This article is an excerpt from one of Artemis Fowl junior's word files. The details are as accurate as possible, considering that it is Artemis' own hands that typed up the following piece.
After the Opal Incident, or the Opal Deception as Butler would call it, my life did not go back to normal. Normal, for me, usually means scheming another devious plan to increase the Fowl bank account, but this time, I was in stupor. I was stuck on whether I should continue my criminal lifestyle, or to lead a 'normal', average life. But then again, I am not a normal, average Homo Sapiens Sapiens. It is quite appalling, actually, that I am compared to such beings.
Before I go even further astray from the topic, which I assure you I hardly ever do, my father, Artemis Fowl senior, and my mother, Angeline Fowl, are steadily growing healthier, and a certain aura has spread through Fowl Manor. The downside of this is that my conscience has awakened and now, my memories haunt me of what I have done. Three years ago, I had no idea what guilt was, but ever since last year, pinpricks of guilt have turned to great aches and my mother has the power to awaken my remorse.
Luckily, I managed to persuade mother and father to let me stay in Saint Bartleby's until I graduate, which should be in about a year's time, considering I have skipped grades. I am planning to excel in the field of psychology, as I have already produced numerous articles related to it. My first challenge, however, will be quite an easy one. The Japanese Prime Minister, Kenjji Mutsohiko, is offering a hefty sum of money to a therapist willing to treat his daughter, Nike, and I plan to be that therapist.
How is this related to Saint Bartleby's? Well, the school is offering an exchange trip to Japan, and that is where I plan to work on my client's case.
Fowl Manor, Dublin, IrelandThe manor was unusually quiet that morning. Only Butler was awake doing his morning meditation. Even Artemis junior was still in bed sleeping in, a thing he hadn't done since before his father was kidnapped.
An eerie spell had settled over the manor. Artemis Fowl senior and Angeline Fowl were often seen canoodling and walking over the grounds hand in hand. Artemis himself had left the family business for a while and had busied himself with learning how to ride a horse, and Butler was at ease. So when everyone awoke, a peaceful atmosphere surrounded all of them.
"Good morning, Master Artemis," Butler said, poking his head through the doorway.
"Ah, thank you," Artemis replied as Butler set a tray of food down on the bedside table, "and the same to you, Butler. And please, do stop the 'master' thing. It's getting quite annoying."
"Yes Artemis." Butler glanced at the magazine Artemis held in his hands. "Psychology?" he questioned, arching his eyebrows at the teenager.
"Yes. As a matter of fact, there is an ad in this magazine that says the Japanese Prime Minister is searching for a therapist for his daughter. He prefers someone young and foreign, and I believe I fit all the requirements. They're paying a large sum of money. Apparently, the girl is head case. But no matter. I'll think of it as a challenge. After all, when have I ever gotten money for being good?"
"I see. How old is the patient?"
"It says on the paper I printed out that the girl is in her sixteenth year, so she must be fifteen turning sixteen."
Butler found it disturbing how Artemis had said 'the girl'. He spoke it as though she was a mere child, even though Artemis himself was the same age. Perhaps, Butler thought, Artemis will learn a lesson from this. After all, he has hardly any experience with human interaction, let alone a female.
"Butler?"
He shook himself out of his reverie and dutifully asked, "When do we leave?"
"Two weeks from now," Artemis answered, "and I have the perfect excuse."
"And that is?" Butler prodded.
"Well, Saint Bartleby's is having another exchange trip. This time it's with a Japanese school. I've told mother and father that I wanted to go and they readily agreed."
"Excellent."
"Arty?" Came a muffled voice from behind the door. "May I come in?"
Hurriedly, Artemis slipped out of bed and switched on his computer screen. Lately, Angeline had been hassling her boy to do something active. "Yes mother, come in."
"Your father and I were just discussing your trip to Japan. We've decided to come along with you! Isn't that wonderful?" Her delight was clearly heard in her voice.
Artemis struggled to keep a happy composure. "Yes mother, how exciting!" He faked a smile. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to change."
Once Angeline had closed the door, Artemis turned to Butler with a grimace on his face. "I'm afraid this is going to be harder than I thought." He ran his hand through his dark hair, frustrated.
"What about I call some of my old friends and ask them to return a favour?"
"Yes, that would be great. Do you think you could arrange a private cruise to Japan? It would take longer than plane and by that time, I probably would have solved the girl's problem."
"Yes, I believe I can. Consider it done. But do me a favour. Call the girl by her name. It bothers me the way you say it." Butler said firmly.
Artemis was taken aback. Hardly anybody, let alone Butler, ever gave him a command. On top of that, Artemis was at a loss for words. "I...well…fine," Artemis agreed, confused. "Why, may I ask?"
"Your people skills need fine tuning. Just a little tip, Artemis, girls, especially, hate being treated like children."
Artemis scowled and turned the computer screen off. He stood up and opened his closet, surveying its contents. "Hmmmmm…. Armani shoes, polo shirt and dress pants?" He muttered to himself.
"I was thinking of a more casual attire, Master Artemis. We are going to the movies today. Your parents wanted to have another family outing. Maybe jeans and sneakers will do. The polo shirt is fine."
Artemis skimmed through the rackets of suits and formal pants, before heaving a sigh. "I don't have any casual things. I disposed of that ridiculous outfit that I was forced to wear last year. Besides, I'm not a casual person."
Butler gave a rare chuckle and said, "Well, I guess we'll have to go shopping won't we?"
Calgary, Alberta, Canada
"Hurry up, Mulch," Holly Short seethed into her microscopic walkie-talkie. The former LEP captain, covered in a camouflage foil, hovered above a high rise. Growling, she circled the building once more. "D'arvit, Mulch!"
"I'm right here captain," his voice sounded cheerful through the earpiece.
"Shut up. Turn the camera on."
"Aye, aye captain. Can you give me the room number that the fossils are in?"'
"607. And stop joking around. I may have to find another partner."
"607? Okay, I'm going to blast my way in there."
"WHAT?" Came Holly's reply. "No Mulch! You could disintegrate those bones! Just pick the lock, you hear me?" She hissed into her radio. She looked at the video attached to her wrist. Mulch was in the hallway. "No you idiotic troll! You just missed it!"
"Geez, calm down captain. No need to tie your wings in a knot," Mulch said calmly. Holly watched him pry at the doorknob.
"We have seven minutes left, Diggums. I can already see their car coming from Main Street."
"I'm in." Mulch declared and entered the code that disabled the security alarm. He examined the flat carefully.
"It should be in corner of the living room. Paris Kaligaris likes to display it. Turn around so I can see."
Mulch strode to the right corner of the living room. The Albertosaurus' skull bones lay there in a glass case. "What if I just break it open?"
"No. Can you show me the lock?" Holly squinted at the tiny screen as the camera zoomed in on the lock. "It's a cable lock. You see that tiny copper wire sticking out? Pull on it and the rest of the wires should appear."
Mulch hummed to himself as he worked with the lock. "Di-di-di-dum-dum." He unclipped a pair of tweezers from his belt and began fiddling around with the connections, trying to dismantle it.
"Remove the white one first so that the hole is open. Okay. Stick the yellow one to that hole and switch the green wire with the red one. Don't attach the white one to the leftover hole," Holly instructed. Finally, there was a whirr and a click and the glass case swung open.
"Here comes the good part," Mulch murmured. Warily, Mulch reached his hand inside and plucked the million year old bones out. An alarm sounded as soon the bones were lifted. Quickly, Mulch wrapped them in cloth and shoved them in his bag.
"Careful! Those are priceless artefacts you're carrying," Holly fretted, sweat appearing on her brow. "I told you to switch the green and the red wires," the elf moaned. "Hurry! Hurry!"
Mulch closed the case, not bothering to reset the lock, and escaped through an opened window. His dwarf pores latched on to the sides of the building as he waited for Holly to pick him up. Soon enough, as soon the door cracked open, Holly swooped down and grabbed Mulch, making sure that the cam foil covered them both.
"You got the fossils?" She breathed.
"Yeah."