Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own Harry Potter or any of these characters. This silly plot is mine.
Summary: Hermione calls in the experts.
A/N: Thanks to those of you who have reviewed, it makes my day. I know this is just a silly little fic, but I would love feedback.
"Oy, Hermione! I hear you have a new favorite color."
Hermione spun around to see George Weasley standing at the entrance to Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes, a curious expression on his face. She had been looking at the display window, working up the courage to enter the shop. She could tell the difference between the twins because of George's fuller face and (these days) shorter ginger hair.
She put on her sternest voice possible, "What do you mean by that, George Weasley?"
"Oh, just a rumor I heard," he was grinning at her. "Something about you preferring 'bland blond' over 'ravishing red' nowadays."
She steeled herself from his teasing, "Like my preferences are any of your concern."
"Well, my darling Miss Granger, that remains to be seen. After all, you're the one gracing my front stoop." George gave her an exaggerated bow and then opened the door. "Plan to come in, or would you rather stay out here and daydream wistfully of me and my brother whilst staring at our handsome mugs?"
Hermione glanced at the paintings of the twins through the glass. Fred's likeness winked at her, as George's smirked before disappearing behind a Headless Hat.
"Well?" George gestured for her to enter with mock gallantry.
She sighed (but not wistfully, not in the least) and walked through the door. Fred was behind the counter helping a customer. She found herself coloring slightly as he copied the action of his portrait moments before and winked her way. This is ridiculous, she scolded herself. I've known this man for years and I have a boyfriend who I'm madly in love with, how can he still make me blush? She took a deep breath and smiled at him, as George scurried in behind her.
George's lack-of-modesty not withstanding, the years had been kind to both Weasley men, replacing their boyish charm with dashing maturity. Fred had kept his hair long and the hint of grey at the edges of his red locks was actually quite becoming. Unlike George, who had settled down with a witch and married rather young, he was still single and consistently (along with Draco and Ron) on Witch Weekly's "Most Eligible Wizards" list.
Fred finished the sale and as the customer walked off he leaned over the counter toward Hermione. "Why if it isn't the lovely Miss Granger. To what do we owe this unexpected pleasure?" While his lilting tone had a hint of a tease like his brother's, there was also more warmth and familiarity as he spoke to her.
She met him in the middle of the counter to give him a kiss on the cheek, but he managed to move his head slightly, capturing her lips in a quick peck instead. Sneaky bastard, she thought. "Hello Fred."
"Hermione," his eyes danced with mischief, as usual. "You look fetching as always. Though I hear I've got to be on my best behavior these days."
She blushed in earnest now then shrugged. "Well, it isn't like we're hiding it from anyone."
Fred walked around the counter and took her by the hand. "'Course not, and why should you? Malfoy may have been a twitchy ferret at Hogwarts, but he's turned out alright. I'm happy for you. Really."
"We both are," George added. "Though that doesn't mean the prat deserves you!"
"If he ever gives you any trouble..." Fred started.
"Makes you feel bad in any way..." George continued.
"Hurts you in the slightest..." said Fred.
"He'll regret it," they both concluded.
"Thanks, I appreciate it. Though you both know I can take care of myself," she looked at them in turn. "In any case, I was hoping to get your...assistance...in a certain matter."
The twins raised their eyebrows in unison.
Fred looked down one of the aisles to a young wizard who was restocking some merchandise. "Clarence, George and I have business to tend to in the back, mind the shop."
He nodded, "Alright, Mr. Weasley."
The twins led her to an office in the rear of the store. Magic had obviously been used in making the space much larger than it appeared from the outside. Over the years Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes had become a huge success, with branch stores in Hong Kong, Paris and New York and a significant mail order business. When Hermione had told Draco and Colin that the twins could be bought, she didn't really mean it because frankly, they weren't lacking in any capacity.
But she knew that they could never turn down an opportunity to take the mickey out of someone. It wasn't money they got off on, it never really had been. It was the joy they got in spreading harmless mayhem. The fact that Ron was one of the targets helped a bit. That Fred had a real soft spot for her helped even more.
Hermione and Fred sat down in plush chairs that framed a fireplace on one side of the room.
"How about I conjure up some tea," offered George, who remained standing.
"That would be lovely," said Hermione.
George took out his wand and with a few movements a tea service appeared. Hermione helped herself as George took a seat to her left (Fred was across from her, the fire to her right).
"So, what sort of assistance do you require?"
"Well, since you know about my situation with Draco, I take it you also know how Harry and Ron, along with several others, decided to listen in to our very personal conversation on the day of Mitchell and Pansy's engagement party," she said.
"Yes, that was brilliant," said George. He noticed Hermione's angered expression and quickly added, "Sorry."
Fred laughed. "But it was rather clever."
"Fred!" Hermione protested.
"Come on, Hermione, you had to know we'd appreciate that sort of ingenuity, but honestly we want to get the blimey bastards as much as you."
She looked to each of them in surprise. "You do?"
"Yes," they both said, a hint of more than just mischievousness in their blue eyes.
"You see..." began Fred.
"We know what they used to listen in on you and Malfoy..." George said.
"And little miss-mister Bulstrode bought the device..." Fred continued.
"From our competition," finished George.
"So luv, what exactly do you have in mind?" Fred asked.
Hermione then told them about the plot she and Draco had devised to avenge their stolen privacy, including Colin's muggle relatives and their Winnebago, a number of famous American tourist trap spots and Pansy Parkinson's plans to hold all of her wedding festivities--including the stag and hen parties--in muggle Las Vegas.
"The key to all of this working," she noted. "Is to ensure that once they find themselves in the...situtation...they can't just use magic--or even their legs--to get out. They have to be willing and therefore trapped for the duration."
"My my," said George. "Who ever knew our innocent Miss Granger had such a devious mind? I'd blame Malfoy, but I know he doesn't have the brain power to come up with all this on his own."
Fred smiled flirtatiously at Hermione. "I always knew she had it in her."
She brushed off his suggestive look. "So, do you think you two can help?"
"Definitely," said George.
Fred seemed to contemplate the situation a moment longer. "Yes, I agree with George."
She laughed, "When don't you agree with each other?"
"Over witches," he said, without missing a beat.
"Oh." Hermione's face took on a rosy hue again.
George, in a bout of chivalry, came to her rescue by getting them back on topic. "Okay then, so what we need is a binding magical contract."
"Yes," Hermione agreed, relieved to be able to focus on George again instead of Fred's searching expression. "But the real trick is they have to sign it without realizing what they're being bound to."
"Do you know where Parkinson has decided to register for bridal gifts?" George asked.
"I think she's going to use several places," Hermione said, unsure of where he was going with the query.
"No matter," said Fred. "They're all on Wizard Wireless, right?"
"Yes," said Hermione, beginning to catch on.
"Then we just need to plant a phantom programming charm to fool them into signing off on 'muggle tours'--using the registry could work in some cases, but we can tailor each charm to fit the user." He turned to George. "Know anyone who can hack into a WW account?" he questioned, but it was apparent from the way he asked that he already had someone in mind.
"But of course, brother 'o mine. Our old mate Lee Jordan," he said.
Fred looked at Hermione again. "Alright luv, you think you and Malfoy are up to a bit of spy work?
She squirmed in her chair with anticipation. "Tell me what we need to do."
To be continued...