Chapter 2: Trust and Betrayal

For a long time, the two continued to stare at each other, wondering what they should do. Elizabeth folded her hands together tightly and forced a smile. "Hi Nathan…" she said, trying to sound cheerful. "What brings you all the way out here?" She took in the brilliant sight of him sitting astride the horse, and her mind brought her back to the memory of how Jack used to look, sitting astride Sergeant in full uniform. She had been thinking about Jack as she sat alone, staring into the valley below. And while Nathan wasn't Jack, she could at least pretend that he was. Nathan however, saw the look in her eyes and shifted awkwardly in the saddle as he tried to smile. "I was just doing my rounds" he murmured quietly. "What about you?" Elizabeth looked down at the log she was seated on and ran a hand over an initialed heart that had been carved there. "I just needed some place to think" she explained vaguely, before giving an involuntary shivered. "Although, I guess thinking would be done better indoors on a chilly day like this." Nathan flashed a quick smile before dismounting from Newton and removing his hat. Taking a few steps closer to where she was sitting, he pealed off his serge and held it out to her. "Here" he said. "This'll keep you warm." He watched as she took it, running her fingers over it's rich, red folds and slowly draped it over her shoulders. "Thank you" she breathed, without lifting her eyes from it as she nestled herself in its warmth. It was as if Jack was there with her, holding her in his arms. Jack would have warmed her with his serge had he been there. He had done it several times before. Nathan noticed her distraction and uneasily folded his handed in front of him. "So…" he said, trying to sound indifferent to her absence of mind. "How's the book tour?" She looked up startled, as if she had forgotten that he was standing there. "Oh" she murmured. "It's been very successful. Plus, I love meeting all of my readers…" Nathan nodded and smiled faintly. "That's good…" he murmured. "I'm glad it's going well. And Lucas and little Jack? How are they doing?" Elizabeth seemed to rouse herself a bit at the mention of their names and caught her breath, realizing that this must be a difficult question for him to ask. "Lucas is fine" she said, a little flustered. "He's been very supportive. And Little Jack isn't so little anymore. My sister Julie had been teaching him the alphabet. Soon enough, he'll be reading on his own." Nathan gave a little laugh and smiled. "Yeah well" he muttered. "Kids just grow up so fast."

Elizabeth nodded slowly, suddenly realizing that she hadn't asked Nathan about his own life. "Speaking of growing up" she said, smiling. "How's Allie? I've missed her." Nathan gave a little shrug and shook his head. "Same old Allie" he murmured. "She's been keeping up with her studies really well, although lately she's been a little distracted by boys…" He looked down at the ground and swallowed as if it were hard for him to talk about. "Sometimes, it seems like she's just growing up a little too fast for me" he said quietly. Elizabeth nodded slowly and looked back down at the valley. She could understand that. "How's Hamilton?" Nathan interrupted her thoughts, hoping to change the subject. She looked up quickly and gave him a rueful smile. "It has it's charms" she admitted. "And I love being home with my family. But after all those weeks there, I found myself missing home… And Jack." She hugged the serge more tightly around herself and sighed. "It's so good to finally see something that reminds me of him" she breathed, closing her eyes, and running a hand over the crimson fabric. "When I saw you riding up, I thought that it was…" she didn't finish, and Nathan was secretly thankful that she didn't. He nodded understandingly and let his head drop in defeat. "Well, it's getting late" he murmured, glad to have an escape from this conversation. "I should probably get on with my rounds." Elizabeth suddenly felt a twinge of shame when she saw how hurt he was by her statement, even if he tried not to show it. "Nathan…" She stopped him. "I am glad to see you. You know that don't you?" Nathan looked at her sadly, and with a quick nod, forced a painful smile, but said nothing. There was a lump in his throat that was preventing him from saying anything. As he turned away however, Elizabeth suddenly realized that she wasn't satisfied with this conversation. She couldn't leave Hope Valley on these terms with him. She had to extend the olive branch one more time.

Elizabeth took a step forward. "Nathan, wait…" she called. Nathan stopped in his tracks and turned to face her. The guarded look in his eyes flustered her resolve to make things right and she folded her hands awkwardly, trying to smile. "I just wanted to say…" she faltered. "I'm glad you've opened up your heart again. She seems like a nice girl. And I knew that you would be alright…" Nathan shrugged grimly. "Sure you did…" he muttered, looking as though he wanted to turn and leave. Elizabeth's brow furrowed and she glared at him sternly. "Nathan!" She hissed. "I'm being completely serious! All I ever wanted was for you to be happy! Is that so hard to believe?!" Nathan closed his eyes as if to shield himself from the words. "Don't say that…" He murmured. "Whatever else you have to say Elizabeth, please… Just don't. I'm not here to listen to all of the reasons why I was wrong before, okay? I've heard it all, and I really can't take it anymore." Elizabeth looked hurt, but he stood firm. In order to establish any kind of defense for his heart, he knew he had to be firm and clear with her. She crossed her arms, her eyes blazing. "How dare you?" She snapped. "And to think I believed our friendship was too good to lose!" Nathan stared at her, not knowing whether to be angry or hurt. "Good for who?" he asked in a low voice. "Good for you? So that you can come and find me whenever you miss Jack? That's why you came back, isn't it?" An overwhelming sense of dread came over Elizabeth as her motive for returning to Hope Valley was laid bare in front of her. It was a motive that had seemed so innocent and natural to her before. Now she suddenly understood how ugly and dehumanizing it actually was. It wasn't right. What she was doing to Nathan; what she had been doing to Nathan all this time. It was wrong.

Her cheeks reddened with embarrassment as his candid observation took her off guard. She hung her head, then lifted it again, humbly to face him. "Nathan, I…" She shook her head and swallowed. "I'm not proud of my behavior… I'm not proud of a lot of things." Nathan pursed his lips together and nodded, though there were tears welling up in his eyes too. The lump in his throat was choking him. "Look, I know what it's like to lose someone too" he said. "And I don't blame you for the way you feel. But if you keep doing this, then you're just going to keep hurting the both of us… and Lucas. Jack was a good man. But he wasn't the only good man there is." Tears were streaming down Elizabeth's face as she pulled the serge around herself more tightly. She looked up at Nathan with so much pain and helplessness, that he wanted to stop. But he forced himself to go on. "You can still look for Jack, Elizabeth" he murmured softly. "Maybe just not here… Not in this life. He may not be here anymore, but he'll always hear you when you talk to him. He's helped me out of a few tight spots." Elizabeth's eyes widened. "You talk to Jack?" she asked in surprise. Nathan nodded, though he couldn't see her face very well because of the tears. "You don't have to let Jack go" he said slowly. "He'll always be a part of your life and who you are. But when you look at me and try to find him, I'm never going to measure up." He paused and swallowing hard, shook his head. "I'll only disappoint you 'Lizabeth." Elizabeth was sobbing now, so bitterly that she couldn't even respond. She stared up at Nathan, her face flooded with a mixture of remorse and longing. She wanted so desperately to make things right, but she couldn't. For the first time, she could think of nothing to say. What could she say, when she knew Nathan was right? She just stood there silent, stupidly allowing herself to cry uncontrollably in front of him. She lowered her eyes slowly in shame. Nathan saw the look and nodded, before taking a firmer hold on Newton's reigns and turning him about again towards town. Elizabeth noticed that he was about to leave and wordlessly made a move to give him back the red serge. He held up his hand and shook his head gently. "No" he murmured. "Hold on to that until you find what you're looking for. Goodbye Elizabeth…" Slowly, shoulders slumped, he turned towards the road again and led Newton sadly back towards town. Elizabeth could see that his head was bowed and that his feet dragged despairingly as he walked. She wanted to call after him, but she didn't. The words just wouldn't come. In another rush of tears, she pressed her face against the serge, burying herself in it to soak up her flowing tears.

The walk home to the rowhouses felt strangely surreal and unnatural. For the first time since Jack's death, she felt as though she was losing a part of her life that she held very dear; something that she would never be able to get back again. What exactly she was mourning the loss of, she didn't quite know. All she knew was that the visual reminder of Jack was in her hand, and it felt as cold and lifeless as the man himself. As she sat in her own rowhouse, hugging the serge closely, she looked around realized that she had everything she could ever ask for to remind her of her Jack. And yet, all of it felt empty, and harsh, and meaningless. The five minutes with the memory of Jack that she had craved so dearly in Hamilton had come at a high price. She had tried to resurrect the dead Mountie at the expense of the living one. She had foolishly traded Nathan and any hope of friendship with him for a memory. Nothing but the sound of her inconsolable sobbing filled the house until she had no more tears left to cry. As her breath began to settle and her nerves began to calm, her eyes wandered over to the little writing desk, which was dusty with lack of use. There sat her shining, black typewriter, another reminder of Jack. With a miserable sigh, she got up slowly and seated herself behind it. The keys were stiff from lack of use and a thin layer of dust covered them like a light snow. She drew in a quick breath and blowing the little particles away, placed a sheet of paper in the machine. She didn't know exactly what she wanted to write or to say, but she knew that she had to say it. Reality had been difficult for her to swallow, but she now understood that it was a reality Nathan had been forced to live with for almost a year now. She had drifted so far away from their friendship, a friendship that she had returned in the hope of renewing. She had used him, left him to heal his own, wounded heart, and then had come back into his life with the intention of using him again. How could she have become so blinded by her grief? How could she have been so thoughtless? She saw her reflection in the dusty picture frame that held the photo of her and Jack and realized with a pang of horror and guilt that she hardly recognized herself. She hardly recognized Nathan either. The pain that she suspected he must have gone through during the past year had changed him. He seemed more self-aware, and his thoughts now reached a depth that she couldn't even hope to attain. She saw it in his eyes, those oceans of blue that hid a world of mystery from her. And while his strength and insight should have put her conscience at ease, his physical appearance served as an unsettling reminder of the suffering he had been through during the last year. She couldn't seem to shake the uneasiness she felt in seeing how thin and pale he was. He wasn't strong. Even if he hadn't said so, she knew that something was wrong. The thought of Nathan's physical pain had always filled Elizabeth with dread. But the knowledge that she might have added to it by way of mental torment was almost unbearable. Tears streaming down her face, she began to type furiously. She had to do something to try and make amends before it was too late. She just had to.

Nathan slammed the front door of his office behind him and leaned his back weakly against it wearily. Tragic tears smarted in his eyes as he stayed there, taking several deep breaths to calm himself. He had gotten better at keeping his emotions in check. But right now? All of the hurt and disappointment that he had suppressed since Elizabeth had last walked through that door suddenly bombarded him until his ears roared. He drew in a deep breath, then exhaled, hoping to release some of the tension he was experiencing. With a weary sigh, he trudged over to the chair, Jack's old chair and sank down, burying his face in the folds of his arms as he leaned heavily against the desk. He felt physically and emotionally exhausted as he sat there in complete silence. While nothing about his conversation with Elizabeth had surprised him, he had chosen to hope for the best, that she wouldn't try to break his heart again. Sure enough, nothing had changed… It probably never would. After all this time, it still pained him to watch as his hopes were once again dashed by her hurtful indifference towards him. He felt betrayed, a feeling that was all too familiar to him. He had felt it every time his father, Archie had returned from a round of poker, with promises to be better. He had felt it the day Colleen had agreed to marry Dylan Parks. And he had felt again it when Dylan had left Allie at Colleen's bedside the night of her death. How could the people closest to him be so cruel? How could they be so heartless? Nathan felt his heart ache as he sat there, leaning facedown against the desk. Was all the pain his own fault? Had he allowed these people to injure him over and over again? Maybe he alone was to blame for the constant betrayal. Maybe he was too trusting…

A few hours had passed before Bill let himself into the Mountie office. He was surprised to find Nathan sitting behind the desk, his head in his hands. "Nathan!" he exclaimed, with more worry in his voice than he had wanted to let on. Nathan sat up, startled and breathless. Bill could see that he looked upset and shut the door behind him. "Bill…" Nathan murmured, looking around somewhat flustered. "I'm sorry, I guess I lost track of the time." Bill frowned and motioning Nathan to stay where he was, took the seat across from him. "What's the matter?" he asked, lowering his voice. "Did something happen to Allie? To Dani?" Nathan shook his head weakly and ran a hand through his hair wearily. "Nothing's wrong Bill" he fibbed. "I just… had a rough day is all. I'll be fine." Bill shook his head, frowning. "You don't look fine" he commented grimly. "You look like you've been hit by a train." Nathan sighed. "That's one way of putting it" he muttered, burying his face in his hands again. After a long moment of silence between them, he looked up again at Bill quizzically. "How come, every time my life seems to be going smoothly, everything just… falls apart?" he asked with a helpless shrug. Bill raised his eyebrows in surprise. "So, something is wrong" he guessed, eyeing Nathan with a watchful gaze. Nathan shook his head and got to his feet restlessly. "Something's always wrong!" he fumed, starting to pace feverishly around the room. "I just can't seem to escape the past. What did I ever do Bill?! I tried moving on, like everybody told me to. I tried to focus on my future with Allie. But everything keeps holding me back. Why can't I just live my life? Is that too much to ask?" Bill watched as Nathan's steps slowed and he leaned his back against the wall in defeat. The judge frowned faintly. "So, at the first sign of trouble, you're just going to call it quits?" he asked bewildered. "Come on now." Nathan sighed and shutting his eyes, moved back towards his seat. "I'm sorry Bill…" he murmured, more calmly. "I didn't mean to lose my temper. It's just that… I've felt this for a long time now, and I don't know if I can take it anymore…" With a heavy sigh, he sank tiredly into his chair, his head down. Bill stared at him for a long moment, arms folded, until he couldn't contain his curiosity anymore. "All of this wouldn't have to do with Elizabeth being in town, would it?" he asked seriously. Nathan looked up and wanted to evade the question, but simply gave a slow nod instead. Bill leaned forward, eager to know the truth. "What happened?" he asked in a low voice. Nathan didn't want to tell Bill any of it but knew that his friend could be trusted and decided it would be better to share. He took a deep breath. "A couple months back" he began. "Elizabeth told me that all this time, she was trying to find Jack Thornton in me. It took me awhile to move past that. I figured her grief and her fear had caused her to project him onto me. I don't know…" He sighed again, his head sagging. "Anyway, we ran into each other today while I was on me rounds." He paused briefly as if it were difficult for him to continue. "She still doesn't see me Bill" he murmured quietly. "When she looks at me, she's still looking for him." Bill eyed Nathan with compassion as the younger man folded his arms over the table and rested his head against them jadedly. He leaned back and folded his hands thoughtfully. "And you feel like she's playing you?" he asked seriously. Nathan looked up and shook his head slowly. "I'm just tired of being used Bill" he murmured weakly. "I'm tired of being misled, and betrayed. She told me that she loves me. How can she say that when she's been looking for him this whole time…?" His voice trailed off, and he turned away to hide the pain that was visible in his blue eyes. Bill nodded understandingly. "She's been through a lot, Nathan" he said. "And I think sometimes she forgets that you have too. I doubt that she realizes how much all of this is hurting you. She will someday… But for now, you need to focus on taking care of your own issues. You'll wear yourself out with all of this back and forth nonsense." Nathan nodded in silent agreement, looking suddenly pale and exhausted to Bill. "I'm so tired of it all" he moaned. "I just want to move forward with my life. With Allie, and Dani…" Bill nodded gravely. "I know you do" he murmured, standing up slowly. "And I think the best way to start doing that is for you to go home and get some rest. You looked completely drained." Nathan threw him a weary glance and couldn't help but smirk. "Thanks a lot" he muttered dimly, before rising slowly from his chair. A dull headache had set in, like it sometimes did when he overexerted himself. Listlessly, he pushed his chair back into place, before looking up at Bill again. "Thanks for listening Bill" he murmured, with a faint, but grateful smile. "I appreciate it." Bill nodded and patted Nathan on the shoulder as he came around the desk. "Sure" he said. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Rosemary was shocked beyond words when a knock sounded at her door, and she opened it to find Elizabeth standing there with tears in her eyes. "Oh dear!" Rosemary cried. "Elizabeth, whatever is the matter? Please come in!" Elizabeth entered slowly, her head hanging down. As she tip-toed inside the threshold however, she made no move to go any further. She eyed Rosemary anxiously as she closed the door against the chilly breeze. "Thank you Rosemary…" she murmured. "I didn't know where else to go." Rosemary gave her a loving smile and nodded. "You are always welcome here" she said with a flourish of her hand. "No matter what. Now, Elizabeth… What seems to be the trouble?" Elizabeth eyed Rosemary fearfully, not knowing exactly what to say or how to say it. "It's been a difficult day" she murmured. "For a lot of reasons…" She paused momentarily, before drawing a deep breathe and fixing her gaze on her friend uneasily. "Rosemary…" she murmured softly. "Is Nathan… ill? Something seems wrong. He doesn't look well." Her heart quickened when Rosemary opened her mouth to speak but couldn't. She felt her hands begin to tremble. "Please… Just tell me." Rosemary folded her hands in front of her and watched Elizabeth's face closely with concern. "No one told you…." she surmised, almost in a whisper. "A little over a month ago, Nathan was badly injured. We almost lost him." Elizabeth felt the breath go out of her as her eyes widened. "Injured?" she gasped breathlessly. "Rosemary, what happened?" Rosemary didn't answer right away. At last, she swallowed, her mouth having gone dry. "Elizabeth" she said slowly. "He was shot."

"Someone's been shot!"

Elizabeth whirled around sharply to face Fiona, her eyes big with worry. "Who?" she cried anxiously. She hadn't heard a gunshot in town. Only the sounds of wagons and moving feet.

"I think it's Nathan! He's been shot!"

And then, suddenly she knew. Nathan. She felt the terror grip her as she slowly turned around toward the door. As she made her way towards it, her steps quickened, her heart beating his name over and over. Nathan. Nathan. Nathan. The hanging dread blinded her to everything else as she strained her eyes to see. He had been shot, and that was all she knew. Outside there was a wagon, surrounded by people. And inside, she could make out the undeniable red shade of the serge, lying motionless inside.

The sight seemed to arouse her senses from the initial shock as she reacted, rushing down the stairs. He wasn't moving, lying there in the wagon. And Bill was soberly asking everyone to stand back. The injury must be severe.

Elizabeth ran to join the onlookers just long enough to see Carson step out of the wagon… without Nathan. He hung his head sadly as Bill watched his every move.

"He's gone."

Elizabeth felt her heart drop. How could it be? Nathan was still so young… So full of life. And there was his body, lifeless in the wagon. He had always been so shy, so quiet. But he had grown close to her. She herself considered him to be one of her closest friends… Perhaps even something more. And now he was gone. Forever.

"Are you alright Elizabeth?" Rosemary asked as Elizabeth caught her breath, a hand going to her chest. After a moment of silence, Elizabeth nodded slowly. "Yes…" she breathed quietly. "I'm alright." She stared down at the floor for a second before looking up again, her eyes filled with tears. "Did he suffer Rosemary?" she asked in a low, trembling voice. Rosemary let her eyes drift to the leaping flames in the stove. "He was very sick for a long time" she admitted. "He's better now, but still not strong." A tear trickled down Elizabeth's cheek. "Will he ever recover?" she asked tensely. Rosemary took a step closer and wrapped her arms around Elizabeth, who's shoulders started to shake with sobs. "Oh Elizabeth" she soothed. "Faith is doing everything she can to help him heal. We all are." Elizabeth continued to cry for a long time, until her whole frame shook with sobs. "What if he had died Rosemary?" she cried bitterly. "What if I came home and he was… gone?!" Rosemary put an arm firmly around her shoulders and led her to the settee. "Shh… It's okay dear" she soothed. "He didn't die. He's here…" Elizabeth sank down beside Rosemary and buried her head in her shoulder for a few minutes, crying. As she sat there beside Rosemary, her fear and grief over everything that had happened overflowing in the form of tears, she felt something she hadn't felt since the day that she had run into Nathan's arms. Any hope for the deep, abiding friendship that she had hoped to share with Nathan had faded on that fateful day. She knew that now. That's when everything had changed. Catching her breath, she straightened her posture and wiped the tears from her moist face. "I hurt him Rosemary" she murmured sadly. "I hurt him so much. But he didn't do anything wrong. We always say to follow your heart here in Hope Valley. Nathan did, and it was broken… It didn't have to be this way." Rosemary shook her head honestly. "No" she murmured. "I suppose it didn't. But we all make mistakes Elizabeth. Nathan knows that." Elizabeth felt her heart ache at the use of his name. Suddenly, she stood got to her feet. "I need to see him Rosemary" she said decidedly. "I need to him everything."

Allie was already in bed by the time Nathan decided to lock up and turn in for the night. The tight pain in his head had only gotten worse as the evening went on until he had barely been able to focus on his conversation with Allie. Allie had gotten very good at recognizing the tell-tale signs that her uncle was pushing himself too hard and had decided to go and read in her room before bed, giving him the peace and quiet he needed to take care of himself. As Nathan reached the bottom of the stairs to go to his room, a sudden, urgent knock on the door made him groan faintly. "Coming…" he called weakly, before making his way toward the door and opening it. He nearly fell back in surprise upon seeing Elizabeth standing there. She looked nervous and flustered, and her hands were folded in front of her as she rocked herself back and forth. "Hi Nathan…" she greeted him, a little awkwardly. Nathan forced a brief smile. "Elizabeth…" he replied in a low voice. "How can I help you?" He paused for a minute as she hung her head awkwardly before trying again. "Would you like to come in?" he asked, a little hesitantly. She looked up, trying to figure out whether or not he would be comfortable with that, and wishing that she had thought this plan through more thoroughly. Nathan however, eased her worry by opening the door wider and stepping back for her to come in. "Thank you" she said quietly, coming through the door and waiting for him to close it behind her. As he turned to face her again, she noticed that his face looked unnaturally white and little beads of sweat stood out on his forehead and just above his upper lip. She eyed him anxiously and gave a little frown. "Are you sure you're feeling alright?" she asked with concern. "You're really pale." Nathan shrugged and shook his head, self-conscious of her observation. "I'm fine" he assured her. "Just a little headache. It happens from time to time." Elizabeth nodded slowly, then glanced at the settee. "Why don't you go sit down?" she suggested. "I'll get you a cold compress." Nathan shook his head quickly, a little too quickly for her liking. "No Elizabeth" he declined. "I'll be fine. It'll pass." Elizabeth, however, was determined to show him that he could trust her, and simply ignored him, making her way toward a cold tin of water near the wash basin, where she soaked a clean cloth that lay on the counter nearby before rinsing it out. Then, with a wordless wave of her hand, she gestured for him to sit back as she laid it over his forehead and seated herself in the vacant next to him. He was a little surprised by her concern and kindness and had been hurt too many times before to trust or enjoy it now. Still, the coolness of cloth against his aching head relieved some of the tension and the pain, and a little smile came to his lips. "Thank you" he murmured. "That feels better." Elizabeth nodded and eyed him worriedly for a minute before taking a deep breath. "No one told me about what happened Nathan" she murmured tensely. "Nobody told me that you almost died last month." Nathan eyed her, a little warily and gave a slow nod. "I… wasn't aware" he murmured awkwardly. "Anyway, I'm fine now, so… It doesn't really matter." Elizabeth's eyes widened. "It does matter" she interjected. "You were here, injured and in pain… And I wasn't here for you, or for Allie." Nathan shook his head, a little uncomfortable with her concern. "It's alright" he reassured her. "I had plenty of people taking care of me. Everyone made recovery much easier for me…They helped me pull through." Elizabeth watched as his gaze traveled to a little bunch for orange leaves that adorned the lampstand and took note as a distant look of longing came into his eyes. She swallowed and, folding her hands over her lap, forced a smile. "Tell me about Dani…" she said softly. Nathan's eyes shot up in surprise, and she saw his face redden. Elizabeth shrugged casually. "She seems lovely" she observed. "She's beautiful, and sweet. And I can see that she loves you very much." The hardened look in Nathan's eyes softened a little at Elizabeth's praise of Dani. He raised his eyebrows briefly and gave a faint sigh. "Well… She's my best friend" he admitted honestly. "She's thoughtful and kind. She always makes me laugh. And I miss her so much when she's not around." Elizabeth could see the sadness in his eyes as he made the last statement, and guessed he was missing her now. She swallowed hard and nodded slowly. "I'm sure she misses you" she murmured. She paused for a moment, a little afraid to go on. "I missed you too…" she said at last, eyeing him cautiously to determine his reaction. He looked surprised but said nothing as he continued to finger one of the buttons on his burgundy plaid shirt. Elizabeth drew in a deep breath. "There was a time when we were close Nathan" she said softly. "And for a long time, I didn't understand why everything changed. And when you told me that you needed more time, I blamed you and your feelings." She saw Nathan's jaw clench when she said this and decided to cut to the chase. "But today when Rosemary told me that you were shot… That we almost lost you… I remembered exactly when everything changed." She saw tears in his eyes as he turned his head to face her. "I think we both know" he murmured.

Nathan could feel Elizabeth's arms around him, though it didn't really register. His eyes were on the prisoner wagon where Constable Novak lay. No one had told Nathan to follow the wagon back into town. He had just… done it. He didn't feel in control of his emotions right now. All he could feel was dread and paralyzing fear. As he saw Carson lean back into the back of the wagon and cover the head of the body with his coat, Nathan could feel himself shaking, with only Elizabeth's strong hold on him to keep him grounded.

Elizabeth could feel Nathan's chest begin to heave with faint, small sobs. He wasn't crying exactly. He was panicking. She slowly pulled away from him and looked up into his face until their eyes met. He was grateful for her support; she could see that much. But before she could open her mouth to say anything, she felt a hand on her arm.

Nathan watched as Elizabeth, the only source of light in this darkened moment was pulled away from the scene by Lee and Rosemary Coulter. As he watched her go, he felt a hand on his own shoulder. Bill's he guessed. "Nathan" Bill said, loudly enough to invade Nathan's thoughts. "Come with me."

"I didn't see you for days after that" he murmured quietly. 'I wanted to. I did a lot of thinking though. When you almost die, Elizabeth… You think about a lot of things." Elizabeth nodded sadly. "I know" she said, almost in a whisper. She bit her lip to keep it from trembling before going on. "The whole thing brought back a lot of memories of Jack, and my feelings of grief over losing him. And the more I didn't see you or Lucas, the more I thought about him and how much I missed him." She glanced at him with a look of shame and shifted uncomfortably. "And when you came back, I didn't see you anymore. I just saw him…" When he said nothing, she looked up and was distraught to see a solitary tear rolling down his cheek as he stared blankly into the flames of the stove. She felt the tears rising in her own eyes as she drew a faulty breath. "I shouldn't have done that to you Nathan" she confessed brokenly. "Not when you loved me so much… And I will regret the pain that I caused you for the rest of my life. A lesser man would have allowed it to destroy him. And yet here you are…" Nathan covered his eyes with his hand, but Elizabeth could see tears falling to the carpet below as he sat there, very still. She was silent for a moment, a few of her tears trickling down her face as she watched him there, trying to hide his own from her. At last, she reached out and laid a hand over his. "I should never have allowed for us to drift apart the way that we did. And I hope that someday, things will go back to the way they were between us before any of this happened. But until then, I can at least promise you that I will never try to look for Jack in you again." She stood up from her place, and when he lifted his tear-stained face, she placed a hand on his cheek. "I only see you, Nathan" she murmured. "And for the record… You aren't a disappointment, to anyone." She smiled tearfully and straightened up before heading toward the door. Nathan was too overcome with emotion to fully understand what she had just said or where she was going until the door closed behind her. When it finally did however, he couldn't contain himself anymore, and fell face down on the settee, sobbing like he never had in his entire life. Perhaps it was because he was so tired. Perhaps it was because it felt as though a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Whatever the case, he allowed himself to weep softly against the cushions, feeling an overpowering flood of relief washing over him as he processed everything that had taken place. All of the hurt and the pain that he had felt and hidden away since the day Elizabeth had told him that she wasn't in love with him… He could feel it all slipping behind him now. Soon, it would disappear entirely, becoming a distant memory that couldn't hurt him anymore. And for the first time, he caught a glimpse of the beautiful, glowing future that lay ahead of him with Dani and Allie. It seemed to be bathed in the golden light of the many sunsets that they had witnessed together. For a long time, he stayed there, in the vision of the golden years that were still to come. Finally, after what felt like hours, his exhaustion overtook him, and he drifted off into a deep sleep right there where he lay.

Bill was leaning over his desk the next morning, reading over some blueprints for Rosemary's stage when there was a knock at the door. "Come in!" he called gruffly without looking up. There was the faint pitter-patter of delicate feet and a little cough before he finally looked up and was shocked to see Elizabeth standing there, with an envelope in her folded hands. "Elizabeth!" he cried. "Long time no see! To what do I owe the pleasure." Elizabeth smiled and coming around the desk and hugging her friend with a relish that she hadn't felt for a long time. "Hello Bill" she murmured. "It's good to see you. My stagecoach arrives soon, so I can't stay long." Bill frowned, disappointed. "Well, that's an awful short time for a visit, isn't it?" he asked, confused. "Bouchard doesn't have you handcuffed, does he?" In past months, Elizabeth would have taken offense at Bill's suspicions. Realizing however, that he meant it in the fatherliest of ways, she laughed playfully instead. "Very funny" she quipped, before adding. "No, I actually have a book signing that I have to attend tomorrow evening, and I am hoping to reach Hamilton in time." Bill nodded. "Hope Valley's famous author" he murmured. "You do know that we're all proud of you." Elizabeth felt tears stinging her eyes, by she blinked them away quickly and nodded. "I know" she murmured. Looking down, she drew in a deep breath. "I was hoping you could do something for me… After I leave." Bill shrugged. "Anything" he offered generously. Elizabeth smiled and handed him the envelope. "I wrote this last" she explained. "For Nathan. It took me several tries, and I don't know if it's any good, but I would like you to read it and judge for yourself since you know him so well. Give it to him when you think the time is right. But there's no hurry. He deserves to move forward with his life, even if I am not a part of it. Will you do that Bill?" Bill smiled understandingly and nodded. "Of course," he agreed. "When the time is right." Elizabeth nodded and turned to leave, before Bill stopped her. "Elizabeth" he called. She turned around sharply. "What is it Bill?" she asked. Bill smiled warmly. "Say hello to my godson for me" he murmured, smiling. Elizabeth nodded, trying to hold back her tears. "I will" she promised. "Goodbye Bill."

Several minutes after she closed the door, Bill opened the envelope and drew out the letter. It wasn't very long. Hand-typed as he would have expected from Elizabeth. Holding it up in front of him, his eyes found the header and he began to read.

My dearest Nathan,

I know that I broke your heart, and that I left you to pick up the pieces alone. I've missed my chance to ease the pain, since you managed to do that on your own. You're stronger than I am, and you've built yourself back up in ways that I never could after I lost Jack. I think that's why God has laid a bright future ahead of you, and perhaps, an even better future than the one you originally envisioned with me. Maybe someday, I will be able to say the same for myself. But until then, I will attempt to make things right. I may not be able to heal your heart, but at least I can help to heal your body. I know that you are happy now; happier than I have ever seen you. But I want you to be both happy and well. Therefore, I have arranged for you to receive the best that food, medicine, and treatment can offer. When I told you that I love you, I don't think I really understood what that meant at the time. In fact, I didn't come to understand it until my heart broke after hearing what you had been through and seeing you in pain. I don't want you to be in pain anymore Nathan. While your current condition may be physical, it has helped me to understand the condition that your heart was in after everything that happened between us. Last time, I left assuming that you would recover, without fully grasping what that recovery would demand of you. This time, I will not leave you on your own to heal, even if it is not your heart that needs healing. Please get well Nathan. Someday, I will come back, and I hope to find you healthy and strong again. I wish you, Allie and Dani every happiness and know that you have a beautiful life ahead together. And while you and I may drift apart, just know that you will always hold a special place in my heart that no one else ever will. You have given me greater love than I ever deserved, and I will never forget that. Continue to be strong Nathan. Every night, I will pray that my Jack watches over you and protects you in return for your selfless service to me and my son. Be safe.

Until we meet again,

Elizabeth Thornton

It was a good letter. Bill approvingly nodded to himself several times as he read. Finally, he looked up, a faint smile on his face. It was good to see the sincerity of Elizabeth's words However, Bill also knew that Nathan would never accept Elizabeth's or anyone's financial assistance if he knew of her offering. And at a time like this, Bill wanted nothing more than to see Nathan well again. Clearing his throat solemnly, he reverently tucked the letter in his pocket, keeping it close to his heart until the right time came.

Nathan felt light and free as he walked down the boardwalk with Allie towards the infirmary for his daily check-up. Allie had the school day off today, since Minnie was unavailable to teach, so she had decided to accompany her uncle this morning. She noticed a change in him as they made their way down the row of buildings. His eyes looked livelier and happier than they had since before she could remember. She couldn't tell exactly what had changed, especially since he had been feeling unwell the night before. However, she didn't question it, but instead, took his hand and smiled up at him as they walked. "I'm so glad we didn't have school today" she said, as the breeze blew threw her hair. "It means I get to spend more time with you." Nathan smiled down at her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "I know I shouldn't discredit school" he joked. "But I'm glad you're here too kiddo." They both smiled as they entered the infirmary and were greeted by yet another smile: Dani's. Her face lit up brightly when she saw them both. "Hello, you two!" she cried, throwing her arms around Allie. "What a surprise!" She straightened up and leaning forward, allowed Nathan to kiss her forehead like he always did. When they parted, Nathan smiled brightly and took her hand. "When do you get off for lunch?" he asked. Dani opened her mouth to answer, but Faith, from behind the screen, answered for her. "She's free as soon as I finish with you" she called, laughing. Nathan and Dani beamed. "Thanks Faith" he called, an impish grin on his face. "You're the best." Dani smiled and put an arm around Allie, who stood beside her. "So, where are we going?" she asked. "It sounds adventurous!" Allie laughed and Nathan, while looking on, rotated the Stenson in his hands. "I thought maybe some sandwiches might be nice" he said mysteriously. Dani nodded quizzically. "Uh huh?" she playfully prodded for more. Nathan chuckled. "You know" he said. "I know of this really nice dock down by the pond. I hear it's really nice over there at this time of year." Dani gave him a mischievous grin. "I might be persuaded" she quipped. "As long as I am allowed to treat the three of us to some hot cocoa on the way." Nathan's eyes sparkled. "You win" he relented, lifting her hand, and kissing it tenderly.