If it weren't for my vision, I'd think that the kiss was just some kind of a fever dream. Shinazugawa-san and I never acknowledged it and it's been weeks. Oh… just calling it a kiss makes my skin prick. It was not a kiss. And now I'm thinking of it too much, I'd better stop.

I turned to look at the door, as if willing Shinazugawa-san to open it and enter. While we never directly discussed the events that transpired, a lot of things changed. He does not watch me like a hawk all the time now – I'm free to go out at nights to hunt and even just walk around on my own. Still, I opted to accompany him whenever he goes on missions. He's also became more open about how caring he could be – no longer hiding behind rude remarks. That doesn't me he can longer be rude, he still is. But I don't know how else to describe it aside from endearing.

Honestly, if I didn't know better, I'd say he like me. I couldn't help but laugh out loud at that. Shinazugawa-san liking me? Impossible. He despises demons. I don't blame him, with what he and his family experienced. And I'm a demon. Us… that's never going to happen.

I looked around the small room once more, contemplating whether to stay up and wait for him or just go straight to sleep. See, we're out on yet another mission, staying at a house provided to demon slayers assigned to this area. Last night we went our separate ways; I hunted and fed while he hunted the demon.

The sun was already up and he still wasn't back. Taking a deep breath, I decided to take a peek outside. I did and saw a sight that stung a bit as if sunlight reached me. Out front, still in the street stood Shinazugawa-san talking to a beautiful lady. A completely normal human lady, talking to him as sunlight touched them both. Huh.

I swallowed something bitter as I looked at them both. They look good together. Of course, they would. They're both humans. I can hardly remember how sunlight was supposed to feel on my skin, and the last time it did I was burnt and smoking.

I turned back inside and decided to just turn in for the day. As I started preparing my futon, Shinazugawa-san very noisily entered the house. He gave a hearty laugh when I jumped in surprise. "Why are you still up?" I just hummed in answer. I'd rather eat my foot than outright tell him I was waiting for him… like a puppy.

Still not turning away from what I was doing, I asked him in what I hoped was an indifferent tone, "who was that outside?" He wasn't answering. I think it was barely a minute, but his silence felt like forever so I turned to look at him just to find him looking at me as if I was something very amusing. "Just some lady asking for directions. Why?"

I just shrugged and continued what I was doing. "We can go back home tonight, by the way." Of course, he'd be done with the mission quickly. Still, I can't help but feel a little down – this was a nice town with a river right in the middle. I've spent almost the whole night walking around it and imagining how it would feel if it was morning. In yet another jump-inducing move from him, Shinazugawa-san was suddenly in front of me and tapped my nose.

"You look unhappy." A sigh, "I like it here." Another act of kindness from him, "We can stay here for two more nights, then." He shrugged at my look of bewilderment. "The days are getting shorter. The sun sets as soon as late afternoon, anyway. We can walk around then." I can't help but squint my eyes as I examine him and wait for the snark that I'm sure would accompany his kindness. It came in the form of a forehead flick. "Just go to sleep."

I woke up just as the sun was starting to set, painting the sky a beautiful purple and orange. A knock on the door shook the lingering sleepiness off of me. Carefully sliding open the door, I was surprised to see the lady from this morning standing in front of me with a basket of fruit.

"Oh!" She looked disappointed at the sight of me. "He didn't tell me he's married." She clutched her basket of fruits so tight as she said that. It irked me more than it probably should. "We're not." It was like I told her that I was going to give her a basket of gold then – she looked so relieved! "Thank goodness. You must be the maid! Here, as thanks for this morning. And tell him I'd like to see him again tomorrow morning." Thrusting the basket to me, she left.

That was… I can't help but feel irritated. "Where'd you get that?" A freshly bathed Shinazugawa-san asked me and I shoved the fruits toward him. "That lady from this morning. She said it's to thank you." He just raised a brow, and I can't help but add, "she thought I was your maid."

I found his laugh extremely annoying then. "I think she likes you." He grinned, looking pleased with himself. He probably is. "Oh?"

"She seemed disappointed when she thought I was your wife. Ecstatic when I denied it. And you only met her today." In his signature smugness, "well, who wouldn't like me?" I almost rolled my eyes at him. "Everyone?"

"You don't like me?" He asked, almost too sincerely. I stopped to think… The irritation I felt at a woman I did not even know was not normal. It was jealousy, wasn't it? It's stupid to deny it. I think I do like him… for a while now. But what I feel doesn't matter when I'm still a monster.

"Now you're quiet?'"

"I'm thinking."

"What's there to think about?"

"A lot of things… You have a lot of negative traits." He smiled, but his eyes looked sharp. Still, that curve of his mouth was daring me to continue so I did. "You're very rude. And you always look like you're looking for a fight. Also, I don't know why but all of your clothes are always open, no matter how cold it is." Alright, that last one was not exactly a negative trait.

"What? My muscles deserve to be displayed." I was not amused. With a roll of his eyes, "Fine. What would make someone likable then?" I don't think that was what we were talking about. Still, I answered. "Someone considerate." He's considerate. "And kind." He can be kind, sometimes. "And just…" I couldn't find the words I needed to tell him exactly what I wanted so I used examples. "People like Tanjirou are likable. And Kyojuro. I like – liked him."

That was the wrong thing to say, apparently. Shinazugawa-san's mood changed almost immediately. "Did you… do…" He was at a lost for words. The first time it happened since I met him. "You loved Rengoku?" I thought that a stupid question. Kyojuro was my friend and an important one despite not having seen him for years. Of course, I loved him. "Yes." I answered, seeing nothing wrong with it but the look on Shinazugawa-san's face was something that took me completely by surprise.

I've seen him angry plenty of times – it's almost his default state. But he wasn't just angry. He looked crushed. I reached out to comfort him, but he swatted my hand away. I guess we won't be walking around town together.

Not even the fresh air and beautiful scenery could remedy the empty feeling I was experiencing after Shinazugwa-san walked out. All I did was think about why he reacted like that and what I could do to make things better. Ohagi, was my answer.

His scent made me feel a little better as I entered the house. That meant he came back in the middle of the night to sleep. That's good, he got to rest. And waking up to some ohagi would put him in a good mood.

I smiled, proud at a good batch of sweets when there was a knock at the door. The scent was kind of familiar by now. I hate how I knew who it was without opening the door. With bitterness in my veins, I decided to ignore her and go to sleep. Leaving the ohagi in the kitchen, I did just that. I smiled a little to myself as I settled on my futon, hearing her still calling out. I can't believe I could be petty like this.

But the sound of a grumbling Shinazugawa-san opening the door and the lady's ringing laughter wiped that smile off my face.

I woke up feeling worse than I did before going to sleep. Sleep cleared my mind a bit, and I could see how selfish and petty I was being. Jealousy, that's what I let take over me this morning. Shinazugawa-san and I aren't anything. He deserves better than me. There's a lot of things I couldn't offer him; walking out in the sun with him. Become his wife. Why, could we even have a family together? Was that something I could do when time seemed to be frozen for me?

I can't be that selfish. Wanting him… I can't do that to him. I should probably apologize. I sniffed the air in my room, catching a faint smell of him. Hmm. The ohagi I made were gone, and in their place was a note saying thanks and that he's doing one last patrol in this area. So, I'm by myself… I decided then - an impulse decision yes, but I think it's something a should do – to go back home.

Oh goodness! I haven't been home in months, and I haven't written to my brother all this time! I really should go home… and maybe then I could go back to how things were and just stay in my little corner of the world as the world goes on.

Channeling my demon abilities, I ran as fast as I could and did not stop until I was standing in front of my home.

"It's been almost five months, Y/N!" Yori was worried and angry. More angry than worried. "No letter, nothing! We didn't know if you were still alive. We didn't know where you were or where we could even send a letter to ask."

Nobu, arms crossed over his chest and he expressed his full support to Yori's lecture, throwing murmurs of yes, yeah, and tsk tsk every now and then. There was nothing for me to say. Sorry was not enough. I say it anyway. Yori sighed before reaching over to pull me in a hug. "At least you came home safe."

Arriving close to dawn meant almost everyone home was already up. Feeling sorry for how troublesome I've been, I decided to volunteer for a lot of choirs which delighted Nobu. After making sure sunlight won't penetrate the rooms I'd be using, the rest of my family tried to go back to their routines. Try being the keyword.

"Y/N!" I almost dived under a table at the sound of Shinazugawa-san's voice. I could hear Nobu sounding mad as he asked Shinazugawa-san who he was and how he knew me. Both of them sounded like they wanted to punch each other, and I think they did judging by Nobu's wife's screams.

Careful of the light, I carefully crept towards the entryway and saw Shinazugawa-san glowering over Nobu. And Nobu was not afraid of him. It was almost funny, really. The scariest hashira, who could make demons shiver by just glaring at them was not able to intimidate Nobu who makes sweets for a living.

"Shinazugawa-san." I called out to him, as I could see how stressed Nobu's wife was getting. The sound of my voice washed a change in him; from an angry wolf to a meek puppy. He rushed towards me, engulfing me in a hug, taking all of us by surprise. Nobu sputtered in surprise and pulled him away, but he acted like he didn't notice as he goes on to lecture me almost the same lecture Yori did.

"Where were you? I came back and you're gone! No note – nothing! I didn't even know where you've gone to or if that bastard Muzan was the one who took you!" A deep, long inhale and he continued, "You! I…" his tone and face suddenly changed. Soft is the only way I could describe it. He didn't get to say what he wanted, but the look in his face and eyes told me anyway. He was worried sick.

Seeing him like that made me question why I even went back home. And everything just seemed so silly. Nobu's voice reached me in a dream-like quality.

"Who is he?" Nobu asked as he rudely planted himself between Shinazugawa-san and me. "He's a hashira. Like Tokito-san."

It was awkward. Sitting – closely – beside Shinazugawa-san as my brother glowered at us like an overprotective father. I think that was a role he's assigned himself once he reached more than half my age.

"So, this is the boy you've been staying with these last few months?" Shinazugawa-san was someone you'd never describe as a boy. You'd think he was born the glaring, muscled man that he is, actually. Still, Yori called him boy every chance he got. And Shinazugawa-san let him. I think that's mostly because he wanted me to leave with him.

"Tell me, why should I let my sister go with you when she decided to come back home on her own." I shot Yori a look, telling him to just… let it go. I could tell Shinazugawa-san was irritated – I could almost feel him bristle up like an angry cat, yet he stayed as calm as he could and told my brother, "I never make the same mistake twice." He turned to look at me then, and I could see in his eyes how much he meant his words. Yori hummed, unconvinced but between Shinazugawa-san and I a silent conversation went on.

While seeing him at my home, breathless and worried made me feel important to him. But the thoughts that's been plaguing me just made me feel confused. He was letting me move on my own, no longer felt the need to make sure I won't be attacking any humans. Really, having me around serves no purpose to him. So, why did he look for me? He said he thought Kibutsuji went after me… was he trying to protect me?

He could tell I was confused, and in a gesture to comfort me his hand found mine. A gesture Yori did not miss. Yori swiped his face, forehead to chin with a look like he's given up. With a shake of his head, Yori left us saying something about dropping by our Wagashi shop.

"Why did you run home?" He asked after we were left alone, my hand still grasped warmly in his. I felt my cheeks heat up as I thought about why, and I wasn't able to find the courage in me to tell him. I chose to squeeze his hand instead, before posing my own question which I hoped would clear out my confusion. "Why were you mad… hurt that night?"

A deep breath, bracing himself for what he was about to say. "Imagine hearing the girl you love tell you she loves someone else."

"I don't love Kyojuro like that, we're just friends he – you love me?"

"I can't believe how dumb you could be." He laughed, a relieved kind of laugh before he pointedly looked at me and used his free hand to flick my forehead. An endearing gesture coming from him. "Yes. You, Y/N."

The heaviness in my heart disappeared then… elation flowed through my veins as my face breaks into a smile. His hand moved to my cheeks, and I leaned to it. I felt his breath on my face as his face came closer. Closing my eyes and gripping onto his clothes was the most natural thing to do.

This was a real kiss, I thought. Entirely different from what we shared a week before. As we separated, catching our breaths I breathe out "Shinazugawa-san…" Which made him smile, eyes crinkling as he looked at me. "Sanemi. Call me Sanemi."