Chapter 4: A Grieving Heart
"Nathan!" Rosemary cried, spotting the red serge as he passed by the town square. "I need your height!" Nathan stopped in his tracks, as if he were being shaken out of deep thought and trotted over to where Rosemary stood perched on a ladder, trying to set the star atop the town Christmas tree. "Here, let me try" he offered, standing aside so that she could climb down before climbing up himself and straining to reach the top. "The town looks great by the way." Rosemary beamed. "Well, of course it does" she cried excitedly. "I am head of the decorating committee after all." Nathan was a bit taken aback by her reply but nodded humbly. "Of course…" he faltered. "You've always got everything under control, so…" Rosemary shrugged cheerfully. "What can I say?" she grinned. Nathan nodded again and tried to smile, but Rosemary noticed it looked more like a wince and frowned faintly as he made as if it to walk away. "Nathan…" she said, a hint of curiosity in her voice. "Is something wrong?" Nathan looked up with a start, as if his thoughts had been elsewhere, and he shook his head doubtfully. "No…" he murmured unconvincingly. "Everything's fine." Rosemary gave him an admonishing look. "Nathan Grant, don't you dare lie to me" she reprimanded him. "I'm an actress, and I know bad acting when I see it." Nathan turned to face her, unmasking the troubled look in his face. "Rosemary…" he murmured finally. "Dani and I shared dinner last night…" Rosemary clapped her hands together excitedly. "Oh Nathan!" she cried. "That's wonderful!" Nathan frowned faintly. "Is it?" he asked, feeling like he might have used the wrong words to explain. Rosemary looked at his face and let her hands drop. "Oh dear…" she said quietly. "From the sound of it, I guess not." Nathan sighed and lowered his head. "I think I might have… made a mistake" he tried again. "She seems to think I don't trust her." Rosemary rubbed her chin. "Well, do you?" she asked quizzically. Nathan's eyebrows raised. "Of course, I do!" he said emphatically. "I just… I'm having a hard time trusting my own instincts lately. We both know I've been wrong before. I don't want to do anything wrong this time Rosemary. I want things to be perfect… for Dani." A broad smile came over Rosemary's face. "Well, you're talking to the right person" she beamed. "I just so happen to be an expert in matters of romance if I do say so myself. Perhaps I could give you a few pointers over coffee?" Nathan's face broke out into a relieved smile. "That would be great" he sighed. "Thank you Rosemary."
It was finally quiet in the Judge's office as Bill took one more, final look around. Once Molly and Florence had decided to give up decorating for the Christmas brunch tomorrow, he had finally been able to make the last of the calls that he need to before settling down into his holiday schedule. As he grabbed his briefcase to go and join Ned and Florence for some lunch, he stopped briefly at the door and looked out into the cold, but festive street. Standing near the Community Center, he saw Abigail, wearing her deep blue coat against the chilly morning breeze. Bill smiled a little to himself at the sight of her. It was good to have her home again. As he continued to watch however, his eyes narrowed when Henry Gowen stepped out of the building and escorted her to the front seat of his car. He had forgotten Henry had been the one to bring Abigail home from the East. Still, it didn't ease Bill's mind as he watched the two of them drive off together, Abigail looking merry, a little too merry for Bill's liking. Grimly, he tossed his coat over the crook of his arm and silently made his way out onto the front steps, his good mood somewhat dampened by the sight.
"That should do it" Faith grinned cheerfully as she laid a quick bandage over the stitches of her last patient. "Merry Christmas. Be sure to take it easy." As the man walked out with a cheerfully tip of his hat, Fiona popped in, smiling brightly. "Lunch break?" she asked shortly, her brown eyes soft and sparkling. Faith giggled a little as she snapped her leather bag shut and nodded. "Just in time" she smiled. "Who would have thought Christmas Eve could be so busy?" Fiona smirked. "Well, there are a lot of people cutting down Christmas trees" she pointed out playfully. "Over excitement can cause accidents ever easily you know." Faith laughed and nodded, looping her arm with Fiona's as they headed out the door. "I suppose you're right" she agreed. She and Fiona hummed "Away in the Manger" softly to themselves as they walked down the boardwalk towards the richly adorned barbershop for a hot lunch that Fiona had ready. "So" Fiona said at last. "Where's Dani this morning? I thought she'd be working with you in the infirmary?" Faith shook her head. "Clara had other plans" she explained. "She needed an extra hand in the kitchen baking refreshments for tonight's pageant. Dani's so good at baking, I couldn't keep her from helping." Fiona nodded understandingly. "What do you think of Dani?" she asked seriously. Faith looked up in surprise and smiled a little shyly. "She's always very upbeat" she explained. "She's wonderful company. I'm never bored when she works with me. She's also a very hard worker. Why do you ask?" Fiona rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "I've been thinking" she said slowly and deliberately. "Mike and I are going to put sigh-up sheets out in the Mercantile for our Social group soon. Do you think Dani would be interested in something like that?" Faith smiled. "I remember you telling me that Nathan said he might be up for it" she pointed out. "I'm sure she would love it if he's interested. Plus, the two of them would be a fine addition to the group." Fiona smiled. "Okay then" she grinned. "I thought I would run it by you first, but it sounds like you agree. I like Dani a lot. She's loads of fun. Nathan's very pleasant too, I've come to find." Faith nodded with a little, glowing smile. "He is…" she murmured, letting her eyes drift to the boardwalk. Unbeknownst to Fiona, her feelings for Nathan had still not fully subsided, and his recent health scare hadn't helped, as she had found herself worrying about him constantly. Still, she knew that Nathan's heart was elsewhere, so she kept it to herself. And although her feelings for him were unrequited, they did serve as a good distraction for her in the aftermath of Carson's departure, if nothing else.
"But Nathan!" Rosemary admonished him as they sat together over a cup of coffee at the café. "It's been over a year since Elizabeth… Well, you know… And you've been doing so well! Where on earth did all of this doubt come from?" Nathan looked at Rosemary seriously and sighed. "Elizabeth came back to town a couple of weeks ago" he murmured earnestly. "And it me helped to come to terms with a lot of things. But it also hurt me… Since then, there have been days where I'm not confident in myself. And I don't know why…" Rosemary eyed him sympathetically. "Now, that won't do you any good" she commented. "As a man or as a Mountie." Nathan shook his head gravely. "No" he admitted. "I suppose not." There was a thoughtful silence between them before Rosemary gave him a tender, sympathetic smile and laid a hand over his. "Nathan" she said slowly. "I think I know why you're feeling this way. And why it's coming between you and Dani." Nathan looked up eagerly from his mug of coffee. "You do?" he asked, hopeful for an answer. Rosemary nodded. "Well, think about it" she interjected. "You've had a very hard year. You almost lost your badge, your heart was broken, and then you nearly died." Nathan couldn't help but grin. "To put it bluntly…" he added playfully. Rosemary, however, went on, ignoring him. "And after your injury" she pointed out. "You were very sick, and it took you a long time to recover. Now, I could be wrong, but my theory is that what you are feeling now is your way of processing everything that happened to you. You've been through a lot, Nathan. You're heart might just need to catch up a bit now that it's all over." Nathan sighed wearily. Hearing all of the year's events over again had a fatiguing effect on him, one that seemed to prove Rosemary's point. It was a lot to process, especially for a slow processor like himself. "I guess you're right" he admitted. "Allie and I have been through a lot lately." Rosemary nodded. "Exactly!" she agreed. "And perhaps you're afraid that you'll have to go through it again." Nathan sighed and nodded haltingly. "That could be" he admitted. "But I can't let this come between me and Dani. I just can't." Rosemary raised her hands expressively. "So!" she cried. "We just have to find a solution. Why don't you buy her a bunch of flowers and tell her what she means to you?" Nathan frowned faintly and rubbed his chin. "I… don't think that's going to fix the problem Rosemary" he admitted. "This is about so much more than just telling her that I love her." Rosemary shrugged. "Alright then…" she tried again. "Take her to dinner and ask her to tell you what she thinks. I'm sure she'll tell you." Nathan still looked unconvinced. "I'm not sure that's it either" he admitted with a despairing shake of the head. "I just want to do this right." Rosemary smiled, laying her ideas aside for a moment, and lowered her voice. "Well, you know what they say" she murmured sweetly. "The key to success in any relationship is communication." Nathan looked up quickly. "Communication" he repeated, not sure if he liked the sound of the word. "You mean… Talking about it? About everything?" Rosemary nodded as if it were the easiest thing in the world. "Uh huh!" she agreed. "That's all it takes. If you two can better communication with each other, you'll find the perfect solution together, without my help." Nathan smiled. "I appreciate your help Rosemary" he told her. "I really do." Rosemary nodded, standing up. "I know you do Dear" she smiled kindly. "But I also know that you will figure this out. Just try communicating! Works every time!" Nathan stood up and grabbing his Stenson, nodded gratefully. "I'll keep that in mind" he promised. "Thank you Rosemary." Rosemary chuckled lightly and waved her hand. "Don't mention it" she laughed. "Now, I should be off. I can't leave Lee's men to paint the stage backdrop without some guidance." And with a quick clap of her hands, she disappeared briskly out the café door. Nathan stared after her, laughing softly to himself, until the door opened again and in slipped Robert and Allie, whose faces were red with cold. Both were laughing until Allie's eyes fell upon her uncle, who was frowning slightly. She and Robert's facial expressions immediately became sober. "Merry Christmas Constable Grant" Robert said with a respectful salute. Allie lowered her gaze in embarrassment "Hey Uncle Nathan" she murmured awkwardly. Nathan tried not to frown, but instead forced a civil smile. "You two having fun?" he asked, although the words came with difficulty, "Skating together?" Both nodded eagerly in response to his show of good will, and Allie breathed a sigh of relief. "Yes sir" they both responded quickly. Nathan nodded. "That's… that's good" he struggled to say, before he looked at Robert and remembered the telegram in his pocket. "Say Robert" he said, trying to sound casual. "There's something I need to discuss with you… in my office." Robert nodded and glanced at Allie before saluting again. "Yes sir" he said respectfully. "Right away."
Unknown to Nathan, Dani and Clara were busily frosting Christmas cookies in the kitchen of the café. Clara giggled a little at the sight of a blue smear of color across Dani's cheek as the slender young woman struggled to whip the contents of the bowl in the crook of her arm into shape. Despite attempting to seem cheerfully however, Dani was feeling somewhat out of sorts this Christmas Eve morning. While dinner had been lovely with Nathan the night before, he had seemed so sad and unsure of himself at times, causing her to wonder if she was capable of making him truly happy. He certainly made her happy. But could she provide him with that same happiness? Would he ever allow himself to accept the love that she wanted to offer him? With a frustrated sigh, she dug the whisk deeper into the buttercream she was mixing and puffed a loose strand of hair out of her hot face. Clara seemed to sense a heaviness in Dani's mood, and was about to question her about it, when Bill came sauntering in, a faint frown furrowing his brow. "Clara" he greeted her shortly. He threw a glance at Dani and gave her a nod. "Dani…" Dani forced and smile and laying her bowl down, wiped her hands on her cream-colored apron. "Good morning Judge" she quipped, breathing another sigh. Bill, who had turned away to wash his hands, threw another glance in Dani's direction. "Something on your mind Monty?" he asked her. "Monty", the short of Lemont was the little nickname that he had come up with for her, and she liked it. Today however, instead of bringing a smile to her face, the name only produced a quivering lower lip. "Bill…" she ventured, before her voice completely died. Clara, looking between the two and sensing something was amiss, proceeded to quickly excuse herself. "I should go see if Jesse and Lee want some of these cookies" she breathed, grabbing a plate full and scurrying out the back door. Once left alone with Bill, Dani slowly came to his side and buried her face in his shoulder. "Bill, I don't know what to do anymore" she groaned. "I just don't know…" Bill wrapped an arm around her shoulders and frowned, bewildered. "Oh, come on now" he soothed, in his own, gruff way. "It can't be all that bad. What's going on?" Dani sighed and looked down into the pan of fried eggs that Bill had over the stove. "It's Nathan" she murmured softly. "I don't know what's wrong, but… I feel like I'm losing him Bill. He's so far away. So unsure of himself." Bill sighed, a hand on Dani's shoulder, a spatula in the other, flipped his sizzling lunch. "Maybe he's struggling" Bill surmised. "You know… Going through something. He told me he has good days and bad days ever since…" Bill let his sentence hang in the air, only managing to make Dani's worry grow. "…since what?" she finished for him with a question. "Is he alright?" Bill looked down at her in surprise as he turned and plated his food. "He never told you?" he asked in surprise. Dani's jaw hung open. "Told me what Bill?" she asked, a little frantically. "You're scaring me…" Bill nonchalantly pulled out a fork and knife. "Relax Monty" he reassured her. "It's nothing seriously. Let's just say, he had a severe case of heartbreak before he met you. He's over it of course" he said, waving the food on his fork. "But I think the pain and the betrayal left him pretty scarred." Dani felt her tender heart melt with compassion at Bill's statement, but also felt some annoyance that this was Bill telling her and not Nathan. "Why wouldn't he share that with me?" she asked, without realizing she said it out loud. Bill shrugged, his mouth full. "Well…" he managed to say before swallowing. "If he didn't tell you, I'm guessing he didn't want you to worry." Dani gave an exasperated sigh and let her hands fall limp at her sides. "Well, too late now!" she cried, rolling her eyes as she turned to fetch Bill his coffee. "How am I going to get him to open up Bill?" she groaned. "He can be so evasive sometimes…" Bill chuckled. "Look who you're talking to" he grinned, before growing serious. "I think that's up to you Dani" he said at last. "The right time to speak with him will come. You'll see." Dani nodded wanly as Bill patted her on the shoulder before disappearing into the dining room. She and Nathan would work things out, she knew. But would he want to open up to her? To truly share what was on his heart? With a sigh, she picked up the bowl of blue icy and continued furiously to stir.
Allie watched a little worriedly as Uncle Nathan and Robert made their way towards the Mountie Office, before disappearing inside. With a sigh, she made her way towards the mercantile to start her work shift at the switchboard. It was a lonely job, especially after skating with all the other children in Christmas Eve, but Allie squared her shoulders bravely and swallowed. If Uncle Nathan and Dani could work on Christmas Eve, a few hours at the switchboard wouldn't hurt. Plus, she needed the money she was making to buy presents for both of them. As she neared the little nook in the wall, she spied Robert's friend Cody standing near one of the shelves, eyeing a pair of pretty pink gloves that had been displayed there. "Hi Cody" she called coming to his side. Cody looked up and smiled. "Oh, hi Allie" he said pleasantly. He gave her a winning smile before turning back to the gloves. "Say, Allie" he murmured, lowering his voice. "Do you think Emily would like these?" Allie looked at the gloves and knew that she herself would have loved them. She looked up at Cody and nodded rapturously. "I think so" she affirmed. "They're beautiful Cody." Cody shrugged. "That's what my mom said" he sighed, still seeming unsure. "But I want this present to be perfect." Allie smiled shyly and shrugged. "I'm sure you'll think of something" she breathed, before retreating back to the switchboard. She knew what she would like as a present, but was unsure how to help Cody shop for Emily.
"So, Robert…" Nathan began, a little sternly as he seated himself behind his desk. "I got some news yesterday from Mountie Headquarters." Roberts eyes bulged with anticipation, and he straightened a little in his chair. "What might that be Sir?" he asked, still feeling the need to be perfectly respectful. Nathan certainly wasn't complaining. "I know that you mentioned that your mother doesn't want you going off to the academy" he reminded Robert. "But you also mentioned that you are determined to become a Mountie." Robert swallowed the huge lump in his throat and opened his mouth. "I've studied hard" he explained. "And I've even done some physical training with some of the other boys at school. Do you think I have what it takes Constable Grant?" Nathan looked down at the telegram in his hand and drew in a quick breath. "I think so" he assured Robert. "Though I think that's really up to you. Normally, recruits are sent to the academy to train with the others and take classes. But Head Quarters has given you the option to stay here in Hope Valley and learn how to be a Mountie under my guidance. Is that something you'd be interested in, given the circumstances?" Robert was so shocked by his good luck that he couldn't answer for a moment. He was allowed to stay in Hope Valley, while learning how to be a Mountie… under Constable Grant's direction! He drew in a sharp breath of delight and excitement. "Yes!" he cried. "I mean, that sounds like a wonderful offer, Sir." Nathan smiled faintly and nodded. "I'm glad you think so" he murmured. "I've been to the academy and it's… Not a great place for someone your age. Plus, your mother still needs you." Robert nodded, trying to appear professional, though he hadn't really heard a word that Constable Grant had said in his excitement. "Thank you Sir" he murmured reverently, holding out his hand to Nathan. "Please" Nathan insisted, blushing a little. "From now on, it's Mountie Nathan. Just like you'll be Mountie Robert once you earn your serge." Robert beamed, speechless at the thought of his own red serge. "Thank you Mountie Nathan" he breathed.
Bill was just washing the dishes from his lunch when Abigail swung open the side door, breathless with the cold breeze from outside. "Bill!" she said, smiling warmly. "Good to see you so bright and early in the day!" Bill forced a smile and dried the last dish. "Abigail" he greeted her, somewhat tersely. "Can I get you some tea?" Abigail nodded emphatically, pulling off her coat. "Please" she murmured gratefully. "It's bitter cold outside. I hope Cody remembered to wear his sweater under that winter coat." Bill smiled, but only managed a grimace and quickly turned away to prepare the tea so that Abigail wouldn't see. "So…" he muttered a little gruffly. "What are your plans for Christmas?" Abigail sighed breathlessly, holding her hands out to the stove and rubbing them together. "Well" she breathed. "Nothing too out of the ordinary. Henry is coming over for dinner." She suddenly eyed Bill, who, she sensed was frowning skeptically, though his back was to her. "You and Molly Sullivan are welcome to join us. We would like that very much." Bill winced at the word "we" and without turning around, sighed heavily. "I'm afraid we have other plans" he admitted, pouring the hot water from the kettle. "Molly and I are sharing dinner with the new Mountie, Nathan Grant." He turned to face Abigail and forced himself to appear calm. "I don't suppose you've met him yet." Abigail smiled. "I haven't had the pleasure" she conceded. "Though I've heard plenty about him." Bill nodded. "He's a fine young man" he explained, before eyeing Abigail intently. "Always responsible, and never on the wrong side of the law." Abigail eyed Bill quizzically. "I'm sorry" she asked, confused. "Are you still talking about the Mountie here, or are you referring to someone else?" Bill's face hardened somewhat at the question, and he lowered the steaming cup of tea to the table. "I only want what's best for you Abigail" he murmured. "And I saw you get into Henry Gowen's car this morning. You two have been spending an awful lot of time together." Abigail bit her lower lip. "What I do with my time is none of your concern Bill" she said calmly and seriously. "And as for Henry and me, there is nothing between us." Bill nodded sarcastically. "Are you sure about that?" he asked. "Because, from where I stand, there seems to be a whole lot more than you think." Without waiting for a response, Bill shrugged and left, leaving Abigail frustrated and confused.
It was getting dark when Nathan finally returned from his daily rounds to get ready for the pageant that night. He smiled as he passed Allie on the stairs, as she hurried down to eat a hasty dinner while he went up to change. "You look beautiful Allie" he grinned, as the flowing skirts of the lowly pink dress Dani had fitted for her brushed against him. "Thanks Uncle Nathan" she beamed, before rushing past him to retrieve her boots. It didn't take Nathan long to dress in his fine navy suit and plaid white shirt. He was still combing his hair to one side with his fingers as he came trotting down the stairs again. Had Allie looked more closely however, she would have noticed a little black box in his free hand, which he quickly hid behind his back. "You almost ready to go?" he asked. "It's getting to be that time." Allie nodded, her mouth still half full. "Don't rush me" she quipped before getting up and hurrying to wash her dishes. "Mrs. Coulter wants us there early to rehearse." Nathan nodded understandingly and watched as she pulled on her boots. "Say, Allie…" he suddenly ventured to say, slowly pulling the little black box from behind him. "I know it's not technically Christmas yet… But I thought you might like to have your present now." Allie's eyes grew soft with gratitude and anticipation. "Really Uncle Nathan?" she breathed. He smiled and nodded, handing her the little box. Allie's eyes grew big as she ran her fingers over its velvety edges and reverently opened it. Inside sat a beautiful, white pearl necklace. Its beads shone with a soft shine and were joined by a lovely silver chain. Allie gasped, shocked by how perfectly and thoughtfully her uncle had chosen this gift for her. "Oh my!" she breathed, running her finger over the pearls' soft surfaces. "Uncle Nathan! How did you know..?" Nathan beamed, beyond pleased by the joy that the gift gave her. "Well Allie…" he murmured. "I remember your mom saying that every girl should have her own set of pearls. She said it all the time when she was about your age." At the mention of Colleen, Allie's eyes filled with tears, and she threw her arms around her uncle gratefully. "Thank you!" she whispered. "They are perfect." Nathan smiled and pulled his not so little girl close, resting his cheek against her hair. "I'm glad you like it" he said, smiling. When they parted, he took the box from her hands, and gently removing the pearly necklace, looped it carefully around her neck and over her ruffled pink dress. "There" he said, stepping back to take in the effect. "You look stunning Allie." Allie smiled and twirling around excitedly, fingered the pearls on her neck with a loving touch. "Thank you Uncle Nathan" she murmured breathlessly. "This is the most wonderful gift I've ever gotten." Nathan smiled shyly and blushed, before glancing at the clock near the sink. "Speaking of which" he muttered. "You should probably get on over to rehearsal. You have a big night tonight." Nathan couldn't have been prouder as he sat in the audience that night, watching Allie conduct the children's choir for the pageant. She even had her own solo, and her beautiful voice filled the Community Center, sending chills down the spine of anyone who heard. He couldn't be prouder of her. And as he sat there, soaking in the sound of her voice, he realized that this was turning out to be, perhaps, the best Christmas he had ever had. To watch his daughter thriving the way that she was here in Hope Valley helped to remind him of how grateful he was to be here, and nowhere else, among friends, family even. And nothing gave him more joy than to have Dani sitting beside him, her eyes intently watching Allie as the girl performed. As he turned to look at her however, he sensed once again, the distance he had talked with Rosemary about, and his heart ached to speak with her about it, although he was unaware of her desire to do the same. In the midst of the festivities however, he knew it was hardly the right time. Once the performance was over, and he and Dani separated to gather the guests he and Allie had invited to their house for dinner, Nathan completely forgot to bring up the issue with her. Caught up in the congratulations for Allie, and the stress of hosting Bill, Molly, and Faith for dinner, since they had no other plans, Nathan didn't give it a second thought, until he finally looked around at the guests who had just entered his house and noticed that Dani was not there with them. His heart gave a startled thump as he realized that she must have been separated from the group somewhere along the way home.
"Has anyone seen Dani?" he asked with deep concern. Bill, Molly, and Faith glanced at each other worriedly. "I thought she came home with you" Faith squeaked awkwardly. "I haven't seen her since the pageant ended." Nathan glanced down at Allie, who threw him an anxious glance. He drew in a quick breath. "Go ahead and make yourselves comfortable" he said, grabbing his heavy coat. "I'll find her. Bill, would you mind putting on some coffee for everyone?" Bill nodded sympathetically as Nathan headed out the door. Once outside, Nathan hurried down the stairs and back towards town, his pace quickening as he approached. The streets were cold and dark, and it looked as though everyone had gone home. Still, Nathan paced around both sides of the boardwalk, his eyes scanning for some sign of Dani. After several fruitless minutes of searching up and down the empty street, Nathan finally wandered over to the dock by the pond, where he found her. Her silhouette stood regal and slender, outlined by moonlight as he approached. He could see that her back was to him, and her arms were crossed. With a sigh of relief, Nathan made his way over to her side and laid a hand on her shoulder. "Hey Dani…" he murmured softly. "Are you okay? I've been looking everywhere for you." Dani didn't answer right away, but instead, shrugged his hand off her shoulder and turned her head away. "I'm fine" she said in a low voice. "I just needed some quiet." Nathan frowned faintly. "Dani…" he breathed, lowering his voice, remembering what Rosemary had told him. "I don't know what's wrong, but… Please, just talk to me." Dani hugged herself more tightly and looked out over the pond, over which the moon cast a rippling reflection. "According to Bill" she said slowly, and a little forcibly. "You haven't been completely transparent with me." Nathan's jaw dropped open in surprise. "Bill?" he gasped. "What did he say to you? Why would you think that?" Dani finally turned on him and eyed him coldly. "Why didn't you tell me?" she asked. "Why didn't you just admit that you were hurting and that you were in pain?" Nathan sighed and let his head drop, knowing exactly what she was referring to. "I didn't want anything to come between us" he conceded. "Haven't we been through enough already?" Dani frowned and shook her head. "Nathan" she said slowly. "When two people love each other, they share everything, even the heartache. Even the pain. Don't take that away from me!" Nathan's jaw clenched, and he put his hands on his hips as he stared down at her. "I'm not taking anything away from you" he murmured agitatedly. "I'm protecting you!" "Protecting me?" Dani spluttered. "Protecting me from what exactly? From yourself?" Nathan opened his mouth to respond but couldn't, knowing full well she had already said what he wanted to say. They stared at each other for a long time, before Dani slowly shook her head, with tears in her eyes. "I don't know what you've been told" she said slowly, and a little fiercely. "That you aren't strong enough… That you aren't good enough…" "And what if I'm not?" Nathan cut her off. "What if everything they said about me is true? That I'm selfish, and hurtful, and irresponsible…" Dani took a step closer and stared him dead in the face. "It's up to you to decide who you are" she said in a low voice. "Not them." Nathan looked deeply into her eyes and saw that they blazed blue with an electrifying force. He saw her fists clench tightly at her sides as she glared up at him, her lips pursed tightly into a thin line. "I love all of you Nathan, not just a part" she murmured slowly. "Your strength, your weakness, your joy, your pain… I don't want you hide any of it from me. I want the whole Nathan Grant, with all of his flaws as well as his merits. He's not perfect, but he means everything to me. And he's the man that I want to share the rest of my life with!"
The statement left them both speechless, and Nathan could tell that it was something Dani hadn't planned on saying by the way she lowered her gaze and seemed to gasp for breath. He stared intensely into her face until she lifted it once more to his, her eyes bright with tears. Reaching out, he tenderly cupped her beautiful face in his hands, though the intensity of his gaze did not lessen. "I want that too" he murmured, still trying to control his quickening breaths. "And I will do anything to share that future with you. Anything at all…" His heart was too full for words. As it thumped wildly in his chest, he leaned down and kissed her; a deep and passionate kiss, like none he had ever shared with her before. With that kiss, he felt as though the last walls that stood around his heart fell under the thunderous flood of indescribable love that he felt for his beloved Dani. Because that's what she was to him… Beloved. As their lips finally parted, she seemed to sense the unbridled admiration and affection in his soft eyes, as they looked into the very depths of her soul, with no reservation or uncertainty. He drew in a deep breath as his hands tensely grasped her shoulders. "I promise you" he murmured seriously, his eyes full of steady intent. "We will build a life together, and we will be happy together the rest of our days. I want to let you into my heart Dani, more than anything. And, I'll do whatever it takes, no matter how hard it is for me. I'll do anything to show you that I love you." Dani's eyes shone brightly, and with a grateful smile, she drew closer and nestled her head against his chest as his arms circled around her. "Thank you" she murmured, her voice muffled under the folds of his thick, brown coat. "Thank you…" Nathan rested his chin against the top of her head and gently rocked her back and forth in his arms. A little smile broke through the tense expression on his face, and he felt a deep sense of warmth and comfort wash over him as he stood there, holding her close. "I love you Dani" he breathed softly, his breath hanging in the air in a silvery cloud under the shining, full moon. "I don't really know how else to tell you." Dani lifted her face to his and smiled tenderly. "It's good enough for me" she murmured, wrapping her arms around his neck. Her voice grew soft and more serious as she went on. "Nathan, I want you to know" she murmured. "You are allowed to grieve. My heart's been broken too, and I know how painful it can be." She lifted her hand and rested it on his cheek. "But I don't want you to feel alone…" Nathan looked down at her and felt his breath hitch as a tear rolled down his face and against her hand that rested there. Letting out a sharp breath, and he nodded gratefully. "Thank you Dani…" he murmured softly. "And I'm sorry for not telling you… I was afraid you wouldn't understand." He placed his hand over hers and gazed at her adoringly for a moment, though Dani could also see compassion in his eyes. "You're heart was broken too?" he asked quietly. Dani shrugged slightly. "It was a long time ago" she said dismissively, before adding. "But yes… I know how it feels." Nathan nodded, suddenly feeling as though he could breath a little easier now, knowing that Dani did not hold his heartbreak against him. In fact, she seemed to understand… "I'm sorry…" He murmured. "I can't imagine…" Dani smiled lovingly. "I think you can" she whispered quietly. "Better than anyone…"
Christmas morning cast a golden bright light over Hope Valley as Nathan prepared breakfast for Allie, who was still asleep after her late night the night before, and for Dani, who had agreed at dinner to join them. His heart gave a little jump when he heard a soft knock on the door and smiled cheerfully as he opened the door for Dani, whose nose was red with the cold. "Come on in" he invited her, taking her chilled hand. "I have hot coffee and pancakes this morning." Dani laughed and unwrapped the scarf from her head. "Thank you" she said, standing on tiptoe and kissing his cheek. "It smells wonderful." As she handed him her coat however, she suddenly produced a thin, square package that she had had tucked under her arm and handed it to him with a loving gaze. "Merry Christmas Nathan" she murmured. Nathan took it slowly from her, surprise written all over his face. "For me?" he asked. "Dani, you didn't have to…" Dani smiled. "I hope you like it" she said, running a hand back and forth against his shoulder. Nathan felt himself blushing as he gently tore away the paper. Inside was a beautifully embroidered canvas, framed in a polished wooden frame. The colors and pattern on it made Nathan's eyes sparkle, though it wasn't until he read the words that had been stitched that his heart gave a rapturous leap. One sees clearly only with the heart. "It's my sampler" Dani explained. "After I met you… The words couldn't be for anyone else." Nathan looked up from the beautiful sampler to Dani, with tears in his eyes. "Dani…" he breathed, awed by her thoughtfulness, and knowing full well how much time had been put into finishing it. "It's perfect." Dani smiled, though he could see the tears welling up in her eyes too as she looked up at him tenderly. She didn't respond, but her eyes told him that she had given him more than just her sampler; she had given her heart. "Dani…" he said slowly, laying the gift aside gently. "Can I give you your gift?" Dani nodded, her eyes were soft and curious as he led her to the back door of the rowhouse. She could detect the excitement in his face as she followed him, giggling softly so as not to wake Allie. "What on earth can this be?" she asked, noting the eagerness in his eyes. Nathan smiled and opened the door for her. "I hope you like it" he murmured, stepping aside. "Ladies first." Bewildered, Dani stepped out onto the back steps and shielded her eyes against the brightness of the sun against the snow. Suddenly, as her eyes adjusted, she let out a gasp. "Oh Nathan!" she cried. Standing there, tied to the back fence, was the most beautiful, white horse that she had ever seen. It's soft, black eyes looked at her gently, and it greeted her with a joyous whinny, shaking the little bells on the bridle that Nathan had added there. Dani covered her gaping mouth with her hand and slowly approached the regal animal, laying her other hand on its soft neck. "Nathan!" she breathed again, turning to see the utter joy on his face. "I don't know what to say!" Nathan grinned and coming to her side, wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "Now you won't have to walk into town anymore" he pointed out. "We can go for rides together and see each other whenever we like. Plus, a horse can be a friend. This one's so gentle, and she'll always been there to look after you and keep you company." Dani slowly shook her head, touched by his thoughtfulness and generosity. "I don't know how to thank you" she murmured. "This is the most wonderful gift anyone has ever given me." She took a step closer to him and wrapping her arms around his neck, kissed him. "It will be like having a part of you there on the homestead with me" she observed, an observation that made Nathan beam. "Thank you Guardian Angel, for always looking out for me."