A/N: First of all it's been a bleurgh week so I'm glad to write and finally come through with Zahra's story as promised.

Trigger warning: includes discussion of gender-based violence. If you're uncomfortable, please skip this chapter.

Also, thanks to Bklyngrl for joining us at the Carter and to all of you who read and comment and PM me with fun things and observations and general encouragement esp. SWWoman and Jill88.

This is turning into a Body Count length affair I think, but anyway we'll see, I'm not slowing down anytime soon.

As always, enjoy x

Chapter 31: Mental/Mind

Saturday 22nd October, 6.45am, Joss' apartment

Joss could always tell when her husband was up to something. He was happier than usual and full of big ideas and fun times – all distractions to throw her off the scent like she wasn't a Detective by trade. But she was a woman. And any woman would respond to John's kisses the way she did, because John Nom du jour had an overpowering tongue flicker in his repertoire there was no defence for. So while Joss massaged her neck against the pillow and let John melt the tension of the horrid work week away, Finch woke up across town with an unexpected visitor in Bear's domain.

6.47am, Finch's Townhouse, Carnegie Hill, New York

His entire life, Finch had been an early riser because his mind raced at such an alarming speed it fed off the external stimuli his waking hours provided. For this reason, his senses were more sensitive than the average person. Over the scent of his oven-baked croissants was the smell of another dog, a strikingly-beautiful dog that belonged on the TV screen; in fact, it had been on TV when Finch was a boy but it was called Lassie. Scout, the custom-collared Rough Collie that had cozied up to Bear, belonged to a Police Captain from the Lower East Side with a large chip on his shoulder. Shaw was half-asleep in the armchair Bear usually humped on, having played her part in the conspiracy. The black electronic padded device poking out of the pocket indicted that she had deactivated and disabled the microchip beneath the well-kept and well-groomed dog's skin. "Didn't you say it's rude to stare?" Shaw muttered, barely opening her eyes.

He sighed. "We don't have room for a second dog."

"You're the one who said Bear needs a playmate. Ta-dah." She said with the enthusiasm of a root canal patient.

"Do you understand the risk of introducing a second canine to my library? And who is Scout's owner? I don't see a new Number."

She thought he was being dramatic. "Your croissants'll burn so I'll keep it short. Scout only eats gourmet dog food so she's not interested in your 1st edition Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, Carter's asshole Captain thinks his precious pet is in the Hudson right now and The Machine's still ticking."

"The Hudson. That's rather traumatic, don't you think?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "Hopefully. And for the record, this is all Reese."

"I'd hoped you wouldn't say that." He rushed off to save his breakfast.

10.01am, Joss' apartment

The delivery of red wine and oysters came right on time. John had planned to finally look at the 3D footage of their potential new apartment and take her mind off the problem he was taking care of in his own special way. "What's got into you?" She asked, looking through the cabinets for tabasco sauce.

"Nothing." He replied casually, looking for the Shucker knife.

"Am I gonna hear about this on the news?" She asked.

He laughed, because whatever answer he gave would fan the fire of her completely-justified suspicion. "Fireplace or no fireplace?"

2.23pm, Turner Hall, Emory University

Seeing as Hugh had Brock run ragged – up out early and in late – Taylor hadn't seen much of him all week. Not that he minded because no Brock meant no Hugh and he didn't know how long his rope of toleration was. Things were moving on without him, pictures of Bella's birthday popped up in his Facebook feed; with his ex-girlfriend as Xena the Warrior Princess amongst a Tin Man and a lazy person in a Chewbacca mask. And in his own life, his not-quite girlfriend seemed to oscillate between being an open book and Chinese puzzle and his girl-crazy cousin told him he and Aunt CeCe were heading to New York for Thanksgiving to avoid talking about the arrest or his sperm donor's other kids over turkey with the rest of the family. Unbeknownst to him, Zahra had been up all night thinking of how to break things off with him; anything to stop him from getting closer. And sometime around 10.30am when her roommate offered her a pop tart for breakfast to cheer her up from the funk she was in, it became clear; surely she could run him off with the truth because that was better than letting him in just so he could reject her later. And he would reject her, she was sure of it, as sure as she could be when she knocked on his dorm room knowing he would be there.

Taylor could sense her hesitation, even though she'd always been comfortable with him…until he kissed her. He knew how long weird vibes could go on for and didn't want to drag it out so he simply asked, "What did I do?"

She sat on his bed and noticed the stack of his nerdy calculus equations and drawings was growing. "Nothing. I wanted to talk to you but I don't want you to freak out."

"Why would I?" She looked away. "And so what if I freak out?"

It suddenly dawned on her; if he did then she had the perfect escape. And he would stop liking her and then she wouldn't have to deal with the fallout because he'd just disappear all on his own. So she called his bluff. "When I was 7, we went to a party and there were other girls there and cakes and chocolates and music. So ummm…" She started breathing deeper and more heavily. "I..."

"It's okay." He was sure he'd seen his mom breathe like that before, sometime after she was shot and just before she ducked into the bathroom, the kitchen or her bedroom so he couldn't see exactly what was wrong with her.

"It's not. I didn't know why we were there until after. A long time after."

"Why were you there?" He asked.

She looked at him, somehow that made it easier. "We were cut. Uhhh…" She took another deep breath because she was thinking more and more about it and usually didn't let her mind go there. "I was cut. That's why I don't remember much about moving here, about that time."

He didn't understand what she meant. "Cut?"

"They call it Sunna. I don't have…what other girls have 'cause it's gone. So...that's why I never…'cause it freaks guys out."

Taylor still didn't really get it and didn't want to ask more because he didn't have the right words and he didn't understand. "Can I ask you something?" She held her breath and nodded. "How come you slept here?"

She sighed with relief and thought for a short while. "I wanted to you to be okay…and I wanted to know what it felt like."

He understood that much; part of why he liked having her around so much was because they shared an embarrassing secret she didn't judge him for. And speaking of judgement Brock walked in, fresh from an 8-hour workshop on building character, and interrupted their conversation with an announcement as though Zahra wasn't there. From the grey circles forming under his eyes, it looked like he hadn't slept in days. "I tried to switch rooms but there's a waiting list."

Considering the weight of their discussion Taylor dismissed this piece of news with "Whatever, Brock."

"And it's my room too, I don't get why she's here so much."

Taylor knew he wasn't supposed engage him but he couldn't help it. Especially when he had reason to defend her. And if he was going to change his new personality he should've picked someone better than Hugh as a blueprint because this 'spiritual quest' was turning him into a jerk. "Because Zahra is my girlfriend and she's welcome here." She thought girlfriend had a nice ring to it. "Anytime."

Brock looked from Taylor to Zahra and back again and it confirmed that was why God sent Hurricane Matthew to put everyone on notice to build their character on his principles; because He was more displeased by the flip-floppers (i.e. Taylor) than the infidels (i.e. Them).

A/N: I don't do usually footnotes but if you're affected/triggered, check out Daughters of Eve. - U.M