Pairings: Inu/Kag Mir/San Sess/Rin
A/N: Don't worry, peeps, the pairings listed above are solid. The 'other' pairings are merely one-sided and there to mix up emotions…yeah.
Hmmm…I actually wrote this up a long time ago, but never got around to checking/posting the thing…I wonder why…lol
Oh, that's right, because I was watching my Fullmetal Alchemist vol. 3 DVD for hours straight, plus my friend came over, PLUS I climbed Mt. Pilchuck, and it killed my legs…T.T MY POOR LEGS!
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Chapter 23
x.
It felt like an eternity since Sesshomaru had first entered the dimension, although it was probably only about a half hour. Since killing Inuyasha, whether fake or not, he had a relative idea of how things worked here. He managed not to kill the next person, whom happened to be his mother. Although she hadn't really acted like a mother at all, and all but left after he was but a child, he was determined to win this game, and not make a fool of himself. Next was that Kagome girl, whom he had barely managed to stop himself. His instincts (figuratively) snarled at the human girl in front of him, wanting to taste her blood and watch her squirm helplessly on the floor. However, she was the reason Rin was still there with him, so he kept himself still.
The fourth person was the monk, Miroku. He walked up and respectively bowed to him, and gave a warm smile, as if knowing Sesshomaru wouldn't hurt him. However, with each time he resisted the urge to kill, it would grow stronger, and unfortunately, he did not feel any ties of friendship holding the monk with himself. With a quick motion, he had pierced the monk's heart, watching as blood spattered onto the floor, pieces of the dead organ landing along with it. Only after a rather eerily quiet thud, and the clang of Miroku's staff, did Sesshomaru return to normal. He stared at his blood-ridden claws, then at the monk he had slain. He said nothing, and continued to walk away, ignoring the twinge in his heart. It was slight, but it was still there.
'This game better end soon,' he thought angrily. 'I've prevented from killing two, all I need is two more, and I win.'
From the fact that the game was nearly half-over, he was given renewed confidence, and calmly walked towards the next presence hanging many yards away from him.
x.
Everyone was crowded around Inuyasha, clearly worried. No one knew what was happening to him, Miroku claiming that he just collapsed suddenly. The hanyou's eyes were open wide, but dull; lifeless; his breathing was ragged, growing shorter with each passing second. At times, there would be a strange, almost gurgling sound coming from him, as if he were choking on some liquid, though there was nothing in his mouth to suffocate on. Kagome held onto his ever-paling hand, squeezing it as if her life depended on it.
Kouga crawled over to her, and wrapped a comforting arm around her, but she didn't react at all. In truth, she hadn't even noticed it, as her attention was fully focused on the hanyou in front of her.
'What's happening?' she thought, 'Does this have something to do with Sesshomaru's game with Nali?'
After pondering for a few more moments, she concluded that it had to be. However, a sudden gasp, followed by a cry of pain, brought Kagome out of her thoughts. She snapped her head up, eyes landing upon Miroku, who continued to cry out in pain, grasping his hand tightly over his robes, directly above where his heart would be.
"Miroku?" she said softly.
Sango quickly stood up and steadied her love from falling. "Miroku, what's wrong?" she asked, worry etched across her face. "Miroku, answer me, please!" Her only reply was another cry from Miroku.
"What the hell is wrong with him?" Kouga asked. Most of the others held looks that were silently asking the same thing, Hari standing up to help out Sango. Shippo and Rin were cowering in fear behind Kouga, whimpering.
"What's wrong with him, Shippo?" Rin asked, her voice wavering.
"I-I don't know…" Shippo replied, voice equally uneven. He turned slowly towards Kagome. "You don't think he'll…"
Kagome didn't know what to say. She didn't answer, merely stared at Miroku as his cries stopped, and his breath became ragged. What was she supposed to tell the two? That everything would be fine, and that there was nothing to worry about? Shippo would be smarter than that to know that there was definitely something wrong, and she didn't know about Rin.
"Miroku…?" Sango asked hesitantly.
"S-Sango…" Miroku replied hoarsely before his eyes closed, and he slumped forwards, his limp body supported rather unevenly by Sango and Hari.
"Miroku!" Sango shouted, hoping that alone would wake Miroku from whatever happened to him. With Hari's help, they laid him down next to Inuyasha, who's breathing was barely audible. Miroku was taking huge gulps of air, struggling to inhale. He groaned, sweat pouring down his forehead as his hand continued to grip the cloth over his heart, his knuckles pearl white.
"What's happening to him?" Sango asked, mostly to herself than to anyone else as she wiped the sweat off of the monk. She felt tears well up in her eyes, tried to blink them away, but only succeeded in letting them fall. "This can't be happening…" she told herself, "First Inuyasha, now you. And only after we finally…" Her sobs cut off her sentence, and placed her hands over her face to shield her tears from anyone else. Kagome, eyebrows arched in sadness, crawled over, and tried to comfort Sango, only to end up crying herself.
Meanwhile, Hari stood off in a corner, feeling very uneasy.
'Why can't I feel like they can?' she asked herself. 'They can cry in front of people, they can ask for help, they can speak their minds whenever they want to…I can't do that. The real me is afraid to do that; to do anything open. I can only do that when I'm around Inuyasha…
'Why is that? Is it because we have a mind-link? Or is it because…' she shook her head lightly, batting away the thoughts. 'No. Not only is it wrong, but then I'd be stealing him away from Kagome. Not that he has any feelings for me, he only sees me as a companion, or a friend…' Then she thought something that almost made her heart shatter against her will. '…am I considered a friend to him? Maybe…I'm not?'
That thought made her want to cry, but try as she might to let her emotions run, she couldn't. 'Maybe I am just a useless serpent…my siblings always teased me, saying that I'd be a failure and never find anyone who would care for me…maybe they're right…' She began to wander off, and sat far away from the others, and stared off, down below. Looking down, she thought dryly, 'Lovely view…'
x.
Sesshomaru stood, panting, in his large dog form. The gruesome demon, who lost a leg to Inuyasha during their battle for Tetsusaiga, which he sadly lost. However, this time, his opponent was not Inuyasha, and this time, he did not lose.
There, laying before him, was a body. Armor crunched, smashed, and laying in shards, clothes tattered, blood sprayed everywhere, face undistinguishable. The only recognizable feature was the long, silver hair, fanning freely around the figure, soaked thickly with blood.
To think, a few moments ago, he stood magnificently, his hair tied in a ponytail, and his piercing gold eyes staring straight through Sesshomaru, as if reading his soul. To think this man turned out to be so pathetic, that he didn't fight back. To think that this man died a pitiful death. To think…
'To think that this man was my father,' Sesshomaru thought gruesomely. Although lately, he had come to enjoy the company of the humans and his brother, and start to see the way of his father, that alone didn't calm the loathing and hate boiling inside him ever since he was 5.
He had hated his father all those years, hated how sympathetic he was to the weak, how much he infatuated that human more than his own mother, a full-fledged, fully-capable demon! That was the reason she ran off with someone else; Father had fallen for a human, of all creatures! Oh, feel the hate! He cared and loved that worthless half-breed, and died protecting them, and telling them to run! In the end, Izayoi died, and Inuyasha lived a pathetic life. His hatred for his father could fill the ocean, and then some, and now it was coming back in full.
Sesshomaru soon regained his mind and body back from his demonic instincts, that were threatening to override him. He fully regretted his actions, and quickly turned away from the body that didn't even look like a body anymore. He looked straight ahead, trying not to look at his red-stained coat, and kept himself from savoring the taste of blood in his mouth.
'Now I know how Inuyasha feels, when his demon blood tries to take over…' he thought miserably, thinking back to the time where he had stopped Inuyasha from murdering those bandits senselessly. He used the excuse that he wanted to kill him when he was in the right state of mind, but that was not necessarily true. In fact, at the time, he didn't even know why he didn't just kill him on the spot. Was it to be honorable? Was it because it had wasted his time enough already? Why had he saved him?
'Now I know,' he thought, almost sadly. 'Now I know why Father bestowed upon me the Tenseiga, and why he asked me that question all those years ago…'
"…Is there anyone you wish to protect?" were his very words.
Not bothering to transform back into his normal, human-like appearance, he wandered onwards, towards the next person. He did this almost automatically, even though his mind lay elsewhere. He didn't like this game, and for once, he didn't think he could win. He could feel his mind beginning to deteriorate, and he felt that it was only a matter of time before he would lose it.
The flashes wouldn't stop. He kept seeing everyone he had slaughtered during the eternity of hell he had spent in this place, each flash more detailed and gory than the last. He hated it; he wanted to run away from it…but he couldn't, and he never would, for they were in his mind, as if glued. They would haunt him forever, in his dreams, in his free time, even in the most peaceful surroundings; they would make sure that water looked like blood, grass look like skin, flowers look like organs splattered about…
He shuddered. He could feel the presence in front of him, and took the time to actually look at what he was facing. Of course, it would be smaller than him, but he didn't expect it to be that small. However, when he looked down, his heart nearly stopped, and he jumped back, so far that she became a small dot.
It was Rin.
'No…' he thought, eyes widening impossibly wide. 'Not her…'
Rin was the one he cared most about. After his fight with Inuyasha (epi. 35), and winding up half-dead in the forest, she came and tried to take care of him, despite him being a demon, and risking her own safety. She considered him a friend, even though he would never talk to her, merely insult, decline, or ask questions. She died from wolves, when running to warn him, or merely just to see him, and he brought her back to life with the Tenseiga. She followed him after that, began to speak again, and silently wormed her way into Sesshomaru's heart.
He could feel a sudden jerk of pain in his chest. Involuntarily, his demon form began to edge forwards, towards the helpless girl. Inside his mind, Sesshomaru's eyes widened. If Rin should die…if Rin should die, not only would he lose the game (he didn't really care at the moment, though), he'd most likely lose his very self. He didn't care if she was real or not, it was real enough to him.
He was dangerously cutting down the length separating himself and the girl. He tried to fight, regain control of his actions, but it was no use. His energy was dried up from the past encounters, and his heart was weighed down. He had no strength left. In his mind, the walls were cracking, falling down, and Sesshomaru sat in the middle of it all, watching helplessly.
"Lord…Sesshomaru?" came Rin's voice, coming in a fearful squeak. That's right, Rin had never seen him like this…
'She must think I'm some sort of monster in this form…' he thought, not really caring in the least.
And, against his will, his body leapt forwards. Time seemed to stop then. He was in mid-leap, the girl in front of him had her eyes wide, tears slowly forming into them. She was scared, wanting to run, but found that her legs wouldn't move. She was frozen to the spot, and would soon be killed by the lord she pledged allegiance to, and trusted with all her heart and soul.
At the end of it all, Sesshomaru heard a soft voice, almost inaudible. But he heard it, nonetheless. "Lord Sesshomaru…why?"
Time sped up once more, and the demon lord felt his enormous paw crush the small body, and his ears met a piercing scream. In his cracking mind, Sesshomaru felt something prick the corners of his eyes. Something wet rolled down his cheek. He lifted a hand up to it; he was crying.
Something suddenly cracked within him, he could feel it. It was a jabbing pain in his heart, and he stared, eyes showing all emotions, as he watched the girl before him die. He had never felt like this before, he had never felt so much pain, so much anguish, all at once. He felt empty inside, he felt something that he couldn't describe; but that's what he felt. He had always wanted to be alone, but now, he couldn't stand it. He wanted to run, to run away and never look back, and forget everything.
He lifted his paw, but saw nothing that looked like Rin. Only a large blotch of blood, clothes, and organs, as well as what appeared to be blood-stained hair…
x.
At that same moment, Rin let out a piercing scream, and collapsed on her side, her breathing almost gone, and her heart beating softly, and slowly.
x.
Before Sesshomaru himself knew it, he was back in his old form, and inside a different dimension, one that resembled the clouds he had been on before the game, except that they were slightly different. He couldn't tell what was different, but they were different somehow. But at the moment, he didn't care, nothing mattered anymore. He didn't care, he didn't care, he didn't care…
He sat down, pulling his legs up to his chest, and sunk his head in them, and continued to cry. He had never cried before in his entire life; he thought it was weak, yet here he was, crying his heart out, and it actually felt nice. It felt as if all of his troubles were leaking out onto the floor, and it felt as if a great weight was lifted from him. However, the anguish from losing Rin, fake or not, never left him.
At a sudden movement, he lifted his head slightly, and saw Nali standing over him. She crouched down, and faced him, eye to eye.
"I know that you've suffered great pains in this game," she said, regret deep in her voice. "I am sorry, but you agreed to play the game, knowing the consequences. But it's best to look on the bright side of-"
"What kind of bright side could that hell hole possibly have?" Sesshomaru asked bitterly, voice cracking from his tears. "I saw many people die in there, each more gruesome than the last, having my heart and mind deteriorate in front of me, and you're saying there's a good side to this?" Somehow, he kept his voice low, and somewhat calm, and was amazed that he could accomplish that alone.
"You have learned more about yourself," Nali replied, "You know now that depriving yourself from others and caging in your emotions will not help you at all. You need to be yourself, and start caring about those you feel need to be cared for. You hated your family for things they could not help. You cared for people, yet treated them like pieces of dirt that could easily be stepped on. Even the ones who served you; that Rin girl, you cared for her the most, but talked to her the least. Do you regret not speaking to her that much?" Not trusting his voice, Sesshomaru nodded.
"So, you see," Nali began, "If you live your life the way you have, it will only bring you hardship. Caring and showing emotions does not make you weak; it makes you stronger." Sesshomaru wiped away his tears, and stared at Nali, who added, "Now, if you don't go back to the others, Inuyasha, Miroku, and Rin, they really will die."
Sesshomaru's eyes widened. Even though he knew it all along, it was still hard to believe that all of that was fake, and that everyone he had killed (minus his parents) were still alive…
"You may have lost the game, but think of it as taking a step forward in life," Nali said kindly, opening a vortex. She turned back to Sesshomaru. "Demon lords first."
Sesshomaru didn't reply, and stepped through the portal. He soon found himself back onto the fluffy white clouds, who looked peaceful and happy, not knowing the heartache he suffered while in that dimension. He looked onwards at his group of…friends…it was hard saying that word, even after everything he'd been through in the last hour ('Has it really been that short of time?' he thought). There were panicked screeches coming from Sango and Kagome, and he zoomed over to see what was happening.
He tapped Kagome on the shoulder lightly. She turned, and immediately let out a scream. He winced at the noise, but said nothing; she wasn't afraid of him, was he?
"Sesshomaru!" everyone exclaimed, some looking slightly nervous. The demon lord looked down, and saw that Inuyasha, Miroku, and Rin were lying unconscious on the ground. At first glance, they appeared dead (out of the corner of his eye, he saw Sango quietly sobbing), however, if a demon with such sensitive ears as his listened quietly, one would hear the soft ba-bump sound of a heart beating, slowly growing stronger, and the barely audible breathing, it too slowly rising in strength.
He walked over to Sango, and to everyone's amaze, put a comforting hand on her shoulder. She looked up, shock and anguish quelled up in her sparkling eyes, which were clouded over with tears. "Don't worry, everyone is alive." At hearing this news, her eyes widened even more, but this time, they were clear, and showed great relief. She began crying tears of happiness, and leaned down, gently stroking Miroku's face. His breathing had returned to near-normal by now, and he slowly leaned in to the touch.
Kagome slowly let out a breath that she didn't know she had been holding. Inuyasha was alive, and so was Sesshomaru; he was acting strange, but it may have been because of the task. A small smile reached her lips as she could actually see Inuyasha breath. His chest slowly rose up, as she heard his soft intake of breath, before it exhaled heavily. She wanted to hug him, squeeze him to death, do something to express her happiness, but that would have to wait until he woke up.
She looked over to Sesshomaru, who looked back in return. There was something different about him, in his eyes. They showed some kind of emotion, that hadn't been there before. It held a sparkle, and gave his entire form a kind of softer appearance. She gave him a large, warm smile, silently thanking him. In return, he gave a small smile of his own, making Kagome wonder what exactly happened wherever Sesshomaru was.
'Hmm…where's Hari?' Sesshomaru thought, after a quick glance around the party. There was no sign of the serpent-gone-human. He could sense her presence nearby, and looked behind him. He could see her light blue kimono and hair easily in the mass of white. He walked over towards her, his footsteps quiet on the soft-yet-solid-as-earth clouds. Soon, he was right next to Hari, and sat down with her. She stared downwards, at the land many miles below, deep in thought.
Finally, Sesshomaru cleared his throat, making her jump back, finally aware of his presence. After realizing who it was, she calmed herself, and sat back down. They sat in silence for a bit, until she finally broke down, and asked, almost desperately, "Do you consider me a friend?"
Sesshomaru looked oddly at Hari. He wasn't sure what made her ask that to him, of all people, but replied, "I don't really know, sorry," He added quickly. He was still learning the basis on friendship, after all, so he wouldn't really know whom he could consider friend, and whom an enemy.
Hari gained a sad look in her eyes, but added, "No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked, and-"
"Why did you ask?" Sesshomaru asked, cutting off whatever Hari would have said next. The serpent stared incredulously at Sesshomaru, as if he had grown another head or something. The Sesshomaru she was used to wouldn't ask questions like this that held no value to himself; in fact, it was a miracle he even answered her question at all!
To be honest, he did look a little different to her. Perhaps it was because he was smiling slightly, or that his eyes held a soft appearance that wasn't there before…
Hari didn't want to answer his question, really. She felt that if she told him the truth, he would think she was being childish…
'Maybe that's just what I am, a child who has no friends and can't do anything right,' she thought miserably, her eyes clouding over with unshed tears that threatened to fall. However, as to not alert the lord next to her of her emotions, she furiously blinked them away, eyes downcast, staring down at the beautiful landscape below that gave her a very bittersweet feeling in her heart.
"Hari?" Sesshomaru's cool voice came in, snapping her out of her thoughts.
"Y-yes?" she asked, her voice coming out in an embarrassing squeak. "W-what is it?"
"Are you all right?"
Hari felt herself flush. "Uhh…yeah, I'm fine." She forced herself to look down at the scenery below. 'Why is he being so kind? What the hell happened to the guy to make him change like this?' she thought.
"If you want, would you mind telling me why you asked me if I considered you a friend?" Sesshomaru asked, voice calm, but holding a kind note to it.
"Well, I…" Hari started. If she started telling him, there was no turning back. "Alright. It all started with my family…"
"Go on," Sesshomaru urged, not sounding too anxious to know, yet not sounding like he didn't care either. It gave Hair more confidence, like a kid who was nervous to go onstage for the first time, before having someone talk to them and make them feel better, convincing them to go out and act.
Happy with this new-found confidence, she continued, "It all started when I was still a newborn. I had 14 other siblings, who were all talented in one thing or the other. However, I couldn't do anything. I wasn't able to do a single thing for anyone else; everyone called me a failure and said that I'd disgrace my family…"
For a brief moment, Sesshomaru was instantly reminded of Inuyasha, and how he had always insulted him, saying that he was a failure, and a disgrace to the bloodline for being a half demon. He felt a twinge of regret at the memory, but pushed it aside; now was not the time to be worried about other people.
"So, you thought that we would think the same?" he asked, trying to keep his voice calm, images of the previous hour still fresh in his mind. He tried not to think of the blood, and concentrated on helping Hari overcome her childhood torment.
Hari said nothing, but looked down. Slowly, she nodded. "Well, that's what everyone around here said. I lived in the swamp, alone, for a very long time, and even the demons around there called me a failure, even though I was more powerful than they.
"A while ago, I heard someone shouting; it sounded human, so I went over to them. It was a monk and a demon slayer; a very odd combination, I thought then, though I helped them out, healing the monk with what little powers I had. That's how I met all of you."
"Even if you haven't done anything honorable in your life, it doesn't mean that you are friendless," Sesshomaru said, catching Hari's eye as she lifted her head. "There are others in the world just like you; you just need to find them. Just remember: you always have a place with us, and no one here thinks you are worthless." He stood up, and got ready to head back; after a few steps, he heard Hari's shuffling of clothes, and the serpent appeared next to him.
She looked up at him, and smiled. "Thanks," she said warmly, "I'll try to remember that from now on." As they continued to walk towards the group ahead of them, she thought, 'Maybe this Sesshomaru guy isn't that bad after all…'
(A/N: If you think the chapter's, over, think again…This will be one helluva long chapter….)
x.
The first thing Hari noticed when she reformed with the group was that Kagome was missing. "Hey, where's Kagome?" she asked tentatively.
"Doing her turn at a game," Inuyasha replied, and Hari swore she saw concern showing in his vibrant eyes, as well a hint of anger. She stared oddly at him until he glared. "What?" he asked angrily.
"Why are you so angry?" Hari replied. She heard Miroku chuckling in the behind her, and a clear thud that would be caused by a blunt object hitting a skull.
"What's it to you?" he said gruffly.
Before Hari could reply, Kouga interrupted, "When dog-turd, here, woke up, Kagome nearly choked him to death…"
Inuyasha glared.
Kouga then got a very worried look in his eyes. "Oh, my Kagome! Staking your life and your sanity for the sake of an unworthy object!" Ignoring Inuyasha death glare at being called an object, he added, "You are so noble, so brave! Even to something as unworthy as it!" He pointed towards Inuyasha, who was so angry you could see steam pouring out of his ears (figuratively). After many people stopped laughing, the wolf turned towards Sesshomaru. "So, how'd you do at your game? Nali wouldn't say, but sounded pretty glum about it; care to explain?"
All eyes were on Sesshomaru. He cleared his throat with a cough, and replied, "I lost," in a somewhat calm voice. The flashes of dead bodies appeared more clearly in his mind.
"…" There was an awkward silence around the group, before everything erupted into chaos.
"WHAT!"
"How could YOU lose, you're, like, the strongest of all of us!"
"He's joking, I know it!"
"No, it doesn't appear that he is, Kouga…"
"My lord, is it true? Is it true that you lost?"
At the sound of Rin's voice, Sesshomaru's head popped downwards. What he saw made his eyes widen; instead of a healthy, very much alive Rin, all he would see was a Rin covered with blood, crushed to death, and not even distinguishable anymore. He backed up a couple of steps, and to everyone's great shock, let out a scared whimper; it wasn't very audible, but was clear enough so that everyone could hear it, including the humans.
"…My lord?" came Rin's scared voice. Sesshomaru, however, could hardly hear it. He lifted a clawed hand and gripped his forehead, as he heard screams. He saw blood, he saw flashes of many things that he longed to forget. He continued to back up, before someone grabbed his free wrist, and yanked him back. He felt his knees buckle, and he found himself kneeling on the ground. He stiffened suddenly as he felt a pair of small arms embrace him tightly.
"Lord Sesshomaru, what's wrong?" came Rin's voice, followed by a small hiccup. After Sesshomaru got around the aroma of blood in his nose, he distinctly smelled a strong scent of salt water. He looked down, relieved, to find that Rin was no longer 'covered in blood'. However, she was crying…crying for him…
He could feel many people stare at him, but that didn't matter much at the moment. Sesshomaru returned the hug, and held the young girl tightly against him. He felt relieved, grateful that she was still here; Nali had told him of this, but it was still hard to believe compared to what had happened. He also felt…happy…someone cried for him; no one had ever done that before, maybe except Jaken, but he didn't really count.
"I'm sorry, Rin," he whispered softly, so only Rin could hear him. "Don't cry…it's all going to be fine…"
Rin sniffled a bit, and Sesshomaru was glad that the scent of tears was slowly ebbing away. The girl in his arms buried her face deeper into his chest, his kimono pillowing her small head. Sesshomaru let a small smile appear on his face, his golden eyes bursting through the thick clouds that had been blinding his senses his entire life. Happiness glowed in them, and he softly rested his head on top of Rin's. (A/N: All together, now! "AWWWWWWWWWW!")
'This is something no one can take from me,' Sesshomaru thought, clearly oblivious to the ones around her (Sango, meanwhile, was making 'awww' noises, and the guys, minus Shippo, were snickering or gawking). 'Rin is the one I care about most. No one else will take her away from me…not even myself.'
TO BE CONTINUED……