Title: Know Your ABCs

By Mae

Summary: Sam considers letters and words

Spoilers: Takes place after Noel but before the Leadership Breakfast

'I marvel thy master hath not eaten thee for a word;
for thou art not so long by the head as
honorificabilitudinitatibus: thou art easier
swallowed than a flap-dragon.'

Love's Labours Lost

A b c d e f g…

Awhile back, long before Sam became the man he was today, he had started his fascination with words and letters. His mother use to often joke that the only way he would fall asleep when he was a baby would be when she sang the alphabet song. He didn't know if that was true or not, but there was no denying that Sam treasured words even in his childhood. On his tenth birthday, he spent the aftermath of his birthday party browsing through the dictionary that his aunt gave him while all his other gifts were left forgotten on the floor. Scrabble was usually in intense competition in his family and he was usually the one that ended up winning.

Sam spent many hours analyzing and dissecting words and phases just like he was carefully analyzing the phone that sat on his desk.

"Sam?"

Sam looked up from the deep contemplation of his phone to see CJ watching him with amusement in her smile. He couldn't help but smile back.

"Hey CJ. What can I do for you?"

"Samster, I know based on experience that phones usually don't talk back unless you pick up the handset and push some buttons. Staring at it like that won't get you the same result."

CJ likes to play with words. Words are used as joking remarks and delightful nicknames. They are musical tones and with the right pitch and text could sculpt and bend a person's emotions in anyway she pleases. Many times Sam would see her as a conductor in front of an orchestra when she is giving her press conferences and can almost see her hands move to a beat.

"A friend e-mailed me some word trivia," Sam explained. "It said that the letters Q and Z were missing from a phone's keypad. I don't know why I never noticed that before."

"I'd be surprised if you noticed what day of the week it is."

"It's…Tuesday." He knew she detected the long pause it took to answer but he was just satisfied that he got the answer right.

"I rest my case."

"Did you have a thing or are you here for your own enjoyment?"

"I have some information that you might need for the speech you're suppose to be working on but the enjoyment is just an added benefit."

"I am working on it. I'm just taking a break."

"And I'm sure the phone appreciates the attention it's getting during this supposed break."

"I'm going back to work now."

"Then get to it, Samster."

H I j k…

As Sam roamed the halls, he spotted Leo walking towards his office and decided to walk with him. Leo looked busy reading a report as he walk but that didn't deter Sam. The man was skilled at multi-tasking.

"Hey Leo, do you know what the fear of long words is?"

"No what is it?"

Leo's words are powerful and they should be. They are spoken from a powerful man. It isn't because of his political position or his wealth that conveys the volumes of his strength, but the conviction of his faith in something that he believes. It makes anyone who hears believe in it too, whether it's about a policy, a principle, or a man lucky enough to have Leo for a friend.

"Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia"

Leo briefly looked up from his paper. It was totally irrelevant and a bit annoying but still, Leo listened. "Are you sure that's how you pronounce it?"

"I'm somewhat sure. It's strange isn't it?"

"That the fear of long words is a long word?"

"How would someone with that phobia even say what it is?"

"I don't know, Sam. Why don't you find someone that does and ask them?" With that said Leo walked into his office and left Sam to wonder where he would be able to find such a person.

l m n o p…

"Toby, did you know that Eunoia is the shortest word in the English language that contains all five vowels?"

"If I told you I did, will you go away?"

Toby looked dangerous hutched over his desk, but this was a common state for Toby so he didn't care as much.

"It's six letters long and it has all five vowels. It's that amazing?"

The most amazing thing about Toby is that the man was more fascinated with words and how to deliver them than Sam. That is saying a lot. Toby watches hours of CNN, not because there is anything interesting on but to watch the delivery of the speaker and whether that one extra pause ruined the whole speech or made it phenomenal. One single word could be argued for hours because that was how passionate the man is about his language.

"Sam, aren't you suppose to be working on the commerce speech?"

"I'm taking a break. Also, the word "almost" is the longest word with all the letters in alphabetical order."

"Unless that mind numbing crap you're spouting has something to do with the commerce speech, I highly suggest you leave right now."

Sam perked up at the idea of adding his trivia in the speech. "I sense a challenge."

"No, you sense annoyance. Go away."

Q r s…

He cautiously stuck his head into the Oval Office.

"Mr. President?"

President Bartlet waved him in. "Sam, I hear you're bothering Toby."

Sam knew he was in trouble but he had no way of escaping. The only thing he could do was stand there and pray for a distraction. "Sir, I'd be more worried when I'm not bothering Toby."

"True, but this time you're bothering him with extraneous trivia."

"Did he actually say extraneous?"

"If Toby knows what's good for him, then he said extraneous."

President Josiah Bartlet. While Sam and Toby loves to manipulate and move words, the man before him loves just being in the presence of them. Those spare moments of free time that the President has is usually spent with a book in his hand or finding someone to teach some fact he had just learned. There is a small smile that President Bartlet has whenever he is reading something interesting or giving a speech he feels passionate about. That smile shows that the man is doing something he truly loves and that is one of the reasons why Sam continues to write for him even with the stress of the job.

"Is that why you called me here?"

"No, I think this is a good time to expand that knowledge. See what you know and what I can teach you. This is trivia 101 and I'm your professor, Dr. Bartlet."

"Sir, I have a speech to write."

"Sit down."

"Yes, sir."

t u v…

Sam watched his friend from the doorway of his office. Josh was writing something down and didn't even notice his entrance. In this moment of observed solitude, Sam noticed the tension that shook across Josh's body. It's only been a few weeks since Christmas and Sam still has to remind himself that Josh is still learning how to be alive.

"Hi Josh"

When Josh realized Sam's presence, the tension was pushed away and Sam didn't like the artificial smile that he gave him.

"Hey. You're here late. Didn't you finish that commerce speech?"

"The President found out that I've been telling people word trivia and he wanted to share."

Josh winced. He had been a part of that torture for many nights to know what that was like. "He didn't go into National Parks, did he?"

"No, he mostly stuck to literature. Honorificabilitudinitatibus is the longest word used in literature by Shakespeare himself," he repeated in a voice very similar to that of the President. "Some scholars argue that this is a nonsense word created as an anagram to prove that Sir Francis Bacon was Shakespeare. The word is, in fact, a Latin word meaning, 'the state of being able to achieve honors."

"I've heard the lecture, Sam."

Sam has never met a person that he couldn't describe with words until he met Josh. He walked in Sam's life with so many contradictions and ambiguity that the words disappear, leaving him breathless whenever someone asks Sam about Josh. Sometimes Sam thinks they became friends just so he could find those mysterious words.

He hasn't been able to find them yet.

"'The state of being able to achieve honors.' It's a good word. I wonder if Toby will let me put that in a speech. He'd probably yell at me…again."

"I have this thing to write and I don't think I'm going to be using honorificabil-whatever so could you…?" Josh didn't finish the sentence but pointed towards the doorway, fully expecting Sam to leave him to his solitude. Sam didn't move and instead observed Josh as he wrote.

"How are you doing?"

"Sam, I'm fine. When are you going to stop asking me that?" This was a conversation they had many times after Josh yelled in the Oval Office and grew exponentially after Christmas. Josh knew the answer to his question but Sam never really found the truth behind his. He was losing more than just words whenever he talked with Josh.

"I should have been a friend to you these past few months."

Josh sighed in aggravation. "Sam, this isn't about you."

And it wasn't. The rule was that u followed the letter q and not the other way around. That's one of the first things they teach you in school and a rule that stuck with you for the rest of your life.

"This is just something I need to do on my own, "Josh continued.

"I want to help."

"I know, but I'm not asking for it right now."

"Will you call me when you do?"

"That's what friends are for. Right?"

But there was doubt and Sam hated that he even had to ask in the first place. He knew that the letter q wasn't on a phone keypad or in any states' name. He knew that Honorificabilitudinitatibus was a hapax legomenon which meant it was only used once in Shakespeare's writings. He knew all about words and letters but he didn't know the right words for Josh.

Sam tried to break this awkward silence because it unnerved him when he couldn't remember the last time a silence between them was a comfortable one shared between friends. "Did you know that Eunoia is the shortest word in the English language that contains all five vowels?"

"No I didn't. I never heard of it."

"It's not used much, especially today."

"Oh…ok." Josh tapped his pen with impatience. "Sam, it's late and I want to finish this."

Finally Sam conceded and left.

W x y and z

In his thoughts of honor and what state a person had to be to achieve it, he noticed Toby coming up to him with his eyes right on Sam.

"Sam! I don't see you working on what is suppose to be a somewhat adequate speech."

"It's in my head. 'We need to help those who are limited by their economic standing. Raising the minimum the wage will not only raise the quality of life but raise hope for those who have none.'"

"I don't think that will help the president when he's in front of five hundred people. Write it down."

"I'm going to."

"Good. I needed to tell you that they changed the language. It's now 'tax relief' instead of a 'tax cut.' It's also a load of crap but it's late and there's always tomorrow to discuss the complete absurdity of this."

"What?"

"Am I not speaking? Tax relief instead of tax cut. Remember that."

That's when it hit him. Rules in languages changed all the time and what is taught as an absolute fact doesn't mean that it can't change and adapt. Perhaps it was one of those times he should break the rules and make up some of his own.

"Sam?"

"Hang on. I'll be right back."

Sam went back to interrupt Josh once again. "We haven't gone out for drinks in awhile. We'll go out tomorrow night and I'm not going to take no for an answer. By then you'll be done with your thing and I'll be done with mine. No trivia, I promise."

He almost thought that Josh was going to kick him out again. 'Come on,' Sam thought. 'Just follow along.'

"Maybe," he said and Sam noticed that the more he thought about it, the more he smiled. "We'll see."

Maybe was good. There's hope in maybes. Maybe the word Eunoia could change to be known for something more than its vowels. Maybe the letter q can follow u much like life can follow death. Maybe he will someday find those words for Josh. Maybe…

Now I know my abcs. Next time won't you sing with me…