So here you go, another ch already. Thanks for the reviews, I love reading them. They always make me feel better and want to write more. Honestly, though I'm surprised you guys are liking it so much...but I'm glad you are. I'm not real sure about this ch. b/c like I said earlier I wasn't sure what to do next. But hopefully you like it.
(Joanne's POV)
Once I had gotten out of the shower and finished getting ready Maureen and I decided that we'd go out for dinner. With everything that had been going on lately Maureen and I hadn't got to go out to dinner just the two of us for quite sometime. It always seemed like someone else ended up joining us or something happened to where we couldn't go at all. There was this little Italian restaurant near Union Square Park that we decided to try out; Eden and Mark absolutely raved about it.
"Is this ok?" The waiter was a handsome young Italian; his Italian accent still strong. We sat down and he took our drink orders and left us so that we could look over the menu.
We sat silent for awhile. Maybe because there was so much to look through on the menu or maybe because we didn't know what to say. Lately that seemed to be a recurring problem with us. Never before had we ever had trouble speaking our minds, but this was different. I couldn't take too much more of this; Maureen was acting like if she spoke I'd break into a million pieces. She looked so uneasy and nervous sitting across the table from me. It was like she was on her first date all over again.
The waiter returned with our drinks and some bread. He took our orders and left us alone in our silence.
"So, when are you going back to work?" Maybe that was the only conversation starter she could think of; I was sort of shocked she picked that topic but at least she was putting forth some effort.
"I called the office today told them I wouldn't be back until next week. So that gives me a few more days off I suppose."
"Are you sure you'll be up to going back to that office?" She looked up at me with apologetic eyes. Like she didn't mean to bring that up; that I'd be returning to the place where Steve had reentered my life. "I'm sorry Joanne, if you don't want to talk about it, that's fine." She was rather quick adding on this statement. I truly felt as though she thought she was going to break me by talking about anything related to what has happened lately.
"Maureen, it's ok. We can talk about it. It helps to talk about it, especially to you." I wanted to reach out and touch her but something inside of me was holding me back. I could tell that she wanted to help, but was still scared she wasn't going to be able to do enough. Even though running off and talking to Roger had helped me, maybe it hurt Maureen more than I realized.
"Even more than talking to Roger?" Her voice was soft, I could barely make out what she was saying. Her hands were fiddling with her glass, her face staring out into the street.
"Yes more than Roger." I made sure to be very blunt with this statement. "Maureen it was never that I didn't want to talk to you."
"Then what was it Joanne?" She had looked back at me. Her pain and hurt was smeared across her face.
"Maureen we've talked enough about Roger. I want you to be there for me, not him. You're my girlfriend and I love you more than anything." She had this uncertain look on her face, that scared me. "Please tell me you know that?"
"I know you do."
Our food had come by then. We ate the rest of our dinner in silence. Every once in awhile I'd glance up to catch her starring at me. I'd just grin at her and go back to eating. We shared those little glances throughout dinner, still no words being exchanged though even in those moments. After we finished eating, I paid for the bill and we walked back out into the cool fall night.
We just started walking around; no one saying anything. I tried speaking a few times; I'd go to move my mouth but no words would come out. I caught her doing the same thing as well. At one point I looked over at her, a single tear drop slowly flowing down her cheek. I can't stand this. All this pain and hurt between us. Both of us wanting to help the other, yet not sure exactly what to do. You can ask or be there for someone, but really what does that mean and when do you know it is truly enough.
As we continued our walk in silence I reached over and grabbed hold of Maureen's hand. I slowly slid my fingers into between hers and squeezed tightly to her hand. She looked down at our hands intertwined with one another's; she squeezed my hand. Her eyes looked up and met mine. And there it was, that gorgeous smile of hers once against making an appearance across her face. I saw a bench and led her over to it, realizing that this might be the best time to just sit and talk.
We sat down; still clutching onto one another's hand. "Maureen you are enough for me. All I need is for you to be here. Let me cry on your shoulder when I need to, listen when I start on a rant about what happened, and talk to me, tell me everything is going to be ok. Because Maureen as long as you believe that I'm…that we…are going to be ok, I feel safe. As long as you're with me, I feel that everything is going to work out." During my little speech she had started to cry. I could tell she felt some relief from what I had told her, which I'm glad because that meant she wasn't feeling as inadequate. However, probably the worst thing that could have happened then happened; Roger called.
"Hey Roger," Maureen's face dropped, even though I knew she liked Roger, I knew he was the last person she wanted around or talking to me. "Yeah…we had dinner together, talked a little…I think so…let me ask her…ok…thanks Roger…bye." I hung up the phone and turned to see an almost worried Maureen starring at me.
"Don't worry so much Maureen. He is my friend you know. I'm not going to stop talking to him completely."
"I know," she looked down at the ground ashamed of the fact that she was even worrying about it.
"Everyone is heading over to his place to just hang out. Collins is providing the alcohol; they wanted to know if wanted to come over." I actually was hoping she'd say she wanted to go. Being around everyone else may help us to relax a little bit more this evening. The tension between us from earlier was easing up, maybe this would help some more. Plus, I just wanted to go.
"Yeah sure, why not, let's go." She stood up and reached down for my hand. I had let go of her when I had reached for my phone. I reached up and took hold of her hand. We didn't let go until we made it to Roger's.
(Maureen's POV)
We walked in the loft, everyone rushed over to hug Joanne. Funny how she didn't jump when they all hugged her, but when I touched her in any manner she freaked out. She was quickly drug away from me by Eden; she said she wanted to show her something. I figure she just wanted to talk to her about me.
I walked over to the counter and poured myself some vodka into a glass. Collins was sitting alone on the couch so I decided I'd join him. I wasn't up for too much of the partying or goofing off tonight. Mark, Roger, and Mimi were sitting around the table playing some card game and Eden had managed to get Joanne out to the fire escape. So good ole Collins was my choice to hang out with this evening.
"Hey honey, how are you holding up?" His voice was endearing. He always seemed to have this way of pretending he genuinely cared about each and every one of us. Maybe he did though, but that just seemed like a lot of shit to have to be worrying about.
"Been better," I took a big swig of my vodka.
"Easy there chief."
I just laughed at his comment. My eyes happened to gaze over at the card game happening; Roger's eyes were fixated on Joanne outside. At first I really didn't think too much about it. But as the night grew longer and I drank more and more vodka, it started to bother me. I think that I had already started my third glass before Joanne managed to come back inside. By now I was becoming drunk Maureen, typically not good especially now. She walked over to the card game to see who was winning. Her and Roger exchanged a few words and a hug. I could feel myself getting mad, but why. They were friends. She finally made her way over to me and Collins on the couch. However, she didn't even sit on the couch with me, not even when Collins offered her his seat. She sat in the chair beside me and started to talk to Collins about something. I wasn't really paying attention, I was too focused on trying to keep my emotions in check.
I had noticed Eden walk over to the kitchen, so I decided I'd have a little chat with her. Of anyone she was the person I cared less if I pissed off or said something that maybe I shouldn't.
"Hey Maureen," she was sober and chipper; and being way too nice to me already.
"So what did you and Joanne talk about?" I was trying to act like I really didn't care, that I was just starting conversation. I grabbed the vodka bottle to begin pouring me another glass when Eden grabbed it from me.
"Do you really think you need another one?" She was rather snooty. Who does she think she is telling me I shouldn't drink anymore, it's not like she's Joanne. I just smiled at her though and grabbed the bottle back from her. I poured my drink and started to walk back over to Joanne, maybe she'd acknowledge me this time. As I walked away from Eden though I heard her say, "you don't deserve her you know," under her breath. And that was all I needed to go off.
"What did you say?" I must have been pretty loud because everyone in the loft stopped what they were doing and looked over at us. I walked closer to her, starring right at her. "I don't deserve her. Who do you think you are?" I was quite irate by this point. I wanted to punch her so bad, but Mark had a hold of me before I could. And to make matters worse when I turned around I saw Roger holding onto Joanne. I grabbed my coat and headed for the door; I was out of there.
(Joanne's POV)
We had finally made it back to the apartment. It wasn't easy, handling a drunk pissed off Maureen. The entire way home she was either cussing about Eden or Roger. I just let her rant though, better than having to deal with her going off on me too. We didn't need something else to be apologizing and getting over the next morning. I got her back into the bedroom and started helping her to change her clothes. Of course she started making some passes at me, then she'd apologize remembering what she had promised. However, she was quickly passed out on the bed.
I wasn't quite tired yet, so I went in the living room and called everyone to let them know that we had made it home ok. I had actually spent more time talking to everyone than I had imagined, so by the time I got finished with all the phone calls I was wore out. I made my way back to the bedroom and curled up underneath the covers; Maureen still completely passed out.
(Joanne's POV)
I woke up, rolled over to reveal that Maureen wasn't there. When I looked over at the clock I realized that it was only 4 o'clock. Where in the hell could she be? I got up and made my way into the hallway. I could see the glow from the TV coming from the living room. I quietly walked down the hallway and stopped so that Maureen couldn't see me, but I could see what she was watching on TV.
It was a movie Mark had made for us a few months ago. I'm not really sure why he had made it though. He just gave it to us one day when we were over at Roger and his place. Said that he was just going through some footage and put this together for us. The video was random footage of Maureen and I; when we didn't realize anyone was watching us. There were clips of us at the Life together, at the loft, the park, Maureen's protests and even Angel's funeral. We looked completely happy and in love in every clip. My favorite clips though were the ones that Mark had captured of one of us looking at the other one when we didn't realize it. The video ended with Maureen sitting on my lap at the Life, us sharing a kiss then Maureen realizing Mark was taping us and reaching up and grabbing the camera.
"I love that video," I quietly said as I walked into the living room.
She turned and looked over at me, wiping some tears from her face, "how long were you standing there?"
"Just long enough to watch some of the video. You ok?" I sat down on the other end of the couch. Why can't I just sit near her, why was I so nervous and scared?
"Joanne I want us to be like that again," her voice pleading with me.
"I want that too Maureen. But I'm just not ready for that intimate part of our relationship to come back full force yet. Part of me, for some reason, is still scared."
She looked completely defeated sitting there looking at me. "I love you Joanne and if that is what you need, then that is what I'll do. Just promise me that you aren't going to leave me?"
"Never Maureen," I had never been more serious. "Come on let's go back to bed, you need some sleep." I let out a little laugh, hoping to lighten the mood.
She stood up and followed me back down the hallway. We both climbed into bed, still completely not touching one another. I laid there for awhile thinking about what all had happened recently. And thinking of how great Maureen was trying to be through this recent tragedy. She was trying so hard and I knew it. And I knew she was scared to death, I was too though. But we had each other and we loved each other so I truly thought we would be ok. Then, without even realizing it at first, I slid my foot over in the bed until I felt her foot against mine. She intertwined her foot around mine. I smiled and fell asleep; I hadn't slept that good in weeks.
Alright, so how was it? I'll try to update again soon. Please review! Oh and from one fanfic author to another, can some of you other ones write some MoJo fics...ones that don't include Mark. There's my begging for the night. Thanks for reading! Oh and by the way, there really is this great Italian restaurant in Union Square if you are ever in NYC.