Animegurl64: Man 2 fanfictions in the same month. Wow, I truly have no life outside the computer now.

Lloyd: Oh admit it, you just love us.

Animegurl64: Yes, this is true. Still though…

Zelos: Just get on with it Hunny.

Animegurl64: slap Not your Hunny!

Zelos:-

Lloyd: Animegurl64 does not own Tales of Symphonia. If she did, she would be very rich and there would be more angst.

Summary: Someone's thoughts on betrayal. POV might surprise you. I don't think this has been done before. A plot bunny that has really been bugging me lately.

We're on our way to the Iselia Human Ranch now. It's so quiet. Well, who wants to talk with a traitor their presence? I'd shut up too.

The silence is starting to get on my nerves now.

How can he stand to walk beside me, to even look at me? I betrayed him.

Do I regret it?

Depends on your definition of regret.

Do I regret doing what I feel I have to do? No. Do I regret that he is doing what He feels what he has to do? No. Do I regret that our definitions of what is correct are different? No, we've never really agreed on the same course of action in the past. Why start now?

Do I regret that we fight every time we meet now? Yes. Do I regret that we don't travel together and I can't watch him, talk with him on a regular basis? Yes. Do I regret destroying his trust in me? Yes, a million times over.

It was all so simple before the Tower. It was all so black and white. The Desians were bad, Angels were good and the Chosen was going to regenerate the world. Everyone had a common goal; we were all on the same side. Simple, right?

It's hard when the illusion of reality shatters isn't it?

The Chosen was supposed to die for the world. She was supposed to sacrifice herself for a twisted system. Her sacrifice wouldn't matter, not really. The whole thing would switch back when Tethe'alla's Chosen completed the regeneration ritual on their side. We didn't know that, weren't supposed to know that, back then.

There were no sides before the Tower.

Well, there are sides now aren't there? And apparently, we are on opposing ones. We all chose our sides in the Tower. He chose the side that he wanted and I chose mine. Our choices differed in the past, but I wish they hadn't in this situation. But really, when did wishing get me anywhere?

I hate them all.

I hate them for keeping me away from him. The Goddess Martel, The Angels of Cruxis, The Desians, the people of Sylvarant, the people of Tethe'alla, the Regeneration team and the Summon Spirits serving Yggdrasill. I hate them all and if it meant staying with him, I'd turn my back on everyone in a minute. But the world doesn't work that way. It never has and it probably never will.

I think back to our recent conversation about traitors. I answered truthfully and meant every word. I wonder if he knows that?

I destroyed his trust in me. I don't deserve to even talk with him.

I'll never get it back, his trust or faith. I don't deserve it, but I want it. I want a chance to make things right, and show him that he can put his trust and faith in me. But I'll never get it back, not now. Not after fighting with him so long, the bridge is long gone.

I wish with all my heart the Tower never happened.

But it did and I betrayed him. We all did really.

There were no sides before the Tower.

Oh, look we're here. Time to focus.

Lloyd let out a sigh and shifted his sheathes around. They were talking about something. He really should learn to pay more attention; getting lost in your own thoughts was dangerous.

Kratos pulled out his wings and flew over the gate. Lloyd watched sadly.

'How can he even stand to look at me?' he thought. 'I betray him and he still helps me out, even talks to me. How can he accept my betrayal when I can't?'

The gate unlocked and there was Kratos, standing there like nothing had ever happened and everything was right with the world. Lloyd might have actually believed the act, if it weren't for the incessant shaking of the ground beneath him and the fact there was giant monster tree intent on destroying the world on the horizon. But he really would have liked to believe it, really.

"Stupid tree, stupid Cruxis, stupid Desians, stupid Yggdrasill, stupid world. Damn it all to hell." He muttered under his breath and walked right on by Kratos, not really paying attention to what he was doing or where he was going for that matter.

If he had been in his right mind, he would have remembered Kratos had superior Angelic hearing, would've noticed the concerned and, albeit, slightly confused glance Kratos shot him as he walked by.

But he wasn't in his right mind, so he didn't notice, didn't remember and continued walking straight into the ranch.

Kratos was officially worried now.

Lloyd had not been acting like himself for a while now and if it had just started when the, for lack of a better word, tree sprouted he wouldn't have been all that concerned.

But it had started before then, long before. He wasn't quite sure when, but he had noticed a change in Lloyd. He didn't think it was a good change either. Lloyd seemed distant, sad and unreasoning. He didn't start conversations; only spoke when he was spoken too or when something needed to be pointed out that everyone else had apparently missed. Lloyd had next to no enthusiasm for anything really and that was a mystery in itself. Lloyd had always been energetic and this despondent Lloyd was scaring him. Kratos wondered briefly if no one else had noticed.

Then he realized, they hadn't. Or, if they had, they were all really good actors. Kratos quickly scanned the group gathered in the room. No, they hadn't noticed he decided. Then wondered why. He supposed it was because they saw Lloyd every day and with everything going on hadn't seen the change even begin to occur. Kratos, who now only saw Lloyd once every two months or so, saw it because for him the change in attitude was dramatic. For the rest of them, it was normal behaviour for Lloyd. That and taking into consideration that Lloyd was an extremely good actor, would explain why no one had noticed.

That thought angered him immensely. 'How can you not notice something like that?' he wondered.

Lloyd's behaviour scared him and he resolved to fix it when he had the chance. Though it seemed, if the fates had anything to do with it, he wouldn't get that chance any time soon.

Okay, so we finished the ranch and rescued Chocolat. Yay, now everything should be right with the world.

Wrong. The world may be one step closer to recovery but my world seems to be crashing down around me. I wonder why no one's noticed.

Kratos left again. Said he had something to take care of. Wish he would tell me what it was. Of course he won't, we are on different sides after all and I destroyed his trust and faith in me. I think anyway. Kratos is confusing sometimes. Giving us direction, but not telling us why.

Which brings to where we are currently. Altamira, in Tethe'alla. We are staying at Regal's resort. Wish he'd be cheap and let us stay for free. But no, we have to pay. I feel that's really unfair. What's the point of having a friend who owns the inns where we currently are if we can't stay for free?

I'm off topic. Still haven't really figured out how Kratos can stand me. I can't stand myself.

My emotions have taken a real roller coaster ride lately. I'm furious and then sad. I feel hateful one minute and despondent the next. A lot of what I feel is anger, but there's a lot of confusion mixed in there too. I'm scared and uncertain. I'm afraid of what's going to happen next. I feel miserable and want to cry, but I can't. I have to be the pillar of everlasting strength and cheer. I haven't felt happy in a really long time though. Worst thing is I don't have anyone to talk to and I can't show the emotional hell I'm going through right now. Everyone has enough on their plates without my personal problems and self doubt to add to the mix.

And you thought Colette was the only martyr.

So I'll stuff everything down in the place I put all my tears, secret wishes, regrets and fears and continue onward.

I think I'll take a walk.

All this avoidance cannot be healthy.

Lloyd walked along the sandy Altamira beaches. He hadn't told anyone where he was going, but it was past midnight so he didn't really think it mattered.

Unfortunately for him, someone did seem to think it mattered. And that someone was going to let him know. In hindsight, Lloyd really didn't stand a chance.

Lloyd continued his walk around the beaches until he reached the small pools of water that gathered around the low beach cliffs near the city. By small pools of water, I mean reservoirs the size and depth of an Olympic swimming pool. He stood in his pyjamas for a while, looking at the water and than abruptly jumped in. And didn't surface for the minute his follower was watching.

This, of course, scared poor Kratos out of his mind. So he did what any sane and worried person would do.

He jumped in after Lloyd and frantically searched underwater for him. Once he located the floating and dejected Lloyd, he proceeded to grab him and forcefully drag him towards the surface.

This, in turn, scared Lloyd out of his wits because he thought he was being attacked. So he did what any normal person would do, not understanding the situation. Once they broke the surface he punched his 'attacker' face. Which understandably made Kratos let go of him momentarily; therefore giving Lloyd time to assess the situation he was in.

He understood a couple of things:

Kratos had been following him.

Kratos had jumped after him to drag him forcefully out of the water.

He had just punched Kratos in the face

And if Kratos caught him he was in so much trouble.

So he started swimming in the opposite direction. However Kratos, having recovered from Lloyd's attack, saw what he was doing and went after him. Kratos, having many years more experience in everything, caught him very quickly and thoughtfully pinned Lloyd's arms to his sides so he wouldn't get punched again. This resulted in both Kratos and Lloyd treading water in the middle of pool, and Lloyd in a very tight bear hug. If anyone had passed by during this time, they probably would have been either very confused or highly amused. Since no one did, this is just a theory.

Kratos decided it was now or never and started off this oh so wonderful conversation with "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!"

Lloyd was still quite out of it and this statement confused him. "Pardon?" he stated quietly.

"I said what the hell is wrong with you! It's the middle of the night, you are out in the middle of nowhere with no protection, without telling anyone where you went and you are apparently trying to drown yourself!"

"I was swimming."

"You didn't surface for over a minute. In my books, that counts as attempting to drown yourself."

"…I just… I just…"

"You just, what!"

"I don't know alright…" Lloyd whispered quietly. Then stated in a slightly louder voice "Why do you care anyway?"

"I care because most people do not attempt what you just did. So I ask again, what in the hell is wrong with you?"

"…You don't care. You couldn't possibly care anymore. Not after the Tower."

Kratos was now extraordinarily confused. "What do you mean, I can't care after 'the Tower', which tower are you talking about because there are quite a few towers in these worlds."

"The Tower of Salvation."

If it was possible, Kratos became more confused, and slightly angry after that. But he kept it out of his voice. "What does the Tower of Salvation have to do with anything?"

"I betrayed you. You can't care anymore. I destroyed your trust in me."

Whatever explanation Kratos had been expecting, that was certainly not it. Lloyd having adverted his eyes completely missed the blatant shock on Kratos' face. "Lloyd, what are you talking about, if anyone committed betrayal it was me."

"No it wasn't!" There was so much anger in that statement Kratos was slightly taken aback. "We were all on the same side, we all wanted the Regeneration to take place, and we all wanted Colette to become and angel and succeed. You just happened to know more of the details than we did at the time. It was my fault Colette didn't regenerate Sylvarant because I couldn't accept what was happening. I effectively betrayed Sylvarant and you because I couldn't deal with the reality of what was going on. You were on Cruxis' side from the beginning, the rest of us just left you behind and formed our own side, So what I want to know is how you can even look at me when I did that to you!" Lloyd continued to cry silent tears while he admitted that.

Kratos turned the bear hug into more of an actual hug. "You've been keeping this inside for a long time haven't you?" Lloyd nodded. "And the reason you've been so depressed lately is because you thought I hated you?"

"Partially."

"Well, I'll clear this up right now. I don't hate you, I can never hate you so don't you ever think otherwise."

It was now Lloyd's turn to be shocked. "…Really?"

"Yes, really. Now tell me what else is going on. You've been acting oddly for a while now and honestly, it's staring to scare me."

"You noticed?"

"Yes and I can not see how the rest of your friends did not. I am slightly angered that they haven't noticed this radical change in your behaviour. No matter what you've been doing, you Lloyd have noticed when something is wrong with them, so the same should stand with your friends."

"I'm really good actor."

"Yes, and that's what worries me."

Lloyd was still getting over the fact that someone had noticed he was depressed so he conveniently forgot that Kratos and he were on opposite sides and spilled everything that had been bothering him for the fast few months.

"Ok, I thought you hated me. I was worried about Colette, I didn't understand what was wrong with the worlds and still don't really. We screwed up the whole 'resurrect the tree' plan, which I knew wouldn't work anyway but didn't tell anyone. If I had spoken up the whole thing could have been avoided. Colette's sick again and I'm worried about her. I'm so afraid we are going to screw up again and actually destroy both worlds. I don't know how we can fix this whole thing and I don't want more people to die, but they will and I can't do a damn thing about. I hate what Yggdrasill's doing, but I completely and totally understand where he's coming from. I have a goddamn hero complex and I've been extremely depressed lately and also consumed with self-doubt and self-pity. But mostly I thought you hated me."

It took Kratos a moment to digest what he had been told. "That's quite a bit for someone to have on their plate."

"Yeah, isn't though."

"And you haven't talked to anyone about this?"

"I've tried, but they don't listen. I'm supposed to be the 'pillar of strength and everlasting cheer' why should they want to believe otherwise." Lloyd shivered; the water really was starting to get cold. Kratos noticed this and picked him up and carried him to land. He just sat there holding Lloyd for a bit before answering,

"We've already established that I don't hate you. Yes, the catastrophe involving the tree could have been avoided, but that is more Yuan's fault than yours. He knows enough about how the system works that he should have seen it coming. Telling your friends would have done nothing because they wouldn't have listened anyway. Yes Colette is sick and you are doing your best to cure her. That's all anyone can ask. Being afraid of destroying the worlds is not a groundless fear but you should not be focussing on it right now. Focus on curing Colette than consider your next move. I know you, you won't make the same mistake twice."

Lloyd just huddled closer to Kratos.

"Next to quote someone I knew a very long time ago 'this is war, in war; people die. Get over it.' It's not nice, but it's reality. Yggdrasill is a difficult enemy for you to fight because you both want the same thing, but you disagree with each other's methods. It seems pointless to fight but you have to stand up for what you believe in. I will agree that you have a hero complex but we can't really do much about that, its just part of who you are. And anyone would doubt himself or herself in your situation. As for the depression, you have to start talking to people or it's just going to get worse. Avoiding the problem does not make it go away."

"How come you're smart?"

"I have had the time to learn these things Lloyd. Whereas you are still young and learning about the world around you. The knowledge will come with time."

Lloyd yawned. Kratos smiled slightly. "And apparently so will sleep, which you don't seem to be getting much of lately. Are you eating at all?"

"I eat…most of the time. I don't get a lot of sleep. Lot'sa nightmares…"

"You'll have to start getting more sleep Lloyd."

"S'okay… I'ma tired now."

"Go to sleep Lloyd. I make sure you get back."

Lloyd was already dead to the world. Kratos smiled and picked him up. He sprouted his blue wings and flew back to Altamira. He swooped into the room the regeneration team was sharing and walked over to an empty bed. He carefully placed Lloyd down in the bed and tucked him in. He scanned the room and turned back to Lloyd, brushed aside his bangs and kissed him on the forehead; a goodnight kiss that had waited fourteen years.

"Goodnight baby, I love you."

Kratos turned and took one last look at Lloyd and flew into the starry night.

Animegurl64: Amazing how a change in perspective can shape events isn't it? I love oyako fluff. It's so adorable.

3 hours of typing man I'm exhausted.

R&R