don't want to. You only see clearly when it comes to her, don't you? Sometimes I envy you that singlemindedness -- I don't have that anymore. It took me a long time after that incident to realize the truth, that my selfish love for Tsukasa was futile. That the best thing I could do for him, the only gift he would accept from me, would be to ensure his and Tsukushi's happiness. I used to think that you were the same way. Everyone knew you were in love with Tsukushi. You're not as subtle as you'd like to think. But we all thought you'd chosen the right course, Like Shigeru and I, losers in the game of love, we stand by in silent support.
"But No! You fucking had to regress! Repeating the same mistakes Shigeru and I made. Who would've thought that you'd be such a fool? You who should have known better! And see, what have you learned? What have you done? You fucked up royally, didn't you? Just like Shigeru, you got your pseudo- relationship with the one you wanted, but it hasn't done you any good!
"Was Shigeru happy when she was with Tsukasa? You know she wasn't! And why not? Because his mind was always on Tsukushi. Always!"
"Tsukushi loves me." Rui's eyes flashed angrily, though his voice was deadly calm.
"Fucking hell." Sakurako burst out, "Tsukushi loves everyone. But only as a brother!"
"I know that." Rui glared right back, "Tsukasa never loved you, or Shigeru, not even as a sister."
"Is that supposed to prove something? Look around you, man! Is Tsukushi happy? Are you happy? Is Tsukasa happy? . . . Fine, don't answer. We all know the answer is No! So if none of you are happy, why do you continue this farce of a relationship?"
"I Love her. I could make her happy. If you didn't interfere."
"Not in a million years." Sakurako sniffed, "She won't be happy as long as she feels guilty. And Tsukushi is good at guilt. Even if by some miracle she fell out of love for him, there would always be guilt for abandoning him."
"She didn't abandon him. He forgot her! I only picked up the pieces."
"Self righteous lies. This is getting us nowhere." Sakurako rolled her eyes, "Are you really even listening to me? Let me try to get through to you one more time. Tsukushi is unhappy. If you really loved her as much, or even a fraction as much as Shigeru and I love Tsukasa, then you would do your level best to ensure her happiness. And right now, that means letting her out oft his so-called relationship of yours. Let her make her peace with Tsukasa. You want her to be happy, don't you?"
"Of course I do," he replied stubbornly, "I can make her happy."
"For like two seconds at a time!" Sakurako scowled, frown lines creasing her pretty features, "You made her happier before you fucked her."
"I know." Rui finally sighed, his first real sign, in this conversation, of regret for any of his actions. I wish I could change that. But I can't. Even so. . ." The sentence trailed off, the words left unsaid, 'I love her too much to let her go.'
Sakurako (and the hidden listeners) heard the words anyway, as if they had been spoken aloud. "Your selfishness hurts you as much as her. I hope you learn from your mistake more quickly than I learned from mine, more quickly than Shigeru learned from hers. Give up soon, before you hurt Tsukushi anymore. Do the right thing. Or I will make you suffer until the day you die."
Wit this none-too-subtle threat, Sakurako stalked off, leaving Rui to stand stolidly, staring vacantly off into space.
Back behind the boulder, Shigeru's eyes flashed angrily as she turned to her companions. "Well, she screwed that up royally. I told you I should have been the one to talk to him." Belatedly, she realized that Tsukushi wasn't paying attention to her. Instead, the brown-eyed girl was staring fixedly at a point only she could see, as slow tears dripped down her face.
"What's wrong, Tsukushi?" Shigeru asked worriedly, not quite sure just which part of the overheard conversation had set the other girl off this time.
"It's just. . . " Tsukushi sighed, "If he won't leave me, I'm going to have to leave him. . . don't I?" All three members of her audience nodded. "I know, none of this should ever have happened, and I can't go on like this. But how can I do this? He's my best friend. . . It'll hurt so much."
"Better sooner than later." Akira advised.
"I'm a terrible selfish person." Tsukushi buried her face in her hands, "I just wanted to be happy. I wanted us to be happy. And look what I did. This is all my fault."
"No, No, it's not." Soujiro tried to comfort her, but she could see right through him.
"Of course it is. That's why I have to fix it." Tsukushi sniffed and wiped her eyes, before taking several deep breaths. "Right. Just give me a minute."
Her three friends looked at each other, as if exchanging silent signals over her head.
"Now?"
"Are you sure?" Soujiro and Akira asked simultaneously.
Tsukushi shrugged in resignation. "Why put it off anymore? I don't know how much more of this I can take. I love him too much to keep up this charade. I can't be strong enough to let Tsukasa go, and I refuse to be weak enough to pretend that I can be with Rui now. . . What else can I do?"
"Good luck." Impulsively, Shigeru leaned over to give Tsukushi a comforting hug.
"If you need us, give a yell." Akira encouraged, as he got to his feet, while Soujiro merely whispered in Tsukushi's ear, "And don't forget to tell him that you're still wearing my underwear!"
"Thanks guys." Tsukushi managed a small, grateful smile, as her friends departed into the enshrouding mists, evaporating like ghosts into the hazy air. A few more minutes, that's all she needed. A few minutes to clear all the ghosts of what was, what might be, and what could have been, from her weary brain. A few minutes, and few more deep breaths, and she would face the man who loved her, who carried her through everything but himself. Face him to let him down again.
It had to be done. It was for his own good, for her own good. For Tsukushi wasn't stupid. She knew why she'd really been dragged here to listen to Sakurako lecturing Rui. It hadn't been meant for him at all. Not if he'd been cast in Sakurako's role -- Sakurako who hadn't given up on Doumyouji for long after she'd lost completely. Not like Shigeru, who had known exactly when to give up when her ploy on Tsukasa failed. No, if Rui was playing Sakurako's role, that made her Tsukasa. And the thing about Tsukasa, was that if he tried a thing, and it didn't work, if it felt wrong- - he'd stop. He wouldn't beat a dead relationship into the ground, not if he knew it wasn't meant to be, not if his heart wasn't in it. As hers wasn't really in this thing with Rui. She had to be strong. Like Tsukasa had always been. She had to be true to her heart, true to the man she really loved. Thus, she had to end this now. It was the right thing to do
But that didn't make her feel any better about the whole situation.
TBC
~~Life is both much simpler, and more complex than I could ever say. And with a sudden topic change -- Why so few reviews anymore? Is this story really that forgotten and unloved? Not that it matters, I'll finish it at the same rate either way~~