A one-shot I did on a whim. The way the bridge scene should have gone. So says Raven!
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Episode 19: revamp
I had been running for so long. The rain that fell stung my pale cheeks as I ran blindly through the city. I was lost and I didn't care. This wasn't my world. I didn't know where most things were anyway. I stopped under the awning of a busy restaurant and tried to catch my breath. My chest hurt but not because of the run. I was a good runner. I love to run. To feel the wind through my short blonde hair and to see the colors whip by was the best rush in the world. Funny how a simple bet on a simple run was what brought me to this place.
I wasn't joking when I said this wasn't my world. If the clouds parted and I looked up in the sky I would see my home, Earth, where my family and friends all waited for me. Or at least I thought of them waiting for me, wondering what happened the day the dragon came. The dragon was from Gaia, this world on which I currently find myself. Because of that dragon, or more the death of that dragon, and the boy who chased it, I was forced here. And I would never have been sucked away had I not stayed at the track to beat my time in order to receive my first kiss. I still haven't gotten that kiss.
I looked across the street. A couple was laughing there, enjoying each others company. They were smitten, kissing each other openly, luxuriating in each others arms. I turned away when I felt the tears in my eyes. Damn him.
I walked away from the couple. It didn't matter where I was going. The rain beat against me making me cold and hollow. It washed away the sorrow in my heart and the pain in my soul, but it couldn't wash away my loneliness. It seemed to only increase it.
Tears were falling freely now but I still tried to convince myself that it was only the rain dripping from my bangs. There was nothing to cry over for there was nothing between him and me. I didn't even know why his words had hurt me so. I sighed.
He had asked me to stay with him. What surprised me was the joy that I felt, the hope that had run through me. It was too good to be true, and I still don't know why I thought that. I didn't feel like that for him. He was but a friend and traveling companion. I shook my head. If that was completely true, then why did his final words hurt me so?
"What did you say?" I had said. I had to be sure. I could have heard him wrong. But he said it again; those few words that made me feel so light. 'Stay with me'. I was frozen in joy. My mind was screaming 'Of course I'll stay with you!' but still I could say nothing, and so he took a step forward. He began explaining how my powers would help him. I had to stay to help him kill Zaibach and win the war. I understood then. He didn't care for me; he only cared about my power with Sight.
I should have figured. But thinking about it again, it…it just makes my heart hurt. Why would he say such a thing? I already said that I wouldn't be used as a tool. I was a person, damnit! Did he really just see me as something useful not someone useful?
I looked back at the windmill far away on the hill. He had his dragon armor there. I had run from there not too long ago. He probably wasn't even worried about me. He wouldn't come to find me. Now that he knew I wouldn't be his tool, he wouldn't give a damn about me as long as the enemy didn't use me.
I shuddered and just let my feet lead me through the dark wet streets for a time. I watched the wet pebbled road pass beneath my feet. I let the cold water wash away my thoughts as I mindlessly continued shuffling one foot in front of the other. Eventually I found myself ascending a wooden bridge. Distracted by the change in flooring, I looked up. And I saw him.
My heart skipped a beat as it was prone to do when he first came into view. His long blonde hair was pasted against his forehead and stuck to his white shirt that was normally covered by a blue vest. His skin showed through where ever the shirt stuck to him. I knew his body was lean and proud. He was a knight after all. His sad blue eyes rose from the ground and locked onto mine. I stood at the top of the bridge looking down at him. Allen.
Suddenly the sadness in his eyes seemed to fade away. He took slow steps towards me and I could only stare. He looked so much like Amano, sometimes I wondered if I liked him because of his likeness to Amano, or because of who he really was. I like to think it's because of the latter.
When Allen reached me he placed his hand on my shoulder. I looked up at him in surprise. He had never treated me as anything more than a friend, or even a sister. But that look in his eye… I could feel my own eyes widen as he pulled me into an embrace. My arms automatically went around his waist pressing the cold, wet fabric against his perfect skin.
"Why is it that when I'm with you my heart is at peace?" He whispered to me. I closed my eyes. He smelled just like Amano. I let myself stay like that in the comfort of his arms, but images kept intruding upon my consciousness. The most prominent was Millerna with her loving smile, her grace as she took Allen into her arms. I knew that Millerna was to be wed to Dryden soon. But I also knew that Millerna didn't really want to marry him. She was in love with Allen. I pulled away never looking in his eyes.
"Why?" he asked in that lovely tenor.
"I'm so sorry. It's just…it's just…It's just that I know how Millerna feels about you!" I cried. He just looked at me with that soft gaze as if staring into my soul.
"All I see is you, Hitomi." He took a step toward me, "Just you." His words melted my resolve, but something felt off.
"What are you saying?" I asked desperately. I wanted to get away, and yet I had this strong urge to just be held by him. I looked down ashamed of myself. I felt his hands on my shoulders again. I looked up at him in fear, though of what, I still don't know.
He pulled me closer and I gasped. I watched as he got closer. I didn't know what to do. A small voice was crying 'Run away!' but another sweet voice simply kept whispering, 'Allen'. He closed his eyes and when he was a moment from me, I felt mine close as well. My heart was beating so fast, but I couldn't tell if it was from fear or anticipation.
Then his lips touched mine and all thought slipped away. They were soft and warm despite the cold rain coming down. It was my first kiss. I expected to feel joy and wonder, but mostly I was just surprised. The rain let up and the sun poked through the clouds as our lips connected. Finally we pulled apart, but right before the connection was lost, an image flew to my mind. Van.
I noticed that my arms lay dumbly at my sides and his hands grasped my upper arms. I looked up at him. He held a happy, almost arrogant look that didn't become him. I thought what it would be like to be his, to be the knight's lady. I'd like to say that it made me happy, but I'd be lying. I thought of Van again as I stared into the cerulean eyes smiling at me and felt a wash of guilt overcome me. I turned away from Allen as I felt tears brim my eyes.
It all felt so wrong. I liked Allen, but he wasn't mine, not really. Millerna loved him. She's loved him for most of her life and will continue to love him until she dies. I'm sure of that. Some part of me wanted to deny the truth, but my heart was crying out to me, and for once I listened to the part of me that usually just whispered nonsense. I didn't love Allen. He belonged to Millerna.
As soon as I thought that my legs gave out. There was a part of me that screamed in agony at admitting this truth. This voice screeched obscenities so loud in my mind that I even tried covering my ears to muffle the screams. It was telling me I was stupid and foolish. I loved him and he loved me. I shook my head and let my tears fall. I felt Allen kneel beside me.
"What's wrong, Hitomi?" he asked worriedly. The voice in my head cried for me to embrace him again, so I pushed him away from me making him fall on his seat, "Hitomi!" he exclaimed in surprise.
"Go away, Allen!" I cried, maybe if he left I'd be free of this foreign woman in my mind, "You're not mine, Allen, and I'm not yours. Go now! Go to Millerna!" He turned my face to him none too gently and I saw a strange look in his eye.
"What are you saying?" he growled grabbing my head with both of his hands. For the first time in his presence, I felt fear. I swallowed. At least the voice was silent.
"I'm not yours. You love Millerna." I stated. I saw something flash across his eyes and knew that he had a voice in his head too. I grabbed onto his wrists and whispered, "Fight it." That same look flashed again, then he was suddenly torn from my sight. I screamed as his hands were jerked from my face taking some hair with them. A man had stepped in front of me facing Allen. His body was tense and I knew he was protecting me. I looked up to the familiar red back and felt comfort.
"Van…" I said. He had actually come to find me. He looked down at me over his shoulder.
"You alright?" he asked me. I blushed and turned away from him. How much had he seen?
"I'm fine." I muttered. Van shifted.
"What's wrong with him?" he asked me. I turned and looked at Allen. He had a look on his face that I knew I had worn just moments before. He was battling the voice inside of him. As soon as I thought of her, she returned crying in my head about how I loved Allen, and how much I wanted to be with him. He was so wonderful and comforting. He never hurt my feelings like Van does, and at least I know that he actually feels for me.
I shook my head when I realized I had been listening and believing the words. I had moved to go to him. I turned my back on them both and braced myself against the bridges railing closing my eyes. I felt Van take a step back and kneel beside me.
"What's wrong, Hitomi?" he asked anxiously, "Did he hurt you?" I shook my head furiously, both to let him know Allen would never do that and also to silence the voice.
"Send him away," I whispered. The voice was calling for me to go to him, so I had to do the opposite. Van stood up and went to Allen.
"Get out of here, Allen." He said quietly. I knew Allen was going to protest, but I just felt his eyes on me and then I heard his boots click as he walked hurriedly away. Van came back to me and kneeled beside me. There was so much pain I didn't know what to do. The voice was still calling for Allen's arms, so I did the next best thing, I went into Van's.
Van held me quietly as I cried out my pain. He brushed my hair back with one hand while he waited for my sobs to stop. I was so confused, so very confused. When my sobs had turned to sniffles he lifted up my chin. I stared into those lovely eyes that were the color of rich whiskey. He had such compassion in them and I knew suddenly that I wasn't just a tool to him. I knew he wanted to know what happened, but I didn't know. I didn't know if I even wanted him to know about the voice whispering Allen's name or even the kiss that we shared if he didn't already know about it, but I knew he deserved an explanation.
"I don't know what happened," I whimpered, "it was as if I was being pulled to Allen, and he to me. But it was against our will," I added quickly seeing the sorrow that shadowed his eyes. I wanted to tell him everything, but he wouldn't understand, or he would take it the wrong way. I closed my eyes and leaned my head into the curve of his neck. He smelled so good, like a meadow or a spring day. I took a deep breath of his scent and sighed. His arms hugged me tighter and I smiled.
"Allen loves Millerna, and she loves him. They belong to one another." I whispered against his skin. "I'm not his." I felt Van's entire body relax inch by inch as he brought me even closer.
"I know I screwed up before, Hitomi. Will you forgive me?" I gave a tiny nod, "Then will you stay with me? Please? I won't ask for your powers," he paused, "it's not your powers I want anyway." He whispered it so quietly I wouldn't have heard him if my head wasn't leaning on his shoulder. I could feel the blush on my cheeks but didn't care.
"I'll stay with you, Van. Always."