March

When I was depressed; my mother always told me – "Parkinsons don't cry."

I haven't been writing to her. I've been excluding myself from having any contact with my family, my friends (except Millicent, possibly), and particularly, Draco. As for the card and lollipop, I've never given it to him. It remained there, under my bed, in a little box of mine.

The box contained all sorts of things – useless rubbish, old photographs; telephone numbers and addresses. No one knew about this box, and I would never show it to anyone. Although you would think there was nothing important in that box once you've opened it, I've buried something deep inside there. At the very, very bottom.

A photograph that Narcissa Malfoy took at the park when I was 6, or so, remained there. I was wearing a maroon velvet dress and a cream white bonnet. I looked so happy. And right there, next to me, hand on my shoulder – was a 6 year old Draco in his black dress robes. He looked absolutely adorable, and I couldn't stop the smile that was gradually forming on my face. That day was my 6th birthday.

Looking back at that picture made me feel guilty. Draco and I were the best of friends back then. We had not a care in the world; I didn't feel like I was being pulled from all directions. There was nothing to worry about.

After the Valentine's Day incident, I ran to my bed and cried. My mothers' preferred phrase was breaking its promise. My mind was losing its control. That image – that very image of Draco back downstairs; refused to let go. My tears started rolling down faster as I pictured him with Daphne Greengrass. For the rest of February, I never spoke to him. Could he have possibly forgotten that one event that changed my life, back in January?

I had to get her back, any way possible. Maybe I should even get back at Draco.

Well, I had to see what sources I had to enable my plan to work. There was Millicent; she'd always be on my side. And although hard (and disgusted to say) to admit, there was Theodore Nott. I knew he would follow every command I gave him, because he was oh-so-desperate to please me. And this was his lucky chance; but it looked more like a risk to me.

Our plan was set – it was one of those "jealousy" plans; you understand what I mean. My first phase was to make it look like I was possibly "over" him. If I was lucky enough, he would see me with Theodore.

He's been walking up to me in between classes, but I always ran off trying to avoid him; trying to find Theodore. Just as Draco was about to grab my arm, I sped to Theodore and started talking to him; pretending I couldn't hear a thing behind us. This plan, I know, would surely let him apologize first. It should be about time he did, anyway.

Surprisingly, I found Draco with no plan at all. Nothing. Maybe I was going too far? Even if I was, I thought it was too early to quit the plan now. Theodore told me to 'stick to it' and not to give up. He's probably just taking advantage of the plan.

There was that one day. I never thought I could confess so many feelings; be so embarrassed altogether.

I couldn't avoid him that one time. Theodore was in detention and Draco and I were the only ones in the common room. Here goes, I thought. My anger was one of the hardest things I can possibly control.

"Pansy, I need to talk to you."

I furrowed my eyebrows. "Hah, about what?"

"You know what I'm talking about, stop being so unreasonable."

"Unreasonable? Me? Since when did you accuse me for everything? You were the one showing off all your wonderful presents from Daphne—"

He interrupted me. I didn't like to be cut off. "Listen, just because she gave me presents, it doesn't mean I preferred her over you, Pansy."

And with this my knees fell to the ground. I stopped there, kneeling, petrified in shock. What was I supposed to say? There was no reasonable comeback I could think of. I feel even more regretful as I'm writing this down; hand cramping.

Tears were coming their way. Some clung to my eyelashes and others had managed to escape to land on the hard ground. I could feel my mascara dripping slightly – I didn't want Draco to see me like this.

I heard other footsteps approaching – not Draco's – but other students. Most of them made a circle, Draco and I being in the middle. To them, it was some theatrical show. To me, it was unfair. Possibly, to Draco, I didn't know if he was feeling guilt for me or he was enjoying it. I was enduring great pain; I didn't know how long I could keep this up…

Draco ignored the other students to my astonishment and knelt on one knee in front of me. At this point my tears were streaming down to a steady flow. He leaned closer and I leaned back, trying to avoid a kiss if he was planning to give me one. His hand reached out of his cloak and placed it on my chin, sending the familiar tingling sensation I always felt when he touched me. My head was lifted up and I could see him more clearly.

"Now, I know you have something to say, and I know you want to say it. Tell me." He crooned softly.

I couldn't control myself. I grabbed the hand he was using to lift my chin, and hugged his arm. I started crying even more. Draco gave me a sad smile; a smile of pity. Quickly, I toppled on top of him following the embrace. We were brought to the ground and quickly stood up; I felt his palms on my shoulders.

"Would all of you mind leaving now? There's nothing to see here." Draco said in such a strict, firm tone. Some of them went, and some of them didn't move an inch. Following his demand, he sent out a nasty glare at them. This wasn't new to me as they all abandoned the area after that.

His hands were still on my shoulders but I was getting used to them. He was walking me towards the dormitories.

"Those irritating prats," I said.