The first thing he heard was mechanical buzzing.
Xeran opened his eyes, squinting from the intense light. He was lying on a bed with white sheats, simple but comfortable. He felt his head throbbing and his whole body ache. His eyes adjusting, he saw the grey durasteel ceiling and the screens all around him, then movement caught his eye and he turned, only to find a medical droid watching him.
He grunted. "Where am I?"
The droid floated closer to him. "It is allright, you are safe. You are on lord Maul's ship. You were wounded pretty badly. How are you feeling?"
"I…shall be fine. Where is lord Maul?"
As if on cue, he heard a loud noise as the door automatically opened, his master entering the room.
He looked at Xeran intensely. "I sensed you were awake. Are you well?"
Xeran moaned as he tried to sit up. Maul rushed to his side and gently pushed him back down. "Easy, apprentice. Do not strain yourself just yet."
"What happened after I fainted, master?"
He frowned. "The ghost you encountered was strong, but I managed to fight him off and carry you to safety. You have been unconscious for a few hours, during which I have brought you to my ship, which is now escorting us back to the base."
The young Zabrak closed his eyes and sighed. He had failed his first test, embarrassed himself and possibly put his master in danger as well. He felt an ache in his chest that had nothing to do with the wounds he had sustained.
His determination rising, he sat up. "I have to go back."
Maul's brow furrowed. "What?"
"Not right now. I need to recuperate first. But then I have to go back and face that spirit. I cannot allow him to get the best of me."
His master turned his back on him as the medical droid approached. "Do not stress yourself right now. Your wounds will take time to heal, and you can dwell on such thoughts at a later time. Do you require painkillers?"
"I do not. How soon can I leave the bed, droid? I need to…"
"Have you lost your mind?"
He gazed at his master, who turned to look at him, his face a snarl. "Did your brain get damaged, apprentice, or is this your usual foolishness? Go back? To do what? Surely you must see you are no match for that ghost! What is your intention, then? To embarrass yourself even further?"
"Master, I…"
"Keep quiet!" He breathed deeply, composing himself. "You have disappointed me, apprentice. I finally saw fit to give you a real challenge, and you proved yourself weak, unworthy to conquer it. You are not to return to that place. You shall remain in the base and resume your training until you show any sign of actual skill! And if you disobey me, you will discover there are worse things than facing your failures!" Without giving Xeran a chance to reply, he exited the room, leaving the pale-faced, shaking boy alone with the droid.
As soon as the door closed behind him, he sighed and closed his eyes, supporting himself on the cold durasteel wall. He knew how Xeran was feeling, he remembered that fiery determination to prove himself well. It reminded himself of his own youth, and his own foolish mistakes, which almost cost him his life more than once. He hated to snuff out that flame so aggressively, but the thought of the boy returning to that cave…No. Better that he be emotionally wounded than he ends up dead. So he ignored the barely shielded emotions that he could feel through his bond with his apprentice and returned to the cockpit.
.
Xeran was alone in his quarters, trying and failing to meditate.
Once more he sighed, trying to reign in his thoughts, a process that was usually simple enough. The wound on his pride could easily be turned into anger, and then into a need to succeed, to prove his power. Yet for all he tried, all he could produce was disappointment, at himself, at his master, at the world itself. Maybe Maul was right. Maybe he was weak.
He opened his eyes. The room was the cold grey color of durasteel, filled with only necessities, a bed, a wardrobe, a work table, a mobile computer placed on a more comfortable sitting space. Simple, organized, devoid of color or decoration, save for the mess of half finished mechanical projects and the holocron placed upon his work table, next to the pile of half translated notes. Soft music was playing from the computer, as was his custom when he was meditating. He got up and turned the music off, then lay on his bed and looked at the ceiling.
It had been a few days since his ordeal with the ancient Sith, enough for his body to mostly heal, but not his spirit. His master's words still stung. And yet he supposed Maul was not wrong. He had failed. He had proven himself weak. And it was not the first time, but every other time his failures would inspire him to do better, to be better. But not now. Not after his master debased him like that. Because for a practitioner of the Dark Side, to be called weak was the ultimate insult, the worst way to be belittled. And his master's rather fierce attack had caused him to doubt himself and his position at his side.
He could hear the ghost's words in his head as if on repeat. A tool to be cast aside once no longer useful…and a weak warrior was of no use to anyone. It hurt to feel worthless, and it hurt even worse to feel unwanted. But he was not that to his master, he was sure of it. Or was he? He could not always understand where the older warrior's actions were coming from, but he had come to believe that it was a good place, one reserved only for him. And yet he couldn't help but feel confused at times. Could a man who tortured and belittled him truly care about him? Was that behavior really nothing but a way to train him? Or was the ancient Sith right?
His doubts were forgotten when his communicator beeped. Lord Maul was summoning him. He took a moment to clear his head and compose himself, then made his way to his master's quarters.
There was a moment of silence after he knocked on the door. Then it opened. Maul was sitting at his work table, reading a document, which he set aside when he saw the younger Zabrak. "Xeran. Come in."
He bowed deeply. "Master."
"I have an assignment for you. One of the leaders of a rival organization will be visiting the planet on business. I need you to dispose of him, and I need you to do so discreetly. It is of the utmost importance that our involvement is not discovered."
Xeran remained silent, frozen in place.
"Is something not clear about my orders, apprentice?"
"But…I thought…"
"I know what you thought." He got up and approached him, then put a hand on his shoulder. "Do not dwell on what has transpired. It is clear to me now that I misjudged the nature of your trial, not the measure of your strength. That ancient Sith was too powerful, even I struggled to drive him off. That you managed to escape him, and even to hurt him, was an impressive feat. Which is why I saw fit to trust you with this extremely important assignment. Succeed, and you will have proven yourself to me."
Xeran swallowed. "I shall do my best."
"Then I shall consider the matter handled. All relevant information has been sent to your ship's computer. Captain Fin is already working on a strategy. The decision, however, will be yours, as is natural."
"Yes, master." He turned to leave, but hesitated. "Before I go, there is something I want to discuss with you."
"Yes?"
"That ancient Sith…the ghost in that cave. I would still like to face him."
Maul sighed. "Xeran…"
"Not right now. I realize I might not be strong enough yet. But I need this victory."
"The problem is not your strength. It is experience you are lacking. You have barely received your first mission. You need to learn through practice, to engage in combat for your life. You need to start researching your opponents and finding their weaknesses before you strike. These are lessons that I cannot teach you, but I must trust you to learn on your own."
He stayed silent for a moment, then nodded. "As you wish, master."
"And when you are ready, we shall return to that cave together."
Xeran's eyes opened wide. "We will?"
"Indeed. That old fool might have something of value stashed in his tomb. And you have proven yourself capable of hurting him. Alone I managed to drive him off, but together we can finish him once and for all."
Xeran smiled. "As you wish."
"Go. And focus on your mission. That is the only thing you should trouble your mind with at the moment."
The young Zabrak bowed once more, then turned to leave, this time with more liveliness in his pace.