In the name of love human beings will do the strangest things. It can make a grown man cry and a young girl bleed. It is all you need, but it is surprising how we take it for granted when we have enough. But gods above, when we don't have it...when we can't grasp it and all we can do is yearn, how we feel the pain of its absence. Love, indeed, is a curious thing. It oftentimes starts from nothing, flowering in the most unlikely of spots. Love never blooms where it's expected to...it's like an orchid growing in the middle of the artic tundra. It just doesn't make sense and that is why it is beautiful. Because everyone wants it...and because no one ever gets what they want...and it is beautiful. Love comes in as many colors as the rainbow, in forms and images that no man could ever manage, much less measure.
Once thoughts of love had dominated her mind ruthlessly, they skipped through her thoughts like that annoying song you always seem to get stuck in your head. You aren't sure how it got there or even why but once there, it refused to leave. Even when it became bothersome and unwelcome but the more you hear it, the more you like it. Like the song, love can be aggravating at first but as time passes, you find yourself not hating it as much as you did before. Only with Kagome, things had gone in reverse, which made her situation that much harder to bear. Not to mention more confusing.
During those first heady weeks in the feudal era those thoughts had run along the most innocent of lines. She'd been looking for nothing but uncomplicated friendship from Inuyasha. Kagome had always been a good girl, the type who always followed the rules and did just as she was told. In breaking the Shikon no Tama, she had made a grave mistake and being a responsible girl, she owned up to it and had agreed immediately to rectify the situation. And knowing she needed help, she swallowed her pride and cajoled Inuyasha into joining her. She had to admit, that at the time she was already somewhat smitten with him. He personified the very attractive but gruff anti-hero...and she could almost kick herself for being like Ayumi. Privately she had to admit it. She liked a bad boy...but unlike Ayumi, she didn't like a bad, bad boy. He had to have a heart and underneath under all his bluster, Inuyasha did have a good heart...and that's what she fell in love with.
It all started with her innocent wish for a basic working friendship and it had grown. Gradually, her feelings of friendship developed into a terrible crush. She had fallen hard. He was the first friend of the opposite sex she had. The first boy she'd spent any time alone with. She was only in ninth grade when they first met and very naive. Not that she was all jaded now...but...It had been a year and she'd received a rather rough lesson in just how much love could really hurt.
The crush had turned into something more as longing set in. By this time, she'd found out about Kikyo and Inuyasha and their brief, tragic love affair. She found out all about the woman who looked so much like her...and it made the aching in her heart all that much worse. It wasn't until her soul had been stolen from her by Urasue to raise Kikyo from the dead that she knew what her feelings were. She loved Inuyasha, plain and simple...and it was the worst kind of love of all. Unrequited.
Then came all the times he'd turn from her to run into Kikyo's arms. And it took everything in her not to relive every painful moment. She had to forget. For herself...for Inuyasha...for...for her own sanity and the sake of her bleeding heart that would one day kill her because it bled to freely and openly for everyone who happened to cross her path. Here was the part where the song wore out its welcome, where she couldn't stand to hear another verse because it just made her sick. This love...it was turning her into a person she hated. A sad little wraith, a pathetic...cloying...obnoxious...twit...who just sat around and waited for life to happen for her, never once thinking to just jump up and grab it herself.
The stupidity of her situation was revealed to her in the guise of a little girl. She was an idiot. A fool to worry and cry about something so simplistic when there were more important things out there...when there were people who suffered greater loss than she but somehow managed to go on. How could she moan and despair about Inuyasha being an insensitive, two-timing jerk...when there were people...children who suffered in far greater amounts than she. They suffered the kind of pain that had nothing to do with a school girl crush and everything to do with their lives being torn apart by unfortunate circumstance. Her mind wandered to one child in particular who had likely lost her entire family and now followed a demon that protected her, but more than likely showed her little, if any affection. In a way, she felt a kinship with the girl, having to deal with her own stubborn dog demon as it were. She felt almost honor bound to fix the sadness in the little girl's eyes, as if it'd fix her own pain.
And it's funny that when love is denied, it finds other avenues...It squirms around, snake-like, until it finds that vulnerable spot and it strikes without warning. Love takes many shapes...many forms and it can be given to more than one person. Of all the emotions, it is the most all encompassing and one way or another it finds a way into your life.
You can't live with it, can't live without it.
Kagome smiled wryly at this thought. It was the first time in two and half weeks that she'd pondered love. Thankfully, this time, it had nothing to do with Inuyasha or their uncomfortable relationship. It had everything to do with one little dark haired girl that had suddenly come into her life. Rin, the irrepressibly sweet ward to one Sesshoumaru, Inuyasha's hated older brother...or rival...or arch nemesis...depending on the day but that didn't matter to her at the moment. Who the girl hung out with for the other twenty two hours of the day was without consequence. The wry smile reformed, softening into something more wistful as she watched Rin and Shippou play.
Funny, how children no matter their heritage were always children.
They danced in the half light between day and true evening. The sun was slowly sinking and though it was still bright, it had begun to tinge a faded amber as night approached. Kagome gazed at it, her eyes narrowing warmly as she remembered a time when she played so carelessly. She thought about how short childhood was. When she was younger, she took the time she had for granted. As a child, she'd looked up to her parents and their worries with confusion. Sometimes, her parent's would let out their problems and the knowledge would seep into her bright, carefree world. And she'd get afraid, looking up to her parents for strength. At the time, they seemed so proudly focused. Like a pair of unmoving towers that'd hold all the bad things in the world at bay. She'd never understood her parent's worries and when trying to comfort them, would end up being comforted by them instead.
Time passed so quickly when you're young, going from being a carefree child to tortured teenager to stress addled adult in the blink of an eye. That was the way it seemed to her anyways. One minute there was nothing to worry about and the next there seemed to be nothing BUT worries.
When she was only twelve it had occurred to her that within the next year she'd be an actual teenager. Her mind had wandered to the long years ahead and suddenly the future didn't seem as far away as it did when she was much younger. The future seemed even closer now, which was a weird thought to be having while in the past. Again, her experience with time travel had the tendency to unnerve her.
The future. What a scary thought that was. Here she was in the feudal era when where she should be was in cram school with the rest of the kids her age. How in the hell was she going to get into a decent college at this rate? High school exams were coming up and she could already feel the dread welling inside her. Thank the gods for summer break. August was just around the corner and she could sure as hell use a month long vacation from all this silliness. It'd give her a chance to more thoroughly search for jewel shards...which would make Inuyasha incredibly happy. And maybe...just maybe...It'd make going back to school in the fall easier. If she could just convince Inuyasha. Yes, she could make a deal with him. One month of mostly uninterrupted shard hunting for around three months of peace. It was perfect! Shard hunting on the weekends and studying the rest of the week and that way she'd still be helping out and what not while dialing it back a bit so she could focus on her studies...then...then things would be golden!
She could almost pat herself on the back for her cleverness.
Of course, this was all assuming she could get Inuyasha to agree with it. Kagome pouted, knowing that it would never be as easy as all that. She'd keep her word and the time would come for him to do the same and then...And then Naraku would appear in a cloud of purple smoke with his stupid 'Deadly Bees', and with this thought she mentally wiggled her fingers because Naraku deserved the creepy finger treatment. Then there'd be a big 'ol fight and in the end Naraku would get away. Leaving Inuyasha to shout expletives and threats at his retreating back, and when the smoke would clear, he'd be more intent than ever on finding the bastard. This would mean stepping up the shard hunting...it would also mean that she was totally boned. Goodbye cram school! Screw you high school exams! Hello to her exciting new career in the fast food industry!
"Maybe I should just give up and buy myself a little paper hat..." She mumbled to herself sullenly.
She didn't even look good in orange. Kagome frowned, feeling that this was all terribly unfair. Fate and destiny were screwing with her, they really were and she didn't like it one bit. She'd always believed that things happened for a reason, even if you didn't understand it. So with this presumption, she knew that she was meant to come back to this time. Yet she still had her life back in her own time. She was torn...her back was against the wall in both eras and the stress was going to drive her mad.
If this was what being an adult was like, then she really didn't want to grow up any more than she already was. In fact, if she could fold back the fabric of time and space, she'd go back to being a child again. It was better than the constant confusion.
Her eyes then lighted on Rin's dancing shadow. Was it so awful to wish to be that happy again? That oblivious. But when she really looked at it, without rose colored glasses, childhood wasn't always that easy. Life in all its beauty was as painful as it was wonderful. It was frustrating but rewarding. Sometimes pointless but at the same time filled with purpose. Old or young, it didn't matter. In some ways, being a child had its disadvantages. At least now she knew what to expect. The world could be a scary and uncertain place for a child, no matter the era. It's a place where someone important could be taken from you without warning or explanation. How confusing those times can be. When all the adults around you are too broken to help you understand your own pain. One moment someone is there and they love and the next they're gone and they're in agony.
Now she understood what the adults around her had tried to do. They were just trying to protect her from the truth but now...now she knew. Her parents weren't invincible towers, they were human. Fragile. As fragile as she was and with no one to kiss the pain away, because adults just have to deal with it. They have to maintain the facade of calm in the face of their children. When all they want to do is cry.
Is this what the gods wanted to teach her? Is that why she was here?
Was time and circumstance trying to disabuse her of most of her more childish notions? Slowly, she began to understood why her mother and father acted the way they did. They did it for her and for her brother. They wanted nothing but the best for her. The words of her father rang out to her from the darkness. She remembered the rainy day in question. She'd gone outside without telling her parents where she was. She went to play on the far side of the shrine...she'd fallen and twisted her ankle...and as she limped home, she could remember the look on her father's face. He was so angry and she was confused, because she was hurting and wet and she just wanted her daddy. And what had she done to make him so mad? He carried her home without a word and when they got inside, she was given a firm lecture. She cried. She could remember the feeling of her hot tears, and the sense that this was all so unfair. It wasn't like she killed anyone! Then her father hugged her and how she wanted to pull away and just yell at him. But she didn't. In the warmth of his embrace he told her something that stayed with her to this day. Something that for a long time, she was slightly bitter about, as any child who just got reprimanded would be.
"I'm sorry I yelled at you...and I know you don't understand. But someday you will. You'll see...someday that everything I ever told you was right."
It was so damned arrogant. The sick thing was...he was right. It was a hard pill to swallow, but her father was right. The things her parents did were all because they worried about her. They loved her and were afraid of losing her, and the rules they set were only there because they wanted to protect her. Because they knew that she only had one life to live and they wanted her to enjoy it. Not to fear it.
Sometimes, she wondered why her mother allowed her to go to the feudal era, knowing all the dangers. Kagome watched the children play more intently. Perhaps she knew something she didn't. Maybe this was her mother's way of saying...you go Kagome, find where you belong. In a way, she felt like her mother was trying to show her how to live off her own strength, without depending on others. Looking into the sky, she knew she had yet to fully learn that lesson. Things felt so stagnant...like she was waiting but what she was waiting for was beyond a mystery. She couldn't help but think that she was at the edge of something important...something life changing.
If only change didn't hurt so damn much.
The children giggled and the sounds of their merriment filled the empty field. Kagome couldn't help the smile that graced her face. Shippou and Rin both had been through a kind of hell that she couldn't imagine. Her own loss seemed so small in comparison with theirs. Her father might have passed but she still had Momma, Grandpa and Souta. They had nothing and no one, yet here they were, laughing like there was no tomorrow. Try as she might, she could never replace what Rin and Shippou had lost. But she'd be damned if she wouldn't try.
Shippou must have said something funny, because all of a sudden, Rin began to laugh hysterically. The giggles coming out in furious gales of high pitched laughter that was damn near infectious. She felt a chuckle of her own form as she watched Rin hold her stomach and fall dramatically to the ground, rolling back and forth as she laughed.
Funny, despite the pain in their lives, children find their own way to move on. She had to admire their resilience, maybe even envy it a little.
Her subdued smile widened and Kagome closed her eyes, sending a silent prayer to the skies as she turned her face to the last rays of the sun. And to the eyes of one little girl, she looked serenely beautiful, reminding her of a carving she once saw of the Goddess Kannon. Rin had remembered and kept all the lessons her Lord had taught her. Kannon was the goddess of mercy, she heard the cries of all creation and if she thought you worthy enough, she would answer them. She'd prayed to Kannon on more than one occasion and now...she wondered if her prayers had been answered. Maybe this was Kannon in the flesh. Kagome was certainly as beautiful as any goddess, at least in her humble opinion. Yet she knew that the girl was as human as she because Sesshoumaru-sama has said so and Sesshoumaru-sama never, ever lied. So maybe Kannon had sent Kagome to her. Yes, that had to be it.
Shippou was still chasing fireflies and Rin was tired of chasing fireflies because you could never catch them without hurting them. Smiling softly, she sat down next to the older girl to wait for her to wake up. Kagome pulled herself out of her reverie and immediately looked down at her young friend.
"Hey, Rin. What's up?"
Rin had learned what that question meant. The first time Kagome had asked it, she'd gotten very confused. Without questioning the elder girl, she looked up because she wanted very much answer her question correctly. Sesshoumaru-sama stressed the importance of answering quickly and correctly. So she immediately replied that the sky was up. Looking at Kagome expectantly, she was shocked to find the older girl laughing so hard her face turned red. At the time, Rin had been worried and embarrassed because she obviously made some sort of mistake. That was until Kagome had breathlessly explained what she had meant and had assured her she'd done nothing wrong. 'What's up' was just a saying where Kagome came from and she had forgotten that Rin didn't know it. She just felt relieved she hadn't made a mistake and had in fact made a funny joke.
This was the first of many things that puzzled her about Kagome. So it made perfect sense to her that she had to be sent by the gods. Otherwise, why else would she dress and act so weird? She had thought to ask Kagome herself, but she knew it was rude. Sesshoumaru-sama said it was impolite to accuse someone of something before you knew for sure. He said that you had to gather all the necessary information before acting on it, otherwise you proved yourself a brash fool. And Rin didn't want to be a brash fool. Still...
"Rin...you okay? You're being awfully quiet..."
"I'm alright, Kagome-chan." She said, sighing softly while she thought about what she ought to do. "How are you?"
"I'm okay. Anything I can do for you? You look like you were thinking about something."
She shook her head and watched Kagome watching the sunset. Rin observed the older girl's movements, just as her lord had taught her to. When dealing with a problem, her lord had told her to watch first then make the appropriate decision. Clutching the flowers she gathered in her hand, Rin felt a tiny tug of sorrow in her chest. The way the older girl looked as she basked in the last rays of the sun was familiar. Too familiar. It reminded her of times barely remembered, before she came to be in the service of her lord. Her mother used to look like that when all the work was done at the end of the day. She'd sit down on the hill by their house, and she'd close her eyes and bask in the sunlight...just like that.
Kagome could feel the little girl's eyes on her. She knew that there were questions she wanted to ask. A hundred unspoken questions hung between them since the first day they met. Patience was a virtue. She'd always believed that, so she waited for Rin to be ready. If she pushed too hard, she'd get no where anyway. And it was plainly too painful to dredge up the past that way. The little girl peered up at her through her bangs, her dark eyes gone wide with worry.
"I was just wondering..." Rin started, her mouth hanging open when the words wouldn't come. She paused, feeling troubled by everything. Rin shook her head and continued, unable to look Kagome in the eye as she spoke quietly, "I was just...I w-wondered...if...well...maybe...you were...y-you were sent by the gods..."
Rin had expected the older girl to laugh at her like she did with the 'what's up' question. But she didn't. She even expected her to react a little like Jaken. All annoyed at her for being 'stupid and naive'. But she didn't. Instead, the older girl cocked her head as she looked out at the sun and contemplated the question.
Kagome wasn't expecting that at all. Speaking slowly, she replied, "Well, I guess that depends on how you mean it. If you mean literally sent by the gods, then...No..."
"Oh." Rin said, clearly disappointed.
"Hey. Not finished." The older girl smiled and ruffled her hair, "I might not be sent by the gods, but I don't think our meeting you was an accident."
Now Rin was really confused, "Huh?"
This time, Kagome did laugh lightly, "What I mean is...I don't believe in accidents. I think you and me and Shippou were supposed to meet each other. Maybe the gods did it. Maybe it was fate...but whatever it was...I'm glad."
"Me too."
A long stretch of silence followed that was neither comfortable nor uncomfortable. It was just there. The kind of quiet that falls between two people consumed in deep contemplation, which made the sorrowful gait of languishing daylight that much more beautiful. As the shadows around them deepened, Kagome's curiosity won out over her promise to be patient.
"What prompted that question?" Kagome asked curiously as she gave the girl a sideways glance before returning to gaze at the sky.
The light oranges and pinks of twilight gave way to the intense indigo and purple of true evening. And for long moments, the little girl didn't answer, seeming to be as absorbed in the sun's slow descent across the sky as she was. With a small sigh, Rin tried to think of a way to answer that without sounding terribly rude or stupid. Her mother had always said that honesty was the best policy. Staring into the sun, Rin blinked away the tears that followed that thought. She looked up at the older girl and though she looked like she was only gazing at the sky, Rin knew she was waiting for an answer. Kagome would never force her to answer, instinctively she knew this. But Rin felt that she ought to answer because it was far ruder to ignore a question from an elder like that.
Fidgeting, Rin answered quietly, "...It was just..." She paused, her brows furrowing as she struggled with her emotions, "...It's just...Kagome looked so pretty...like an angel. Like..." She trailed off for a moment, beginning again, her voice nothing more than a whisper, "...Like Rin's mommy..."
Kagome's heart dropped and broke in the same second those words reached her ears. It was the first time the girl had spoken of her birth parents and the girl had compared her to her mother. Sympathetically, Kagome glanced down at the little girl, lightly touching her shoulder to let her know it was okay. Rin looked down at her hands as they fingered the bouquet she'd made for the older girl. She fought her tears because she wanted to show Kagome she was brave, but it was so hard sometimes. Rin had never liked to cry, even when her parents were alive. It made her nose all stuffy and in the end, she'd never felt it made her feel any better. Besides, her lord disliked it. He had insisted that she was stronger than that. But this time, she couldn't help it. A small tear slipped beneath the curtain of her lashes and it was followed by a veritable flood.
All she heard was the soft sound of Rin as she sniffled, obviously trying far too hard to keep herself from crying. She looked down tenderly at the trembling girl, rubbing her small shoulders to try and comfort her. Realizing it wasn't enough; Kagome wordlessly gathered the little girl in her arms and simply held her while she cried. Rin had never been more grateful to the gods in her life. She tightened her arms around her newfound friend to assure herself this was real. Kagome smiled softly and rested her head on top of Rin's gently. She began to rock back and forth slightly, rubbing the little girl's back as she gazed at the fading sun. Kagome squinted her eyes, wondering if this was how her mother felt all those times she cried in her arms. Rin soon rested quietly in her embrace as her sobs tapered off. With a deep sigh, Kagome ran her hands through the little girl's dark tresses.
"When I was little...much younger than you are now. My daddy died..."
Rin had been quiet and docile until she uttered those words. The little girl stirred in her arms and looked up at Kagome with tear stained confusion. She gazed back, her eyes reflecting her own deep sorrow. Truth be told, Kagome hadn't talked about this with any depth since her father's funeral. Most of the time she relayed the information as a basic fact, nothing more because she didn't really want to talk about it, it simply hurt too much. But sometimes to get something, you had to give.
"...I miss him so much and even thought it happened a long time ago, the pain really doesn't go away. Just dulls, I guess...you go on. You have to but it's always there. Losing someone always hurts..." Kagome stopped for a moment to gather her thoughts and push back her tears, looking from the little girl back to the sky, "But I think that as long as I remember how much I loved my daddy and how much he loved me...it's like he never left. He's always right here..." She said, holding a hand to her heart.
Rin wasn't sure she should ask but speaking in a small voice, she did anyway, "H-how...how did your daddy die?"
"An accident on the road when he was traveling...He lost control of his ca-wagon and it crashed..."
"...Rin's mommy and daddy got sick...but Rin didn't. Then lots of people in the village got sick but Rin still didn't. Rin was alone...They said it was Rin's fault..."
Kagome had tried very hard to keep herself from crying, because she needed to be calm for Rin. But the confession and the sudden switch from using the first person noun I to her own name was too much. Numbly, the tears slipped from her eyes and she didn't bother to wipe them away. Looking down at the little girl, she took her chin in her hands and forced the girl to meet her eyes.
"They're wrong. People can be very cruel sometimes, Rin. And cruel people say stupid things just to hurt you. It wasn't your fault."
Rin answered in a tiny voice, averting her eyes shyly, "That's what Sesshoumaru-sama said..."
"Well, he was right." Kagome replied firmly, finally wiping away her tears, "For a long time, I thought it was my fault too. The last time I saw my daddy...He yelled at me because I was being naughty. And when he left, I was still angry with him...I thought that his dying was some kind of punishment. But...now that I'm older, I know it wasn't my fault. It was just a horrible accident." She paused for effect, letting the words sink in as she brushed stray hairs from the little girl's face, "So, it's not your fault either. You can't control when accidents happen. Can't control it when someone gets sick. It just happens and it's how you deal with it that matters. I miss my daddy and I'm still sad but...I think he'd be proud of how strong I've become..." then Kagome looked straight at Rin and smiled, "I think your parents would be proud of you too."
The little girl didn't cry this time, even though she really felt like she might. Instead, she rested against Kagome, feeling the warmth from within and without as the sun dipped near the edge of the horizon. She sniffled and snuggled against Kagome; her hand snaked up and trapped a lock of the older girl's hair between her fingers. Before long, she was quietly playing with it; content to relive a dead routine she thought she'd never be party to again. Rin just watched the world pass, noting that Shippou was still trying to catch fireflies. Another question hung on her lips and for a moment she hesitated, but her curiosity nagged at her. She'd put most of the pieces together but she lacked that final clue. It was like she could see the picture perfectly, but for that one spot...the one part of the picture only Kagome held.
"...Shippou's parents...are they dead too? Is that why he is with you?" Rin asked softly, holding her breath, she wasn't sure she really wanted to hear the answer.
"Yes."
That word sounded so heavy, like a clacker on one of the large temple bells. It fell with one final swing, and the aftershock of the word rang in her ears relentlessly. Choking back a defeated whimper, Rin spoke hoarsely, "Kagome...I don't want anyone else to die...is that okay? Is it okay if I wish that it'd just stop?"
"Mmmhmm..."
"Why? Why do people have to die?"
"Death is a part of life...and I think, everything has to end sometime...but this is the way I like to think about it. I want to die frustrated and sad, because if I do, that means I have more life I wanted to live. We have to enjoy every moment. You have to love life and all its problems, not mourn it. Besides, death, it's not really the end of the road, just another turn."
"Do you think...do you believe in heaven, Kagome?"
The older girl looked into the distance with an oddly thoughtful look on her face before she answered carefully, "Well, no one really knows what happens after we die...but I like to think that at the end of this journey, we get to go someplace nice and peaceful. So...I guess, yes...I believe in heaven."
The unerring look of strength that Kagome held in that moment was breathtaking, only one other person in her life looked like that when talking about something. It made her feel sort of ashamed for having momentarily doubting the gods long enough to give into despair. Kagome...she really was an angel.
"...I'm sorry..."
"Why?"
"For crying." Rin replied quietly, flicking a dark lock of her friend's hair over one finger absently, "Sesshoumaru-sama never cries. And I want to be strong...like him...like you..."
Kagome smiled, giggling lightly, "Don't be sorry, silly girl. Crying doesn't make you weak. Only human and that's okay. Besides, I think you're very strong and so does Sesshoumaru."
"Really?" Rin asked, her high voice squeaking with renewed vigor.
"Yup. Sesshoumaru is a very strong demon. Do you really think he'd tolerate someone who was weak?" Kagome said, feeling just a bit odd at give Sesshoumaru a quasi-compliment, as he was-technically-her enemy. The little girl didn't notice the internal struggle and slowly shook her head, "No, he doesn't. So would he let you follow him if he thought you were weak?" Rin shook her head again, "Well then...I guess there's nothing to worry about, right?"
Rin nodded slowly, both of them falling silent as they'd managed to talk themselves out. A rarity for both girls.
The minutes traversed by in a slow refrain, neither girl particularly noting their passing. They were too absorbed in their own thoughts and the strange well of comfort they'd just built. Rin relaxed herself in the older girl's arms, both of them fidgeting a bit till they were comfortable. A small smile formed on Kagome's face as she watched with muted amusement as Shippou continued his quest to capture a firefly. Apparently the futility of the effort was lost on him, as he continued to do it without pause. As if he hadn't even thought about giving up. Rin seemed to be as amused by the sight as she was, if the small giggle she just heard was any judge.
"Kagome?"
"Hmmm?"
"Can we stay like this?" Rin asked, tilting her head up from its resting place to look up at her friend with anticipation.
"Absolutely."
They shared a smile, but the moment was interrupted by Shippou's excited shouts.
"KAGOME! KAGOME! I CAUGHT ONE! I CAUGHT ONE!" He exclaimed as he ran up to her, holding his cupped hands out triumphantly.
"Caught what?"
"A FIREFLY! LOOK!" He said, opening his hands slowly to reveal the glowing form of a firefly.
Before Kagome could warn him, he opened his hands just a bit too wide and the firefly escaped. It rose quickly to join its brethren that danced slowly around them.
"AW!" Shippou said dejectedly, watching his hard earned victory fly away.
Neither girl could help themselves, they laughed at him. It was too funny not to. Shippou was about to get indignant but then he smelled the distinctive scent of freshly spilled tears. What in the world had gone on while he was away? Girls were honestly the most confusing creatures in the world. But his father had always said that a good man takes care of the women in his life. He makes sure that they are okay, and sometimes that means asking them about their...feelings. It was a terrible duty, but one that no real man should shirk. And though he wasn't full grown, he accepted this difficult task with true dignity. Unlike certain hanyou he could name.
Shippou tipped his head and looked at the girls inquisitively, "Is everyone okay?"
"Yes, why do you ask?" Kagome replied, a bit suspiciously to his ears.
"Cus someone was crying. I can smell it."
"It's nothing. Just girl stuff."
The kit wasn't convinced, looking from Kagome to Rin and then back again. Rin had been the one crying and Kagome had comforted her. Leave it to his big sis to make things all better.
"Well, if you two are sure." Shippou said, crossing his arms and nodding his head, as if he'd firmly resolved the situation himself.
Again, Kagome and Rin couldn't help but laugh at the little fox demon. This time, he did get indignant. Much to everyone's amusement. In the midst of a freeing giggle fit, Kagome had a moment of inspiration. Mid-laugh, she noticed the sudden proliferation of fireflies. As it got darker, more and more of them came out from their daytime hiding places.
"Shippou, get me my bag...I got an idea!"
He smiled widely at her, knowing full well that Kagome's ideas often involved trouble but the fun kind of trouble. Grinning from ear to ear, the fox demon gave a curt nod before running the short distance to the spot where she left her bag. Awkwardly, he picked it up, his little claws curling around the bag's straps. He grunted at bit as he pulled it into his small arms. It wasn't that it was heavy or anything, he was just unused to its weight. With another little grunt, he held it out in front of him as best he could, making his way back to Kagome and Rin clumsily.
She smiled slightly at the kit's approach, noting his wavering progress. It looked like he might fall over at any minute. She probably should have just gotten it herself but she didn't really want to let go of Rin yet. There was a feeling deep inside that it was important for her to continue to comfort the girl. At least until her plan was formed. Shippou stumbled at bit and with a squeak was barely able to maintain his balance. She watched as he tittered on one foot, hopping a bit before he caught himself and started to walk again. Kagome giggled, he was really too cute for his own good. Shippou wobbled up to them, the pack he carried bouncing wildly as he stumbled forward. With a loud sigh, Shippou let go of the bag, trying his best to set it down gently. It made a disturbing fwump sound as it connected with the ground and he grimaced, hoping he didn't break anything. Kagome didn't seem worried, so he guessed it was okay. She whispered something to Rin and the young girl obediently slipped off Kagome's lap and sat next to her.
She pulled the worn, yellow backpack closer to her and carelessly opened the flap. This particular bag had been with her for a long time and she'd rarely shown it any kind of gentleness. It was made to be used for this purpose and she liked things better when they were well worn. Shippou sat down next to Rin and watched Kagome with detached interest. This was a familiar ritual for him and he was used to the amazing things she'd pull out of that backpack.
Admittedly, the first time she showed up with it, he'd been awed and for the longest time he thought that it was a magic bag. Some of his father's relatives had neat stuff like that, but he'd never known a human that had one. It wasn't until curiosity had gotten the better of him and he actually looked in the pack that he found out it wasn't magical at all, just a normal backpack for an unusual human. He never really believed all that from the future nonsense till then. Shippou grinned, remembering her amused outrage when she found him digging in her backpack. She quit yelling when he held up a strange white garment with two funny holes in it. Kagome called them underwear and seemed to be a bit embarrassed about him finding it. She never did explain to him why and what the strange garment was. He supposed it was some girl thing. That's what Miroku had told him, anyways.
Shippou glanced over at Rin, and wasn't surprised to find her eyes were as wide as saucers. This was her first time with the backpack, after all. Kagome had said not to mention where she was from, so he couldn't explain. Not yet. Not until Kagome got over being silly, like the rest of the adults in his life. Honestly, things would be less complicated if they just said what they felt. Still, he could at least clue her in.
"OI, Rin!" He said, sounding more like Inuyasha than he'd like to admit.
The little girl turned to him, her eyes still wide and glassy.
"Don't worry. It's not a magic bag. Just a regular bag. Kagome keeps some pretty neat stuff in there."
Rin gave him a puzzled look and shrugged her shoulders, content to continue to watch Kagome in fascination. Her sharp, hurried movements spoke of a restless need that wouldn't be sated until she found what she was looking for. The little girl cocked her head and waited with patient curiosity.
Kagome was oblivious to all of this, furiously moving the contents of her pack around until she found what she was looking for. With a small, satisfied sigh, she brought out a pair of old baby food jars filled to brimming with rocks and other things she found interesting along the way. She wasted little time, transferring the contents of the jars from her hand to one of the empty pockets of the bag. Sure, the little bits of flotsam she collected were in danger of being lost when not properly contained, but it'd be worth it.
Screwing the tops back on the now empty jars, she dug in the front left pocket for her Swiss Army knife. Suddenly, her mother's mantra about always being prepared didn't sound so foolish and she now had to admit that the Swiss Army knife had been a good idea, damn it. Flicking out the larger knife, she pushed the pointed edge into the cap. It wasn't an easy task in the least. She grunted and scowled, biting her lip as she forced the blade into the stubborn tin lid. With a pop, she made her first hole. After a good twenty minutes of fighting, both jar lids had three rather jagged holes in them. They were just large enough to let air in, but not so large as to let anything else out.
She smiled triumphantly and presented the children with the jars like she was giving them one helluva present. They took the jars, looking at each other and then Kagome with bewilderment. Of course, they probably have never done this before. Grabbing Shippou's jar, she got up and gestured for them to follow. They did, both wondering if their friend had suddenly gone mental on them.
"Watch." She said with a small, secret smile.
Unscrewing the lid, she held the jar out and gently guided a firefly inside it. Quickly, she jammed the cap on the jar and screwed it shut, trapping the firefly within.
"See?" She asked, feeling vindicated by the twin looks of awe coming from her charges.
She handed Shippou his jar, which he eagerly took and he and Rin ran off to catch fireflies. They chattered amiably, jumping and running through the twilight with abandon. Kagome felt so full of joy that she just might burst. Strange, how life could go from one extreme to the other. Her senses twitched suddenly and her lips tipped up with slight amusement. They'd been seeing more of Rin lately, but not her lord. It was almost as if he understood how uncomfortable he made everyone else but Rin. She was sure it wasn't out of courtesy that he did this. He probably had his own mysterious reasons. Maybe he trusted her, maybe he just didn't like being in the company of people he considered his brother's friends. It was probably some strange mix of the two.
Either way, she hadn't minded much. Rin would just show up on the back of An-Un and they'd play until it got dark. The fun was over when the dragon would come and gently nudge Rin until she crawled up on his back. That was how it was for the last few weeks. So, it was rather strange for Sesshoumaru to show up now.
Kagome didn't bother to look back. She was too involved with watching the children. It had been a difficult day, to say the least, and she just wanted to enjoy the moment. He didn't call for the girl, and made no move to retrieve her, so Kagome guessed that he just wanted to watch too. Time passed slowly and after what seemed to be a dog's age but was really only about fifteen minutes, Kagome got up and stretched.
"Rin! Time for you to go, hun!"
"AW! BUT..." both children answered in unison.
Kagome smiled wistfully. Reminded of all the times her mother had called her home at the end of the night. It was kind of odd to be on the other end of it.
"No buts, you two!" She replied, frowning when they laughed, "It's not funny! It's getting dark and we all better get back to our respective camps!"
Muted grumbling could be heard but they obeyed, dancing up to the older girl with their jars held out in front of them.
"Lookit, Kagome! Look how many we caught!" Rin said, giving her a toothy smile as she held up her jar for examination.
Shippou followed suit and Kagome looked at them with as much seriousness as she could.
"Good job! You both sure caught a lot." She said, kneeling down so she was at their level as she looked into the proffered jars, "You want to know something?"
Both children nodded, knowing by the sound of her voice that she was going to say something very important.
"They say that fireflies are the souls of the dead, wandering this world until they find peace in the afterlife. So, I want you both to promise me something..." She didn't continue until they both nodded solemnly, "I want you both to promise that when you get back to camp you'll let the fireflies go." the beginnings of a protest were heard, but she silenced them with a finger, "You have to let them go, but when you do...I want you both to make a wish. The most heartfelt wish you can think of and maybe...maybe the fireflies will carry it to the afterlife...so that the people you love the most can hear your wish. And if you're lucky, maybe even grant it."
Rin and Shippou glanced at each other and then down at their jars. With slow smiles, they both answered in sing-song, "We promise."
"Good." Kagome replied with a nod. "Now, it is time to go."
She stood and turned to face the taiyoukai that had remained silent during the entire exchange. Neither child had noticed him until now. Rin immediately danced up to him, giggling as she showed him her spoils. He barely acknowledged the little girl as his eyes were locked on Kagome's. It never failed to unnerve her, the way he'd look at her like that. She just couldn't fathom what went on behind those eyes. For some god awful reason, she suddenly felt unnaturally curious about it. Why did he look at her like that? Why was he letting his ward spend time with them, the hated companions of his half brother? He'd tried to kill them...so why? He gave no answer, just held her with his eyes and for a terrifying moment, she felt her heart skip.
The demon lord straightened himself and turned around slowly, while his ward continued to chatter at him. Without a word, he drew his aura beneath him and securing the girl in his arms, he floated into the sky. Kagome watched, transfixed by the sight of him as he lifted into the air. The world seemed to stop as he turned slightly to look at her, a breeze whipping his pale hair around him. He looked almost angelic as he stared down at her, the fireflies gathering around him until he was too high for them to reach. She shivered, not taking her eyes off the sky until she was sure he was gone. Something tugged at the hem of her dress and she looked down at Shippou. His wide green eyes were fearful, but not as scared as he was before. Even she had to admit that she wasn't that frightened when she felt his aura behind her...but only just a little bit not frightened. If that made any sense at all.
"Kagome...do I really have to let them go? It was so hard catching them..."
"Shippou..." She said with a warning note in her voice.
She was giving him the look. He HATED the look.
"Nuts." He said, snapping his clawed fingers in defeat.
Kagome giggled at the use of the word...really, she was a terrible influence on him sometimes. "Don't forget to make your wish..."
The kit nodded, holding the jar close to his heart and closing his eyes tightly. When he opened the jar, he tilted his head back to watch as the fireflies escaped. They twirled around them for a moment, blinking brightly in the darkening night. Like stars, little green stars, they floated around the silent companions before streaking back into the sky. Kagome looked at Shippou with absolute serenity and slowly, she ruffled his hair. He smiled back and wordlessly, held out his hand. She took it and they both began the long walk back to camp.
"You want me to tell you what I wished for?"
"Nope. You're not supposed to tell until the wish comes true."
Shippou thought to ask, 'what if it already has?', but he didn't want to ruin the moment. It'd be ruined sooner than he liked anyway. Peaceful moments like this were so rare. So, instead he just enjoyed the comfortable silence, trying not to notice the shouts coming from their destination. From the sounds of things, Miroku had once again taken liberties with Sango's backside. Honestly, adults were really so very silly.
Miles away, in a much quieter camp, one little girl contemplated her promise to Kagome as she looked into the glowing contents of her jar. She really didn't want to let them go. They were so pretty. She bit her lip as she watched the fireflies light up and go out. It was beautiful...but she promised Kagome.
Troubled, her brow furrowed, "Jaken, I have a question."
The toad youkai detested the girl's endless curiosity and sometimes felt so put upon. Why was he was the only one who seemed to answer her?
"Yes, what is it now, Rin?"
"Jaken, do you think fireflies are the souls of the dead?"
"Who put that silly idea into your head? That filthy human priestess has filled your mind with silly human superstitions! Rin, you must learn not to bother this Jaken with such pointless questions..."
His sentence was cut off, due to the fact that he'd gone suddenly airborne. He landed not five feet away, crashing into a bush which he lay under for sometime, blissfully unconscious. Rin watched the entire debacle with a detached air, somewhat mimicking her lord. She knew Jaken would be okay, but it was still confusing to her as to why her lord would react like that. Could Jaken be right? Was what Kagome told her just human superstition?
"Sesshoumaru-sama...is what Jaken said true?"
"No."
"So...fireflies really ARE the souls of the dead, just like Kagome-sama said?"
"Yes."
Rin smiled, deliriously happy that Kagome wasn't wrong and Jaken was. Closing her eyes, she made her wish and then upon opening them, she set the fireflies free. Her head tilted way back as she watched them disappear into the sky. A small giggle escaped her lips. Never in her life had she felt so content and she wished... She wished that she and Kagome and Shippou and Sesshoumaru-sama could all be together someday. So that her happiness would never end. She didn't notice her lord watch her as she gazed at the stars, didn't notice the slight softening of his golden eyes. Not even when the corner of his mouth twitched into what could have been a smile. She was too busy thinking about her wish and the exuberant joy she felt for the dawning of another day.
AUTHOR'S NOTES
Woot! Another chapter! Hurrah for me! Nothing much to say here. I had some questions regarding whether or not Sesshoumaru was going to be talking to Kagome soon. Answer. Soon, yes. But not that soon. If you have questions as to why I made that decision. Kindly visit my greatest journal. My user name there is Uzume. (For the fan fiction dot net people, just click the link in my profile.
I also have to announce that I do have a mailing list at yahoo. This is for the Single Spark folks and those of you who don't have accounts at fan fiction dot net (for reasons unknown to me, I have to spell it out...freaky) click the link in my profile or just let me know you want to be added in your review. Right! Later!
Ciao
Noa