"Hey, have you seen our illustrious former ADA lately?" John asks her as she walks into the squad room.
Olivia shakes her head wearily. Two rejected invitations; she's still licking her wounds and wondering if she's crazy enough to try again. Probably.
"Three years after her funeral," John reads, "church bells will once again ring for Alexandra Cabot—this time when she weds Robert Forbes. Cabot, now a Bureau Chief in New York County, was an Assistant District Attorney with the Special Victims Unit in 2003, when…"
Munch continues reading, and Olivia feels her head start to spin. She knows Elliot is looking at her and she wishes he wouldn't. A rock settles in her stomach when she swallows, and she thinks she's okay until she gets in the bathroom and retches, vomiting until there's nothing left. She washes her hands, remembering a sink tinged with pink, Alex's blood.
She comes out of the bathroom. They're all still fucking talking about it, as if no one's ever gotten married before.
"How long before we hear the pitter-patter of little Cabots?" Munch muses.
"Shut up, John," Elliot says, firmly, but not unkindly. "Stop looking at me!" Olivia wants to scream.
Olivia sees her, outside the courthouse. It's the perfect kind of day—chilly, clear blue sky, and all the promise of a beautiful spring. There are surprisingly few people around, so there's no way to avoid her. Olivia allows herself to stare for a moment at the woman whom she knew inside and out, whom she couldn't get enough of, thoughjust a taste was enough to intoxicate her.
Her voice catches a little when she says it. Something she's said numerous times before, after trials. Then an opportunity to touch her back, her arm, invite her for a celebratory drink. Now a send-off, a farewell, and Olivia knows "How long?" is forever.
Olivia stares at the ring, glittering, she tells herself, from the sunlight, not from the tears in her eyes. She finally looks up. Straight into Alex's eyes, the same vibrant shade of blue she remembers. For a moment she sees everything she has ever known, has ever loved. Everything she has lived for. A second later it's gone, and looking into Alex's eyes is like trying to find her across an ocean. Things get misty in the distance.
"Congratulations," Olivia says again, and this time her voice is steady. She turns to walk away. And Alex calling after her is only her imagination.