Chapter 1: The Magnificent Plot
It was a day, just an ordinary day at Malfoy Manor.
Alright so maybe not that ordinary. It was the day of the absolutely wonderful Christmas party which the Malfoy's held every year. One of those 'Invitation Only' deals, where all of the fine Wizarding society scrambled to get the sought after silver and green invitations, which seemingly were only given to the finest of the pureblood wizards. Most of whom, alright all of whom, were Death Eaters.
Unfortunately, the only people who were actually inside the manor were those who seemed to be there every year (if not because of being related, but because they were the very epitome of evil, and evil's right hand man.). Right now, the seven were sitting in the ornately decorated living room playing a rousing game of exploding snap, drumming fingernails against the coffee table, and humming into glasses of expensive wine. Finally, after a few more minutes of silent musings and the occasional explosion of a playing card with old wizards faces painted on them, the small blonde woman who had been staring off into space in the general direction of an ostentatious Christmas Tree turned to her husband (who was sitting cross-legged on their pearly white carpeting), and spoke up.
"Where exactly is everyone Lucius?" The voice was a teeny bit irritated, and the edge of the tone gave it away. The woman's black gaze traveled over to the man and zeroed in, watching his newly panicked expression (which had changed dramatically from the one before, an expression of…Well, not really of anything, but his wife couldn't bring herself to blame him for his airiness after that little stint in Azkaban.) with a trace of aggravation. "You did give them out didn't you?" Judging by the look on his face, she wasn't going to receive the answer she was hoping for.
She didn't.
"Well…Darling I really thought I had…" Lucius raised a manicured finger to his chin and furrowed his brows in recollection. "I went to Honeydukes…The bank, oh! And Zonkos (at this, a smile erupted of positive glee), for-for Draco of course." He backtracked hastily, noting the sneer of a greasier male sitting in an elaborate, green velvet armchair. "Come to think of it, perhaps I forgot." He sighed and his shoulders slumped as he sprawled out on the carpeting.
"Dear me Narcissa, it certainly seems your wonderful husband's memory is, well, failing." The silky drawl of Severus Snape commented as Lucius began to twiddle his thumbs while staring at the ceiling.
"If you ask me, it's always been like that." Retorted the other woman in the room, black haired, heavy lidded Bellatrix LeStrange. The blonde man on the floor didn't seem to even blink an eye at the insults hurled his way; he merely smiled contentedly up at the angel atop the tall tree, tapping the floor in tune to some song with his silver tipped cane.
At this, there came a horrible screeching noise, like nails on a chalkboard, causing everyone to clamp hands over their ears. It was, in fact, coming from a swiveling chair on the opposite side of the room near the window, where a table had been set up with the exploding snap cards. Inside said chair, was one of the most ugly, horrific looking things any of them had ever seen.
Oh wait, it was just Voldemort.
"Lucius is a great man, a great friend, a great teacher, good guitarist." Voldemort shook his head, hands going to the puce, chalky skin and a silly grin spread on his face, "Sorry, wrong person. I meant to say that Lucius was a loyal friend, until mucked up the job at the Ministry of Magic, don't think Azkaban was the best thing for him though….I mean, he's a bit addled in the brains if you get my meaning." Taking a skeletal finger, he began to draw loops in the air beside his hairless temple in illustration. "Loony…Loopy…"
Severus thought this rather rich, coming from a demented evil lord, but whatever, Voldemort was paying him considerably for the time he wasn't at Hogwarts. Since he had had him kill Dumbledore, now they weren't really too keen on keeping him on as a professor. And so, as Voldemort spoke and Severus scowled, it was then that the entire deck of cards erupted in flames upon the little table, causing the rat-like man with a silver hand who had been sitting opposite the Dark Lord to fall to the floor, dismay etched across his face.
"My Lord…You missed your turn."
Now, Narcissa and Bellatrix had been deep in conversation, giving off uncharacteristic giggles every now and then. They had been completely oblivious to the discourse and exploding of the cards, but now they popped up out of their huddle like two little prairie dogs and looked pointedly at their husbands; Lucius who was on the floor singing a ditty about daisies, and Rodolphus, who, before hand wasn't mentioned but had been sitting quite silently on the piano bench, musing upon the best way to kill a Hungarian Horntail without leaving marks.
Bellatrix spoke first, pointing her finger towards the man on the piano bench and narrowing her eyes. "You. Take the Dark Lord into the kitchen, we've got something to discuss out here." The man nodded obligingly and continued to stare through knitted eyebrows, concentrating on the subject previously mentioned, as he stood up and ushered Voldemort into the kitchen (which was subsequently followed by the shrieks of horror from the house elves, and some apologizing on Voldemort's part, but 'it wasn't his fault he was so ugly!').
"Now," Narcissa began, gesticulating grandly for effect. "We've decided upon the Dark Lord's Christmas gift, since I know that you all didn't feel the need to purchase anything for him." Bellatrix nodded her agreement after she looked at the others in the room. Snape was scowling at their being correct (and would have deducted twenty points from Slytherin had he been at Hogwarts), Peter Pettigrew was sniveling and rubbing his hands together, apologizing profusely, "But-But what do you get the man who has everything?", and Lucius seemed to be blissfully unaware that anything was happening. That is, until his wife kicked him in the shoulder discreetly and he sat up, the childish smile having disappeared, and he was now all business.
"Yes. That's where I come in." Lucius stated, his Ministry of Magic professional tone kicking in. "While I was in Azkaban there really wasn't that much to do. However, if we were well behaved enough, the dementors would allow us to read their magazines. My personal favorite being, Better Homes and Gardens." Snape's jaw dropped (which was unusual), and he had to disguise his laughter as a fit of hacking coughs. "As I was saying," The Malfoy man continued, "Every so often, they would run some contest or another. So, since you can only brush your hair so many times in one day, I entered quite a few of them." He positively beamed now, "And…After winning four plaid tea cozies, a new hair ribbon (he pointed to the emerald one now placed in his blonde coiffure), and three dozen chocolates…Which let me tell you, helped a lot with the whole…(he noted the blazing look that Narcissa was giving him and loosened his tie slightly to get some air) Anyway, as I was saying, I won a few of these contests, and one of them had an interesting prize which we figured we could use.."
He was interrupted at this point by Narcissa, who couldn't take this lengthy retelling of the story, and judging by the strained noises in the kitchen, Voldemort was getting rather bored.
"Anyway, he won this competition and the prize was a trip for ten to that muggle theme park, Disneyland. And we thought, 'well, there are so many people there, this would give ample opportunity to torment children' and what better Christmas gift for Voldemort can you think of?"
"Err…Socks?" Peter suggested, and received a thwack to the back of the head from a tasseled pillow from Snape.
"You said trip for ten, Narcissa, now who may I ask does that consist of?" Snape asked, his voice dripping with disdain at the very thought of this 'Disneyland.'
"Why us of course!" Bellatrix retorted, "You, me, Cissa, Roddy, Peter, Voldie, Lucius, Umm…And three others." She and Narcissa beamed as they looked out at the three men.
"You can count me out." Severus stated abruptly, moving to stand.
"Not a chance." Narcissa demanded, eyes blazing yet again, and Snape, strong as he was, decided it was better just to sit down. Cissa didn't really have the best mental stability.
Peter looked up and sighed slightly, pressing a finger to his head in thought which was a rare thing for the man. "Well, we could have…Rabastan of course, and um…Fenrir! That's nine..."
"Oh we're so glad you can count Peter." Severus snapped as he leaned back in the chair, conjuring a cucumber eye mask and a headache potion. This was going to be the longest Christmas vacation he had ever experienced.
"Ten! I've got ten." Lucius stood up, pounding his fist on the table as if he was trying to hit an imaginary game show buzzer. "Draco! He'd love to come!" The man grinned from ear to ear, and his wife gave him an approving nod.
"Well, now that that's settled, RODOLPHUS!" Bellatrix screeched as she stood up, her hands gripping the arm of the couch until her knuckles were white. For what reason she didn't know.
The bearded man led the Dark Lord out of the kitchen and sat him down on the swiveling chair of evil (aptly named after they watched a few muggle spy films.), resisting the urge to poke his hairless, chalky head as all the Death Eaters had wanted to do for the longest time.
"My Lord." Bellatrix said as she knelt before him, proffering the handmade, red envelope and sinking to one knee. Snape oddly thought this look a bit like muggle marriage proposals, but bit back the biting remark just itching to hop off his tongue.
"Merry Christmas!" Seven voices cried in unison as the Dark Lord began to unseal the envelope, and Voldemort blushed as he realized he had been wishing himself one, and that just wasn't proper manners.
Using one extra-long fingernail to cut through the seal of the horribly decorated Christmas card, the evil epitome glowered to himself at just how cheap his Death Eater followers were. Really, only buying him a Christmas card? How rude! After all he did for them! He was their master! Their ruler for Merlin's sake! It was then, as he slid the card open, that he heard the tinkling of bells, and then music. The card was singing, and not just any song, but 'A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes'. Snape scowled, Narcissa and Bellatrix looped arms and beamed, Lucius preened, Peter sniffed at the envelope, Rodolphus squashed a fly mercilessly, and the Dark Lord had to fight back tears of joy.
Meanwhile, on the other side of London, an Order meeting was going on. Order of the Phoenix to be exact. It was there that a great ruckus was going on, and it was hard for Kingsley Shacklebolt to regain order from them.
"I won! I won!" The cry pierced through the thick silence like a butter knife and Kingsley had to fight the urge to clobber whoever it was that had disturbed their new ritual of meditation before business began. However, this violence wouldn't really have worked, considering the fact that it was the ghost of the late Sirius Black who was doing the yelling.
"Won what…Exactly?" The tall African wizard asked calmly, crossing his arms and leaning against the mantelpiece upon the yoga mat he was situated. Well now everyone's concentration had been terribly broken, and they were all quite curious as to what Sirius had won.
"It says here…" The late Marauder began as he held onto the letter (how no one was quite sure.) and squinted down at the words. His eyesight had only worsened ever since he died, and it was harder to trim his hair now that it was spectral and all. "A trip for ten to Disneyland." He looked up at the other members and smiled toothily. "Well that sounds fun doesn't it?"
His cousin snatched it from him and began peering at it as well, her violet eyes scanning the page for any catch or hidden details, finding none, Nymphadora Tonks looked up at Sirius with a strange look upon her face.
"You entered a contest in Better Homes and Gardens?" She stated, crossing her arms and tossing the letter over to an eager Remus Lupin, who began to laugh heartily as he examined the offending piece of paper.
"Well! When you're dead there's not that much you can do!" Sirius huffed as he floated up to the ceiling, perching beside the ghost of Dumbledore on the top of a grandfather clock.
"But Better Homes and Gardens…Padfoot, that's just sad..." Remus replied with a little sigh.
"Well, that's the only thing the dementors subscribe to in Azkaban." His friend retorted, sticking out his ghostly tongue and crossing his arms, as if that would solve everything.
An hour and a half later it was decided that accompanying Sirius to the 'land of muggle happiness' would be Remus Lupin, Nymphadora Tonks, Dumbledore, Kingsley Shacklebolt, Mad-Eye Moody, Arthur Weasley, Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and, much to the two younger companion's disappointment, Minerva McGonagall. Hermione had already been once, and she said that once was indeed enough. Not to mention the fact that she was planning a trip to Bulgaria to meet with Viktor. (To which, Harry had exclaimed, "Flooperpoo!" an expression he had taken to using quite a bit lately).
The only question now, was just how they were going to get Dumbledore and Sirius through customs…