A/N: This has absolutely nothing to do with my fanfic, but I've read a great fanfic called Trial and Error. Also, someone asked how Naruto got that bull into Iruka's house, and as I actually pulled it out of thin air, I've been wondering just how he did so myself, so I thought, and thought, and thought, and broke my brains and had to get new ones, and thought some more, and I came up with an answer. Kamiwari. Naruto drags bull up to Iruka's house, Naruto breaks in, Naruto switches places with bull. Voila! Instant destruction, and no normal traces of getting a bull in, such as a broken wall or two… Oh, I also added a scene from another fanfic. Before you flame me, I asked him, and he said that it was alright. I think some of you might recognize it…
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Hey kit…WAKE UP!
"Wahaggh!" Naruto quickly sat up in bed. Looking around, he saw that he was back in his apartment, "Huh?" Shrugging it off, Naruto quickly threw himself out of bed…and promptly landed on his face.
"Uhhh…ouch." Naruto soon found it a challenge to even stand up. Trying to get to the bathroom, he started wondering why his body suddenly felt a lot heavier. Brushing his teeth was harder, washing his face was harder, and by the time he managed to get his stuff together, Naruto was starting to feel the strain.
Walking down the street, Naruto decided to take the rooftops, and tried jumping onto one of them. Surprisingly, he could jump about a foot off the ground, but no higher. Trying again, he got the same results. Frowning, he tried to use chakra to enhance his jump, but his grip on it was…unstable, at best. Suddenly the reason why he was so weak dawned on him. He sat down on the street and started crying. Nooo! I've a regular human! My ninja skills! My chakra! My jutsu! Noooo! Come back!
Inside, Naruto could hear echoing laughter. Would you miss me as well?
His temper flaring, Naruto jumped up…or tried to jump up. Spitting out gravel, Naruto growled as he picked himself off the street amid the laughter. Never, you stupid furball.
Since he was in an especially good mood today, the Kyubbi decided to let the 'furball' remark slide. Ah well. You still can't jump higher than a regular human.
You! You had something to do with this! Didn't you!
Maybe I did. I'll tell you when I wake up, shouldn't be later than two in the afternoon, maybe three, possibly by five, most definitely by eight. 'Night!
What! Wait! You can't leave me like this! BASTARD FOX!
Naruto got up and started to walk to the bridge where they were supposed to meet, all the way cursing uppity animal spirits. On the way, he suddenly panicked that the thought of no jutsus. Quickly putting his hands together in a seal, he tried a simple bunshin. It failed. He tried again, and it still failed. Panicking slightly, Naruto tried again, but this time shoved a lot more chakra into the jutsu than usual, and was rewarded when it finally worked. Sighing with relief, he tried kamiwari.
The rest of the trip continued like that; with Naruto trying out low-level jutsus and, from whether they worked or not, tried to find out how much more chakra was required now. Through much trial and error, he deduced that the new amount of chakra needed was about ten to twelve times more than usual. Once he figured that out though, he scowled since that meant he was going to tire out in jutsu battles a lot quicker than usual, and he still had that fight coming up.
Yo fox!
Silence.
Oh great and mighty Kyubbi, will you answer this humble landlord?
Silence.
STUPID FURBALL!
Silence.
Naruto grumbled, and kept walking. Apparently his tenant was actually sleeping, though he really needed to have a quick talk with him soon, regarding a certain fight at six o clock, and him getting his face ground into dirt. Turning a corner and spotting his teammates, Naruto quickly shoved aside his complaints and shifted his face into a happy smile, "Sakura-chan! Sasuke-teme!"
Sauske's eyebrow just twitched slightly at his new name, but he just snorted and ignored him. Sakura's response was a little louder.
"DON"T YOU DARE CALL SASUKE-KUN A BASTARD!" Stomping over to Naruto, she drew back her arm and let him have one right in the face. Groaning and picking himself out of the various debris of what had once been part of a wall, Naruto walked back onto the bridge and started reading up on a jutsu in his copy of the Scroll of Forbidden Seals. Lemme see, what lucky jutsu did I pick today…hey, wait a minute… Naruto quickly scanned the rest of the scroll, What the hell…its an unsealing jutsu, well it is the Scroll of Forbidden Seals. But this still sucks, and I thought I would be able practice a new jutsu today. Sighing, Naruto stuck the scroll back into his ninja pouch. Waiting for his incredibly late instructor, he was about to resign himself to a long, long day when he remembered what he did yesterday. Grinning, Naruto found a comfortable place to sit and wait for the spectacle.
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Two hours later…
"Yo."
"YOU!" Sakura had spun around, about to yell at her late sensei when she caught sight of him. Even though Kakashi had tried washing his face and hair several time-even once going as far as bleaching it out of desperation-his hair still had spots of orange and pink, and several damp, errant feathers could be seen sticking out of the mess. His chunnin vest still had a slight chunk taken out of it near the bottom, making the edge on that side look tattered and unkempt. Topping it all though, was the variety of red dots showing on Kakashi's face. It was a silent scene; two faces showing shock and surprise, one of slight happiness with a tinge of malevolence, and one with a huge grin on his face, almost bisecting his head.
"AHAHAHAHA!" Naruto's laugh shattered the moment, leaving behind a very shocked Sakura, and a very unhappy Kakashi. Even Sasuke was snickering behind his hand, you could tell by the way his shoulders kept shaking slightly.
Eventually, Sakura found her ability to speak again, and asked, "Wha-what happened to you Kakashi-sensei?"
Sheepishly Kakashi scratched his head and said, "Eh? I was lost on the road of life?"
Scowling, Sakura saw that this had only redoubled Naruto's laughter and Sasuke's snickers, "Your hair is pink and orange and you have chicken pox, literally, because you were lost on the road of life?"
"Ehh…something like that." Coughing several times to get his student's attention, he waited until Sasuke's shoulders stopped shaking and his usual frown was in place and until Naruto's laughter died down to his normal levels of noise. Sakura's frown stayed in place though. "Now. We have a mission…"
"Yay! A mission!" Of course it was Naruto who called out, "So what are we going to do? Huh Kakashi-sensei? Protect a princess? Wipe out an invading army? C'mon, it has to be something impressive, otherwise my all time cool ninja skills will go to waste!"
Sasuke scowled at the noisy blonde, "You mean your nonexistent shinobi skills, dobe?"
In a flash, Naruto was grabbing Sasuke's collar and yelling into his calm face, "YOU WANT SKILLS? I"LL SHOW YOU SKILLS!"
"NARUTO! GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY SASUKE-KUN!" Stomping up to him, Sakura grabbed the back of his jacked and pulled him off Sasuke to yell into his face, "DON'T YOU EVER TOUCH MY SASUKE-KUN!"
Kakashi felt somewhat relieved that his kunoichi was no longer directing her anger at him, but rather at a fellow teammate, and somewhat disturbed since he was supposed to be teaching them teamwork. Taking a mental step back from the situation, and leaving his two students to fight it out, he quickly had a short mental battle over self-preservation of skin vs. pride and respect from a good team reputation, since he was a shinobi, his self-preservation side quickly won and tossed his pride right out the door. About then, Sasuke got tired of the quickly escalating argument and quietly asked, "So what's the mission?"
Immediately these words had a calming effect on his two supposed teammates, Sakura because she didn't want Sasuke to not like her for keeping him from the mission, and Naruto because he also wanted to know what it was.
"A D-rank mission, probably the best one they had too. We get to capture a dangerous felon…" Kakashi rambled on and on about how dangerous and exciting Team 7's first mission was. Sakura and Sasuke just looked dubious, while Naruto acted like he was drinking up all the words and actually believing them, he even fell silent for a while…
"…finally, the descriptions. He has striped red hair, is very fast, but wearing a collar with a bell on it, and he has a red ribbon tied behind his right ear." Satisfied with his mission delivery, he looked at his students quizzical faces, then acted like he forgot something, "Oh yeah, his name's Tora,"
"Tora?"
"Yep, Madame Shijimi's cat."
"WHAT!"…but not for very long. "YOU ME, A MOST EXCELLENT NINJA, TO SPEND MY TIME CATCHING CATS! LIKE HELL I WILL!"
At this, Kakashi's pent-up anger finally broke loose, "Listen you baka, all shinobis have to start with D-class missions. As your rank gets higher, you can take on the more dangerous missions, but in peacetime, genins like yourself have to spend their time doing low D-class missions, so get over it. Besides, to advance to the next level, you have to do a requisite number of a certain type of missions. In your case, you need at least twenty D-class before you can get to chuunin level.'
Grumbling, Naruto eventually accepted the fact that he was going to have to do boring D-class missions, though he wasn't very happy about it. Damn it! I passed genin level months ago! Stupid low rank, low mission rule…
As they neared the forest where Tora was last seen though, Naruto perked up a bit. Hey, isn't that the apothecary's forest…cool, I can pick up a few herbs that I need for my poisons. And the old hag can't run me off either, cause I'm on shinobi duty.
Sakura also recognized the forest, "Hey Kakashi-sensei?"
"Hm?"
"Isn't that forest off limits to everyone but the old lady that makes potions? Why would Tora be there?"
"First off, yes, normally it is, but I have special permission specifically from that old lady that allows us in, apparently she doesn't like cats poking around her herbs. And second, she mentioned a large field of catnip near the northwest area, I suggest that we start there. Anymore questions?"
"Nope."
"No."
"…"
"Great! Well off we go then! Team 7's first mission starts now!"
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Ninety minutes later…
"ARRGH!"
Kakashi looked up from his book and sighed, then he went to help Naruto out of a trap, again. Reaching the clearing, he saw Sakura and Sasuke already there, standing next to quite a large hole. Looking down, he saw Naruto in the middle of it, wincing and rubbing his backside. Sighing, he called down, "Oy Naruto! When will you stop falling into traps? I thought I told you to look out for them! The old lady who owns this forest is very paranoid, and set traps everywhere! And this is the sixteenth one!"
Making a pained face, Naruto called back up, "I know, I know! But I saw that blasted cat run right across this so I thought it was safe!"
Sakura yelled down, "Again! You've made that excuse so many times I've lost count! And besides, if Tora was seen by you, then me and Sasuke-kun would have seen and caught it already!"
About to make an angry retort, Naruto noticed something, then smirked and retorted, "So you think you and Sasuke-teme are better than I am at finding something that's hiding?"
"Damn right we are! And stop calling Sasuke-kun that!" Picking up a rock, Sakura threw it as hard as she could at Naruto's head.
Wincing, and rubbing two sore spots now, Naruto said, "So how about a bet? Me vs. you and Sasuke. Whichever team finds that cat first wins. Loser has to pay for the winner's ramen for a week!"
"Make it lunch instead!"
"Fine."
"Sasuke-kun?"
Sasuke just snorted and nodded his head, annoyed but intrigued by the deal.
"Sasuke-kun says yes! You're on!"
"Deal! Kakashi-sensei, you're the witness! You make sure that they pay when I get that damn cat!"
Surprised at the quick turn of events, Kakashi reluctantly nodded, but added, "What makes you so sure that you're going to win? If I recall, you're grades were pretty bad back in the Academy, and Sakura and Sasuke here were the top kunoichi and ninja in you class."
Smirking, Naruto said, "I'm the master prankster of Konoha! I've had plenty of practice hiding myself, I just have to think like a cat. Besides," Naruto pulled himself up, and pointed at the shrubs between Sakura and Sasuke and said sardonically, "the damn cat has been hiding in the bush behind you the whole time I've been in this damn hole!"
Surprised, all three shinobis jerked their heads up in surprise, and Sakura and Sasuke both made a leap at the bush, only to crash into each other and fall to the ground, moaning in pain. Said bush gave a yowl at the action, and a red blur raced for the safety of the forest, quickly followed by an orange and yellow one that leapt over Sakura's head and mocked, "I thought shinobis were supposed to look underneath the underneath. How're you going to do that when you can't find something under your nose?" and mocking laughter followed as both cat and annoying shinobi disappeared into the green safety of the forest.
Grimacing, Sasuke pulled himself off of Sakura and ran off into the forest, closely followed by an apologizing Sakura. Kakashi sweat dropped, This could be more troublesome than I thought.
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Naruto grinned as he followed the running cat, Damn, it felt good to piss them off like that! I should really do it more often. Reveling in his thoughts, he didn't notice when his prey suddenly made a sharp turn, and left Naruto to crash into a tree. "Ooof!" Groaning, Naruto shook his head slightly and looked around where he landed. Lots of vegetation, lots of shrubbery, but no movement, sighing, Naruto placed his hands into a cross seal, "Kage Bunshin no jutsu!" and created twenty clones. Smiling, Naruto sent his clones to check the bushes, and was immediately rewarded when a large yowl and a leaping cat emerged from one of the bushes. Racing after it, Naruto managed several near misses with tree branches and had to jump over some high roots several times, but eventually managed to catch it. Waiting for his kage bunshins to catch up, he started to think about what to do with the struggling animal, Bloody cat, since it's the mission objective, I can't kill it, but I don't want to catch it again either, hmm, I wonder if sleep powder works on animals as well? When one of his bunshins reached him, Naruto directed him to his ninja pouch and had him pull out his tiny vial of sleeping powder, Damn, stuff is so expensive! And I was gonna slip some in Kakashi-sensei's food too. Ah well, the sacrifices made for the sake of progress…Forcing the cat's mouth open, he tapped in a small amount of powder into the cat's mouth, waiting the requisite two minutes, he found to his gratification that the animal's movements were already starting to seem sluggish. After another minute, the cat was deeply and soundly asleep, and he was looking around for more herbs to stuff into his pockets.
When his pockets were full, he started to stick plants into his ninja pouch, grinning every time he heard Sakura's and Sasuke's yells of frustration. Deciding to have some fun with them, he made two kage bunshins, had them find each of his teammates, then henge into a red cat and run around a bit. Grinning at one of his all time best pranks ever, Naruto finished picking the herbs, picked up Tora, and was about to start walking to the forest's entrance, when he got an incredibly evil idea…
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Sakura leapt after the red cat, all the while thinking, Yes! I'm going to win the bet for our team! Then Sasuke-kun will finally like me! He might even ask me out on a date! Maybe he'd kiss me… Her head filled with thoughts of her dream boy, she never noticed that she was going towards the entrance.
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Sasuke ran and dived after a red cat, ad missed as the animal unerringly decided to jump right then, "Kuso…"
Picking himself up, Sasuke felt nothing, nothing but cold rage at feeling so weak. How the hell am I going to kill HIM, if I can't even catch a damn cat! Breathing a little hard, Sasuke ran after the cat again, this time it was cleaning itself, but just when he was about to jump, it ran off again into the bushes, and Sasuke hit the dirt again. That's it, extra training today, have to improve my speed. He picked himself up and ran after the cat.
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Kakashi was standing at the entrance, reading his Icha Icha Paradise book as usual, when he heard a rustling noise, looking up, he saw Naruto stride out of the bushes, a limp cat body under his arm. Mildly, Kakashi remarked, "You know Naruto, you were supposed to catch the cat, not kill it. Madame Shijimi won't be very pleased when her cat comes back in a body bag."
Waving his hand nonchalantly, Naruto replied, "Oh, its not dead, just sleeping. Can we go now? I want to collect on my bet with Sasuke-teme and Sakura-chan."
"We have to wait for your teammates before we can leave."
"Oh, they'll be here soon. Like right about…now."
Before Kakashi could ask how Naruto knew this, he saw two red cats dash out of a bush before they disappeared, and was very surprised when he saw both Sasuke and Sakura leapt over the bush, and crashed in midair for the second time that day. Looking over at Naruto, he saw the orange-clad boy grinning at the scene. Then, to rub salt into their wounds, Naruto strode over to the two entangled, moaning bodies, and squatted down before them. Holding the cat upright, he lifted up one limp paw and said, "Kitty says 'hi'."
At that moment, Kakashi felt quite a few conflicting emotions rush through him; anger, at Naruto having killed his teamwork mission, amusement, at the scene of both Sasuke and Sakura trying to lash out at Naruto, not even noticing the close proximity of the other, and slight depression, at the daunting task of having this 'team' actually work as a team.
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Naruto grinned at his memories of the day's morning. So far, he had played several pranks on Sasuke and Sakura, twice of which made them crash into each other, and with one memorable moment when they realized how close they were to each other, Sakura of course immediately grabbed Sasuke tighter while he finally showed some more emotions, such as panic. Afterwards, they brought the cat back, got paid, felt really sorry for the cat once it was back in Madam Shijimi's arms, then went off to eat lunch, or rather, Naruto immediately went to Icharaku's, ordered one bowl after another, and watched Sakura's amazed face as he racked up thirty bowls of ramen. Of course, that amazement quickly turned to fear as she realized the she and Sasuke were going to pay for all of this. Naruto could practically see the moment on her face when she calculated just how much this was going to cost for just today…and just how much was going to be left in her piggy bank at the end of the week. Sasuke just put on his expressionless mask, and silently paid before walking away, Kakashi had disappeared on them long before. Finally, as a very nice bonus, he was carrying on his person a whole bunch of herbs just begging to be distilled into poisons and ninja supplements. Yep, for Naruto, it was a very good day…until he remembered what happened that morning.
Quickly, his mood soured, and he even tried jumping in place a few times as hard as he could, to no avail, as all he managed was a few lowly inches. Trying a quick jutsu, Naruto found that even a simple kamiwari required vast amounts of chakra and control. His happiness ruined, Naruto stomped home, set his herbs to dry, and stomped out again, intent on the training grounds.
Once he reached Team 7's training ground, since there was no point using his own until he got back up to his previous strength, he was slightly surprised to find Sasuke there, running laps around the clearing. Staying hidden, Naruto watched as Sasuke went from laps, to quick sprints across the clearing, to pushups, to sit-ups, then back to laps. Silently, Naruto left his hiding place, and joined his teammate in laps. Sasuke glanced at Naruto slightly and raised his eyebrow, but didn't comment, and Naruto continued to follow Sasuke's example, matching him stride for stride, until they were both like synchronized machines. Naturally, Sasuke tried to push the pace somewhat so he would feel superior to Naruto, and Naruto let him, recognizing a slight comrade in race for acknowledgement, though he knew not what. Him with the villagers, him with his brother, and in thus, the rest of the afternoon passed away in silence
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Naruto laid panting on the ground, tired from his afternoon workout, and calmly watching the slowly darkening sky. His teammate and workout partner had already left, both of them collapsing at the same time on the ground, but where Sasuke had got up and went home, Naruto stayed on the ground, thinking about what had happened to him. Damn, damn, damn…What the hell is wrong with me today? No chakra control, so ninjutsu, no speed or agility, and barely any taijutsu skills left, not that I had that much in the first place. But still, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO ALL MY SHINOBI SKILLS!
I sealed them, and could you stop yelling please? As amusing as your rants are, if the price is for them to wake me up from my sleep, I prefer you to not have them
YOU BASTARD FOX! GIVE ME BACK MY JUTSU!
You know, you remind me of a guy that I hate. He was obsessed with collecting jutsu, and if they were sealed, I think he would have come down here and tried to get his jutsu back himself.
That's not such a bad idea…
Sucker…
Naruto felt his consciousness recede into the far reaches of his head, and felt his body slip away, not a very uncommon feeling, but not entirely pleasant either. Once his eyes opened again, Naruto was standing in the middle of a very damp and dark hallway, somewhat like a sewer. Turning around the single corner, Naruto walked up to the giant cage that was the fox's seal, and shouted NOW GET OUT HERE FOX, AND GIVE ME BACK MY SHINOBI SKILLS!
Slowly, and majestically, the nine-tailed Kyubbi walked out of the darkness at the back of the cage, lied down on the floor and placed his head on his paws, staring down at Naruto's diminutive figure. You know kit, some redecorating could do this place good. I was thinking of maybe something involving lots of red, lots of fire, maybe an Inferni or two…who knows, I might even bring back the smell of brimstone.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR REDECORATION! WHERE THE HELL ARE MY SHINOBI SKILLS!
Calm down kit, you're giving me a headache.
CALM DOWN! YOU WANT ME TO CALM DOWN! WHY YOU…
About here, the Kyubbi had had enough with the pleasantries, and shouted, SHUT UP!
Cowed, Naruto did so. Calm again, the Kyubbi said, Now, I want you to concentrate chakra to your left hand. Don't ask why, just do so.
Puzzled, Naruto did as he asked, and saw nothing. Yeah? Now what?
It's on the back of your hand.
Turning his hand over, Naruto was fairly surprised at the strange looking seal that he knew wasn't there a few minutes ago. Answering Naruto's unspoken question, the Kyubbi replied, It's a training seal. A demon training seal, so please don't mess around with it.
What's it do?
Three things. One, it will scramble your chakra flow, sort of what I did during your graduation exam, but on a regular basis, it's supposed to help you increase your chakra control. Second, those ten symbols you see outside the circle are demon numbers, zero through nine, and they're controlled by the shorter hand. They control how much gravity will interact with you, for instance, its currently set to two, so now, you weigh twice as much as you usually do. The zero is just a failsafe, incase you fall into deep water or something, and you need to get out fast, might also have useful battle properties. Dunno, never used it in battle…
The Kyubbi's voice trailed off as he remembered past battles, and Naruto waited patiently. Eventually, he stopped waiting and asked, And the third?
Huh? Oh. Now this is my personal invention, and it might or might not work, depending on the circumstances. It's supposed to low down your nerve responses, in other words, its supposed to train your reflexes and muscles. The faster your mind can react, the faster you will react, but eventually you'll reach a wall where it's impossible for you to go any further. As some of the things I'll be teaching you are pretty dangerous, you're gonna need fast reflexes and even faster legs to survive. For now it's off, since you don't have even basic responses to danger.
Hey!
Sorry kit, it's the truth. Alright, two more things. I used my chakra to make the seal, but both ours to adjust it, so you won't be able to change it at will. When I have deemed you ready, you'll go to the next level automatically. Hee hee, I'll change it when you're sleeping as a nice surprise for the morning.
Bastard fox…Wait. What if I'm in a fight? Extra weight won't be very helpful then.
True. If it's a real fight, and only a real fight, not a training one, then you can release the seal in a hurry. Just smear your blood across the seal and it'll automatically deactivate. Is that it…yeah. That's it. Enjoy kit. Here, the Kyubbi released a great wave of his chakra, forcing Naruto back into consciousness.
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Groaning, Naruto returned to consciousness. Blinking and staring at the sky for a while, Naruto slowly got up, and trudged off to his house. As he walked, Naruto stared off into space. So, a new training device huh? Bloody fox, making my life harder than it already is…
When he got home, Naruto silently attempted to make a few kage bunshins, forgetting about the seal, and predictably failed. Making a face, he started grumbling and started to grind up some of his fresher herbs into a paste in his kitchen. Pulling open a drawer, he looked at the rolls of scrolls and silently mumbled to himself as he ran his finger along the titles, "Lemme see…100 New Recipes…Fast Cooking…Meals of Death…Ramen in Two Minutes! Hey, I've been looking for that…Slim Eating. Ah! Here it is! Shinobi Poisons." Making space on the counter, Naruto quickly scanned the instructions for the first poison, and grinned grimly. Perfect, nerve drug. 'Places enemy at your mercy for several hours' huh? Fast-acting too. Thank you Kami for this find! Naruto grinned and spent the next three hours trying to finish his concoction.
When he was done, Naruto looked slightly downcast, but still triumphant. The viscous liquid looked a shade off than the color described, but still looked potent. Covering the jar, Naruto placed it in his refrigerator, then reached for his milk and started drinking. Aw. Out already? Crap. I'm gonna have to stop by the store tomorrow…Placing the water on boil, Naruto absently licked his finger before peeling open his ramen. Almost instantly, Naruto felt his body stiffen up, and gave an inward grin of satisfaction. Alright! It works! Before it's finished curing too…oh…wait…CRAP! The scroll it would last for hours! IM HUNGRY! DAMN! DAMN! DAMN!
You know kit, I really don't appreciate you waking me up like this every time. Any chance I could ask for a gentle shake instead? Sighing as Naruto let loose a particularly long and explicit stream of curses, he said resignedly, No…didn't think you would. And why are you complaining for anyway? Thanks to me, you're immune to most deadly poisons, and those that do affect you shouldn't last more than a few minutes. Try moving. Naruto did so, and found with relief that he could move again, although with slightly less coordination and grace than usual. Wobbling to the sink, he washed his hands thoroughly and started undressing while he was waiting for the water to boil. When he took off his belt though, his scroll tumbled out.
"Eh? Oh, its this useless scroll."
Hold on kit, what's it on?
Just an unsealing jutsu. Should have realized that Forbidden Seals meant these as well…
Unsealing? You sure? Naruto could pickup faint traces of excitement in the Kyubbi's voice.
Yeah. An extremely complicated one, requiring lots of prerequisite conditions. And a shorter version, five-something.
Kit. I'm going to give you a direct order, and I expect you to follow it to the letter, ok? Here goes…learn them, both of them.
Huh? Why? They're pretty useless, and they both require incredibly precise chakra control! The short one I might get with a lot of work, but I might as well become a medic-nin before I'll be able to perform the long version, which you know is almost impossible for me, with you messing up my chakra system.
Fine, learn the short hand for now then, but don't get rid of that scroll. If it's strong enough, you might be able to let my consciousness out of here for a while.
…hmm, I can see where you're going with that, but why the other one?
Kit…I could go on all night about various sealing techniques and their layered effects…but for now, just knowing that I told you to learn it should be enough for you.
Grumbling slightly, Naruto heard the kettle whistling and started to run for the kitchen…when he promptly tripped on his own pants. Hearing the Kyubbi laughing about it didn't make it better while Naruto limped into the kitchen, and ate his dinner.
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One week later…
The dreaded alarm clock rang…and Naruto's hand shot up to grab it. Groaning slightly, Naruto peered up at the clock, the buried his face back into the pillow.
Fifteen minutes later, Naruto was being carried into the bathroom by two kage bunshins, and being ungracefully placed under the shower head and having the water turned on cold full blast.
Later, Naruto would have sworn that the entire village had heard his scream. Certainly the birds nearby had, if the cloud of feathered beings was anything to go by. By the time he got to the bridge, he was thoroughly pissed off, at everything in general, and Kakashi in particular. Not even greeting Sakura, and especially not noticing Sasuke, Naruto sat down against one of the pillars and started stewing in his own anger. Bloody bastard makes us come at six, then doesn't show up till nine! Man, I want to get him! Brooding silently, Naruto started to review his past week. So far, nothing much of interest had happened, most days went like this, waking up early, waiting several hours, then doing a D-rank mission, eating lunch, making Sasuke pay up-whether or not it was part of his 'mask' Naruto genuinely hated him-then another few D-rank missions or just general lessons in teamwork. At first, Naruto was grateful for the extra missions, since it meant extra money for bills, and eventually pocket money, but after doing over a dozen boring, menial D-rank missions, Naruto was ready to punch the living daylights out of the next person who mentioned it. Unfortunately, the next person was likely to be his teacher, not to mention the fact that he still had to fight that old lady later this afternoon. All in all, it looked to be a pretty bad day coming up, "DAMN YOU KAKASHI-SENSEI!"
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Four hours later…
"Yo."
"YOU"RE LATE!" Even though this was Naruto's and Sakura's usual greeting, Kakashi was slightly taken aback with the new level of menace. Even Sasuke was showing his anger, with a pulsing tic mark throbbing on his forehead. Desperately, he reached deep into his sac of lies and pulled one out at random, "Sorry, sorry. Kurenai was critically hospitalized and I had to bring her fresh rats." In retrospect, even Kakashi was mentally beating the crap out of himself.
Crossing his arms and talking coldly, so low as to almost physically lower the temperature, Naruto said, "Kurenai-sensei. Kurenai-sensei of team 8? Hinata, Kiba, and Shino?"
"Um, yes?"
"The Kurenai-sensei that just came around that corner?" Voice dripping with sarcasm, Naruto lifted one of his hands and pointed down the street where Kakashi had just came from. Kakashi turned his head to look and sweat dropped, as he saw that Naruto had indeed spoke the truth. Turning around, he saw three identical faces of disgust, and tried to save some face, "Eheheh…" sheepishly Kakashi scratched the back of his head, which only served to provoke the three even more, and suddenly there were three very frightening killing intents in front of Kakashi.
Suddenly brightening up, he said, "Well, you'll be pleased to hear that we got a mission!" The tension relaxed slightly as all three showed signs of interest.
"I know it's only a regular D-rank…" The desire to destroy something redoubled, as Naruto and Sakura slowly approached, almost dreamily, hands held out as if to throttle an invisible neck. And while Sasuke didn't take a single step, he looked as if he was seriously considering cremating Kakashi's mortal remains; so eager to do so that he wasn't even going to wait till he was dead before he used a Goukakyuu no jutsu on his body.
"But…umm…it could turn A-rank?…" That statement startled Team seven enough for Kakashi to lead them away from possible sudden death.
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"So let me get this straight," Sakura began in a completely deadpan voice, "You want us to go into the bathhouse and replace the old stools and cleaning materials with new stools and cleaning materials."
Kakashi nodded, and added, "In three minutes."
Finally, Naruto couldn't take anymore and yelled, "THAT'S A DAMN D-RANK MISSION!"
Sasuke muttered to himself, "No way it's that easy…"
Slapping Sasuke heartily on the back, Kakashi said cheerfully, "Sasuke is quite right! You each have to go into the side of your opposite gender!"
There was a collective yell of, "WHAT?" before all three genins started making vehement denials, plotting matters of revenge…generally all-round mutiny actions, with each of them agreeing with each other that their teacher had finally crossed the line.
Said teacher was watching the proceedings and finally gave it up, "Fine, fine…meet me back at the bridge."
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"Congratulations, team seven has failed its first mission!" The jounin-instructor's words greeted them as they reached the bridge.
Folding her arms, Sakura frowned, "It was an unreasonable mission." Naruto and Sasuke both nodded accordingly, though both were displeased at messing up their perfect mission record.
Though secretly pleased that he had managed to avoid a beating, Kakashi set his voice to stern and addressed his students, "So, what have we learned today?"
Sasuke said, "A late teacher is untrustable." Normally, he would have just kept his silence, but he just didn't care at the moment.
Sakura replied, "A late teacher is a perverted teacher!" She was really disgusted at the mission even before her instructor's instructions, throwing those in just made it wrong.
Naruto yelled, "And a perverted teacher tries to turn his students into perverts!" Naruto was just past caring about what the others thought about him, even though he was fairly mature, and had had the talk with Kyubbi a long time ago, he was still annoyed at the perverted nature of is new mission.
Sweat dropping at the answers he received, Kakashi decided that he should give his students a lesson from the real world.
"Well, if you guys want to continue in your careers as ninjas, there will be times when you have to do unsavory things." That caught his student's attention.
"It's not all about rescuing people or guarding a person or taking out traitors…" Kakashi's eye glazed over slightly, this was starting to bring up some old, unwanted memories. "This is especially obvious with ANBU, and even with just jounin work."
Kakashi pointed at Naruto, "Naruto, you're goal is to become Hokage, right? Well, it'll be a long and hard road if you're aiming that far, and along that road is the jounin stage, when you might be asked to do unsavory missions." Holding his hands to his sides, Kakashi continued, "A client might ask us to kill a specific person, or even take out a rival business. These people could be working to restore poor countries, or donating funds from their business to help others, or for any other various reasons that benefit the less fortunate."
Closing his eye, Kakashi gave his students the advice they would always remember, "And we'll kill them, because we're paid to." His student's eye's widened, "That's how life works, its all a big gamble, and it all starts out with the hand you're dealt. Some people are given everything for their entire lives, and others have had everything taken away from them..." Here, both Sasuke and Naruto looked away slightly, "The Leaf can't afford to show weakness to the other Hidden villages, and usually the money we're paid goes to pay for damages we incur on an everyday basis. Training dummies, targets, landscaping the training fields, better facilities, property damage ranging from stray jutsus to everyday rooftop hopping…"
Sakura gasped, "That's horrible."
Sasuke turned his head sharply and shot back, "Its life. Our way of life, and the money we need has to come from somewhere. Look around you," Sasuke gestured with his arms, "All this beauty…all this peace…was bought with the money earned from those missions."
Kakashi nodded, it seemed that his student genius was the first to sensibly accept it. Sasuke continued, "We take jobs because we're assigned them and because we're paid heavily for them…"
"Sasuke, shut up." Naruto's quiet command caused everybody to look at him. Raising his head, unshed tears could be seen in his eyes, "So, we pay for our way of life with money steeped in the blood of others…"
Naruto turned and gave an ironic bow to Sasuke, "You were right Sasuke, I'm sorry." Sasuke was slightly taken aback, Naruto had never sincerely apologized to him, not even for a joke.
Naruto turned around and stared out over the bridge, and continued his speech, sounding as if he was far, far away somewhere, anywhere but the bridge he was standing on, "This truly is the shinobi's way of life. Soaked in blood, leaving nothing but a corpse and broken lives…to become a shadow in the darkness, and leave destruction in your wake…" Naruto suddenly whirled around with that gleam in his eyes, fist raised, "Which is why when I become the Hokage, I'll change all that!"
His audience blinked, and managed to share a blank stare, to which Naruto was completely oblivious to as he rambled on about how he was going to change the Leaf.
"BAKA!" Sakura screamed as she punched him into the river.
"Being a ninja requires a lot of money, dobe," Sasuke stated, he had long ago accepted the bloody life of a ninja, "Where are you going to get that money?"
"Ha!" Naruto shook his fist defiantly at Sasuke, though the effect was ruined with him standing soaked, waist-deep in a river, and looking up six-feet at his rival's face. "When I become Hokage, I'll turn Konoha into the strongest Hidden Village there is, and we'll never have to worry about something like that ever again!"
Kakashi smiled inwardly, they were just words and wishes. Words were words and wishes were wishes, but…somewhere Kakashi got the feeling that if Naruto said that wishes were fishes and money would grow from trees, Kakashi had better start wishing for his dinner and bring farming tools.
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Team 7 was standing back in front of the same bathhouse. Naruto strode forward, "Alright! Let's do this mission, and do it right!" Kakashi was the only applauding among Sasuke's grumbles and Sakura's muttered dissents.
Sakura whirled around just before they were about to go in, "Kakashi-sensei, could you at least change the parameters of the mission?" She was still uncomfortable with the original objectives he set.
Both Sasuke and Naruto looked on in anticipation, the kind where you know it's going to turn out bad but there's always that small chance that it won't. Kakashi 'hemmed' and 'hawwed' and rubbed his chin for a good minute. On the one hand, this would be a good lesson for his students to learn, on the other hand, his student's fervent stares were really starting to creep him out.
"Fine." Kakashi paused, and watched as his students' expectation's rose, "One person is allowed to enter the bath of their gender at a time…" and watched as they fell again, "You still have to replace the bathing things and the stools in the changing room, and you better do it fast since it's two minutes now." Kakashi could almost hear their moods hit the floor. Shrugging, he finished off, "Do whatever else you want."
Pulling out his book, he started reading again. Sakura turned to her teammates and muttered, "So…we can't wait till it closes, or until it's reliably empty…damn."
Naruto added in a forlorn voice, "And two of us still have to go to the opposite rooms…"
"Only one of us can save face, "Sasuke finished, then his eyes narrowed, "since we can't have only one of us go in there and change everything. We'd waste time and we have little enough of it as it is."
Sakura admitted, "Well, it can't be me, since I'm the only girl and if I went to the female side, then both of you would have to go to the male side, and we'd fail. Even if Sasuke came with me, we'd still fail since we have two people in the baths of their genders."
Sasuke smirked, then spun around on his heel and walked nonchalantly towards an entrance. It was only after he went inside that they realized he went into the males' side.
"Dammit!" Naruto punched a wall in anger, having realized that he would have to enter the female side.
Kakashi and Sakura winced slightly, even though they expected something like this to happen.
All prim and proper, Sakura remarked, "Rule 14, A ninja must always be ready to face the unexpected, whether he wants to or not."
Naruto sighed, then grinned slightly as his head came back up, "Well, be sure to remember that on you way in." Grinning his head off, as Sakura winced slightly and started walking, Naruto gave a jaunty wave and strode into the female side, silently seething. DAMN HIM! DAMN THIS MISSION! I'M GONNA GET YOU FOR THIS KAKASHI-SENSEI!
It wasn't long until the sounds of female screaming had started up.
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Hearing the screams, Sakura shook her head. Unlike Naruto, she had used henge right before entering, and didn't draw too much attention to herself. All she had to do now was to stop herself from blushing too much and stick to Sasuke without getting too close to the other men.
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Sasuke also heard the screams, but he smirked slightly instead. Frankly, he had expected his teammate to do something like that. His amusement didn't last too long however, his discomfort level rose. Sure he was on the males' side, but he didn't think he needed henge, and Sakura was standing too close for comfort. Normally this would have just been tolerated with a stone face and a blank glare, but since Sakura looked male at the moment, the pair of them was starting to get some very weird stares. Sasuke could only pray to whatever god hadn't forsaken him not to let Sakura shout out her love for him at such a time.
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Kakashi's head rose slightly from his book as the screams started, but then he shook his head. He was slightly disappointed, but he had honestly expected something like this from the boy, and he also reasoned that if Naruto were any better at tactics, as he should be, he wouldn't have to go and embarrass himself like that.
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Only a short time had passed before Sakura and Sasuke emerged from the men's side, amid a few hoots and catcalls, both of them collapsed on the ground, blushing furiously. Sasuke groaned slightly, then placed his face in his hands, and stayed like that. Sakura just blushed even more as she tried to get rid of the images of anatomy that seemed to be imprinted on her retinas. Suddenly, something occurred to her, and she stared up at Kakashi, "So, how did it go?"
Slightly annoyed at having been interrupted from his reading, yet slightly curious as to the meaning of the question, he said, "Um…Naruto's not done yet."
Waving her hand impatiently, Sakura said, "Oh I can see that…I meant the women that were…um, 'displeased' with how your mission was set up.
Kakashi gave a blank stare as his mind processed this new suggestion. Huh? I never thought of that, and he's been at least a minute since the screams…soooo, say that if the x variable of the cloth weight, and there's a two percent chance of dropping…his mind rambled on like that as he worked out probabilities and formulae for the amount of time an angry woman needs to dress. His mind quickly came to the conclusion: fast, very fast, and with time to spare.
So there was nothing wrong with his mission.
Which meant that something was definitely wrong.
Before Kakashi could act on this new information, or his mind could think of ways to act on the situation, Naruto walked out of the female side, cheerfully dusting his hands, "Hehehe."
Kakashi's mind feverishly wracked his minds for an explanation. Naruto is a young boy of twelve. If he got caught, he probably could have explained what happened and gotten out of there in one piece, maybe. But the fact that the fox is inside him would probably work against him, and like Sakura mentioned, I still haven't seen any angry females… He nervously asked, "Um, Naruto, I almost hate to ask…but how did you go about your tasks?"
Naruto closed his eyes, grinned and gave a thumbs up, "I looked underneath the underneath, and I had someone help me!" he proudly stated.
And with those words, he promptly used Henge to change his image.
Kakashi stared, the person in front of him looked exactly like him. Down to his facemask and hitai-ate covering his left eye. The only difference was, the Kakashi in front of him had a towel around his waist. This Kakashi raised a hand in greeting while using the other to keep his towel up.
"Yo."
Sakura broke into giggles. Sasuke couldn't help but crack a smile as well. Both of them knew that whatever was coming, it was because their perverted teacher really deserved it.
Kakashi sweat dropped. He had always trusted his gut instinct, and every nerve in him was screaming at him to run.
"And just how did you receive help imitating me…"
"Easy! I went in as you and got everybody real angry, but someone realized I couldn't be you, and told everyone to calm down. Then she took me out and I told her about your training and she decided to help me out!"
"Oh?"
"Yeah! She should be on her way out now."
And out stepped Kurenai. Never before in Kakashi's entire career as a ninja did he really feel the need for the preservation of his skin clashing with the absolution to get what's coming to him as running would definitely make it worse.
"Hello Kakashi." The greeting was given with a transparent smile and the voice was filled with malice.
Kakashi stammered, "Uh…h-hi K-kurenai-san."
"You have a peculiar method of training your students she remarked off-handedly, without a glance at said students.
"Err, I tried to make today's mission less ordinary by turning it into a little espionage mission. You know, a little teamwork, an explanation of the real-world kind of things…" Kakashi's voice trailed off as Kurenai seemed to gloom over him ominously, and his genius thinking warred with survival instincts reserved for indignant women. Looking around frantically, he saw that he wasn't going to receive any help soon from his students, if their wicked grins and gleaming eyes were anything to go by. Looking backup at Kurenai, whom was now cracking her knuckles, survival instincts won, and he backed up into a corner and took a fetal position. "Please don't hurt me."
Kurenai gave a dry laugh, her eyes gleamed in the bright sunlight "Oh I won't…much."
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"So what have we learned from all this?" Kakashi asked his students.
"Guys shouldn't enter the women's side of baths." Sasuke said with conviction.
"Sometimes a ninja has to get their hands dirty." Sakura added, then muttered, "Especially if they want to pound perverts."
Naruto stated sagely, "Guys should never piss off Kurenai-sensei." His eyes were closed and he nodded his head slowly and solemnly.
Kakashi sighed from the confines of his hospital bed. Both his legs were in casts and suspended, along with his left arm. He was also covered almost head to toe with bandages, with quite a few wrapped between his lower torso and his legs.
"Did you learn something today, Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura asked.
"That I well never try to make D-rank missions more interesting for my students." The hospitalized jounin replied glumly.
Naruto grinned, Sasuke smirked, and Sakura giggled, and their instructor set about dismissing them. Before they were out the door though, he called to their backs, "Just don't forget our lesson today," Kakashi reiterated, "Sometimes a ninja must do what they don't want to do. We don't have to like it, but it's a mission and we must try to finish it to the best of our abilities."
Waving his lone hand in dismissal, Team 7 got a brief glimpse of an orange book as the door closed, then heard perverted giggling emanating from the room.
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A/N: Well that's it. I might make some changes to this chapter, depending on how the true author of this scene reacts, but that's it. Sorry for the long wait.
Oh, If you don't at least recognize this…then you've missed out, I'm sorry, but that's the truth. If you do, but you don't remember the author, or at least what the story title was…I should flame you for such blasphemy! Naw, anyway, the guy's name is Arkhe, and the story is Fox Identity, the scene is in the fourth chapter, Testing Waters or something like that, around the middle. And for those of you who think I'm plagiarizing, let me lay the lines down, I asked specifically for that scene, I got permission to do so, and I changed some parts of it. Comprende? Good, just so we're clear on where we stand. And essentially…I'm asking, NO FLAMES! Thanks.