(A/N: Heya! Shinigami Goumon here! Let's not beat around the bush! Onto the next chappie!

Sora and Hinode shot guilty looks in Akane's direction.

The moment they left the forest and could get reception, the Freakish Foursome began making threatening phone calls the Hideki's cell and home phone.

Of course since he was absent at the time, he came home to a lot of death threats.

Akane had spent the last five minutes on the phone with her boyfriend and had hung up with a very sulky look on her face.

"He dumped me." Akane grumbled, "He said he could handle me, but my brothers? HEELLLLLLLL NO!"

She buried her face in her arms and let out a noisy dejected groan.

"Akane, were-!" Hinode and Sora began.

"DON'T…talk to me." Akane snapped, not lifting her head, "Ya know th' sayin', "Loose Lips Sink Ships"? well CONGRATU-FUCKIN'-LATIONS! You sunk my battleship!"

Sora and Hinode flinched.

Quickly, thinking better of it, they vacated the room before Akane crawled out of her funk long enough to pump them full of lead.

"That's the closest to crying I've ever seen her!" Hinode whispered as she and Sora rejoined the Naru-tachi, "It really freaked me out".

"Yuh-huh! I know!" Sora said quietly, sitting next to Gaara (who shockingly enough, didn't flee behind Temari or Kankuro) "That Hideki-guy musta been reeeeeally special to her!"

"What shocks me the most is that he could stand to be around her for more than five seconds." Chouji crunted through a mouthful of chips.

"Chyeah." Kiba snorted, "Talkabout zero sex appea-WHOA!"

He quickly threw himself into Suo in his efforts to avoid having his head smashed in by a flying statue of Jizo.

"What IZZIT with her and throwing heavy objects?" Kackuro cried (it almost hit HIM cuz Kiba dodged)

"Funny story about that!" Hinode grinned.

"Was not!" Mannen growled.

"And it also explains why THESE GUYS have sucha sister-plex." Sora giggled, ruffling Takaomi's hair.

"Knock it off." Takaomi grunted slapping her hand away gently.

""You know how they flipped when they found out she had a boyfriend?" Hinode asked.

"Uh-duh. We we're there." Sakura said, rolling her eyes.

Sora shot a ferocious glare in her direction.

"Well that's because of her FIRST boyfriend." She supplied.

"Basically, he was just a younger version of all of their fathers." Hinode said with a shrug, "In a few words, 'Not A Nice Dude.'"

"I can tell." Neji smorted, a tiny smirk flitting across his lips.

"What happened was they had arranged to meet up one day at his house at four o' clock." Sora said.

"Akane showed up five minutes late, which apparently, didn't sit well at all with this guy." Hinode continued.

"The SECOND she walked thru the door, he showed his displeasure, by punching Akane's face in." Sora pressed.

Shikamaru's mouth opened into a starled "o" of surprise.

"She countered with a splash of hot candle wax across the chest, as was her right." Hinode said, "I should know, I looked it up in the White Trash Desk Reference."

"So he crosses the room, beats the crap outta her and then leaves her there to treat his burns in the adjascent bathroom." Sora said, smirking, "But as as she sat there bleeding, she decided that she didn't want him doing that anymore."

"So she gets up, rips his mother's antique grandfather clock off the wall, goes into the bathroom where he has a cold compress to his pecs…" Hinode paused for breath, "…and proceeds the beat him over the head with it until he goes into a coma."

"What trip was that?" Sora wondered aloud, "Eight or ninth?"

"It was number eleven, now shut. up." Akane snarled from back inside the building.

(A/N: They're referring to her trips to juvenile detention centers)

"I still can't believe that you of all people had a boyfriend." Sasuke snorted, shaking his head in disbelief.

Akane threw the door of the extension open and stormed outside, leaving little to no space between her and the younger Uchiha.

The elder Uchiha brother was watching this unfold in the canopy above with Kisame with great amusement.

"Bad move, little brother." he sneered.

"He's in for it now." Kisame snickered.

"And why's that?" Akane asked, her eyes burning ferally, daring him to respond.

"Because you have zero sex appeal, a TNT temper, and quite frankly, you're scarier than Gaara pre-Shukaku removal, and that's saying a lot." Naruto said simply.

Akane glared ferociously at him.

"Well did you ever stop to think that if I find a guy I LIKE, I might GAIN some sex appeal?" she snapped.

Kiba started laughing hysterically, as though the very idea of Akane being even alightly attractive was preposterous.

She shot a feral glare in the Dog Master's direction and was on him in a matter of seconds.

"Here's an idea, shit-fer-brains! Why don't YOU grow some BALLS, then maybe I'LL GROW SOME SEX APPEAL, YOU ASS!" Akane screamed, punching Kiba between the legs.

Face going from red to white to green in a matter of seconds, Kiba collapsed to the ground, gagging, hands performing a disappearing act between his legs as Akane stormed off.

Orochimaru skulked about Konohagakure, disguised as an elderly man (perfect as he despises the thought of aging)

"Sasuke…" he thought perversely, "Where could you have gotten to?"

He had been searching Konoha for the greater part of two weeks with no success.

Rather disheartening, but no matter.

He would have the beautiful boy back in his possesion soon enough.

-FWHAM-

Someone short with long dark hair collided with him and didn't even bother to apologize.

They would die for that.

The thought of the blood that was to come excited him as much as the thought of all the things he would shortly be doing to his beloved Sasuke (YIIECH! MJ WANNABE CRETIN!)

He withdrew a kunai knife and lobbed it at the short retreating form.

-THNK-

"Music to my ears!" Orochimaru thought happily, raising his nostrils skyward, "The exquisite scent of…huh?"

No blood.

He opened his eyes.

A royally pissed girl of fourteen to fifteen years, with pale, piercing purply-blue eyes and midnight blue hair was glaring at him in a way that said, "You are going to die now."

The offending kunai protruded from her back, inches away from her heart.

"You have just made my hit list." She snarled, reaching back and wrenching the kunai from her back (it hit nothing but scar tissue, hence no blood).

Her grip on the kunai was so tight her, knuckles were turning white.

"I'm not exactly on good terms with your gender right now." The girl spat, taking a step forward, "…I think I'll castrate you!"

Orochimaru's eyes went wide with horror, taking a step back.

"Or better yet, I'll make you a EUNICH!" She snarled, taking another step forward as Orochimaru took another step backwards.

"This girl…is insane…" he thought wildly (and you're a fine one ta talk, boy-o) as he quickly performed a very advanced teleportation jutsu and reappeared miles away from Konohagakure.

"Hmm?" Itachi blinked, lifting his gaze from the commotion below where Tsume was administering first aid to her son while Hana laughed her ass off, "I do believe I sensed that filth, Orochimaru."

"Shall we go deal with him?" Kisame asked.

"Mm." Itachi shook his head, no, "He's just fled Konoha. He isn't worth our time…however…that strange energy fluctuation is."

"Whoa! That's wild!" Kisame said, smirk broadening, "Colossal and unbelievably chaotic! Whaddya think? Demonic?"

"I don't think so." Itachi said, shaking his head, long locks swishing, "It isn't malevolent, merely beastial."

"Should we check it out?" Kisame asked.

"Definitely worth looking into." Itachi nodded as both Akatsuki members performed teleportation jutsus.

Akane breathed hard.

This was just terrific.

First that freaky old man hurls a kunai at her, now she's forced into a showdown with THE MOST GIGANTIC WHITE TIGER she had ever seen!

Seriously!

She could've easily climbed into this thing's mouth, and laid down for a nap.

Not that there was time for THAT now!

The gianourmous beast roared deafeningly and charged her again.

"Stupid ME for leaving all my WEAPONS behind." she thought, mentally punching herself in the head as she grabbed a hold of the tiger's unusually long mane and hurling to the ground behind her.

Not that that stopped the creature.

OHHHH NO!

It was JUST as stubborn as Akane.

It charged again, roaring all the while, driving its huge fangs into her shoulder.

"YOU FURRY PIECE-A-SHIT!" Akane screamed in pain, performing a Tiger Style Claw strike across the beast's muzzle.

Roaring in agony, it wrenched away from her.

Itachi and Kisame appeared on the scene…as did the Naru-tachi (sans Kiba) upon hearing of the attack.

"That…is one BIG kitty." Kankuro gaped, watching as the enormous beast and Akane began circling one another.

Lee got into position to perform the Konoha Hurricane.

Kakashi went for a handful of shuriken.

Gaara popped the cork on his gourd.

Shino had his insect battalion at the ready.

"DON'T YOU DARE INTERFERE!" Akane bellowed, not even turning to look at them, "This bitch is miiiiiiinnne."

A low growl rumbled in the tiger's throat.

"C'mon." she grinned, eyes wild with anticipation of the next attack, "BRING IT ONNN, YA WUSSY!"

Both she and the white tiger on steroids charged.

It sank its teeth into her again, getting mostly scar tissue but coming dangerously close to her jugular.

Akane sank her own teeth into the tiger's flesh, biting down viciously on the nerve endings that caused loss of consciousness.

They continued to ferociously drive their teeth and claws/nails into each other until finally-

-FWHMMMMMMMMMM-

The tiger was down.

"...heh...screw...you...whore." Akane sneered, leaning forward on her knees for support.

She stumbled forward.

"…don't feel t' bad." Akane said, slumping down against the overlarge beast, very near losing consciousness, "I was fightin' with my bro's when you were still atcher ma's tit."

It let out a low, non-threatening growl.

Akane's then rolled up in her head and she passed out on the big cat.

"Pfft!" Sora began to snicker.

"I fail top see what's so funny." Kakashi said coolly.

"Hee hee! H-her alias…her alias is B-Byakko!" Sora snickered.

"The Lady or the Tiger- now you don't hafta choose!" Hinode laughed.

(A/N: Akane kidnapped...HURRAY! Moegi has a new idol, move over Sakura, your position has been filled! Oh, HI IRUKA! ((S/H: IRUKA-CHAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! SPLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!)) ((I: AAAUGH! GEDDOFFA ME!)) All this next chappie! So stay tuned! R&R!)