"Long, Long, Long"
Chapter 5
The end of January flew by in a blur of increasing amounts of homework and seemingly constant snow. Every morning, the students entered the Great Hall to see snowflakes falling softly towards them from the enchanting ceiling, disappearing a few feet above their heads. At first it was enjoyable to watch, but when it happened every day, it lost any aesthetic wonder it once held.
Hermione woke up on the first Friday in February to once again see the gray sky and falling snowflakes out her window. She sighed, rolling out of bed and heading to the showers, thinking that if she managed to survive the morning, she'd have the whole afternoon off…. This thought cheered Hermione slightly as she went through her normal morning routine.
She walked down the steps from her dormitory to find Harry and Ron sitting and waiting for her as usual. "Morning, Harry, Ron," she said, smiling at them.
"Morning, Hermione," said Harry, getting up from his armchair.
Hermione suddenly noticed that Ron wasn't sitting waiting for her; he was asleep on the couch by the fireplace. "What's with him?" she asked Harry.
"Late night studying. He forgot about the Charms paper that's due today until last night."
Hermione rolled her eyes. "Why am I not surprised?"
Harry laughed. "His first class isn't for a while. Should we just leave him?"
Hermione shrugged. "Sure. I'll be up to get my books later; I'll just wake him up then."
Harry and Hermione climbed out of the common room and started towards the Great Hall. "You seem to be a little more relaxed recently. Not as much on your mind?" asked Harry, looking over at her.
Hermione thought about it. She had been a bit more relaxed since she had talked to Harry that night after her detention. She guessed it was because she had taken his advice and stopped worrying about things that hadn't even happened. She suddenly realized she hadn't so much as run into Draco in over a week. Their paths just didn't cross that often. She supposed this was probably a good thing, all things considered, but she couldn't help feeling a little saddened by the fact they hadn't met in a while. Why did it matter to her, anyway? Did she miss him? Hermione mentally shook her head. She'd never wanted his company before…but you'd never wanted to kiss him passionately before, either, she reminded herself.
In response to Harry's question, she said, "Well, I took your advice seriously. I stopped worrying about little, insignificant things." Is Draco insignificant? her inner voice asked. Well, how am I supposed to know? I haven't spent that much time with him, she replied to herself.
"Good," said Harry, smiling.
STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM! She yelled at herself, trying to bring her focus back to her conversation with Harry. "Speaking of relaxing, do you have any classes this afternoon? Professor Vector's sick, and Dumbledore couldn't get a substitute in time, so my later classes have been cancelled."
Harry looked suddenly gloomy. "I've got double divination. I don't know if I'll see you this evening; I may die of boredom."
Hermione laughed as they stepped down the last few steps into the Entrance Hall. Ah well, she thought to herself, I'll find someway to spend the afternoon.
…
Draco woke up to find a small slip of parchment lying neatly at the foot of his bed. He sat up and rubbed his eyes, trying to wake himself up. The parchment was folded over and read D. Malfoy on the outside. He unfolded it and read the note on the inside:
Mr. Malfoy,
The History of Magic class trip into the village of Hogsmeade that was scheduled for today has been cancelled due to the unfortunate weather. Your last hour of the day is now free. History of Magic will resume on Monday, as usual.
Draco felt a tiny bit of happiness at the idea of having only one class after lunch before he was done for the week. He silently thanked the heavy snowfall out his window and went off to the showers.
…
Hermione walked Harry and Ron up to the divination classroom after lunch. "Have a good class! I'll see you later!" she called after them as they climbed the ladder into the dark classroom. She only got moodily mumbled replies in return.
Hermione slowly walked away, not entirely sure where she was going. She planned on spending some time in the common room on her Transfiguration homework, but even she didn't like working for two hours on one project.
Unable to think of anything better to do, she headed back to Gryffindor tower, where she got her Transfiguration books and got to work. The flames crackled comfortingly in the fireplace, a polar opposite to the cold, snowy day outside. When Hermione found herself getting lost in daydreams every few paragraphs, she knew it was time to stop reading about changing books into birds and find something else to do. She dragged her books up to her dormitory and sat on her bed, staring out the window.
The snow was only falling lightly now; little flurries blew past her window every do often. The grounds glistened from the freshly fallen snow, and Hermione couldn't resist the temptation to pull on her cloak and take a walk outside.
She left her dormitory and climbed out of the empty common room through the portrait hole. She walked quickly over to a large wooden door nearby and pulled it open. It led down a cold and drafty spiral staircase to a small door out of the castle. Hermione pulled her scarf tighter around her neck as the wind whistled in through the cracks in the walls.
Surprisingly, when Hermione finally got outside, she found that it wasn't as bitingly cold as in the stairwell. She went towards the lake, pleased with the deep footprints she left behind in the otherwise spotless field of white. She wiped the snow off of a large rock near the lake and sat, allowing her mind to wander. She was staring off at nothing, thinking about nothing in particular, when--
"Hi, Granger," said a voice in her ear.
Hermione jumped about three feet in the air and whirled around to find Draco smirking at her, obviously pleased with himself. Hermione put her hand on her chest and struggled to calm down her heartbeat, saying, "Malfoy! Don't EVER do that again!"
Draco laughed. "I was just paying you back for startling me in the library." He shrugged, "Now we're square."
"Great." When she had completely recovered, she asked, "What are you doing out here anyway? Don't you have class?"
"No. Binns cancelled the trip to Hogsmeade. Why don't you have class?"
"Professor Vector's sick." She sat on the rock again and brushed some snow out of her hair.
Draco took a seat beside her. They stared out across the lake for a moment before Draco asked, "A bit cold for a stroll outside, isn't it?"
Hermione shrugged one shoulder. "I don't mind." She looked over at him, "If you don't like the cold, why did you decide to come out here?"
Draco gestured towards his broomstick, which was leaning up against a nearby tree. "I was practicing."
"In this?" Hermione asked incredulously.
"Can't hurt to train in all conditions."
Hermione rolled her eyes and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like, "Quidditch."
Draco smiled, amused, "Not a fan of quidditch, are we, Granger?"
Hermione snorted. "Not really. Well…it's alright; I'm just not a sports person."
Draco nodded, not entirely surprised. They sat in silence for a while, staring out at the blur of snow, thinking aimlessly. The wind tugged a bit of Hermione's hair out of the loose ponytail she had it in and it blew into her face. She didn't bother to swipe it away, but Draco looked over at her, and, without thinking, reached over and tucked the hair behind her ear.
Hermione looked at him, slightly startled, but smiled. Draco still looked a little shocked at his own daring, but returned the smile nonetheless. The brisk wind whipped past them, and Hermione shivered against the cold. "Thinking about heading back?" asked Draco.
Hermione nodded and stood up, brushing the snow off her cloak. "Come with me?" she asked, noticing that Draco hadn't stood.
Draco stared out at the half-frozen surface of the lake. Unwanted thoughts were crossing his mind; thoughts including the person standing next to him. Something in the back of his mind was telling him to stop any kind of friendship that might develop between him and Hermione. "Granger, we…I…can't keep this up."
Hermione suddenly felt a knot form in her stomach. "Can't keep what up, exactly?"
Draco swallowed and closed his eyes, as if he truly wished he didn't have to say what he was about to. He opened his eyes and turned to Hermione. "You're not stupid, Granger. You know very well that we haven't always acted friendly, or even civil, to each other. The war is coming. I think we both knew a closer relationship wouldn't last."
Hermione's throat went dry as she felt both sad realization and irritation come over her. "You're right, Malfoy;" she said, with a slight edge to her voice, "Deep down, I always did know a closer relationship wasn't possible." She turned away and started towards the castle.
Draco felt a wave of annoyance wash over him. He stood up to catch up with her and block her path. "Listen, Granger. Don't act like this is all my fault. Compare our differences: I'm in Slytherin, you're in Gryffindor; I'm a pureblood, you're muggleborn; I was raised to support the Dark side, you're best friend is Potter. What are our similarities? What could possibly make this work out?"
Hermione glared at him and felt tears forming in her eyes. She kept her voice steady as she said coldly, "I was willing to give you a chance. I thought you were willing to do the same for me." She stepped around him and started walking up to the castle, quickening her pace with every step.
Draco didn't follow her. There was nothing to say. Maybe it was easier this way; she didn't have to understand why he had turned her away, just as long as he managed to do it. Draco had thought before that he was doing the right thing, but wasn't doing the right thing supposed to make you feel better…
…instead of worse?
…
By the time Hermione reached the entrance hall, she was running; putting much needed space between herself and Draco. The halls were still mostly empty; classes were in session for another few minutes. She sprinted up several of the changing staircases and finally slowed to a stop in a corridor on the third or fourth floor. She slid down the wall and put her head in her arms, fighting the angry tears that threatened to fall.
She wasn't really mad at Draco, though she wanted to believe that everything was his fault. In truth, she was mad at herself: mad that she hadn't turned him away on Christmas, mad that she had enjoyed their brief times together, mad that she had given him a chance. If she had had any sense, she would've realized that whatever they had wasn't going to last. Hermione got frustrated with herself, knowing that she had known the whole time that it probably wouldn't work out. So why had she gone along with it? Why had she allowed herself to get closer to him?
The answer: she wanted it to work out.
Hermione stood up and fought off the urge to kick the wall in frustration. How could she have let this happen? She was Hermione Granger, logical under any circumstances--something she had always been proud of. Now, seeing how that her logic had disappeared in what had clearly been a hopeless scenario from the start, it made Hermione feel like a fool--a feeling that was strange to her.
She slowly headed up to Gryffindor tower, her mind focused on only one thing: forgetting about Draco.
…
Hermione frowned and slowly opened her eyes, her thoughts still on the past. She remembered the frustration, the confusion, the anger. She hadn't been accustomed to these feelings then. At least, not as much as she now was.
How much she had changed. They all had; everyone she knew from her days at Hogwarts was a changed person, almost undoubtedly. How could they not be? Life had been cruel to all of them at a very young age.
Hermione curled up against the cold wall and tried to drift off again. She didn't want to focus on the present; she wanted to relive her past; to escape from the recent horrors of her life to a time when they didn't yet matter.
…
Hermione and Draco were very careful to avoid each other over the following days. Neither felt they were prepared to be in the same room with each other, let alone speak.
Hermione did her best to act normally for Harry and Ron, but she could tell they knew something was wrong when they repeatedly asked her if she was okay. She always forced a smile and said she was fine, but she wasn't. She desperately wanted to go back to the way things were before; when she and her best friends were perfectly happy hating Draco Malfoy together; when she only thought of Draco because he had insulted her or done something horrible to someone else; when she felt free to talk to her friends about anything and everything. If she could go back to those easy days, she wouldn't even think about Draco, and she certainly wouldn't miss him (a fact she was trying to deny to herself). But wishing to return to the past never got anyone anywhere, as Hermione knew, so she focused on her studies and anything else that could take her mind off him.
Draco had been fighting off a strong feeling of regret every time he caught a glimpse of Hermione in the halls or in the great hall. Being, after all, a Malfoy, he refused to believe he missed her company, but he couldn't help feeling suddenly very alone. His Slytherin "friends" were some of the stupidest people he had ever met, and Draco couldn't help feeling a sense of loss at the idea that he may never get to spend time with Hermione again, at least not with the semi-friendly relationship they had, up until recently, had. But Draco did his best to push these regretful thoughts out of his mind and live with the idea that whatever he had shared with Hermione was over.
Because they were in different houses, not seeing each other proved easier than expected. That is, until their houses had a joint Charms lesson one afternoon.
Harry, Ron, and Hermione came in about a minute late to find many members of the class already seated. Hermione noticed Draco and several other Slytherins sitting near the front and made sure she, Harry, and Ron sat in the back row.
Professor Flitwick stood on his usual stack of books at the front of the classroom and cleared his throat to get attention. "Good afternoon, students. Please pull out the essays you wrote on different charms and their developments." The students pulled out essays of varying lengths from their bags and set them on their desks. "Very good. You may remember that I assigned different charms to each of you? That was because I wanted each of you to know a lot about one particular charm so that it would be easier for you to do this next assignment.
"All of the charms that I gave you are related in some way to one of the charms studied by one of your classmates. For instance, Mr. Weasley had an anti-daydream charm that is similar in development to the dreamless sleep charm that was assigned to Ms. Patil. You two will work together to find all the connections between the two charms.
"Over the next week, you and your partners will be working together to find all the relationships between your two charms. You will not have class time to work on it, so I encourage you to work on it regularly after classes. The partners are as follows:" he picked a piece of parchment off of his desk and read it, "Ms. Patil and Mr. Weasley, Mr. Potter and Ms. Brown, Mr. Crabbe and Mr. Finnegan, Ms. Bulstrode and Mr. Thomas, Ms. Granger and Mr. Malfoy, Mr. Goyle and Mr. Longbottom…"
Hermione lost the ability to hear after her name was called. Could she have possibly heard correctly? No, it couldn't be; her mind was clearly playing a cruel trick on her. No, she knew that wasn't it…. Hermione felt like someone had just hit her in the stomach. She was working with Malfoy? No! Why? Why, why, why was life being so horrible to her? What had she done to deserve this?
Across the room, Draco was having a similar reaction. For a moment, he sat completely still; paralyzed from shock. Professor Flitwick had just paired him with Granger? He couldn't believe it. Of all times, now? When, more than ever before, the two of them needed to be apart? Flitwick surely knew their history…why had he done this to them? Draco looked around the room and found that very few people were happy with their partners. Every student was either stone-faced or wearing a very forced smile. This was clearly one of those friendship-building projects teachers loved to torture students with.
Professor Flitwick continued on with the lesson after explaining that the partners would do presentations on their charms as well as papers describing the relationships between them. Hermione and Draco didn't hear any of what he said. Flitwick dismissed the class and still neither of them moved.
"Mr. Malfoy? Ms. Granger?" squeaked the Professor, "You are free to go."
Hermione was jerked from her trance to find that the room was almost completely empty; a few students were still leaving, but most were gone. She quickly stood up and threw her books into her bag and headed for the door. A moment before she got there, she noticed that Draco was still staring, transfixed, at the front of the room. He looked extremely dazed.
Hermione stepped over to him and brought him back to reality with a slight tap on the shoulder. He jumped, a little startled, and turned to face her. She cleared her throat and said, "We can start working on the project tomorrow. I'll see you in the library at seven thirty." She didn't bother asking if that was okay with him; she didn't care what he wanted. If she had to work with him, they were going to go by her rules.
She turned away and left the classroom without another word. Draco, realizing that class was over, quickly grabbed his bag and hurried out the door.