What is Needed

I learned a long time ago that if you do something long enough, there will be days where you want to do anything that isn't that thing. Doesn't mean you suddenly hate doing it, of course, but sometimes it just does not appeal to you, and it starts feeling more like an obligation than any kind of inspiration or passion. When I set out to become a travelling bard, I knew I was going to have days like that, where the spark just wasn't there and routine would be all that kept me going. At first I hated those days, and thought it was a sign I was losing interest and letting my dad down. Now that I've been at this a while, I know it's just a part of life, and these days will come and go just like any other.

I mention all of this because the days inside that broken down, barely held together fort were some of the worst of those days. The crowds really weren't much of anything, just the occasional worker or Ranger who was feeling down and was hoping for a little tune to pick them up. Sometimes there were multiple people, sometimes it was just one. Regardless, I was in that little cabin, strumming away when I wasn't passing out rations and medicine. Wanting to do anything else, but stuck playing while everyone else fought and bled. For now though, it was just myself and Nala, Berrat's wife and my performance partner from a few days ago in the cabin. In the absence of anyone in higher power, she'd become the de facto leader of those still within the fort, and a darn good one if you asked me.

She was running through what supplies we had remaining with a set of dark brown furs draped over her chair, all while I casually played my lute, trying to make sure it was still in tune and adjusting it where needed. I couldn't help but feel my thoughts beginning to wander as I did, wondering just how the militia and Liam's new legion were doing. I knew it had been foolish of me to hope they'd be back before morning, but I just wanted them all safe, and for all of this to be over. I'd had enough excitement in the past two weeks to last a lifetime, and I knew travelling with Liam would only make things even more hectic. Was it wrong to want a little time where nothing was happening? Maybe just a day or two where no one was worried over whether they would die tomorrow?

This wasn't even mentioning what Liam had been going through all this time. The poor man had been going nonstop the entire time I'd met him. Even our stay at Nov Domas had him patrolling castle grounds in the late hours of the evening. Had he gotten even one day where he wasn't travelling or been off doing something or other, whether that be fighting, gathering supplies, or just all around exerting himself? And that wasn't even considering whatever he'd been doing in the three years since the attack on Svengard, on his own and living day by day. He must have been so tired… I just wanted him to be able to rest, not have to worry about things for a while. Was that so wrong?

"You aren't selfish, you know." Nala had spoken so suddenly I felt myself flinch at her voice. When I recognized it as her, I settled down and glanced over at her. She was still seated at the opposite end of the room, looking over a set of documents as the candle light beside her blended with the soft red hues of the rising sun from the window beside her. Without turning away from the document, she eyed me from the side, almost as if she was paying attention to both me and her work at the same time. Honestly, I was thrown by what she'd said to me, did she know what I was thinking?

"I'm sorry?" I asked, not really sure if I was asking for clarity, or to make sure I hadn't misheard her. Nala smiled and looked away, picking up a quill and making a few marks on the document as she spoke;

"You want the Warden and his fellows back safe. It is not selfish to want them back, even in the face of knowing why they are gone." She explained. Well, I suppose that answered that question. Even with her reassurance, I'm not sure it made me feel any better. Validation over something is one thing, having said thing actually happen was another entirely. With a sigh, I stopped strumming my lute and laid it along my lap, resting my arms atop it as I looked at it and pondered my thoughts.

I knew why Nala had made that comment, she wanted me to open up, talk about what I was thinking. In most cases, I'd be compelled to do pretty much the exact opposite, maybe even divert with some snappy comeback that shut the conversation down. But I liked Nala, she had a maternal air about her that I hadn't felt since my own mother disowned me. Besides, it was hard not to connect with a fellow musician.

"I just wish they didn't have to go off like that." I began, looking back up towards Nala as I continued. "I mean, what did any of them do wrong? The Warden, Stone, any of the militia or rangers?" I asked. Of course, I knew good and well what at least one of them had done wrong. Good old Kharion throwing a hissy fit had certainly gotten things out of control and ruined everything, not that I could say that to Nala. She was Berrat's wife, who I remind you was Kharion's best friend. What would it say about me if I badmouthed their leader to someone he trusted? Regardless, Nala simply nodded and set aside the documents, turning her full attention towards me.

"I've found that conflict rarely cares for who did what right or wrong, sweetie. There's nothing we can do in that regard, I'm afraid." She said, of course I already knew that, but I nodded along regardless. She was trying to make me feel better, and I appreciated that if nothing else.

"I guess I just feel so useless here. They're off fighting, risking life and limb to keep us safe, and here I am singing show tunes and handing out stale bread." I half joked as I patted my lute. I'm not sure what I expected Nala to say next, but the warm smile she had been wearing seemed to intensify as she leaned back, folding her hands together in front of her stomach.

"Oh my dear, you are doing far more than we could imagine." She said, chuckling half way through her sentence. I could tell just from her look that she was setting up for some big reveal, and I had a feeling I already knew what she was going to say. Keep the engine running, boost morale, that kind of thing. Yeah, that was true enough, but what good was high morale when the ones doing all the fighting get no benefit? An engine still needed people to run it.

"All due respect Nala, a couple of well fed guards is hardly making a difference." I countered. Nala suddenly laughed, a soft, but almost exaggerated laugh that honestly surprised me a little.

"I'm not talking about the guards, my dear. I'm referring to that boy of yours." She explained. That boy of mine? Did she mean Liam? The thought alone was enough to turn my cheeks flush, despite my best efforts to hide it. First Stone had implied something between us, and now Nala was implying that I was doing something for Liam too? After clearing my throat, I turned back towards my companion, who had a satisfied looking grin written on her features.

"I think you have the wrong idea Nala. Li… I mean, the Warden and I aren't together." I stammered out. Nice going on that one, I thought. I'd nearly blurted out his name rather than what he was, good luck convincing Nala of anything after a blunder like that. To my surprise, she didn't seem to dwell on that little misstep, and even raised a hand as if to try calming me down.

"Oh I only jest, dear. I can see you two care for one another, that is all." She said sweetly. There was a hint of retreat behind her dismissive comments, but I decided to let it lie. She'd given me my out, and I'd be a fool not to take it. Not a moment after I'd made that choice, Nala folded her hands again and leaned against the desk, looking just as comfortable as any king or lord.

"He's a good man Deborah, just like my Adewale is." She said, I wasn't familiar with the name, but based on the conversation prior, I was sure she was talking about Captain Berrat. Her eyes seemed to sparkle at the mention of his name, and I could just see faint traces of teeth as she smiled wider and looked out the window as she reminisced.

"When I first met him, he was as tall as the trees, larger than life itself and as radiant as the rising sun." She gushed. There was pride in her voice as she talked about her husband, a pride I recognized. Mom had used it when talking about daddy, all those years ago. I smiled as I leaned my head against the wall, taking in her words as she shook her head and sighed.

"But he struggled so much. I remember he barely passed the training he needed to become one of Herongale's rangers, and every day he fell to his knees because he was so tired, so exhausted." She said. A Ranger Captain starting out as the runt? I'll admit, I thought stuff like that was reserved for fairytales and the exaggerations of folk songs. Maybe it still was, Nala told it so earnestly it was hard to even tell.

"He was so conflicted, he didn't know if he should rush off into the wilds, or just stay home and tend to his father's farm. He doubted himself every day. 'I can't do it, Nala', he would say to me. 'I'll only hurt those beside me, I cannot do it!' He would insist." She said as she threw her hands up and yelled to the ceiling, mimicking her husband before she turned back toward me.

"Do you know what I said to him, Deborah?" Nala asked, leaning further into the desk. Without really realizing it, I shook my head and leaned in deeper myself, enraptured by the story. Nala in turn leaned back a bit, a smug look on her face as she adjusted in her chair.

"Well, some decades ago, wolves would terrorize our people, and vanish into the night before we could catch them. So I said to him, 'Adewale', 'Adewale', I said! 'Those wolves in the forest, I'm scared Adewale! I can't sleep with those wolves out there. Please, Adewale! Take them away, then you come back to me, so I know it is done. ' And do you know what happened that night?" She asked. I didn't even have a chance to respond before she answered her own question.

"My Adewale killed four wolves all by himself that night." She said proudly. "And he saved one of his fellows from that same hunt!" She added, slapping her hand down hard on the desk. A hearty laugh escaped her lips as she leaned back once more, and I laughed alongside her. The tale was a simple one, but I enjoyed it all the same. When the laughter died down, Nala shook her head and sighed happily. We sat there in silence for a bit, letting her words linger before Nala looked back at me, an inquisitive smile resting upon her cheeks.

"Do you understand what I'm trying to say, my dear?" Nala asked gently, tilting her head ever so slightly as she did. And you know what? I did understand. I'd told my fair share of stories and epics, and had learned how to pick messages and meanings from every one. This one was just the same.

"Good men need a reason to keep going, a spark, especially in the hard times." I answered. Nala nodded back at me, her smile seeming to gleam in the early morning. It was a good lesson, and a key reminder of what kept people going, but why tell me this?

"My dear, if he cares for you as much as I believe he does, your presence is a motivator greater than any other. You are doing more than you know." Nala declared. Again I could feel my cheeks flush as I scratched at the nape of my neck. I had to admit, I didn't mind the idea of being his inspiration. In a way, that had already happened, what with him rebuilding the Iron Legion. Heck, even Stone seemed to agree I had pushed him to that more than anything or anyone else.

Besides, I'd already opened up to him more than anyone in the past six years. I trusted him, he made me feel safe. More than that I realized, I really liked him. I wanted to be around him, wanted him to be safe, and I wanted to see him become bigger than any other legion that existed today. And… maybe I wanted something a little more? Maybe…

I nearly jumped out of my seat when a loud knocking came to my attention from the cabin door. The knocking sounded almost frantic, like the life of whoever was on the other side depended on it. When I looked at Nala, she seemed just as surprised as I was, and furrowed her brow as she looked back at me, to which I just shrugged. Nala stood from the desk and moved to open the door, but instead came face to face with one of the rangers when they opened it themselves.

"Madame Berrat!" Said the Ranger. She was a young looking woman, maybe around my age, with pitch black hair that looked like it was damp, sweat from the hood, perhaps? Was she tired? That might explain why she was breathing so deeply. I didn't recognize her at all, but Nala seemed to realize who she was in an instant, and placed a hand on her shoulder as the two locked eyes. Just what was going on?

"Adelaide, what is it?" She asked. The Ranger adjusted the sword at her side and looked toward me for a moment then back at Nala.

"A lone Warden is approaching from the edge of the forest, but Elder Kharion told us not to admit any knights that were not accompanied by militia or other Rangers." She said, her voice sounding both out of breath and energized at the same time. At the mention of the Warden I shot up from my seat and set my lute aside.

"What? When did he…" Nala began before shaking her head and focusing back on the Ranger as I approached.

"It doesn't matter, you said it was a lone Warden?" She asked, to which the Ranger nodded.

"Yes madam, we believe it might be the Warden sworn to the hamlet, but he's too far away to tell." She said.

"Can't you just wait for him to get closer?" Nala asked, removing her hand from the Ranger's shoulder. As if expecting the question, the Ranger barked a response the moment she had finished speaking.

"We're not sure he'll make it that far. He was stumbling pretty severely when we spotted him, at his rate he may succumb to the cold before we can get a good look at him."

"What?!" I yelled. He was dying out there and they were just going to leave him? What kind of people were these rangers?! Before I could scream at the Ranger for being so heartless, Nala held up a hand, her face a mix of concern and conviction.

"Why tell me this, Adelaide?" She asked. For a moment the Ranger looked at me, and I looked back desperately. She had to save him, she had to…

"We were hoping that Captain Berrat told you different. The Elder is becoming irrational, we don't know how much we can trust his orders. If this is the Warden, we could be condemning him to death." She said quickly. A flash of hope shot through me as I took in her words. If the other rangers didn't trust Kharion either, maybe this Warden, Liam, would be safe. I looked to Nala with what must have been a crazed look in my eye, she didn't look back, and the concern was gone, only the authority remained.

"And I will not have that on our hands. Adelaide, get that gate open, take the Bard with you to confirm his identity, go!" She ordered in a boisterous roar of a command. Another shot of hope flooded my system, replaced just as quickly by fear as I ran to grab the furs from my chair. Before I could move I felt myself being pulled back and spun to face Nala. Before I could react she practically threw her furs into my arms.

"Take mine and go, hurry!" She yelled. I could only nod in appreciation as I frantically threw the furs over my shoulders and followed the Ranger out of the cabin. A blast of cold air assaulted my senses as the Ranger took hold of my wrist, steadying me as we scrambled down the lightly covered path before us, still being cleared by a number of townsfolk. A few stopped to look at us as we passed, while others cleared off the path entirely, allowing us to move faster. I could hear chatter all around us in the forms of indistinct questions and confusion, but I didn't care to listen. I needed to get to that gate.

When we were about half way there, the Ranger released my wrist and began sprinting forward, her steps seeming to leave the snow entirely undisturbed as she ran. I stumbled a few times as I tried to keep up, my breath catching in my throat once or twice as I looked towards the gate, seeing two rangers atop it with bows drawn. The third was at the bottom of the gate, surrounded by a number of townsfolk who had gathered around in curiosity of the sudden commotion.

As she drew near, the running ranger waved her arm and began to shout something to her fellows, though I could hardly hear it through the blood pumping in my ears. I could see the two rangers atop the wall look towards her, with one lowering their bow altogether. The third glanced at her for maybe a second before turning away from the townsfolk and towards what looked to be a large winch by the side of the gate, taking it with both hands, and began working it. A high pitched creaking and grinding noise accompanied the doors as they slowly began to open inwards, the crowd dispersing as they backed away from the gates.

The running ranger drew her sword and twirled it as she stood by the side of the gate, pulling what looked to be a dagger from her front as she got down low, into what I can only assume was a combat stance. The two rangers on top of the fort quickly made their way down, utilizing a set of stairs as each one kept their bows low, but ready. I know it was just a precaution, but even knowing that, part of me began to fill with an intense anger at them for even thinking about attacking him. If even one shot was fired at Liam, I was going to kill them.

Before long I managed to reach the gate as it slowly creaked open, standing just behind the rangers as the topmost of them reached the ground and kept their weapons ready. The one opening the gate held it in place once it had gotten maybe halfway open, still more than enough for me to see outside. Just as the Ranger had said, about half way up the path towards the fortress was the frame of a Warden, covered head to toe in snow. He was stumbling groggily onward, and seemed to be using his sword as a sort of makeshift cane, his head pointed down towards the ground. The rangers tensed even further as a surprised and startled cry rang out from the assembled crowd.

I wanted to say it was Liam, get these bloody rangers and townsfolk to back off and leave him alone. But even I had to admit it was hard to tell him from any other Warden from this distance. I needed to get closer. With a few careful steps, I walked past the crowd of people and pulled the furs tightly, the cold biting into me as I walked. I could just see one of the rangers, a bearded man with his longbow still ready, fall behind, then in front of me as we cleared the frame of the gates. Frankly, I was both grateful, and annoyed at his assistance.

The Warden never looked up as we approached him, never made any acknowledgment that he'd even seen us. It was only once we had gotten closer that I realized he was clutching at his side with his free hand, a dark splotch staining bits of the snow as he marched. On top of that, it was clear to me that he was mumbling something under his breath. Some sort of mantra to get himself through the march? Whatever it was he was saying, it was too quiet for me to make it out what it was, even as we continued making our way towards him. The knight was in such a sorry state that I questioned why he was even still moving. Had he marched through the night during that blizzard, all while being wounded? What madness would compel him to do that? It would only make sense if…

"Liam?" His name left my lips before I had even had a moment to think about it. The Ranger held in firing of me as the Warden came to a jerking, almost painful looking stop as he raised his hand onto his hilt, practically leaning against his sword as he groaned in pain. A dampness formed around my eyes as I felt a single tear fell down my cheek. Without realizing it, I had begun crying, seeing this Warden. What happened to him? Was he already too far gone? Please no… not Liam… not him too…

The Warden looked up, the simple action looking like it was akin to running a mile for him. The helmet was a simple thing, two horizontal slots for the eyes, with small crosses below each one, bits of snow clinging to every opening. That was Liam's helmet, alright. The only thing I needed left to confirm it was-

"Deborah…" He said, his voice weak and hoarse. Liam, it was Liam! He'd made it! I didn't care about the Ranger, or what he would think, I shoved past him and ran to Liam, just as it looked like whatever strength he'd summoned for his journey gave out, and he collapsed. I slid on my knees just in time to catch him, holding him close as I let myself cry out. His armor was ice cold to the touch, and I could just hear him weakly wheezing as he tried to grab hold of me. He was back… but he was hurt, why was he so hurt?

"Liam, what happened? Are you okay?" I choked out, my voice catching in my throat as I looked him in the eye. Even on his knees his head bobbed as he swayed in my arms, despite my efforts to keep him steady.

"I took… 'n oath…" he said, slurring his every word. An oath? Was he talking about his promise to come back? Did I do this to him? Hold it together, I told myself, hold it together! Liam was a foot in the grave, and I was feeling sorry for myself! He must have been freezing, I needed to warm him up, now! Without another thought I took the furs from around my shoulders and began to wrap them around him as I tried to keep my breath steady, struggling to keep him upright as he wheezed again.

"I took… n' oath…" He said again, his voice just as hoarse as he nearly fell into me from the sudden weight of the furs. I closed my arms around him and simply held him there as I saw the Ranger kneel beside us, placing a hand on Liam's back as I held him.

"I know you did, Liam. You did it, you really did…" I said, choking back tears as I did. This man had really marched through hell and high water, all because of a little promise he'd made to me…all because he cared so much…

Guess it was my turn to care for him.