Inner Conflicts

There were thirty-two dead, fourteen wounded, and five missing as of the current count. Fifty-one Blackstone casualties, and that was on top of the twenty deserters who had fled to the enemy side. Seventy-one lost or injured Blackstone, seventy-one. No matter how many times I repeated it in my mind, the number never seemed to sound right. None of this seemed worth it to me, this wasn't a Viking stronghold or invasion, nor an incursion by unwanted Samurai. This was a logging hamlet, who'd simply had the misfortune of having deserters cross their path. Word of this would spread, and I could only wonder what distortions the people of Ashfeld would draw from it.

Around me, uninjured soldiers stepped over mutilated bodies and abandoned weapons, some of the corpses so horribly disfigured that it was impossible to begin discerning their identity. The path stretching out of the hamlet was partially obscured from the heavy snowfall the night prior, with only fading footprints marking any path onward. We were an hour's march from the hamlet now, and so far had yet to find any trace of the militia, or any meaningful signs from Liam's reconstructed legion. The entire trail still reeked of burning lumber and a metallic odor that I could not completely discern was rusted metal or quickly drying blood.

Even as I marched, I could sense the discontent rising around me. My men were tired, bloody, and irritable. The battle had taken more out of them than I think any of us had anticipated. My own body ached despite the durability and protection of my armor, I could only imagine the pain and exhaustion my soldiers must have been feeling. Only worsening the matters was how little sleep we'd gotten, the roaring blizzard and set watches had limited the actual rest we'd gotten. I doubted a single soul among us had slept any more than four hours. Knowing it was needed, I called for a halt in the march, ordering the men to rest and gather their strength. I suspect the collective sigh of gratitude reached Heaven itself from its volume.

I sighed as I paused and looked behind me, seeing a hooded figure I recognized as Helia making her way towards me. Her stride was slow and tired, her sword mere inches from being dragged alongside her. Still, there was an air about her that I recognized, one that told me her spirit had not been broken. I was grateful for that, Blackstone would need conviction from all of its commanders, especially in this hunt for both our enemies, and our remaining warriors who had broken off in the fighting.

"We have found another two warriors, both dead by arrows. The men are growing disheartened, my lord." She said as she stopped in front of me. Another two slain, that made the count thirty-four. It was hardly our largest number, but the fact that it continued to climb was disheartening to say the least. Just how much higher would it reach, I wondered? Even so, I knew we still had a mission to accomplish.

"Gather what supplies you can from them, then have someone perform their last rites. We won't have time to bury them." I said, turning to look over the men as I did. My attention fell on a small group of soldiers, each sat by the trees as they rested. One was inspecting the bloodied, heavily bruised hand of her comrade, who winced at every move. One of his compatriots only looked on as he sipped from a water skin, while the last stared blankly at the ground, his eyes dull, and empty. A sight like this should have been worrying to me, my warriors despondent and fallen. In truth, I had grown all too accustomed to it.

"They've already been stripped of their equipment, my lord. All of their coin seems to have been taken as well." Helia said, drawing my attention back to her. Though I appreciated her attempts at seeming confused about the information, we both already knew what that meant. Worse, with so many soldiers, we'd have no way of discerning who had taken it. How many times now had the dead been robbed by our warriors? How could I even blame them? Apollyon welcomed taking what one desired, how could I scold them for following her principles? With a sigh, I shook my head and rested my poleaxe on my shoulder, considering the state of my Legion.

"The finest warriors in Ashfeld, Helia. How have we been driven to such depravities so many times?" I asked, looking her in the eye as I did. Helia seemed to think for a moment, then shook her head as she reached up and pulled back her hood. She seemed to recoil a bit as the bare half of her head was exposed to the elements, her blind eye remaining ever open as she grit her teeth and looked up at me.

"Lord Cross, a wolf cares not for his prey, especially when that wolf is starving. Even a member of his own pack can seem like a hearty meal if pushed far enough." She said, though I wasn't sure if she was trying to convince me or herself based on her tone. There was truth behind her words, but they did not ease my mind. We were the Blackstone Legion, the largest of legions in Ashfeld, and certainly the most well off. None of these wolves should have been starving, much less enough to take from their own brothers and sisters. I could not see this as anything but pure greed consuming said warriors, at least, I hoped that was the case. For what was the alternative, apathy? Was that not a death knell for the righteous? Righteous, I realized. That was a word I had not associated with us for many days, maybe even years despite my efforts to fill our ranks with good men.

"I have always seen myself as a wolf." I said quietly, keeping my gaze focused on Helia. She nodded solemnly at my statement, keeping her own attention squarely on me.

"And yet it's never crossed my mind to take from the dead. Apollyon is a wolf, and yet I would never have executed the elder and his man in such a cold manner." I continued. I grew somber as I spoke, each word feeling like I had to claw it from the depths of a bloody sludge. Was this heresy, what I was saying? What I was thinking? But would saying nothing only make this worse? I was second in command of the Blackstone Legion, I had to present an air of certainty, and conviction. Yet, if that was built upon a false foundation, would that not bring everything crumbing down? I needed to say what my mind had conjured…

"Belial told me something, a few days back. He told me he doubted my convictions to the Blackstone Legion, to our very ideals." I admitted. Helia's face contorted into a snarl as her fist clenched at her side, her sword almost seemed to creek as her gauntlet closed around it. Had I offended her?

"Enough of this, my lord. Belial is a brute and a warmonger, I've know this from my first days. He is a zealot, his words should mean nothing to you." She argued. I sighed and shook my head as I responded;

"But what if he is right, Captain?" Helia opened her mouth to speak again, but I held up a hand in an order of silence. She reared back in surprise and frustration, glaring from my eyes to my hand, and then back into my eyes. There was a fury there, so intense it even seemed to extend into her lame eye. Still, she honored my request, taking a deep breath as she began to relax. Seeing this, I decided to continue.

"I have made every effort to stop this attack, even knowing Apollyon would not wish it. I've recruited two men now who went against the ideals of our Legion, men I still admire even after their betrayal. I won't lie to you Captain, I still have reservations on our mission here, even after being ambushed. Is that not a lack of conviction?" I asked. The last question was almost painful to even say, it felt like needles burrowing into my stomach, and took what felt like ages to even say. Helia, however, did not hesitate with her response.

"Because you are a good man, Cross. A good man who sees the rot and decay, even in the face of his obedience." She said. A good man? Would a good man have led an assault on innocent people?

"Can one really be a good man if he is silent in the face of evil, Captain?" I asked. For a second I found myself stunned in the face of such an inquiry. Had I really called us evil, to one of my officers, no less? Just how deep did my doubts lie if I could so casually declare it so? Helia thankfully either did not realize this, or simply chose to ignore it as her features again shifted into a righteous fury.

"A flawed one, maybe, but a good man all the same." She said forcefully. I suspect she wanted a response from me, but I had none to give. I was still too troubled to process what she had said to me. Seeming to realize this, she took a deep breath and eased her features, becoming calm once more.

"When the time comes, don't forget that, my lord. You are a good man, let that guide you." She said, softly this time. Let being a good man guide me, eh? I mulled that over in my mind a few times, trying to discern what that would mean. I certainly hadn't let it guide me thus far, that seemed obvious enough. Save for the peace talks, nothing I'd done seemed particularly noble or good. I couldn't abandon the mission, that would bring Apollyon's wrath upon us, and we would be leaving behind more soldiers. But to continue on? Finish off the survivors? That would appear absolutely monstrous, both to myself, and the people of Ashfeld. Neither option seemed particularly desirable, much less good. How was I supposed to let this guide me?

"You seem troubled, my lord." Came another voice, this one as empty and cold as the land around us. Turning, I saw Mercy had approached us, unannounced, as was her standard. Both of her blades were drawn, and her uniform had a fresh splattering of crimson adorning it's features. It seemed even her helmet had bits of blood clinging to it's metal frame, making her look more like some deranged killer than a knight. Behind her I could see the frame of a much larger knight, poleaxe in hand as he strode through the tree line like it didn't exist.

"You found Belial, I see." I said, adjusting my stance to fully face Mercy as I tried to ignore her statement. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Helia's expression drop in a mix of frustration and disappointment. I hated to turn my back on our conversation, but Mercy rarely brought trivial matters to my attention, and I had learned to take matters seriously when she appeared. Besides, I needed a distraction from my troubled mind, and the duties of command would serve as both a welcome and necessary one. Mercy, for her part, nodded in response to me.

"He had found traces of an enemy caravan and begun following it. I insisted he return." She explained. An enemy caravan? So our enemy was marching towards something.

"How many in the caravan?" I asked. Mercy turned briefly towards the forest, watching as Belial batted away the last of the branches blocking his path. The man marched beside Mercy and planted his weapon aggressively into the ground below, a small clanging confirming the hard soil beneath.

"There were three cavalry, and ten militia. The Conqueror was among them." Belial said quickly. Stone was alive, that much did not surprise me. I did, however, find it surprising that he had not mentioned Liam, whom I had assumed would rank much more important in his mind. I knew Liam had split off from the others, I'd seen him do so myself. Still, I had expected him to try and link back up with his fellows once the fighting had ceased. If he wasn't with Stone, where was he?

"And the Warden was not?" I asked, trying to prod him for a response. Belial seemed to shift, pride seemingly radiating from him as he stood even taller.

"The Warden has been dealt with. I left him with a hole in his side during the night and sent him over a cliff. He'll be long dead by now." He boasted proudly. My heart seemed to sink and get caught in my chest all at once at his words. Liam was dead? I… I wasn't sure how to feel about that. True, he was the enemy, leader of a new legion that sought to remove Blackstone from power. But he was still a man I'd bled beside, a man I knew was of outstanding moral character. The idea of such a noble soul being snuffed out was… troubling. Was he really gone…?

"There were also two rangers watching over them. I suspect they would have found him had I not stepped in." Mercy added, breaking me from my stupor. Belial turned towards her, confusion evident in his movements.

"I didn't see any rangers with them." He tried to counter. Of course he hadn't, I thought. Reckless fool as he was.

"You wouldn't have, their ability to remain unseen is second only to Peacekeepers." I rebutted, turning to face him momentarily. Admittedly, I allowed my conflict over Belial's report to infuse itself into my speech, sounding far more bitter than I'd intended. Belial turned a malicious glare in my direction, clearly not appreciating my comment. I could hardly care about his attitude towards me, however, and ignored him as I turned my attention back towards Mercy.

"Were you able to discern which direction they were headed?" I questioned, trying not to think about what he had said. Mercy nodded.

"East." She said simply. This puzzled me, Herongale was the furthest settlement that I was aware of in this direction, save for a large river that divided a number of mountain ranges. What could they possibly be marching towards in the east? Some unseen hideout?

"The fortress…" Said Helia, sounding almost incredulous as she did. Turning to face her, I could see that her expression shared the tone of her voice, despite an effort to mask it shortly after. I was familiar with many of the fortresses in Ashfeld, but news of one lying beyond Herongale eluded me.

"What fortress?" I asked. The question seemed to startle Helia, blinking a few times before she shook her head and turned to me.

"There's an old fortress to the east that was once manned by a subset of the Iron Legion. The fortress was abandoned when a group of rogue Samurai found it and began stealing the supplies being delivered to it." She explained. If that were true, it would have happened well beyond my time. The Iron Legion hadn't been out this far in decades, before Herongale had even been established. Belial turned towards her with a skeptical look, tilting his head as I kept my gaze focused on Helia.

"Now how do you know that?" He asked, the accusation in his voice not even remotely subtle. With Obadia turning against us, Belial had been ever watchful for any signs of treachery from other members of our company, accusing every man and woman with even a hint of frustration or uncommon knowledge. Irritating as I found it, we were too far from home to send him away for his paranoia, and I suspect he knew as much. Helia responded as gracefully as she could, casting an annoyed glance at the man.

"An old comrade of mine was studying it before I left to join the Blackstone Legion. She believed it was housing bandits." She shot back defensively. I turned my back on the group as I saw Mercy carefully observing Helia out of the corner of my eye. I wasn't sure what that was about, but I knew I couldn't worry about it right this moment. Helia's explanation was good enough for now, and it created a new web of problems. A fortress changed things considerably.

If Liam truly was dead, then I would be free to leave it be. After all, Herongale was destroyed, burned to the ground with naught but a cinder remaining. Moreover, Liam's death would throw this new legion into disarray, leaving it to disband before it could ever properly flourish. But that was only if I trusted Belial's word that Liam was dead, if he was somehow still alive… Well, that would only serve to invigorate his people. They'd fought and survived against the Blackstone Legion. As much as I'd like to say it was a difficult choice, I'd been told Liam was dead once before, and that had proven a falsehood. Was I really willing to risk an uprising on the words of a man I only scarcely trusted?

"What are your orders, Cross?" Mercy asked from behind. I could feel the gaze of my three officers peering into my back even without seeing them, waiting for my next action. I waited there for several moments, thinking things over. As much as I longed to let Helia's words reach me, I knew I had to put my mission first, my oaths. They were all I had left at this point, I had to let them guide what our next action would be, these next orders.

And I knew exactly what those orders would be.