(Original Authors Notes)

Notes: Hooray, let's hear it for saving and uploading things in HTML! Hip, hip!…I feel I should re-upload all the chapters, because now the fic will run better with italicized words and such.

To Professor: The "teabag" line was used in the episode "It Girl".

To Jae: It's just that nobody, in my opinion, really talked to Helga like that before. I thought it was good, but whatever. There was no intension of me making Arnold into anyone else, I don't know where you got that idea from. I'm was just commenting on the early days of the series, where Arnold's character was far better and way less dense. About the school health issues, never heard of that, but maybe I could have worked something into the story. Oh well.

To Will: Glad I hooked, lined, and sunk you! LOL!

The message I seem to be getting from everyone is that they think this is going to be a really LONG adventure series. Hey, I wish I could write stories like "Blue Oceans", "Same In The End" and "What Is And What Would Never Be", but I just can't.

o----o

(A/n: The whole reason I wrote this story came from the events that happen in the second part of this chapter with Helga.)

One thing hadn't changed. It was still half an hour until lunch and I was starving. I always had a fast metabolism, but now with my nine year old body I felt like a car revving at the redline, eating up all my fuel. I was lost in a haze of words as Mr. Simmons talked about the anatomy of the common frog. But something caught my attention. I didn't realize at first, but sitting behind Helga was the best seat in the house. I could both analyze Helga and Arnold, I felt like Dr. Bliss. Helga was busy sketching a picture of her beloved in pink pen in her notebook. She quickly looked over her shoulder to see if I was looking, and I hastily faked taking notes. Later on in the class I got to see the more 'rough around the edges' Helga. The spitballs started flying at Arnold's head. When Arnold had gotten up to sharpen his pencil, Helga put a wad of her gum on his seat. I just sat back and laughed to myself at the craziness. Then I saw a sight of Arnold staring over at little Ms. Perfect. The only thing Helga and I agreed on – I hated Lila as much as she did. She was just so…phoney and put on. She was too girly even for a girl.

"Okay class. Now we are going to do something extra special." Mr. Simmons announced. The whole class let out a long groan. "Since we are studying the anatomy of a frog, I thought it would be exciting if we looked at a frog up close and personal."

Then Principal Wartz came through the door carrying a bunch of small white boxes. Then I pieced two and two together.

"Don't tell me what I think you want us to do." I said.

"Well, if dissecting dead frogs is what you were thinking, then you hit the bull's-eye!" said Wartz.

The whole class's gag reflex kicked in.

"That is totally gross!" shouted Rhonda.

"Nah-uh, no way." protested Sid with arms crossed.

"Awesome!" said Nadine with great praise.

"Oh come now class, this will be an exciting and special experience for all of you. Now, I'll split you guys into groups of four." Simmons started pointing out across the room, "Group One: Park, Iggy, Robert and Brainy. Group Two: Sheena, Eugene, Nadine and Sid…"

I could see Helga praying in her seat, no doubt hoping to get into Arnold's group.

"Group Three: Arnold, Stephen, Helga…" I could see Helga rejoice in her seat…

"…and Lila." 'Ouch!' I thought. 'Rejected!' The look on Helga's face could make a clown feel miserable.

"Group Four: Harold, Patty, Rhonda and Curly…" Wow, I thought Lila and Helga were a bad mix. Harold likes Patty, Rhonda likes Harold and Curly is a stark raving lunatic in love with Rhonda.

"That leaves Gerald, Phoebe and Stinky for group five. Peapod Kid is out with the flu." 'Poor Stinky, he's gonna be like a third wheel with Gerald and Phoebe.' I thought. "Okay class, and separate!" With a clap of his hands we all scattered into our groups.

Our group was huddled in the farthest part of the classroom in the back right corner. There was so much tension a heavy-duty steak knife couldn't cut it. Arnold in love with Lila, Helga in love with Arnold, Helga and I hated Lila, and Arnold didn't much like my opinions of Lila when I first talked about her; neither was I in Helga's good-books after our first encounter. 'This outta be good.' I thought. They were all like pawns in my experiment. What would happen?

RIIIIIIIIIIIIING!

"Oh, fu-fudge that bell! Okay class, we'll start on this after lunch." Simmons confirmed.

"Great," I said, "we'll eat our lunch, and end up losing it later."

o----o

The gang and I made our way to the cafeteria, and as we entered Gerald went to go save us a table. The rest of us went to get our food. I remember watching a lot of cartoons on TV and about how they, in my opinion, exaggerated the awfulness of the cafeteria food. I laughed to myself, until a heavy set lady with a hairnet plopped what looked like to be meat mixed with mashed potatoes on my tray…in a ball.

"Ugh, the cartoons are true. The food does suck."

Arnold once again overheard me, "What did you say, Steve?"

"I said this food sucks! Who agrees with me?" The whole line-up behind me confirmed with a hand up in the air. I got a dirty look from the lunch lady. We then joined Gerald at the table.

"Can you believe what Simmons wants us to do? He's crazy."

"It's not that bad Gerald," the optimist said, "it's not like this is the worst thing in the world to do."

"Arnold," I started, "this is disgusting! I'm not a coroner! I think the dead should be left alone, whether human or animal. If we're not harvesting these frogs' organs to save another frog, I ain't touchin' it!"

"Here, here!" Gerald confirmed, we toasted our chocolate milk boxes in agreement. "But what really sucks even more Arnold, is having Helga Pataki and Lila in your group.

"Tell me about it, Gerald. On one hand I have the girl of my dreams, and then I have the girl of my nightmares."

'Yeah? Well Helga has the boy of her dreams and the girl of her nightmares.' I thought. "I thought you said Helga could be okay when need be?"

"Yeah, but with Lila around I don't think that's gonna happen. I dunno why Helga hates her so much."

'Maybe because Helga loves you and you're hopelessly in love with her, you dense little football head!' "Hey Arnold, where are the washrooms around here?" I asked.

"Go out through the cafeteria doors, turn right, then make a left and go down the hall and they're right there."

"Thanks." I said getting out of my seat.

I made my way down via Arnold's directions, but when I was making my left I was suddenly yanked right and slammed up against the lockers. Surprise, it was Helga.

"Hi Helga, hows…-"

"Shut it, shrimp. I don't know who you think you are, but I don't think you're familiar with the ground rules here at PS 118. First off, I'm the boss, got it? I practically own this school…well, the fourth grade part of it anyway. So you better not mess with me bucko!" she ordered with her finger pressing into my chest.

I swiftly pushed her off, resulting in her stumbling back into the lockers behind her, which seemed to disorient her since 'who would dare push Helga Pataki around'. I put my one hand up against the locker to block her off, and pointed with my other and stood over her. "You know what, Helll-ga? I don't think you should mess with me. You don't scare me one bit. The balls are in my court Helga."

"What the heck does that mean, moron!"

I felt like David Caruso a.k.a. Horatio Caine from the show CSI Miami, "It means that your so called rules don't apply. Cause I know things Helga…" I looked at her closely in her dark blue eyes, "…things that could break you and your reputation."

She at once forced my hand out of the way and started to walk down the hallway. "Humphf! You don't know squat, you loser."

As she walked away, I keenly hollered, "You know Helga, I hear the cafeteria is serving ice cream as their dessert today."

Helga stopped dead in her tracks and dropped her books. "Oh, r-really?" she quivered.

"Yeah…" I said as I slowly started walking toward her, her back still turned to me. "Don't you like ice cream Helga?…I like ice cream." She struggled to pick up her things, I put my hand on her shoulder and she shot straight up. "In fact, you could almost say I…love ice cream. Don't you love ice cream,…Helga?" I said into her ear.

"Yea-, yeah, s-sure, whatever floats your boat buddy. I gotta go, get…somewhere!" She ran off like bat out of hell. Without delay I followed up, unnoticed, to where she hid. I heard her pine the love for her football head in the poorly lit dimness of the janitors closest. I could see the silhouette of her and her locket through the door's frosted glass window. I overheard her sweet nothings and took a certain small something from out of my pocket.

"Oh, my beloved knight in shining armor, what has happened? Who is this boy and why does he know my deepest darkest secret? But maybe I'm just paranoid…maybe he was just talking about ice cream…but nobody loves ice cream that much…unless he was talking about that ice cream, the one I would love to hold in my arms on warm starry summer nights. The little football headed love god that has enslaved me with his good looks, compassion and confidence. Oh, Arnold…"

Then I heard a wheezing sound quickly followed up by a shadowy figure getting punched in the face.

"Oh Brainy." I said to myself.