A/N: Ok so here's the deal, I am in a really big rush, so I'm just giving a shout out to all who reviewed last chapter, you know who you are, I always send you personal messages. This is a really short chapter, I know, but I have already started chapter 10 soooooo! I will have it posted by the end of the weekend hopefully. SOOOO… onto the chapter!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA NO DISCLAIMER ALL THE WORK IN THIS CHAPTER BELONGS TO ME….. (DISCLAIMER-KAGOME'S NAME IN THE TITLE) BUT THAT'S ALL! Ok now that that is over… enjoy!

Chapter 9:Kagome's Journal

(ok this is what Kagome was writing so intently the first day of school)

Long ago you stole me, you stole my heart, my sole, my body, you left me dead…

Late at night, as I let my sore body rest, my nasty bruises make themselves known.

Screaming for attention they are, I moan in pain.

You have done it again, battered me so.

Yet no objections crossed my lips, none were uttered.

Throughout the relentless beating, I send silent prayers for it to stop, I beg, plead, just for a moments rest, yet the thrashing continues.

I scream out as the wooden cane comes into contact with the bare skin on my back and legs, only to be received by another smack, this time harder.

My back and legs swollen, bruised, cut, and bleeding, you make your way towards my throat.

I smile inside.

Now I can rest.

You slip your hands around my throat till finally I drift into darkness, but even as I feel it wash over me, my mind thinks only one thing… always.

"Though I cry and you continue.

I beg, yet still.

I plead, still nothing.

I don't know what it takes.

I don't know why.

But you must think it right,

And for that…

I forgive you.

For that I set you free.

For I know not what makes you smile.

But it is obviously not me.

So as I fall into my sleep,

Now blind to the pain,

Know no matter what you do,

I will always love you."

My heart grows still. My eyes dull. My vision blurs, for you are the only thing on my mind. My fear for you increases as the day wears by, and the anticipation for the moment known to come grows unbearable. I fight the tears which threaten to fall at the thought of the moment which lingers in front of me, hanging like a portrait to mock my being, my very existence and my tolerance for such an act. My skin burns at the sight of your hands, and when you move, even in the most inviting manner my body reacts in inappropriate ways, as though my body is no longer my body. I have no control over my own actions, I flinch at the slightest movement or sound.

This however is very unappealing to your taste, only decreasing the time of eruption, decreasing the time till my demise. I find myself unable to perform simple tasks, such as to speak the words I long to hear from my mouth, the words that would send your world flying.

Instead though I find myself flying through oblivion. My mind and thoughts clouded with a smoky substance which obscures the path which leads to my home. But after all what is a home, there is no appeal in the idea of a home to me. My life is lived on edge. I never know what road or path to take.

Perhaps this is what led me to follow my own demise. For I promise you, though he led me there I always had the option to leave, I however chose not to. For the path he chose looked all too appealing to me, though when the path turned up to be that of sure, sudden, and painful death, my mind made its decision. My mind told me leave, my heart told me stay.

Through this though, above all, I have learned to follow my mind, though many would say that is a mistake, I am clearly not them. I am myself, I am who I am and that is why I am here. That is why I find myself threatened with this knife, this knife he holds so intently. Intent on killing me? He is.

My life for his so called grief. This so called grief which I have paid for, for almost a year now.

My blood,

my flesh,

my tears,

my life,

all sacrifices in the payment of these grievances.

Sacrifices made in vain.

Sacrifices which cut me down to nothing. I no longer exist, I'm dead to this world. I wander amongst the living a pace behind you, as always, and as you have me crawl on my knees in such a degrading manner, I wonder why everyone turns their head like they do. The only logical explanation is that either this behavior from the one I love is either totally acceptable, or I am non-existent . For my advantage, I chose the latter, for I would rather be amongst the walking dead than to have his behavior proven acceptable by all human kind, for his behavior was unacceptable, yet somehow, he made me think I deserved it.

A puppet master? He was. He played with my mind, made me feel like I had no true value. I believed I was nothing. I fell straight into his path, one which led straight to Hell.

His touch deadly, though not always so, became my primary fear. A simple embrace sent my mind into a panic mode. I would find it hard to breath, my eyes would mist over, whimpers could be heard from my mouth.

I had snapped.

This was not me,

I do not fear…

but I did.

I feared him, oh how I feared him. When he came near, I shook with it. He terrorized my dreams, each days deadly activities seemingly finding their way into my head. My time for rest was disturbed. I could not do anything without fear.

He was the predator I was his prey. I would die, he said, whether I liked it or not. The days he ordered me to stop breathing where the hardest, for you and I both know it is impossible to just stop breathing and yet he said it like it was nothing. I would obey, holding my breath as long as I could, knowing I would fail, for at any moment my lungs would take over my body and demand air from me.

I knew the moment that occurred I could expect more bruises and cuts.

Then came the faze of smothering, since I had failed to stop breathing on my own, I would be smothered by his hands with a pillow. He would smother me till I would pass out, at first when this nightly tradition was started I would fight it, but I soon learned I would come out of it better and less injured if I just lay back and take the abuse. Most of the time as I would black out I would find myself wishing to never wake up.

After he lost the fun of smothering me with pillows, he moved to drowning, when came the point that he would hold me under till I was nearly unconscious then take me out and beat me. All through this I would do nothing,

my place was silence,

if I let out a cry it would call for an extra beating. I instead sat

stone still and silent,

as tears would stream down my face. My life was over, I am now left empty. No emotions. Nothing. I am Nothing. Life gave up on me, so in return I have given up on life. I guess all in all, I sit by as life passes by, saying nothing, sitting stone still and silent, just like those days. This is what I am, what I have become, and it's all my fault.

My world is a dark and lonely one.

My life a waste thus far.

Though through my mind,

I explore you're beauty from afar.

I made myself a promise,

I'll never love again.

Yet with every breath I take,

I break that vow again.

Because every moment of everyday,

When my mind wanders in the dark,

Somehow it always finds its way,

Back into you heart.

So I should have never made that promise,

I knew I'd never keep,

Because every night,

And every day,

My heart belongs to you…

A/N: Ok so that is chapter nine… again I know it is short, but that is all of the work I felt like typing from my notebook, more for later, ok? Now REVIEW! Cause next chapter is almost done, and it picks up where chapter eight left off. Again as always if you have any ideas you want to see on here, please let me know and I will do my best to incorporate them into my story! Talk to ya later! Byes! REVIEW!