Chapter Two: United Airlines

"And we couldn't just apparate why?" The hushed voice of Severus Snape was carrying far more than he intended as he muttered these words to himself.

"Because Severus, there will be a group waiting for us. It was all in the fine print, didn't you read it?" Bellatrix asked scathingly, looking back at him over her shoulder. They definitely must have looked a sight as they walked through security, raising their arms above their heads, placing jewelry into the little tubs, taking off their shoes. Lucius was having a fit as they tried to make him put his cane through the computer thing ("Don't you know who I am?"). The two women were the most normal looking 'muggles' of the ten in their group (which, for the competition, they had all decided upon being related. The Nutters. Never again were they going to let Voldemort come up with any aliases.). Cissa and Bella were wearing matching muggle sundresses, one was black with yellow polka dots, and the other was yellow with black polka dots. Peter thought they looked like bumble bees, but didn't dare to voice his opinion.

The men however, obviously had never paid much attention to how muggles dressed, because had the women been actually socializing with them, they would have been utterly humiliated.

Lucius had put his hair back with a baby pink ribbon, matching the polo shirt he had put over a green sweater. Hermione would have fainted, because Mr. Malfoy was also wearing slate grey slacks with little hippos dancing upon them. Rabastan and Rodolphus matched, both wearing powder blue tuxedos, Peter was wearing a dapper looking suit, which would have looked normal if he had been living in Colonial America. Severus had absolutely refused to wear the muggle clothing, so he was following the group in his black robes, glaring at everyone who dared walk beside him, thus causing a wide berth, and quite a few dirty looks. Draco looked somewhat normal in his school uniform, minus the robes. The two who looked the absolute strangest would have to have been Fenrir and Voldemort. Fenrir just looked odd all the time, like a wolf, which he was so that would seem normal to those who knew him or of him. Voldemort on the other hand had tried to disguise himself, and wasn't doing a very good job of it. He was wearing a women's floor length duster, in a shade of pale green (which actually offset his skin nicely), a suit underneath it, sunglasses to cover his red eyes, a blonde wig that hung choppily around his gaunt face and a black mustache. If that wasn't bad enough, he had charmed makeup on, trying to make his skin seem a little more realistic. Poor Voldie, for there were many teenagers sniggering behind his back as he positively strutted down the corridor to the plane.

After stowing their carryon luggage, the group of 'Nutters' sat down in their corresponding seats. Cissa and Bella quarreled over who got the window seat, finally having to stoop to a game of rock-paper-scissors since wands were out of the question. Bella won, but only after muttering a hex to make Narcissa's hand immobile, therefore winning with her scissors. Victoriously, the elder sister collapsed into her window seat, and sat with her nose pressed to the glass until take off.

Lucius and Rodolphus made a point of sitting behind the two women, chortling at the idea of poking them throughout the flight. Severus pulled Draco into the seat beside him, not relishing the idea of sitting beside any of the others. The young man sighed and picked up the Air Mall and started to flip through it, searching for a writing utensil at the bottom of the pocket in the seat ahead of him so he could partake in the crossword puzzle.

Rabastan and Peter begrudgingly sat beside each other, each facing the opposite direction as the former took out the book he had purchased at the little bookstore inside the airport. It was entitled 'Brideshead Revisited', and sounded interesting enough. Peter, on the other hand, was quite content stroking his silver encased hand, muttering things to himself like an insane man as he jealously looked over at a group of muggles who were chatting jovially amongst each other.

Fenrir and Voldemort sat beside each other, looking through the flight information. The Dark Lord nearly 'squeed' with glee when he looked at the movie list. Since this flight was filled mostly with Disneyland goers, the entire movie lineup was animated Disney films. Most of which, were the Disney princess type. Voldie had to cough to keep from sighing happily at the thought. He knew all the words to every song by heart. There really wasn't that much you could do when you were weak, in hiding, and waiting for your followers to realize you were alive.

The pilot's voice came over the intercom, and the group of Wizarding folk looked around in awe (apart from Snape, who just sat there scowling under his beaklike nose). The flight attendants gave their schpiel, pointing out the emergency exits, showing them how to work their oxygen masks, where to find the floatation devices and such. Then the plane began to move, slowly at first, but then it picked up speed and soon was off into the air.

Most of the passengers found this normal, not the 'Nutters'. Bellatrix was plastered against the wall practically hyperventilating, Narcissa was huddled in her seat, Lucius had fallen across Rodolphus who in turn was looking both weirded out by the fact that he had a Lucius in his lap, and that they were flying and not on brooms. Rabastan and Peter had both fallen asleep already, their heads on each other's shoulders, which was something each of them would have been rather disgusted with if they had known. Fenrir and Voldemort were too busy regaling each other with favorite Disney movie moments to even notice, and Snape was seething as Draco asked him "What's a five letter word for stupid person?"

A few hours later, all the lights had gone off, the only bright points were coming from the various movie screens situated about the cabin. Most everyone had fallen asleep, having seen the movies numerous times. Even the 'Nutters' had gone into slumber, finding the animation a bit boring. Not so for the Dark Lord. He was sitting bright eyed and bushy tailed, watching with rapt attention as Prince Charming was about to put the glass slipper upon Cinderella's foot. His eyes welled with tears, and he began to hum along to the music in the background, trying not to hiccup and throw him off key, heaven forbid. He took out a Kleenex box with a skeletal hand and began to dab at his sunglass-covered eyes, causing a bit of makeup to come off in the process, but it was just so sad. Fenrir gave a growling snore beside him, and jumped slightly, nearly falling off of the seat, since he wasn't following the 'always wear your seatbelt' rule. Fenrir woke up just in time to see Wormtail scurrying in his rat-like way to the lavatory, doing a potty dance as he waited in the long line for the loo.

Approximately half an hour after their flight, an exhausted looking group of ten collapsed in front of Gate C9; carry on items strewn haphazardly across the floor, as well as a glass eye and a little hat.

"Nymphadora, will you retrieve my eye please?"

"Blech! I will not!"

"'Dora…."

"Don't you 'Dora' me Remus Lupin; you don't want to touch that horrible thing any more than I do!" Screeched the pink haired witch as she sidestepped the electric blue orb that was spinning around the carpeting.

"Now it's going to be covered in fuzz." Grumbled a very put-out Alastor Moody. With a little trudge, he bent forward and picked it up, blowing on it slightly and peering at it with his good eye. Nymphadora cringed and made a face, which caused Ron to stifle a snort (it was only stifled because his father was standing right beside him. Which really was no matter, as Arthur was quite content just looking at the planes, his face squashed to the glass, occasionally calling out, "Look at that aryolane!" completely butchering the name of the muggle device of transportation). Harry sighed and slumped down in a chair, clutching his carry on bag.

"My scar hurts…" He stated quietly, and Sirius' ghost sidled over and put his spectral hand upon his godson's forehead. The ghostly appendage went right through Harry's head, but Padfoot paid no notice.

"Well, you don't have a fever."

"I know I don't have a fever Sirius, it usually means Voldemort is nearby…Or is thinking of something particularly evil." (What he didn't know, was that at that time, Voldemort had been crying like a girl whilst watchingSnow White.).

Dumbledore's ghost popped out from underneath Harry's chair, causing the Boy-Who-Lived to leap up ten feet in the air and exclaim "Flooperpoo!"

"You scared me headmaster."

"Sorry, I found some interesting flavors of gum underneath here." The old man stated, showing the interesting shades of the candy now covering his teeth.

"Ewww." Nymphadora groaned, slapping her hand to her forehead as Minerva made a face.

"You know Albus, that is completely disgusting, and if you were alive I wouldn't even think about…" The head of Gryffindor house blushed profusely and went back to knitting her tartan sweater.

Harry and Ron's suspicions were confirmed as to whether or not Dumbledore and McGonagall had been having a love affair.

It seemed that everyone had forgotten about Kingsley, and he had gotten lost from the group. Moments later, an elderly security gentleman brought him over by the collar.

"Does this young man belong to you?"

"Nope" Replied Nymphadora

"Never seen him before in my life." Chimed in Ron and Harry.

"Doesn't look familiar…" Sirius replied, peering at him.

"Don't think we know him." Lupin stated.

Dumbledore and Arthur were too busy with their findings, and it wasn't until Minerva coughed and sighed, walking over and taking Kingsley by the arm, that he was rescued from going to kiddieland. "He's ours. We'll take him back." She stated, giving the others a cross look. Kingsley glared at the others and sat down, holding onto his knapsack and taking a drink of the apple juice the nice security guard had given him.

"The plane! The plane!" Arthur cried, having crouched down on the ground and pointed at the incoming airplane that was about to roll up to their gate. The lady at the ticketing booth sighed and shook her head, "No sir, you've got the wrong destination. We're going to Disneyland, not Fantasy Island."

The wizards looked at her funny, but shrugged and went back to sorting out their things as boarding would begin in a little while.

Forty-five minutes later, the group of ten were boarded on the plane and sitting peacefully. Well, for the most part. Remus and Nymphadora were seated comfortably beside each other; Harry and Ron were behind them, making faces at how disgusting it was (even though both of them had acted the same way just a year ago). The ghost of Dumbledore was having the same problem as Sirius, trying to figure out how to fit the seatbelt over his ghostly form, at the same time as he was making pleasant chit-chat with Minerva, who had insisted upon sitting beside him.

Sirius had plopped himself down into the seat beside Arthur, who was staring dreamily at the exit plans written in German, Spanish and English, because they showed the air flow going through the cabin. He thought he was in heaven. Sirius thought he had gone mental.

Kingsley and Alastor were busy arguing over who got the aisle seat. Apparently Moody felt that he had better CONSTANT VIGILANCE than the younger auror, but Kingsley felt that he would have to use the lavatory more than once during the flight, and really didn't fancy having to move over Alastor's lap.

Kingsley had been correct in his assumption about lavatory usage. Indeed he had to use the facilities thrice during the entire flight, blaming it all on that Starbucks coffee ("but they don't have those in Diagon Alley!"), of which, he had had three of the tallest size coffees they had. It was then that Alastor was quite glad he had let the younger auror have the aisle seat.

Everyone, for the most part slept quite peacefully on the way there, for lack of anything else to do. The only one enjoying the Disney princess movies was Dumbledore, who was tapping his ghostly foot against the seat in front of him to the tune, causing the muggle who was trying to doze off to get quite angry.

"Sing it sister!" He cried as the Fairy Godmother waved her wand and turned the pumpkin into a carriage. At this, Minerva scoffed and held her head up high, "there is absolutely no possible way to transfigure a pumpkin into a working mode of transportation." And she would know, she was, after all, the finest Transfiguration teacher Hogwarts had ever seen.

Harry and Ron had found ways to entertain themselves, much to the chagrin of Nymphadora and Remus, who were trying to sleep in the row ahead of them.

"Are you animal or mineral?"

"Um...animal I guess."

"Do you have two legs or four?"

"Well…err…four…once."

"Once?"

"Yeah, once."

"Ok. Hooves? Toes?"

"Err...hooves."

"A horse?"

"Nope."

"A cow?"

"Err…no."

"I give up then."

"Bacon!"

At least Arthur and Sirius had fallen asleep. Sirius was snoring very loudly, almost growling, it was rather silly if you were sitting behind him, like the muggle accountant who was trying to work on some important papers, however it wasn't working too well because of the rumbling noise coming from in front of him.

Finally, finally they all fell into a peaceful sleep and remained that way for the remainder of the long flight to Los Angeles.