"I wanted to spend more time with you, Y/N-chan…" Kyojuro said, barely struggling despite the demon arm poking out of his body. He blessed me with a bloody smile before hissing… "this is your fault."
"Ah!" I'm… huh? I turned my head, taking in my surroundings only to find myself completely alone. Right. He's dead… has been for over a month now. And my nightmare version of him was right – it was my fault. I'm a demon. And one that could see glimpses of the future. I should've been ready and protected Kyojuro… but I can't change the past. All I could do now is to prevent it from happening again.
"Good evening." I greeted as I walked into the room, tea and snacks on a tray. "Where were you all day, nee-san?" Miyu asked, grabbing a rice cracker off the tray. Yuto followed suit, and it was just their munching that could be heard for a while. I was totally lost and didn't know what to tell them. Back home, I don't really answer questions like this – they just know… well, their parents told them, I guess.
"She's busy during the daytime." Shinazugawa-san answered for me, prompting me to finally look his way. And what a funny sight it was! Little Chiyo, standing on his thigh and grabbing onto his hair for balance. Despite what happened last night, Chiyo looked pretty content to pull Shinazugawa-san's hair and cheeks. I really didn't expect him to be great with children, but the way he carried and played with the toddler tells me he's done this before.
A tug on my sleeve prompted me to look away from Shinazugawa-san and turn to Yuto, who had the most adorable puppy eyes. "Can I have more snacks, idiot?"
"-wha?"
"What?"
"Yuto!"
A child I barely knew just called me idiot… "Wha…" I couldn't even fully form the word what. Shinazugawa-san, on the other hand, looked ready to explode.
"What did you call her, runt?" His tone and face was enough to make Yuto start crying, and both Miyu and I were frozen. "Idiot..." Yuto mumbled, not knowing what else to do. Miyu then recovered from the shock and started defending her brother, "he thought that was nee-san's name because that's what you call her."
Oh. I sneaked a peek at Shinazugawa-san and found a peculiar expression on his face. It's a mix of guilt and regret, I think. Like he's been caught doing something he shouldn't. His mouth opened and closed so many times it almost looked funny, but then he stood and passed Chiyo over to me, grumbled something I didn't understand, and walked out of the room leaving me to comfort a still sobbing Yuto.
The sun was already bright and up in the sky when I finished preparing the children. Shinazugawa-san would be taking them to the orphanage today. Both Yuto and Chiyo were still very sleepy, Miyu on the other hand was looking melancholy – which is understandable considering everything they've gone through in just a span of days.
Like a fool, I asked if she was ready. I mean, I said that almost instinctively after finishing tying up her hair but it was still insensitive of me. It was all it took for her to start crying. "I'm never going to see my parents again. I'm never going to see my friends again. I don't like this… My chest its – it hurts!" All I could do was pull her into a hug and whisper "I know…" To my surprise, she whimpered that no. I don't understand.
Holding her by the shoulders and looking into her eyes, I tried to make her feel less alone. "Both of my parents are dead. My older brother, too. A creature like that one who killed your parents got him… and that monster is still alive today. A friend of mine, Kyojuro, also met the same fate." For a moment, I was lost in my memories of these people I lost. Thoughts being stuck to Kyojuro. I can't help the regret bubbling in my chest. We just got reunited, barely got to know each other again when Akaza-san ripped that chance away from us.
Kyojuro's last moments alive flashed in my mind. He was smiling. He said growing old and dying was a beautiful part of being a human. I smiled. "I know it hurts so much right now. But, it's like a wound. It will heal and maybe would stop hurting someday, but you won't forget. Your siblings are still very young, and it will be up to you to keep your parents' memories alive. So even if you won't be able to see them again, you can recall the happy moments and share them with Yuto and Chiyo."
I honestly don't think there's anything I could say to her right now. But I know from experience that time would help.
"Are they ready?" Shinazugawa-san asked, entering the room and kneeling down to Yuto's eye level. "I'm sleepy." The young boy told him before proceeding to rub his eyes with his adorably tiny fist. Like a nagging mother, Shinazugawa-san clucked his tongue in disapproval and produced a hand towel. "Don't rub your eyes with your hands, kid." He swatted the little fist away and gently rubbed around his eyes. "Better?" Yuto nodded and proceeded to wrap his arms around Shinazugawa-san before burying his face in the Hashira's neck, taking both of us by surprise. It's like Shinazugawa-san didn't make him cry just last night!
I stood deep inside the home as Miyu meekly waves goodbye, Shinazugawa-san carrying both sleeping Yuto and Chiyo. I could only hope the three of them won't be separated. I slept that day with a heavy heart.
"Can't I just stay behind?" I asked, tone almost begging. Shinazugawa-san would not budge. "Leave you here? So, you could feast on my neighbors? Not gonna happen." I can't believe he still doesn't trust me. Oh, why do I not want to go with him you wonder? According to the Kasugai crow, the village was being plagued by multiple demons. And that village was the one my younger brother moved to. The one Yusuke raised his family. Of course, I'm worried. But I don't think I should be there… I uh. Oh, I don't know.
"I'm not sharing a room with you!" I hissed and pouted like a petulant child. He already got me to come with him, and now he wants me to pretend to be his wife.
I didn't know one could condescendingly huff, but Shinazugawa-san did. "As if I'm doing this because I like it." He crossed his arms over his chest, and it looked like he was flexing his biceps. Why he'd do that, I have no idea.
"Then why?" I asked, surprising him. Whenever we have conversations like this – the start of an argument – I usually just stop talking to not escalate. So me being stubborn like this was very surprising to him. Quickly composing his facial expression, he answered "so I could keep an eye on you! I can't have you just come and go whenever you want."
"But I have my own room at your estate!"
"Yeah, but it's just the two of us there. Unlike this inn where civilians are right next door."
One… Two… Three deep breaths. I sighed and gave up. "Fine. I'm not happy about this." He looked amused and was actually grinning. "What?" He leaned down to me a bit closer than what I'm used to before saying "you've gotten braver now, speaking your mind like this huh? You could barely look me in the eye weeks ago." He straightened up, "that's good – would help the innkeeper believe you're my wife." I can't help but shudder at the word wife.
My first attempt at being one was what brought misfortune to my life.
Another thing I discovered about Shinazugawa-san is how convincing he could be. Alright – what I meant was that he's a decent actor. And quite the liar, too. He spun a tale of our love to the innkeeper that made me blush so hard that the older woman laughed at me. And Shinazugawa-san looked at me with this pleasant, smiling face and eyes telling me that he loves me, which I almost believed in. Oh, he's good.
And when he isn't frowning and glaring, he is handsome. In the rugged kind of way. Even his numerous scars only added to the appeal.
After leaving our things in our room, we went out to look for the demons. For a community being plagued by demons, there sure were a lot of people still outside and businesses still open. Shinazugawa-san bought an ohagi from a small sweets shop. He's no longer trying to deny his fondness for the snack.
"Blegh!" One bite and he actually spit it out!
"Ugh! What's wrong with it?" He chucked it into a bin before saying, "it tastes horrible. The ones you make are much better."
"Oh?" I couldn't help my lips stretching into a big smile. Rolling his eyes, he grumbled a rough yes, followed quickly by a question that I was more than happy to answer. "How come you're so good at making ohagi, anyway? It's not like you eat 'em."
"I used to… a very long time ago now, of course. I don't remember how it tastes like anymore, actually. You see, my father was a wagashi artist. He taught my brothers, then my brother Yori taught me. Sometimes I'd help at the shop… even after I've become – "I gestured to myself, "- this."
He hummed as he mulled it over. "I'll admit, I never really thought about your life when you were a human. I guess it's just surprising that you'd be so good as something as making sweets." I don't understand what he finds surprising about that, but I couldn't let this chance pass me by. "I'm surprised ohagi is your favorite. Looking at your face one would think you eat blades and nails for breakfast."
"Ha?!" He looked more surprised than mad… then he grinned and leaned close. I didn't see him do anything before I felt a flick on my forehead. "Hey!" I exclaimed with a huff, and he just smiled at me. He really does look good with a smile on his face. I mean, he looks good even if he's glaring at me… my train of thought was suddenly yanked out of the rails when I realized what was behind him.
"Hmm, you want ramen? Can you even eat that?" I only shook my head no as I continued looking. The shop was closing up – several people cleaning the restaurant, taking down the signs, cleaning and setting the tables and chairs aside. And by the counter, still working on what I suspect would be the broth for tomorrow, was my youngest brother. Youngest, but he looked old. Of course, he'd look old. Unlike me, time isn't frozen for him. He got to have children, grandchildren. He got to grow older.
"You know him?" Shinazugawa-san asked, I nodded. "Yusuke. My youngest brother." To my utter horror, he began walking towards the shop! In a panic, I grabbed his hand and pulled him with all my might. "Stop! What are you doing?"
"Don't you want to say hello?"
"No!" I hissed, catching the attention of the worker dragging their sign inside. Why they made a tiny girl do it all by herself, I do not know. All I wanted that moment was to go away. "I'm sorry, the shop's closed." The girl looked familiar. I'm sure I've never seen her before, but there was something about her that I feel like I know. "We just wanted to say hi. That old man, Yusu – mghhnphft!" In a desperate attempt to stop him, I cover Shinazuagawa-san's mouth with my hand. "Please don't mind him!" I said before dragging him away, thankful for my demon strength. Though, I felt like he let me drag him away.
Once we were far enough, I let go and he started pestering me why I did what I did. "He hates me." He raised an eyebrow, a quiet question on its own. "Why? Did you eat his pet or something?" "No! I – " I chewed my bottom lip, suddenly nervous. "He blames me for the death of our older brother. At that, Shinazugawa-san's eyes changed – colder, steelier, scarier.
"Did you lose control on him?"
"No. Almost?" I turned to look at the sky. The moon looked so huge and close to us, it felt magical. Opposite of the night I stopped being human. "My father accepted a wedding proposal for me when I was still human. My betrothed was Kibutsuji Muzan." He sucked in a breath, clearly caught by surprise. "I don't know why he chose me, but he did. I couldn't sleep the night before our wedding and went outside our yard. And there he was, like the angel of death waiting for me in the dark."
"That's when he turned you? Made you a demon?"
"Yes. I woke up a demon, smelling food. It was so delicious and unlike anything I've smelled before. I instinctually avoided the rays of sunlight peeking into our home as I walked closer to the source of the scent. It was my older brother's room. I saw him, bloodied and torn to pieces. And do you know what my first thought was?" I turned, looking him straight in the eyes.
"Food. I saw my brother's mangled body and I wanted to eat him. I don't remember which, but I had a part of him in my mouth, his blood already gulped down. And just when I was about to take my first bite realization came over me. That it wasn't normal, so I set him down and screamed." Shinazugawa-san looked horrified… a look I couldn't take at the moment so I turned back to looking at the sky.
"That night Kibutsuji came for me again, and I went with him. After eight years, I got to go home. Yusuke found out what I was and thought I killed our brother."
Big, warm hand wrapped around mine… a comforting gesture.
"I have a younger brother, too." He said, voice so gentle it almost sounds like a different person. "He hates me, too."
A weird laugh escaped my chest, "why? He thinks you killed a sibling, too?"
He squeezed my hand a bit, whispering "no. I killed our mother.
"It's almost dawn. We should head back." Shinazugawa-san declared, to my great relief. It was a quiet night… or so we thought because just when he said that, we heard someone scream.
A demon able to use blood demon art was holding hostage a girl. "Vines?" Shinazugawa-san proceeded to cut himself, stealing the demon's attention away. I ran to the girl, freezing the vines so I could crush them. "Are you alright?" "Yes. Thank you – ah! It's you!" It was the girl from Yusuke's shop. Dawn was breaking when Shinazugawa-san finally finished off the demon.
"What was that thing?" The girl asked, both voice and body shaking. "A demon." Shinazugawa-san answered as he wrapped his fresh wound. "You're the girl from last night! What are you doing outside at this time?" He began to scold her as if she was his child. "To open the shop... I… I'd really rather go home now, though."
"Let's walk her home." I basically commanded Shinazugawa-san before helping the girl stand. When I started to follow her, I felt a tug from behind. "The sun is almost out. She can manage, but you need to get inside."
"I'll stick to the shadows. Look at her, she's clearly shaken. She needs our help more." He sighed, but let me win this once. "Fine. But do as you say and stick to the shadows. Hug a wall if you have to."
"I did as promised and we managed to walk the girl home, a feeling of dread settling in my chest. We reached her home and the one who opened the door was Yusuke. I rushed away, ignoring the sunlight touching my skin despite the alarming amount of smoke coming from it. I continued doing so until I was wrapped in a blanket in our room, burns covering both my arms and face.
Barely even ten minutes after I arrived, I heard Shinazugawa-san slid open our door. "What was that? I know you think your brother hates you, but that stupidity of yours could have gotten you killed." I didn't answer, annoying him. He pulled away my blanket then, his hashira strength making me lose hold so fast.
"What the?" He gingerly took my arms, inspecting the burn marks on them. "You're still smoking." "It's okay. I'll heal." His attention then switched to my face, the sight making him click his tongue and shake his head. As he continued examining my face, I studied his.
"Did you really kill your mother?" I blurted out like a fool. His hand that was still on my face twitched before he pulled away. With a sigh, he told me his story.
"My mother… she became a demon. Unlike you, she lost control. She killed five of her children. Five younger siblings… they – she didn't recognize any of us. She was feral and only went wilder when she smelled my blood." He cleared his throat as his voice started shaking then. "It was as if she's drunk, and I was able to cut her down. My younger brother, Genya, happened upon us then. Our mother covered in blood, laying on the ground, and me holding a blade, also covered in blood. When the sun came up, mother dissolved into dust."
I was at a loss for words. All that made sense for me to do was to hug him. So, I did. He held onto me so tight, but I let him. I let him because I was a fool who reopened this wound.
"I'm a murderer." He whispered.
"We both are."
Once he calmed down, I moved and gave him space. He looked tired, and I probably too. "Your brother doesn't hate you." He said out of the blue. "That girl we saved? His granddaughter. Her name's Yuki."
"Oh."