Harry Potter
And the Chicago Style Pizza
Chapter 1: Knock-Knock
As he lay in his bed, three distinct memories played and over in his head. "Cedric, Sirius, Dumbledore", he mumbled as their deaths began another round of review, like a videotape stuck on a constant replay cycle.
These three people, who had meant so much to him were torn from his life by Death-Eaters led by the half-blood Tom Riddle, self proclaimed Lord Voldemort.
"How can I, a seventeen year old boy hope to fight and defeat this madman and his merry bunch of psychopaths?" he whispered to his owl Hedgwig, who was watching him with sad eyes from her perch.
"Pop pop" came a noise from outside his window; the sound of double apparition caused him to jump from the bed, wand in hand, curse on his lips as he rushed to look out the window.
Unfortunately at that moment a great bellowing voice could be heard downstairs "BOY, get your lazy arse down here!"
His Uncle Vernon, who resembled an overstuffed turnip on good days was not happy with the presence of two 'freaks' on his front step. As Harry jumped from the third step to the floor next to Uncle Vernon he was grabbed by the collar and shaken back and forth, with Vernon grinding out "You get rid of them, NOW! uuurrp?" This sentence ended in a strangled gurgle as Harry had thrust his wand in between Uncle Vernon's fourth and fifth chin and hissed "Shut it, they could be killers."
Vernon, now turning the color of a rotted tomato, let go of Harry's shirt collar and backed away, turned around and waddled into the kitchen with such velocity that he cracked the door on the way.
Harry turned back towards the front door. He could see the silhouette of two people through the door drapes, but could not make out who it was.
"Potter, open the door" he heard in a gravel-like voice, resembling that of Mad-Eye-Moody. Moody was retired Auror who now had taken the lead of the Order of the Phoenix since Dumbledore had been assassinated in front of Harry just two weeks before.
Harry, keeping his wand by his side but pointed at the two people on the front stoop, opened the door a crack and said "Moody?" "Yar" came the answer, in a tone that reminded Harry of a pirate movie that Dudley had on tape.
Harry opened the door a little bit more, so he could see who it was that accompanied the grizzled old Auror. The man with Moody was wearing a pin-striped suit and a fedora, with shiny black and white shoes. His face resembled Moody's, but with somewhat less scarring and a whole nose, (unlike Moody) brown eyes and a rather large chin. He appeared to be about sixty years old.
"This little Babo is what chu brought me six t'ousand miles to see?", said the man. "Let's get inside before the whole bloody neighborhood sees ya" growled Moody. With that, he pushed open the door and started to enter the house, only to be brought up short by Harry's wand now being stuck into yet the second throat of the day.
"Who is this person, and how do you know he's ok?" asked Harry, turning his head towards Moody. However, Moody didn't have time to answer as there was a noise "Ssshitck-chik" and Harry felt the cold muzzle of a .45 automatic touch his head just behind the left ear. "Drop da stick, punk" came the voice of the stranger.
A loud "Clang" was heard and Harry felt the gun fall away to the floor. Being an old .45 auto, with the hammer pulled back, and the safety not engaged it did exactly what Colt.45's used to do when it hit the floor. A loud "BOOM" rang out that caused temporary deafness to those in close proximity. Moody was knocked off his feet as the large round struck the bottom of his wooden leg and shattered it.
Harry swung around, wand still in his hand to see Aunt Petunia standing there with her mouth gaped open in horror holding a large iron skillet that she had apparently used on the head of the aforementioned stranger with the gun.
"Garrr, bloody 'ell cripe and codswollup!" yelled Moody as he tried and failed to balance himself on his one good leg, the other being splintered and smoking from under the bottom of his trousers. Harry reached over and lent a hand to get Moody back upright. He lead him over to the Queen-Anne chair that was in the closest corner of the living room where Moody sat down hard, still grumbling under his breath.
The now un-armed stranger moaned from his position in the front hallway and Aunt Petunia sprung into action, raising the iron skillet over her head readying for a second strike.
"Wait!" yelled Harry, walking over to the stranger. He pointed his "stick" at the man and started the incantation "Secte-" "EXPELLIARMUS!" yelled Moody. "What the hell do ya think yar doin' Potter? Harry turned and saw that Moody had deftly caught his wand. "What?" "Are ya gonna kill the man who traveled halfway around the world to help you?"