"No…" my body felt heavy. So heavy as if it was made out of lead. Ice was flowing through my veins and my mouth was full of cotton. "No!" I managed to yell a little louder, somehow stumbling my way towards Kyojuro and Akaza-san and weakly pulling Akaza-san's arm out of Kyojuro's body.
Kyojuro grunted my name, halting my actions. I wasn't helping, I was only hurting him. I let go and was totally lost on what to do. "Y/N!" To my surprise, it was Akaza-san who called to me. "You don't want Kyojuro to die, do you?" He then turned to Kyojuro, "At this point you'll die unless I make you a demon, Kyojuro!"
Instead of saying something, Kyojuro just looked at me and smiled. And as if it was one of my visions, his speech earlier about how humans' dying is part of their beauty played in my mind. Staying human is very important for him. I have to honor that. An understanding passed between the two of us and I moved towards Akaza-san's arms again. Instead of pulling him off of Kyojuro this time, though, I made sure he'd stay put where we were.
Realization dawned on him and panic was evident on his face – especially since the early signs of dawn could be seen around us. My blood demon art made sure Akaza-san was frozen onto the ground that I could actually move out of the way and hide from the rising sun. Though, I could not find it in me to walk away from Kyojuro.
"Get out of here, Y/N!" Akaza-san yelled at me, seemingly more concerned about me than himself. The sun was slowly rising, and despite my resolve, I couldn't help feeling nervous. Kyojuro seemed to understand my intentions, though and respected it choosing to just silently nod in understanding rather than telling me to go.
I strengthened my frost more… but I was a fool. I was so stupid to have frozen only Akaza-san's arms and feet. Desperation pushed him to blow off his limbs just to get away from us and run away, screaming at me to hide from the sun as he did so. Tanjirou moved to follow him, but I was too concerned over Kyojuro. There was still a part of me who hoped that he'd live.
"Kyo-kun!" He knelt down, Akaza-san's arm still embedded in him, yet he managed to take off his haori and cover me with it. "I'm sorry, Y/N-chan. I wanted to spend more time with you…" There were so many things that I wanted to say, yet nothing came out of my mouth. Kyojuro, for someone who's dying was still flashing a smile. "You need to get out of the sun. You don't have to die here, too." His smile was so gentle as he nudged me so that I'd start moving. "Please, live."
The last thing I saw was a bloody and beaten Kyojuro smiling at me and telling me everything would be alright before joining Nezuko in her box.
But… nothing was alright.
Tanjirou, despite his injuries, left for the Rengoku estate. I wanted to come with him but I wasn't sure what to do once I see Rengoku-san. Hmm. I was at a lost at what to do now. Maybe I should just go home? What was I even doing? Well, there was one thing.
Before Tanjirou left, he told me of another peculiar demon called Tamayo-san. There was a chance that we could be humans again. It's more proof that what Kibutsuji did to me was a sickness that I could actually heal from.
Huh. Maybe I should try for that, be a human again.
"Y/N-chan! Can I have more dango please?" Zenitsu said, slowly creeping towards me. "You should really eat something aside from sweets, Zenitsu-kun!" I lectured, yet still grabbed a stick of dango for him. Maybe I should stop making these rather than tell him to stop eating. "Promise this one's your last. It's late, you should really be sleeping rather than eating this." He took a deep breath probably to prepare himself for a very loud whine when the door was roughly and loudly slid open.
"Haa!" Zenitsu and I were rightfully surprised and were also terrified when we saw who it was at the door – a very angry-looking Shinazugawa-san, or you know, a normal-looking Shinazugawa-san.
His eyes locked on me and walked towards me as if he wanted to kill me. I think he really, really wanted to kill me. A huge hand flew to my neck, squeezing so tight my eyes started to water. Zenitsu protested, moving to stop him but Shinazugawa-san just shoved him aside and looked at me again. "You! You killed Rengoku."
"N…no…" I could hear Zenitsu saying something, but Shinazugawa-san's face was so close all I could see and focus on was him. "You're a demon moon. Rengoku was killed by a demon moon. You set him up!" Spots began appearing in my vision, and me being a demon was not helping me in the situation I was in. Several voices were suddenly bursting around us and I felt Shinazugawa-san's hand loosen. Suddenly greedy for air, I gasped like a fish out of water and crawled away from Shinazugawa-san.
"Oyakata-sama trusts her. Do you doubt his judgment, Shinazugawa-san?" It was Shinobu-san who intervened, her smile was present yet her voice was the coldest I've heard it. Shinazugawa-san wasn't fazed, however, and just clicked his tongue. He then walked towards me, and if it weren't for my back already touching the wall I'd move away more.
He roughly pulled me to my feet, declaring to everyone that "she's coming with me." Shinobu-san bravely stepped forward, Zenitsu too, and stopped Shinazugawa-san from dragging me to the door.
"I'll be keeping an eye on her from now on. As for keeping her alive…" He then turned towards me, eyes burning into my soul. Even without his scars, I imagine Shinazugawa-san is a scary man. "It depends on how she acts." Shinobu-san looked at me then, and I nodded. Surprising her, Zenitsu, Shinazugawa-san, and even myself.
"Where are we going?" I asked Shinazugawa-san as we continued walking towards a destination only he knows. He was still holding on to my wrist but was thankfully walking at a pace that I could easily keep up with. "Tch." That was the answer I got. It's been like that all night.
"I obviously have nothing to say to you, yet you keep trying to talk to me. What are you, a masochist?" He turned to look at me, watching my reactions. "Like being treated like a bitch?" I audibly gasped and that seemed to amuse him. I have never, in my unnaturally long life, encountered someone as rude and crass as this man. He's just so… oh, he is so… ugh! I sighed, trying to compose myself. I have to be careful around him. Still, I had to say something.
"You're the opposite of friendly." Was what I lamely managed. "And what's that?" He asked, daring me to call him exactly what he was. But I'm not gonna bite. "Unfriendly." He looked like he was disappointed yet still amused.
"Shinazugawa Estate." I read as we continued walking up a huge estate. After spending several nights with Shinazugawa-san as we traveled, I learned that there are things such as stupid questions and that he definitely doesn't have the patience for those. And asking about his family probably counted as a stupid question. I highly doubt he'd just open up to me as if we're old friends.
It was a spacious home, and it seemed like he lived here alone. There was no other scent than his in the space. He walked in further and I followed silently, looking around as I did so. The place was clean and decorated simply. "Hmmm." I would have expected to see more swords and knives on display, but it's quite nice. Homey, even.
"What?" Finding Shinazugawa-san's intense eyes looking at me froze me on the spot. "Nothing… just, uhm. You have a beautiful home, Shinazugawa-san." I awkwardly complimented. He was not pleased. I wondered if he could ever be pleased. Fortunately, he just ignored me and proceeded to open a door. "You can sleep here." The room was at the part of the house that the sun wouldn't touch in the morning. That's very considerate of him.
"Rest for twenty minutes. We're off to patrol till before sunrise." "Patrol? Me?" Rolling his eyes, Shinazugawa-san's face told me that the answer was something I should've known already. "I said I'd keep an eye on you. I can't do that when you're not with me." And off he went.
Nights of this and I could say that I'm used to being around Shinazugawa-san and his not so pleasant personality. Waking up in the evenings and cleaning around the house was the routine I've established since my first night here. Shinazugawa-san is very neat, there was hardly anything for me to do. Still, I did discover something about him that surprised me somewhat.
"What are you doing, demon?" The first few nights I jumped out of my skin whenever he'd do this. Turns out it was something I'd get used to easily enough. "I'm making you ohagi." Shinazugawa-san made a noise as if he was choking. "Ha? What made you think I would want that?" I hummed, thinking of how to answer and thinking why he'd say that. "Uhm, I've only been here a few nights but I could tell you like ohagi. The kitchen always has ingredients for it and the house smells of it when I wake up." Turning to him, I found Shinazugawa-san red. "Do you not like ohagi?"
He sputtered and grew a deeper shade of red. Stuttering, he tried to deny liking ohagi. "Wha? Why are you even messing around in the kitchen? You – idiot! Clean up. We're going on a job."
Shinazugawa-san angrily ate the ohagi as we walked towards the village he was sent to. I say angrily, yet he seemed to really enjoy the sweet. "I'm going to be busy looking for the demon and fighting it. You better stay out of my way, idiot."
I've noticed that Shinazugawa-san has only ever called me a demon, or an idiot. "Do you even know my name, Shinazugawa-san?" That literally put a stop to his feet. "Ha?!" It was like I insulted him and his whole family. He took a deep breath – to prepare himself to yell really loudly, most likely – but a strong gust of wind swept over us just then. Bringing the scent of blood.
As we got closer, the scent got thicker and I could tell it was not from a single person. Cries of children only motivated us to move faster. Despite me being the demon, Shinazugawa-san was faster than me. He was already engaged in a fight with the demon when I got there.
They were barely recognizable, but it was reasonable to assume that the people the demon was just feasting on were the parents of the three young children crying loudly. There were covered with blood and I hurriedly checked if it was from them. The oldest looked to be around seven, then one maybe four, while the youngest seemed to be only a year old.
The blood on them were their parents. They didn't seem to be physically hurt, but there's no doubt the emotional and mental trauma is just severe. I decided staying where their parents were in a heap of limbs and blood isn't good for them and took them outside. I have complete faith in Shinazugawa-san's skills. He surely could handle it.
"Mother… and father… what was – it ate them…" The oldest child was trying to make sense of the events, while the younger two kept crying. My handkerchief was not exactly helping my attempt at wiping the blood off of them. "They're dead, aren't they?"
I had no idea how to console these children. What do I even say to them? Still, I tried. "Yes. I'm sorry we didn't get here in time." I checked them over again because I didn't know what else to do. The oldest, a girl, told me her name was Miyu, the four-year-old is Yuto, while the youngest is Chiyo.
I finally managed to calm them all, and little Chiyo was so tired from crying that she fell asleep. "Miyu, Yuto, we just have to wait for Shinazugawa-san then we'll take you somewhere safe." Trying to balance the toddler in my arms, I did my best to free my lap, "you two can rest as we wait." A teary-eyed Yuto nodded and plopped on my lap and began to quietly cry again. Miyu looked at us, eyes starting to water once more so I patted the spot beside me where she sat and buried her face on my sleeve. I truly wish there was something more I could do for them.
I smelled him before anything else. "You're hurt!" Shinazugawa-san's blood was the most appetizing I've ever smelled there's no way I'd forget it. As pleasant as the scent was, smelling it given the situation is bad. A nasty gash was bleeding on his forearm, blood glistening in the moonlight. "Yes, but I did this." Huh? He then pointedly looked at the kids – all of whom fell asleep – and knelt close to them. Making sure they're all alive. Of course. He doesn't trust me.
"Can't you smell that?" He asked, pointing towards my face. At my look of confusion, he sighed. "There's blood on your face." "Oh." Was all I could say. Then Shinazugawa-san's hand reached up to my face, making me flinch and close my eyes. But he just wiped the blood off my face – a gesture that's so unlike him. I must've been looking at him as if he grew another head for he asked, "What?" in that tone he always uses around me. "I thought you were going to hit me."
Hurt flashed through his face before morphing into the usual scowl. He then scooped up Yuto and then Miyu, managing to carry them both.
The night was quiet as we walked, me carrying Chiyo and Shinazugawa-san carrying the other two, one in each arm. "What would happen to them now?" I whispered. Without turning to look at me, he answered bluntly. "They're orphans, so they'd go to an orphanage." Oh, of course.
When we arrived at the estate, Shinazugawa-san gave me what seemed to be his clothes for the children. Surprisingly, he helped me clean them up… and that he looked pretty used to taking care of young children. We were tucking them in when a vision suddenly hit me.
I saw a young man with dark hair, a human… but he was eating a demon? He was fighting demons… and his face was eerily similar to Shinazugawa-san. My vision shifted, and it was Kibutsuji. A white-haired and overpowered version of him. I was watching him kill what looked to be demon slayers when I felt hands on my shoulders, shaking me.
"Hey! Stop it, you'll make me drop Chiyo." A concerned Shinazugawa-san was peering into my face, "Were you having a fit? About to eat these children?" Gently setting the small child down, I turned to him. "No. I've never eaten humans and won't ever eat humans."
"Mmmnghh." Yuto groaned, prompting the two of us to leave and let the children sleep in peace. I took it upon myself to make Shinazugawa-san some tea as he usually never sleep right after we get back from patrol. I found him tending to his self-inflicted wound when I brought him his tea. With a nod as thanks, he continued his work, wrapping the wound. I bet that'd be a huge scar. Come to think of it, he is littered with scars. I assumed they were battle scars, given his occupation but he must've done it all to himself.
I asked him before I could stop myself. "Do you always hurt yourself when you fight, Shinazugawa-san?" He looked at me before turning back to what he was doing. "My blood was my first weapon. I'd be a fool not to use it." At my total confusion, he elaborated further. "My blood drives demons into a frenzy, and frenzied demons are easy to kill." Looking me straight in the eyes, he continued. "Except you… and that other demon girl." Leaning with his elbows on his knees, he looked at me intently. "Why doesn't it drive you crazy? Don't you want to eat me?"
I couldn't help but gulp at that. This… situation felt thick. Despite my fear of him, I couldn't help but answer honestly. "Of course, I want to eat you. I want to eat humans… It's what my instincts are constantly telling me to do." A lift of his brow was the encouragement I needed to continue. "Every day is like being at a restaurant surrounded by the mouth-watering aroma of food. But I don't eat because I can't pay for it… eating humans has a price that I'm not ready to pay."
"And what's that?" He looked genuinely curious, and this is probably our first ever conversation where he didn't look and sound angry. "I don't want to die." He straightened back up, shaking his head a little. "So, it's because I'll kill you?" I shook my head, "no. I meant me, the humanity I desperately cling onto would completely die when I take that step." He pondered for a moment, crossing his arms over his chest. "Then I'll kill you when that happens… when you take that step."
I know he just promised to kill me, but it somehow sounded as if he cared. I appreciate that. I think it was his way of telling me he won't let me become a monster. I nodded, and with a soft whisper, let him know I trusted him in that regard. "Okay."