Disclaimer : I don't own either one of these songs or the Outsiders.
Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come.
T'is grace that brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.
John Newton "Amazing Grace"
There the rainstorm came over me
And I felt my spirit - break
I had lost, all of my belief , you see
And realized my mistake
But time threw a prayer to me
And all around me - became still
Seal "Love's Divine"
The moon was full and bright, but ominous clouds were starting to roll across the sky. Dally was hoarse from coughing up the water in his lungs and he was cold. Freezing cold. But he was grateful that the cold had numbed the pain of the gun shot wound in his shoulder. When he was finally able to get a gasp of air between coughs, he opened his eyes and he could faintly make out a figure sitting on the gound in front of him.
"Johnny?" He was surprised at the weakness of his own voice.
"Nope," said a vauguely familiar voice.
Dally's vision cleared and he was startled to see an older, bedraggled looking man with graying hair and a slight beard. Dally squinted. It couldn't be... but it was! It was Joe, the bum he'd met on the train the first time he'd come to Virginia.
"What are you doing here?" Dally asked, dumbfounded.
"This is where I got off the train. Same as you." Joe looked down at him and gave him a smile. "Does that friend that you were checking up on live in the river?"
Dally just stared at him in disbelief. He was too exhausted and too surprised to say anything.
"Or did you forget that guardian angels fly, they don't swim!" Joe said with a chuckle.
"Why do you keep saying that? Do I look like an angel to you? " Dally growled in annoyance, then started coughing again, the short utterance being far too much effort for his lungs.
Joe laughed.
"Where... where's Johnny?" Dally asked as the events of the evening suddenly began to replay themselves in his mind.
Joe just looked at him.
Dally forced himself up. He'd been in bar fights, rumbles, and he'd had hangovers he thought he'd never recover from. But he had never felt as bad as he did right then. He hurt everywhere. And he figured if he ever warmed up, he'd hurt even more. He started walking away from Joe, then he paused. "Did you see Johnny? He was in the river... I don't know if he was... conscious," Dally said shakily, looking over his shoulder at the old man.
Joe shook his head.
Dally closed his eyes and took a breath.
"Sounds like you got some prayin' to do, son."
Dally glared at Joe. He started to say something, but then he just shook his head and turned away. He didn't have time for this. "...gotta find him," Dally said weakly and hurried off.
"You just remember what I told you..." Joe called after him.
Dally kept walking. But at the same time, he thought about what Joe had told him on the train... that God had everything in his hands... did that moron have any idea what he'd just been through? After a minute, he turned around to look at Joe, thinking that maybe he'd give him a piece of his mind after all, tell him how crazy he thought he was. But Joe was gone.
"Probably imagined him in the first place," Dally mumbled, rubbing his eyes. He was definitely out of it. Probably out of it enough to imagine an old man sitting on the banks of the river. But then again, Dally thought, who pulled me out?
He shook the thoughts from his head and kept walking, all the while calling for Johnny. Calling and searching, but there was no sign of him. He's gone, Dally thought miserably.
But maybe not, a little voice inside kept saying. Maybe not. That voice kept his feet moving, kept him from dropping to the ground and just laying there till he died. It was the little voice of hope, but it was getting quieter and quieter.
He walked for a long time and every step took him deeper into the realization that Johnny might be gone for good. Johnny might be dead. When Johnny had left for Virginia, Dally had been devastated. But this... this was unbearable. Johnny couldn't be dead, he couldn't be! The gang had always said things to Johnny like "We couldn't get along without you," and now Dally realized how true that actually was. What had he done? He had let Johnny come out here. He had kept a terrible secret from him. Oh, no... Dally began to think. This is my fault. I did this.
He was starting to lose control. This was something he just couldn't handle. He had started running without even realizing it, not knowing where he was going or why he was running, but he ran until his legs gave out and he collapsed on a sidewalk in the middle of a town. Where was he? He didn't recognize anything. But when he looked up, he almost laughed.
He was lying at the bottom of the stairs of a church. Looking up at the steeple, it all came rushing back to him: the preacher talking in the church in Tulsa while Dally waited outside the open window, Joe on the train telling him that it didn't matter if he believed in God or not because God believed in him, all his arguements with Grandma Cade and her last words of wisdom when he'd asked her where God was now-"He's waiting for you to ask for help," she'd said.
"Fine," Dally said suddenly out loud. "Fine!" he yelled, standing up ignoring the searing pain in his body. "Is this what you want from me? You want me to admit that I need help? Well I need your damn help! There! And now you're just going to do nothing, like you always do!" He knew when he started yelling that what he'd said to Joe wasn't true. He did believe in God. He just wasn't sure if he liked God all that much. In Dally's eyes, God played favorites. The rich got the lucky breaks and the greasers were left to fend for themselves. Why would now be any different?
He realized that he looked like a raving lunatic, but there was no one around to see him, it was too late at night. And he really didn't care at this point if there was anyone watching.
He also realized his sanity was slowly slpping away due to a combination of exhaustion, cold, pain and intense fear. He dropped down to the sidewalk again. He laid his head on the cold concrete, his vision blurred again and his voice became a whisper. "Please don't let Johnny be dead... please...I can't do this. I can't..."
A clap of thunder made him open his eyes. The rain started soft and gentle at first and slowly grew more intense, until Dally was actually kneeling in a puddle. As usual, Dally thought, this is how God helps.
But when the lightning flashed again, he caught sight of the street sign on the corner. Goshen Street...He knew where he was! He was around the corner from Matt's clinic! He knew how to get back to the house from here! He looked back at the church for a moment, a little surprised, and then he got up. And he started running. He ran as fast as the pain would let him. His lungs burned and he kept coughing but he didn't slow down until he reached the porch steps.
He began to climb and he collapsed again when he reached the top, making a loud bang as he fell against the metal of the screen door. The front door flew open and Wendy gasped.
"Dally? Oh, Dally! Where were you?"
Dally tried to shift his weight so she was able to open the screen door, but he just couldn't stand.
Wendy carefully pushed her way out and got down beside Dally, putting her arms around him. She was trembling and she'd been crying. Her voice still quivered.
"Where have you been?" she asked surpressing a sob. "Tom and Matt are out looking for you, and the police... we were all so afraid!" she pulled back and took Dally's face in her hands.
Dally was too weak to protest. Why were they worried about him? Why weren't they out looking for Johnny? He just gazed at her with haunted eyes, afraid to ask... afraid to know.
"Oh, my goodness... Oh, Dally, you're bleeding-" All the color drained from her face.
Dally realized he must have been a sight.
"Dally come inside honey, we have to call the doctor-" she started to try to help him up.
"No-" Dally tried to push her away. He wasn't going anywhere until he knew what had happened to Johnny.
Wendy just started to cry again. She looked so devastated, so torn apart... that had to mean something terrible had happened.
She pleaded with him to try to stand and started calling for Will. Grandma Cade appeared in the doorway and came out to the porch too.
Dally swallowed hard and closed his eyes. He had to know.
"Did... did you find him?" he was surprised to hear his voice break. He was afraid to hear the answer.