So… knowing that this fan fic is basically utter… crap? Yes, I believe crap is the right word, I've decided to try to ameliorate it a bit. Or a bunch, depending on how much care I really put into it. So, I hope this chapter is even the slightest bit better. Review and let me know, even if it's a flame. :)

It was time to go onstage again. Daisy was dreading this, not only because of the obvious effects her job was having on her sanity, but because she abominated the person whom she was to interview today.

It was time to interview Toad.

With Mario and Luigi off on a grand adventure saving Peach, the audience had lost quite a few fans to the new reality series, "How to Save a Girl in 10 Days." However, the live studio audience's bleacher-style seats were still two-thirds of the way filled, fans donning t-shirts saying such things as "Toad is Cool" and "Toad is Not Cool." Yeah, the t-shirts had pretty boring slogans. The pictures, however… Some were very amusing Family Guy t-shirts.

Daisy took a sip of her coffee… and her eyes bulged. Daintily defenestrating the defective decaffeinated monstrosity, she took a few deep breaths before going over to her seat.

The princess practiced even more deep breaths before the lesser toads signaled to her that cameras were about to start rolling. Then, she reapplied her lipstick just before she was due to smile into the camera.

"Welcome! Today, we're going to have a nice, long," she grimaced, "long, wonderful chat with Toad! So everyone give Toad a big round of welcoming applause…!"

The entire audience clapped politely, some members whistling loudly through their fingers as Toad from Super Mario 64 strolled across the stage, waving to the fans he didn't really have. He sat down in his chair and rested his stubby arms on the armrests.

"Hi, Princess Daisy!" Toad chirped. Daisy winced. Toad sounded like a prepubescent boy, and the fact that everything that came out of his mouth was screeched made this especially painful to endure. However, Daisy was the host, and she had to interview him, no matter how many aspirins this caused her to consume in the process!

"Hi Toad… okay, so let's get right to it. My first question for you is… is your head really heavy?"

Toad blinked. "Well, when I was working in Peach's castle, and Bowser kidnapped her and imprisoned her on top of it, I…"

Daisy politely cleared her throat. "Coughshutcoughup! Um, maybe you could stick to the point."

"I don't have a point; my head is rounded."

A lesser Toad signaled to the audience to laugh. The laughter was weak.

"So, what was the question again?"

Daisy sighed. "How heavy is your head?"

"It weighs ten pounds."

The eyes of Daisy, as well as the eyes of multitudinous audience members, grew wide.

"Ten pounds? That's incredible!" Daisy said without much emotion. "Do you ever fall over?"

"Oh yeah! All the time! This one time, while working in Peach's Castle, I—"

"Is this relevant?"

"Yeah! I tripped and fell down the stairs, and I couldn't stop! Some of the other toads were pretending the stairs were an alpine slope, and that I was a snowboard, because my heavy head just carried me down, down, down…"

The lesser Toad signaled for the audience to act shocked, but instead rippling laughter filled the studio. Daisy herself was giggling like mad.

"So… what sort of things do you do in your spare time?" Daisy asked. It wasn't one of the questions on her list; secretly, however, she was hoping that the head toad did exceedingly lame things in his/her (gender?) spare time that they could all laugh about.

Wait a minute; exactly what gender was Toad…? She couldn't ask that, could she?

Just then, Toad had an accident.

Not the Toad they were interviewing, but a Toad that was bringing Daisy a fresh cup of coffee. (It was probably one of the new interns that had not yet realized that Daisy usually did not actually drink anything while on the air, out of circumspection. After all, she had once had a nightmare where she spilled espresso all over her shirt. That would be awful in real life, and would make her ratings plummet. So the Toad that was bringing her coffee really didn't need to, and thus didn't really need to be on stage, and thus really did not have to pee on TV in from of the shocked audience and everyone.

Daisy's eyes widened to an enormous proportion. Oh, crud, what am I supposed to do? she wondered. And wondered. And everyone eventually looked at her, seeing how she would react.

"Don't…" She could play it off as a special effect they were going to have used later. "Don't… drop that… urine sample…" Oops, there went that chance.

The toad looked blue in the face with embarrassment, and the androgynous flora rushed off crying.

Daisy stared at her audience.

They stared at her.

Then she started laughing again. Hi, hysterical laughter. Giddy laughter. She fell out of her chair, laughing until she cried. The head toad, she one she had been so deadest on embarrassing, now turned bright red, as if Daisy was the drunk chick at a party, and he had been paired with her to dance.

The audience, now, was extremely interested in what sort of pills Luigi would be carting out to the talk show hostess. However, they plainly forgot that Luigi was co-starring at a reality TV show about using Goombas as trampolines and how to slide through a used pipe without getting grime on your clothes, all while saving a Princess from a reptilian overlord.

So Daisy just kind of stayed… crazy. For the next ten minutes, all she did was laugh crazily. The audience was uncomfortable. Toad was uncomfortable. Daisy had a ball, until she realized that a part of her hair was in the warm yellow liquid on the floor—and then she got up screaming. And the funny thing about Daisy, is when she screams she never really screams about the subject she's perturbed by, but something else entirely. So Daisy yelled "FIRE!"

The audience, semi-anxious to get out of their anyway, fled the studio, albeit their flight slowed by the crush that tried to get through the doorless double doorways (that weren't really doorways as they were doorless).

During the 29th minute of the tape, Daisy turned to Toad. The cameramen were still rolling, probably because they were mostly reading Time magazine and not really paying all that much attention. But Daisy turned to Toad.

"So, what do you do in your spare time?"

"I practice ballet and stuff," Toad said nervously. Daisy's face was red from all of the laughing she had been doing. "Y'know, ballet, torture, underwater basketweaving…"

"Cool!" Daisy shouted in a way that largely resembled a certain redhead from Texas that most people who ever read this will never know. "And… are you a girl or a guy?"

"I'm a—"

"We're out of film!" the lazy cameraman shouted. "That's a wrap, people!"

And so ended the fifth, and by far most disastrous episode of Daisy's Talk Show ever. Later, when Daisy got a hold of herself, she was totally ashamed and considered become a nun. Then she thought better of it. But later that night, she lay wide awake, realizing that Toad had told her of "its" gender, and that she had completely forgotten it already.