Chapter 24

Disclaimer: If I owned the Harry Potter world, I wouldn't be worrying about final exams right now, would I? No, I would be relaxing and having a cuppa in a café in London. As it is, I am rotting in a dorm room in Mobile. Ah, but one can dream…

A/N: I hope last chapter pleased all of you. I would make the story move faster, but then the story would already be over. So, sorry. I'm still planning on 32 chapters, unless something goes haywire (and I'd air on the side of longer, not shorter).

Harry frowned. It had been Ron's idea, of all people. He would have to punish him later. Harry had to take an entire day off to negotiate custody between his two best friends. Ron deserved to be placed in the deepest ring of hell for putting him through this. Stupid tosser.

Harry had tried to get out of it, suggesting Lupin, Tonks, Moody, and even Seamus. However, Ron insisted that Harry did it. He said Harry was the only person he felt comfortable discussing his personal life with. Harry thought Ron was just afraid Lupin and Tonks would talk some sense into their thick heads. Moody might even turn Ron into an amazing bouncing weasel. Harry smiled. If only…

Harry looked at his clock. They were late. Ron, he understood. But Hermione? Was she okay? Were the twins sick?

He was scared senseless when the two popped into his flat.

"Sorry, Harry. I lost track of time, so Hermione came and hunted me down," Ron gasped, flopping down at the kitchen table.

Hermione sounded as if she too were out of breath. "Yeah."

Harry was only a tiny bit suspicious. After all, they'd been arguing for the past two months. "So how did your meeting go?"

Hermione looked at him in confusion. "Meeting?"

"Yeah. The one you had two days ago."

"Oh. Of course. Fine."

"Yes, fine," Ron added. "Okay, let's get down to business, shall we?"

Harry nodded and pulled out the papers. "Okay, who gets Christmas?"

"Ron gets Christmas," Hermione sighed.

"Well, this Christmas, you're bringing the girls to my flat. It's no Burrow Christmas, but you and the girls are welcome to join us."

"Really? We'd love that."

Harry then knew something was wrong. "Um, who are you guys and what have you done with the real Hermione and Ron?"

They looked at him in shock. "Excuse me?" Ron asked.

"You're being nice to each other."

"So?" Hermione asked pointedly. "We have been nice to each other in the past."

"Yeah. But for how long?"

Ron snorted. "Don't hack her off, Harry."

"No, that seems to be your job. Sometimes I think you enjoy it," Harry accused.

Ron leaned back in the chair and smiled. "Yeah, I reckon you're right."

Harry was still confused as to his friends' behavior when he visited Fred in the hospital that afternoon.

"Hey Fred. How are you feeling?" he asked, handing him a bag of sweets from Honeyduke's.

"Much better, especially since you brought me these," Fred grinned.

"Give me a chocolate bar," George sulked. "I haven't had one in ages."

"Nope. I'm the sick one." Fred grinned evilly. Then he reached into his bag and pulled one out. "Just kidding, Forge. Here you go."

George smiled, his face lighting up, reminding both Harry and Fred of a very different George.

"Have you talked to Alicia?" Fred asked.

George pulled the candy bar away from his mouth. "No. I'm not ready yet."

"Well, she said earlier she might pop by on her lunch break. I mean, it's not like she'd have far to go."

George looked at the clock. "So that gives me what, an hour?" He began to devour his candy bar. "Gweat," he sighed around a mouthful of chocolate.

Fred shook his head. "Coward." He then looked at Harry. "So how did the battle of the demons go?"

Harry frowned. "Weird. They weren't acting normally."

"What do you mean?" George asked.

"Well, they were late for starters."

"Ron late?" Fred cried in mock surprise.

"Yeah, I know. But Hermione was late too."

"Did they show up together?" Fred asked.

"Yeah. And they were out of breath."

Fred and George exchanged a grin. "Did they seem really relaxed?" George asked lightly.

Harry thought about it for a minute. "Yeah they did, now that you mention it. They were really nice to one another and kept giving the other one privileges. It was really fishy."

The twins burst out into laughter.

"Oh, Harry. They'd been shagging," Fred laughed, tears running down his cheeks. "I can't believe you didn't notice."

Harry was outraged. "Shagging? How?"

George laughed harder. "Well, Harry, when a man and a woman love each other very much…"

"That's NOT what I meant!" Harry cried. "I mean, how did they go from jumping down each other's throats to shagging?"

Fred shook his head. "I always said they were like Mum and Dad. If they weren't arguing, they were shagging. Hence why there are—were seven Weasley children."

Both the twins stopped laughing.

"Merlin, I miss Bill," George sighed. "He would have lectured Ron into next year for forgetting the contraceptive charm."

Fred smiled. "Yeah. Mum would have been thrilled though. Girls, no less."

"I wonder if these twins are trainable?"

"Good idea, George. We can torture Ron indirectly."

"Fred, George, stop it!" Harry cried. He was pacing the room violently. "What am I supposed to do?"

"About what?" George asked.

"About the custody issue. The Ministry will want to know if they're shagging."

"Lie," Fred said flatly. "Ron does not like his personal life out for everyone to see. Of course, we all kind of screwed that one up."

George sighed. "Yeah. It's bad enough we're all 'psycho.' If they don't ask, don't tell them."

Harry sighed. "Ron's already going to go psycho."

"Why?" George asked.

"I found the twins on the list of children to go to Hogwarts."

"So?" Fred was confused. "What's wrong with them being magical?"

"Nothing. It's just that they're listed as Molly and Jane Granger."

"Oh." Fred looked at George pointedly. "Yeah, I reckon that will piss him off. Do they have to be married for the ministry to change it?"

"Nah. But they're going to have to be thoroughly convinced that the children are Ron's."

George smiled. "Tell them to apparate to Ron's bedroom. That should clear everything up."

And then the three fell into hysterics. Just like old times.

A/N: Ah, poor Harry. So in the dark. Well, I hoped everyone enjoyed the little innuendos. As for the location difference, it will be solved. I promise! Stupid ministry…okay, done with rant.

Please review and make my day worthwhile.