- - Well, I reread all this fic to date (todate being some random day in 5-05), and yes, I still hate the whole damned thing. But it has to end! It will end, if I drive myself insane to do so. But the chapters that were there, ch 28 and 29, last uploaded 6 months ago. Yeah, they weren't going anywhere. So here. Direction! Yay direction! Can I keep it up? Who knows? I haven't the faintest idea, since I don't write these chapters before hand, and nothing is plotted out until my fingies hit the keys tip tap type and we're off! - - -cm - - -

Soujiro, Akira, and Tsukasa were lounging around the living room, engaged in a desultory game of rummy, waiting for Tsukushi to return from her talk with Rui.

For the most part, the game was silent, Akira and Soujiro being too tired to bother to pretend good cheer. Even in the cause of cheering their ill friend up. For his part, Tsukasa was grumbling about the goings-on in the house, focusing of course, on Tsukushi's short-comings. "Hey, where the fuck is that girl? I haven't seen her since this morning. All of this shit is her fault, yet what does she do, but go and hide. Running away where I can't find her! Here I am, suffering from things she made me remember, trying to not die, and here she ignores me. And I can't even get out of this chair to go chase her down."

"Oh hush." Soujiro ordered, "And what would you even do if you could catch her? Do you even know?" It was obvious from Tsukasa's suddenly blank look, that he hadn't the faintest idea, and that the vehemence of his own words had taken even him by surprise.

"Oh fuck it. It doesn't matter." Akira sighed, and tossed his cards down on the table, "'Jiro, is it your turn or mine?"

"It's my turn, you idiot." Growled Tsukasa.

"Not the cards, you dumbfuck."

"I don't remember."

"Bah, flip you for it."

"Oh hell, But I was winning, I don't want to go."

"Such a whiner, my god. Fine. I'll go." Akira sighed, and stood up. Tsukasa's grousing had reminded him that it was time to go fetch Tsukushi back to the house. She had to be done talking to Rui by now.

"Hey wait!" that was Tsukasa again. "What about the game?"

"Here, Sakurako can take over for me." The girl in question had just walked in the room.

"I can do what?"

"No! Damnit. Akira, She cheats!"

"Do not!"

"I'm bored. Can we finish the game already."

"Oh why not? You wanna let him win. Or not?"

"We're not playing for money; so we may as well."

"Hey!"

Akira shook his head at their childish antics, and headed for the door. He needn't have bothered, however, for it was at that moment that Tsukushi chose to enter, looking weary and unhappy. Surprisingly, however, she wasn't in tears. She'd made up her mind on the way back to the house, that she'd fallen apart entirely too often in that past few days. If she was a weed, it was time for her to act like it, to bounce back from the cares that trampled her down. It wasn't in her to fake cheer, (and her friends didn't like it when she did that anyway – Tsukasa didn't like it—or rather, he hadn't liked it, back when he cared), but at least she could try to be strong.

"Hi. Can I play?" She'd taken in the scene at glance –decided that it'd probably be better to be around people for a while, than to go off on her own, where she'd probably just end up in tears.

"Sure." Soujiro answered, "you can sit next to me—maybe you'll have more luck than I at keeping Sakurako from seeing your cards."

"Hey!"

"What? I didn't say anything that wasn't true," Soujiro defended himself from the red-haired girl's glare, and hastily moved further away to let Tsukushi sit between them.

"Where have you been?" Tsukasa demanded roughly, "It's boring here!"

"Out." Tsukushi replied shortly. She didn't want to tell them that she'd just broken up with Rui, Though she was sure everyone except Tsukasa knew. Like anyone had any secrets in this crowd.

But Tsukasa wouldn't let the matter drop. The cards weren't a sufficient distraction from his wound, but the deepening mystery of Makino Tsukushi was. He couldn't help but surreptitiously glance at her whenever she was distracted with her cards, taking in the studied look of concentration on her face, the glimmer in her eyes of unshed tears. Yeah, she was holding something back. He could tell. Fortunately for him, Sakurako wanted to know just as badly. Though, of course, she was better informed.

"Aren't you going to tell us how it went?" She could keep her impatience in no longer.

"How what went?" Tsukasa scented an opening, and went for it, like a wolf for the jugular.

"What do you think? It went as well as could be expected." Tsukushi bit her lip and struggled to maintain a level expression. She was not going to cry about it. Not now, not here. Not in front of Tsukasa, She had no right to cry in front of him. She was not going to cry. Not going to cry. Shit. She was going to cry. "Excuse me." She hastily set her cards down, and stumbled to her feet, "You'll have to continue without me. Sorry."

"Tsukushi! Wait!" Soujiro called after her.

"Damnit! Look what you did." Akira turned on Sakurako.

Tsukasa grabbed Soujiro's wrist before he could follow Tsukushi out of the room, and glared around at his three friends, "You all know what this is about. Don't you?" Of course they did, "Well, now it's my turn." Clumsily he pulled himself to his feet.

"Tsukasa! You're not supposed to be up!"

"And you're going to stop me how?" Tsukasa brandished a crutch like a weapon, "Back off. I'm sick of you herding me, and coddling that dumb chick. I'm going to get some answers, and I'm going to do it my own way."

"Tsukasa. . . " Akira began ready to try to reason with his friend. But Tsukasa would have none of it. Merely ignored Akira's nagging voice, and stumbled from the room. It wasn't hard to find Tsukushi. Not at all. She'd gone straight to her room – the one she'd been sharing with Rui, and was huddled on the edge of the bed, trying to wipe the tears from her eyes before they spilled over. She was so absorbed in muttering her "I'm not going to cry" mantra, that she didn't realize that it was Tsukasa who had followed her, until he sat down heavily on the bed next to her.

"Doum. . Doumyouji." She stammered, "What are you doing here?"

Tsukasa just gave her a long level look, before answering, "You cry too much, you know that? And those guys. They coddle you too much. I'm the one who's dying here, but for all anyone notices I may as well be invisible."

"Oh." Tsukushi gulped, "They do care, you know. I care. But. . .It's scary. . . You're scary." He sure as hell scared her, glaring at her like that. But at least, arguing with him might be better than crying over Rui. "There's nothing we can do. Your injury—We're helpless against it. And . .. With your amnesia – you're not the friend they, we, know. Can you blame them for worrying about things they can actually change? They do care. We care. If you were to die. . . ." for a moment Tsukushi trailed off, looked at her hands, thought about the truth, the truth that everyone except her would probably get on just fine, "If you were to die, I don't think I'd want to go on living either. I'd rather you hated me forever than die." The worst hell she could think of.

"Hah." Tsukasa snorted, "And your feelings mean what to me?"

"Asshole." Tsukushi felt the tears pricking at her eyes again. As if she needed to be reminded again that this man was not quite the Doumyouji she loved. "If you're going to be such a jerk, could you at least go do it elsewhere? I'm really not up for this shit right now."

"Why not?" Tsukasa suddenly changed tack, "Why Are you crying anyway? What does everyone know this time that they're not telling me?"

"Oh." Tsukushi sighed. Surely the gods were punishing her. Why did she have to answer to Doumyouji of all people? Why did she have to answer now? Was it really any of his business? Yes, sadly, she supposed it was. Whatever his memory deficits might be, she owed it to him to tell the truth. Though, she was sure he would hate her for it. "It's just that. . . I had to break up with Rui. And before you say anything," she rushed on, "I'm well aware of the fact that you think I'm a terrible person. Going with Rui just because you forgot me, and. . . sleeping with him so soon. . . and now, ditching him right after, just because I can't feel for him like I should. So shut it ok! I know I'm a bad person. And I don't think you could hate me any more than I hate myself. But I don't need to hear it right now. I really don't." Much to her horror she was crying again. Harder than ever. And all she wanted to do was go and hide. But his unwavering gaze would not let her escape.

Tsukasa stared, briefly stunned by Makino's sudden outburst. Of course, based on the way his friends had been behaving, he'd expected her tears to have something to do with Rui. but somehow, he hadn't quite expected this. "I. . ." He started at last, hearing the words slipping past his lips without conscious volition, his forebrain surrendering to impulses from the deepest instinctual level. Opinions he hadn't even known he had, "I don't think you're a bad person. Stupid maybe. But not bad." Even as the words left his mouth, he could feel the internal argument starting; how could she not be a bad person? Look at how she'd abandoned him. Memoryless and lonely, for his best friend. (If he'd been the one to remember, and his girlfriend had been the one to forget, he'd never abandon her.) Look how Makino had turned his friends against him, look how she'd confused him. Look how she'd hurt Rui, hurt herself. How could she not be a bad person?

She just wasn't. And somehow he knew this. Somewhere deep down inside, just as the suddenly sunny smile she shot him from beneath her tears warmed his soul like the touch of an old familiar friend. A deeper warmth than he could name, a sensation he could not put in words. But one which he felt the pull of, like a secret addiction.

Tsukushi couldn't help herself. At this moment the stranger beside her sounded so much like her old Doumyouji, the one who had always known how to cheer her or encourage her with a subtle taunt, instinctively knowing how to bring out her fighting spirit. She just had to smile. At least the instincts remained intact, instincts she hadn't even known she cherished so much. "Thanks. . .. I think," she grinned, despite the tears that continued to leak, "You're not a bad person yourself. Though, you can be some what dim at times."

"The almighty Doumyouji Tsukasa is not dim! That's antipasto to the Doumyouji name!"

"You mean it's antithetical. Dumbass!"

And the argument was off and running. Almost like old times. Almost like it had been in the beginning.

This, this was just what she had needed all along.

This was part of what she had missed.

TBC