CHAPTER 60

"He's dating Sam? He's dating SAM?!"

Emily stormed into Mary's room that afternoon in a huff. She had just heard through the grapevine that Miguel had asked out Sam and she was extremely upset so she had decided to go to her best friend's house to rant.

"Hi there." Mary remarked, surprised, as she looked up and saw a disgruntled Emily standing there.

"How could he date Sam again?! She made him miserable! How could he be so stupid?!" Emily complained. Mary looked at her for several moments, seeing the genuine hurt underneath the indignant upset on her face, and her eyes widened.

"Oh, my God. You love Miguel, don't you?!" Mary exclaimed. Emily's face flushed crimson.

"What? No I don't!" Emily cried.

"Really? And yet you're upset about him dating someone else?"

"So?!" Emily exclaimed. Mary raised an eyebrow.

"So that means one or two things: it could mean that you're extremely selfish and not only don't want to date him, but don't want him dating anyone else either; or you have feelings for him and are feeling jealous and upset about him dating another girl. And given that you're probably the least selfish person I know, I'm going to guess it's the latter."

Emily looked at her friend and processed what Mary had just said for several moments, before sighing and looking down, sitting opposite Mary on her bed.

"Look, I don't know how I feel, okay? It's… confusing." Emily stated. Mary chuckled.

"I'm sure. Extremely sweet, respectful, attractive guy who's super into you… I can see what's so confusing for you." Mary remarked sarcastically. Emily rolled her eyes.

"Miguel isn't the problem. It's just… I'm confused about my own feelings about him. It's all very new to me. So…"

"So… what?" Mary asked.

"So… help me! You're like the therapist of the group! Everyone comes to you and you sort out their problems so please, please do the same for me! Do I ask him out? Do I not? Help me!"

"You want my advice?" Mary asked, slightly surprised.

"Please." Emily begged. Mary thought for a while and then nodded.

"Okay, here's my advice." Mary said. "I think if you're this unsure about your feelings about Miguel, you need to back off and not say anything."

Emily's eyes widened.

"You… you do?" She stammered. Mary sighed and nodded.

"Look, what you don't know, when you rejected Miguel, it scarred him. Badly. He had never had feelings for a girl like he did for you, and for the first time he ever did be the only time a girl's rejected him… it stung. He's been hurting, hung up on you ever since. But now if he's going on a date with Sam, it means he's moved on enough to be over you. If you don't know how you feel about him, you have no right to do anything really, because anything you do wouldn't be helping the two of you get together, but would just be sabotaging his relationship with Sam and that's not right. So yeah, my opinion, just stay away from him and Sam."

Emily took in what Mary told her and she nodded, slightly crestfallen. She knew that Mary was right, but deep down it wasn't the answer she had wanted to hear.

"But…" Mary continued, seeing the disappointed look on Emily's face and looking at her friend curiously. "If you are for certain that you are in love with him, I think you should go for it."

"Really?" Emily asked. Mary nodded.

"Hell yeah! Miguel's a great guy. You're a great girl. You two have so much in common. You're already great friends. You'd be perfect for each other. If you genuinely like him and want to be with him, you need to tell him before he goes on his date with Sam and you lose him. But if you don't, you need to let him be with her. So which is it?"

Emily thought for a long time. Which one was it? She couldn't deny that she had feelings for Miguel anymore. But on one hand, if something happened and they broke up badly, things would be so complicated and messy between them and she would probably lose one of her closest friends forever. However, on the other hand, if they didn't break up… if they didn't break up, they had the potential to be something so great Emily couldn't even imagine. It wasn't much of a choice in the end. She loved Miguel, and the potential reward definitely outweighed the risks. She was gonna do it, she decided. She was going to tell Miguel how she felt…

Emily drove over to Miguel's compound, extremely nervous. She could feel her palms sweaty and trembling against her steering wheel. This was the first time she had ever done anything like this so she was terrified. What would Miguel say? Would he reject her? Would he slam the door in her face? All of the worst case scenarios ran through Emily's head and so many times did she very nearly turn her car around and drive home. However, she gathered the courage to continue making her way over to Miguel's house and 15 minutes later, she did so. However, just as she was about to turn into the compound, she saw something that made her brake abruptly. She saw a fancy silver car parked in front of Miguel's house, and saw Sam and Miguel getting inside…

Her heart dropped. They were already going on her date. She was too late…

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So Miguel and Sam went on their date, and Miguel decided to take her to the place where everything began: Golf-n-stuff. They decided to recreate their first date and hit all of the spots they went to the last time they went to Golf-n-stuff. They went to the mini golf, they went to the arcade, they went to the air-hockey machine, they went to the ferris wheel, before sitting down at the bench they had kissed on over a year ago. It was a lot of fun. Things were easy. They spent the whole time chatting and just enjoying each other's company. Miguel was also really happy he went on the date, but not for the obvious reason. He was really happy because he had gained clearly on the fact that…

"This isn't going to work, is it?" Sam asked. Miguel was dragged out of his train of thoughts and forced himself to focus on her.

"I'm sorry, what?" Miguel stammered.

"You heard me. You've been distracted all night and I think I know why. This isn't going to work, is it?" Sam repeated. Miguel looked into Sam's ocean-blue eyes but as he did, he didn't see Sam. All he saw was Emily, and his mind was stuck on her and when he had come on a first date with her here. All night, everywhere Miguel went, he thought of her. Whenever he started to have fun on the date, he internally cursed himself because he felt like he was cheating on Emily. He realised that the date tonight hadn't helped him move on. If anything, it had done the opposite… it had only emphasised to himself how deep his feelings for Emily were.

"Look, Sam, I am really, really, really sorry." Miguel murmured. "I shouldn't have asked you out."

Sam, rather than flipping out, was extremely calm, taking Miguel's hands and holding them in her own.

"Miguel, listen to me because I'm only going to say this once." She snapped, her voice starting to tremble with rage. She couldn't believe that she had let herself think that Miguel had feelings for her again. She couldn't believe that she had bought it when he had led her on and asked her out. "You're driving yourself crazy. How long have you been hung up on Emily, despite the fact that numerous times, she's made it very clear that she isn't interested in dating you? It's been more than a month! More than a month and you're still killing yourself over it. That's crazy! That's more than crazy! I don't think there's even a word for what that is!"

"Actually, there is a word for that. It's love." Miguel replied simply. "I'm in love with her. If you're looking for the word that means caring about someone beyond all rationality, and wanting them to have everything they want, no matter how much it destroys you, it's love!"

Sam looked down after Miguel's outburst, refusing to look him in the eye. Miguel even saw a tear splash down onto Sam's lap and he winced. This was going horribly. He hadn't meant to hurt her at all.

"And when you love someone…" Miguel continued, a lot softer now. "You just… you don't stop. Ever. Even when people roll their eyes or call you crazy. Even then. Especially then! You just… you don't give up! I would open a vein in my arm if I thought it would make her happy! If I could give up… if I could just, you know, take the whole world's advice and move on and find someone else, that wouldn't be love. That would be some other disposable thing that's not worth fighting for."

"So that's all I was to you, huh? Our whole relationship… a disposable thing that's not worth fighting for?!" Sam cried, her voice rising louder and louder in fury. Miguel internally cursed himself once again for letting his emotions cloud his choice of words. Sam started to leap to her feet, ready to storm away, but Miguel caught her hands and held them.

"Come on, Sam. You know you're more than that. Our relationship… it meant so, so much to me. You can't even imagine how much it meant to me. You're so kind. You're pretty. You're loving. You've got more patience than anyone else I know."

"I'm just not her…" Sam murmured, a lot quieter now. Miguel looked at her and saw the pure, unbridled hurt in her eyes and he felt a clenching guilt in his stomach.

"Look, Sam, I am so, so sorry. I shouldn't have asked you out tonight because quite frankly, I don't deserve you. You deserve someone who loves you as much as I love Emily. Someone who loves you so much you never leave their thoughts. Someone who would do anything in the world if it meant putting a smile on your face. Someone who makes you can't wait to wake up every morning because you get to see them that day. You deserve that, Sam. You deserve the world."

Sam nodded and looked down, her anger towards Miguel mostly faded. She leaned her head against his shoulder and he put his arm around her shoulders, the two just sitting side by side in comfortable silence and staring up at the night sky. They stayed like this, silent and motionless, for a long while, before Sam eventually broke the silence.

"What's it like?" She asked quietly. Miguel turned to her and furrowed his eyebrows, confused.

"Pardon?" He murmured.

"What's it like, loving someone that much? How do you love someone more and more until you get to where you are with Emily?" She asked. Miguel sighed and smiled faintly.

"Well, I'll tell you this. It isn't something that develops over time." He said. "It is something that happens instantaneously. It courses through you like the water of a river after a storm, filling you and emptying you all at once. You feel it throughout your body. In your hands. In your heart. In your stomach. In your skin. In your soul. And the best part… everyone finds it some day. You just don't know when, and where."

After Miguel was done talking, his eyes wistful, staring out into the distance as he thought about Emily, Sam saw the look in his eyes and she couldn't help but smile. Despite everything, she did care about Miguel, even if it wasn't romantically anymore. He had been through so much, struggled so much, and he deserved the world.

"Miguel…" She murmured, taking his hands again in hers. "I really hope you get her someday…"