Chapter 4

Jenn looked out and saw Bam still sitting out on the deck. She sighed, knowing that she was being hard on him. Normally when she knew that Bam was having a hard time dealing with something, she wouldn't be treating him this way. She would normally have let Bam stay in bed as long as he wanted, and made attempts to cheer him up. But not this time. Not while she was still feeling the sting in her heart, the sting that she received a few months earlier while Bam was in the clinic recovering from his bout of Anorexia.

She walked into Bam's room to see that he wasn't there yet. 'He must still be in the group meeting.' She thought as she looked down at her watch. She walked over to the chair that sat next to the bed and sat down to wait for Bam.

Bam walked in and stopped once he saw Jenn sitting there. He hadn't expected to see her that day. He smiled as he walked up to her to give her a hug.

"I'm so glad to see you, Jenn. I missed you." He said before pulling away from her "What are you doing here?"

"I decided to surprise you." She looked at him and smiled "You're looking good. Starting to fill out some." She said as she wrapped her fingers around Bam's forearm "See? We knew that this place would be good for you Bam."

"Yeah… well you don't have to sit through those agonizing meetings. Some of those other patients I can do without."

"Well this is basically rehab, Bam. What did you expect? That everything about being here was going to be pleasant?" She laughed

"Well no." He smirked as he sat down on the bed

Jenn sat next to him and looked down at her shoes.

"So, besides the dreaded group meetings, how have you been?"

"Not too bad I guess. I have good days and bad… lately they've been mostly good." Even though she was looking down, he still was able to see the expression on her face "What's wrong?"

"Nothing… well… I don't know."

"Is something bothering you? What is it?"

"Bam… um… I don't even know how to say this."

"What? Did something happen at home? What's going on?" He began to panic

"Nothing happened at home, but there's something that's been bothering me about us." She looked up at him, showing a mixture of emotions in her eyes

"What about us? You're not breaking up with me are you? Because you know that, just like the other times, it won't last."

"Bam I'm not breaking up with you. It's just… Crystal has been asking about you and it makes me wonder…"

"Jenn stop there. I… I think I know where this is going."

He took her by the hands and looked deep in her eyes.

"Jenn I love you… and you are the best friend I ever had. We've been through a lot together, breaking up and getting back together more times than we can count."

She began to smile, as did he, but his smile was sadder than hers. He gave her a kiss on the lips and tightened his grip on her hands for a second.

"I never want to lose you, no matter what happens. I never wanted to hurt you either but…"

"But what?" She asked as her smile faded

He looked away from her as he tried to think of the best way to tell her "Jenn, there's no way that I can tell you this without hurting you. But you have to first remember how much I love you… I… while I was in California I had an affair… with Crystal. I'm… I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

She let go of his hands "You're sorry? That's all you can say about it? I don't believe you Bam! How could you do this to me?"

She stood up and stormed over to the door.

"Wait! Jenn!"

"Bam you better make sure that you stay here for a long time, if you know what's good for you!" She said from the doorway with tears in her eyes "This was the last thing I ever expected from you! I can't even stand to look at you any more." That said, she turned and left Bam sitting on the bed.

Jenn thought about going out onto the deck to comfort Bam. She slowly turned away from the door and took a few steps away. Stopping in her spot she placed her fingers of one hand over her mouth lightly as she thought some more. She and Bam thought that they would never be able to get past what he did to her, and move on with their relationship. They were slowly making their way to a full reconcile, but the pain was still there. Now with Bam paralyzed, Jenn was somewhat torn over how she should treat him. She wanted to take care of him as much as he would allow. She wanted to smother him with affection and help him get over the pain. But at the same time she didn't want it to seem like she was only doing this because she felt bad for him at the moment. She wanted him to know that she was willing to work things out with him, but it wasn't going to come easy. This was definitely a tough situation for them. And it was coming on the tail end of a big test in their relationship, if they still had one.

Jenn turned back around and walked out the door onto the deck. She stood behind him and placed her hands on his shoulders.

"Bam." She said softly

He looked up toward her, and there were traces of tears in his eyes.

"You um… I'm going to give you a little time to… do whatever you need to do to help you through this. If you need to stay in bed, or go out drinking with the guys, or whatever. I just want you to know that I'm right here beside you, despite everything else we've been going through."

"Thanks… I…" He reached up and placed his hand on hers "What happened between us?" He asked, as if he knew what she was thinking about before she came out there "I… I mean I know what happened of course… but I just thought you would have left me after I told you about Crystal. Why'd you stay?"

She held her breath for a second before letting it out "Let's not worry about that. We've got something else to deal with right now."

"Things are going to get better, aren't they?" He asked, with a very childlike tone

She bent down and wrapped her arms around him "They always do."