So You're Leaving

by Scarlett7

Complete! Johnny has escaped his life in Tulsa only to find more trouble as a family secret is unveiled. Can Dally protect him as the pieces of his past spiral out of control?

46. Never Alone

Thanks to all the reviewers again... a few more chapters to go! Hope you are all enjoying this. I appreciate feedback of any kind.

I do not own The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton, or "Only a Dream" by Mary Chapin Carpenter, or "I Love You This Much" by Jimmy Wayne.

"I'd crawl in your bed when the lightning flashed
And I'd still be there when the storm had passed
Dead to the world till the morning cast
Its light all around your room."
Only a Dream - Mary Chapin Carpenter

The moment Dally finished his breakfast, Matt appeared at the front door with a very excited Coal.

"Hey!" Matt grinned widely and came over and slapped Dally on the back. "Am I glad to see you! You gave us quite a scare!"

Dally shook his head and waved Matt off . "I been hurt worse."

Matt rolled his eyes. His expression grew serious. "How's Johnny?"

Dally shrugged. "He's alive. He'll be all right. He's still sleeping right now." He reached down and patted Coal's head. "You are one amazing dog... Johnny'll be real happy to see you."

Matt handed the leash of to Dally. "All right, well, you tell him I said hi and I'll be by again later today if he's feeling up to hanging out. I'll be at the clinic if you need anything."

Dally headed upstairs with Coal who was pulling and bucking at the leash like a wild horse. When they got to the door of the room Johnny was in, Coal went completely crazy and started to try to dig his way under the door.

Dally laughed a little. He kept a tight hold on the leash as he entered the room.

"Johnnycake? You feel up to having a visitor?"

Johnny stirred slightly, then rubbed his eyes and sat up.

The temptation to turn the squirming dog loose and watch him tackle Johnny was hard to resist, but Dally didn't think Johnny was quite healthy enough to handle that.

So he lead Coal over to the bed and let him jump up, but he held on to him. Or at least tried to hold on to him. Once up on the bed, the dog was all over Johnny, licking him, biting his arm, rolling in his lap. And then he went for Dally as if to thank him for bringing him back to Johnny.

Dally tried to fend him off, but that dog was getting big. "Aackk! All right! That's enough!" he said as Coal finally backed off a bit and started to settle down.

That whole fiasco got a little smile out of Johnny, but only for a second.

Dally wiped his face off with his sleeve and sat up at the foot of the bed.

His expression got serious as he looked at Johnny. "You feeling a little better kid?'

"Some," Johnny replied quietly. There was no mistaking the fact that the emotional toll this whole thing had taken on Johnny was far worse than the physical.

Dally felt his forehead. "You still feel kinda hot... You feel up for hearing all the details about this mess?" Dally didn't beat around the bush. True to his word, he was ready to tell Johnny everything he knew.

Johnny sat back against the pillow and nodded, looking terribly sad. Coal put his head in Johnny's lap.

And Dally started from the beginning. Johnny kind of just sat there expressionless, taking it all in. He didn't ask any questions, he didn't offer any responses.

When Dally was finished, he asked Johnny if he wanted to get up and have something to eat. He just shook his head and said he was going to go back to sleep.

Over the course of the next couple of days, Johnny did a lot of sleeping. And a lot of just staring sadly out the window. He didn't go to school, he hardly ate, and he said very little to anyone. He would NOT talk to Will. Dally tried to give him his space, but it drove him crazy that there was simply nothing he could do to help him.

Johnny went back to sleeping in his own room the next night after the death of his parents. But he would wake up in the middle of the night, not screaming like Ponyboy did, but gasping for air and crying. Dally heard him the first night and came across the hall and sat with him until he went back to sleep. The second night, there was another thunder storm. Dally woke up around 2 a.m. because a certain black dog was in his bed licking his face. Knowing there was only one reason that Coal would be in his room, he looked down and saw Johnny asleep on the floor beside his bed.

He pushed Coal aside and tapped Johnny on the shoulder.

"Hey,"

Johnny looked up groggily.

Dally moved over. "Come on, get off the floor."

Wordlessly, Johnny crawled into the bed beside Dally and layed down and closed his eyes.

Coal nuzzled in between them.

"Dreamin' again?" Dally asked.

Johnny nodded without opening his eyes.

Dally sighed. He didn't like that Johnny wasn't talking much. He was so much like he was before. "You're gonna be ok, kid."

No response.

"Johnny? Hey, look at me."

Johnny reluctantly opened his eyes.

"You can wake me up if you need to, you know." Dally said.

There was a pause. Johnny just looked guilty. "I... I don't mean to keep you up."

"Hey," Dally said sternly, propping himself up on his elbow. "You need somethin' you wake me up, you got it? I don't care if it's every night, I don't care if it's 2 in the mornin'!"

Johnny looked gratefully at him, but the lost, frightened look was stll in his eyes.

"What are you dreaming about?" Dally said, flopping back onto the pillow again.

Johnny was quiet for a long while. "The water..." he said finally. "I'm in the water, and... he's holding me down. And I can't breath..."

Dally listened with concern. "He ain't gonna hurt you anymore, kid." he reached over Coal and touched Johnny's arm.

Johnny purposely left out the part of his dream where he watched his Robert shoot Dally over and over. He left out that he came into Dally's room just to make sure he was still alive.

But he did tell Dally about the others in his dream. "And I dream that they're all there... Will, Wendy... everybody. They're just standing there watching." There was the slightest hint of anger in his voice.

"Johnny, you know it ain't like that... They never wanted any of this to happen. You shouldn't be upset with them."

But Johnny had closed his eyes again. He was through talking.

Dally lay awake long after Johnny had fallen asleep. He wished more than ever that Darry was there.

Darry... the gang... Dally groaned. No one had told them what had happened. Dally had thought about calling several times, but at first, he just didn't want to talk about it. He would put it off and then there had just been so much going on that distracted him. On top of just keeping an eye on Johnny, there had been a lot of police officers stopping by the house asking questions and taking statements. Dally had put up a fight when they wanted to question Johnny, but Tom finally calmed him down. Dally had allowed it under the condition that he could be in the room, too. Dally knew how jumpy the kid got around the fuzz. But strangely enough, Johnny didn't seem to care. Which Dally found far more disturbing than him being afraid.

And Dally had also been preoccuied with trying (rather unsucessfully) to help with the repair of the barn that Robert had tried to burn down. Every time he went out to help, Tom and Will would send him back inside, telling him he was in no condition to be working. Then once he got inside, Wendy or Grandma Cade would scold him for sneaking out.

Making sure Johnny was still alseep, Dally got up and went downsatirs. He knew it didn't matter what time it was. This couldn't be put off any longer and he needed help. Johnny was going down a bad road and Dally didn't know what to do.

He dialed the phone. He got Two-Bit and had a hard time getting rid of him to talk to Darry.

"C'mon, Two-Bit, put Darry on."

"Why? You don't want to talk to me? Am I losing my sense of humor? I'm no fun to talk to anymore? Hey, I heard you took Buck's T-bird! That was slick! You shoulda seen him. Man I ain't seen him so wound up since-"

"TWO-BIT!"

"Darry's sleeping."

Dally felt guilty about that for a minute, but he knew Darry would understand. "Just get him, all right?" Dally growled.

"You want me to wake him up? Boy you can rile up a whole town and not even be here! He'll be as mad as Buck-"

"Two-Bit, please! Put Darry on the phone." Dally said, no longer able to keep the desperation out of his voice.

There was a brief silence on the other end. "...You ok, Dal?" Two-Bit's voice lost all traces of humor.

"No... I need you to get Darry."

There was the sound of the phone dropping and Two-Bit yelling for Darry to get up. Then there were foot steps and Two-Bit's frantic voice in the background. "...think something's wrong, he said 'please'... I think he's sick or somethin'-"

"Hello?"

"Darry?"

"Yeah, what's up Dal?"

"Darry, I... I..."

"Dally? Dally what's wrong? Where are you?" Darry's voice was suddenly wide awake and full of fear.

Dally spilled the story.

"Glory, Dallas! Are you two all right?"

"Yeah," Dally was surprised to hear how shaky his voice sounded. "I'm fine, but Johnny..."

"Dally, my gosh, is Johnny all right?"

Dally could hear other voices in the background. He didn't know who else was there, but there was a frantic and sudden fight over the phone, during which time he heard Two-Bit again and probably Soda, but he wasn't sure.

"Back off!" Darry yelled, meaning business. "Dal? Is Johnny ok?"

"I... I don't know... he ain't takin' this too well. He wakes up dreamin' every night and he's just like before, only worse... he's got that look in his eyes... you know? And I just don't know what to do, man." Dally realized that his voice was breaking, but he didn't care.

"All right," Darry's voice was strong and sure and it brought Dally some relief. But deep down he knew that Darry was scared too. He was hiding it the way Dally did when he talked to Johnny. "It's gonna be ok, Dal. Johnny's gonna be just fine-"

"Look, man, you don't know, you haven't seen him-"

"Dally, he's going through a rough time right now, but he'll be all right," Darry swallowed hard and kept his voice as steady as possible. He didn't have to think too hard to remember how he had felt being responsible for Soda and Pony after their parents had been killed. Aside from the grief he had to deal with, he just couldn't help thinking he was doing everything wrong. He knew Dally wasn't dealing with any grief, but from the tone of his voice, Darry was pretty sure he was having feelings of self doubt and probably feeling responsible for Johnny. "You're doin' just fine," he said finally.

"I ain't doin' anything! I don't know what to do! That's the problem-"

That was it. "You just have to be there, Dal. Stay with him, keep talking to him, let him be sad for a while. He's greiveing. I know it's hard to understand, you know, 'cause of how things were, but I think that's what he's doing."

"Greiving? Over those two worthless-"

"Dally, they were his parents."

"But-"

"He needs to just go through this. If it goes too far, you'll know. Right now, I don't think what he's going through is anything unusual."

"But what about the dreams? Ponyboy's still having dreams, isn't he?"

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean Johnny will go through the same thing."

"He wants to go home... I can't take him home, Darry!"

"No, you can't. Not now."

Dally didn't respond, he just laid his head on the kitchen table tiredly.

"Dally, it's gonna be all right..."

More silence.

"Do you need me to...try to come out there?"

Dally knew if he said yes, Darry would find a way to come. Part of him wanted to say yes. But he couldn't ask Darry to do that. He would have to handle this himself. "No. No, we're fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," Dally said with conviction.

"All right. For what it's worth, I think you are fine. You haven't done anything wrong, Dal. You're takin' good care of him."

More silence.

"Buck is really mad." Darry said trying to offer some lightheartedness into an otherwise hopelessly bleak situation.

But Dally was in no mood. "Yeah, well you can tell Buck what to go do with himself. I wasn't figurin' I'd be here this long."

The two boys were quiet for a while.

"All right," Dally said finally, "I gotta go get some sleep."

"Dally, you keep us posted, all right?"

"Yeah."

"You call us anytime, day or night, you understand?"

"Yeah."

"And Dally... you're doing just fine. It's a really good thing that you're there. Johnny really needs you right now. Just keep an eye on him. If things are getting too serious or if there's something that you can do to help him, you'll know, but right now you just need to stick around and let him know you're there. You're doing fine."

"...ok."

"Oh, for crying out loud... Dally, can you talk to Two-Bit for a minute?"

Dally shook his head and smiled a little. He could hear Two-Bit and now he was sure Soda, pestering Darry to give them the phone.

"Yeah, put him on."

"Dally? What the hell is goin' on? Whatsa matter with Johnny-" Two-Bit sounded paniced.

"Are you ok? Dal- hey!" Soda cut in, appearently having taken the phone from Two-Bit.

"C'mon! Just let me ask him somethin'! Ow!" So Steve was there too.

"Gimme the phone, man! You can talk after! I had it first!"

Dally shook his head and surpressed a grin. He really missed the guys. "We're fine, Two-Bit." Dally said when he was sure Two-Bit was back on the other line.

"But Darry said-"

"Some shit happened... it was pretty bad. But Johnny's gonna be ok. Darry'll fill you in."

Soda, Steve and Two-Bit got in another tiff over the phone and Dally actually had to hold the reciever away from his ear. Darry finally got the phone away from them and sent them to the living room.

Faintly in the background, Dally heard Ponyboy's tired voice, "What the hell's goin' on you guys?"

And then Two-Bit, who sounded close to tears, "Somethin's wrong with Johnny!"

"Two-Bit!" Darry yelled.

Dally let out a laugh, finally. "Sorry, man."

"Yeah, yeah... " Darry groaned. "Get some sleep Dal. We'll give you a call tomorrow. Tell Johnny we miss him. And that we're all real sorry."

"Will do, man. Thanks."

They hung up and Dally just stood in the kitchen for a while. He felt a little guilty for having upset everyone, but hearing all the voices had made him feel better. Then he went up to bed.

The day of the funeral came quickly. Wendy had bought suits for both Dally and Johnny and both refused to wear them. Johnny because he was still angry and Dally because he hated suits. But Dally did try to make himself somewhat presentable by wearing the dress shirt under his leather jacket. He would do that much for Wendy. But not Johnny. He came out wearing his old jeans jacket and his old sneakers. Dally was sure that, had he been able to find some, he would also be wearing hair grease.

No one spoke in the car on the way to the church. Matt, Will and Grandma Cade rode together and Johnny and Dally rode with Tom and Wendy. No one said a word about Johnny's choice of clothing.

Dally was surprised when they pulled in the parking lot to see a fairly large crowd filing into the church. Once inside, he looked around at all the people and wondered if they were all actually there to mourn the deceased or if they were friends of the family.

Johnny wasn't saying much, but he was sticking right beside Dally. Dally glanced over at him and noticed his expression. It was a mixture of stunned nervousness and depression. He was looking at the coffins.

Dally leaned down and asked quietly, "You ok, kiddo?"

Johnny looked up at him nodded somewhat reluctantly.

"You wanna go outside or something and get some air, you just let me know."

Johnny didn't answer.

"You recognize any of these people?"

"Maybe one or two," Johnny replied softly.

After a few moments, a couple approached the boys. The man reached out and shook Johnny's hand.

"Hello, Johnny," he said. "We're very sorry for your loss."

It sounded forced, like the man didn't want to be talking to him. Dally couldn't quite read him, but something was up with this guy.

"We're so sorry Johnny," the woman said, reaching out and touching Johnny's arm. She seemed far more genuine.

Johnny just nodded and looked very uncomfortable.

"Ah... Caroline couldn't make it," the man said clearing his throat. "She wasn't feeling well."

Johnny nodded again and looked at the floor.

Liar! Dally thought. Caroline's parents. That's who they were.

The man glanced at Dally and gave him a nod, then he put his arm around his wife and solemnly lead her to their seats.

Dally watched them walking away and suddenly realized that this series of events would have much more far reaching effects on Johnny's life than he had initially realized.

Johnny had sat down on one of the church pews and was staring sadly at his shoes. Dally put a hand on his shoulder and sat down beside him.

Wendy came over then and got down beside Johnny. She put her hand on his arm.

"You doing ok, sweetheart?" she asked softly.

Dally watched her. He could see the pain she was hiding. He could tell she was putting forth some effort to keep herself together and she was doing a good job. Her black dress was pressed and perfect, not a hair was out of place. Her pearl necklace and her black pillbox hat made her look as stately as anyone Dally had ever seen outside of on television ..she looked absoloutely beautiful. Her concern for her "two boys" as she'd started calling them was helping her to ignore her own sorrow.

Johnny glanced at her and nodded. He was still hiding in his shell, but Dally noticed that he seemed to be responding to her a little more now.

Will was going to be the problem. Johnny wouldn't so much as look at him.

Wendy reached over and patted Dally's arm before taking a seat.

The sermon was brief and there were no speakers besides the minister. He told a few sugar-coated tales about Maria and Robert Cade, but offered no details about the lives that Dally knew.

Dally would have loved to have had the chance to say his piece. Wouldn't they all just pass out cold if I got up there and told them all what those two were really like? Dally wondered. Some of them knew what they were like, but the ones that didn't would have been in for an earfull.

But Dally kept quiet. He remembered then a young Johnny Cade on the steps of his parents home in Tulsa waiting for his father to come home. Dally had been near by and had seen Robert Cade pull up in his beat up old car. He got out and walked up the steps, right past Johnny without so much as a glance, as though he didn't even exist. Dally remembered the sick feeling he got as he watched Johnny's expression change from one of hopeful excitement to disheartened lonliness. That had been in the beginning, when Dally barely knew Johnny. And the more he got to know Johnny, the more he realized that things were far worse than a neglectful parent.

He remembered the day they saw Johnny limping across the lot towards the Curtis house. Dally was still somewhat new to the gang, but he had already developed a bit of a protectiveness for Johnny.

He had run up to him and demanded to know who had hurt him so badly. He had cursed the socs and the neighboring gangs and swore he'd find the bastards that had done that to him. It was Darry who had pulled him aside while Soda helped Johnny up the steps of their porch. Darry was the one who told him that it was Johnny's father. Dally remembered the anger he had felt. Because he knew there was nothing he could do.

Dally closed his eyes breifly, trying to force the images from his mind.

And Johnny too remembered how things had been in Tulsa. Why? He kept asking himself. Why...He was feeling so numb inside right now. And he was glad for that, because it kept him from crying.

He knew in his head that Wendy and Grandma and Tom... and as much as he hated to admit it, even Will had never meant for things to come to this. But it would be a while before he knew it in his heart.

Dally felt the anger brewing in him again. He could see Johnny out of the corner of his eye, he could sense his saddness. And all around him, the Cade family sat, all full of sorrow and pain. And there had always been pain for Johnny and for Dally too. The streets of Tulsa had been a lonly place-

"...'I will be a Father to you and you will be my sons and daughters', says the Lord Almighty." the minister's voice quoting scripture cut into Dally's thoughts. "I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you.' John 14:18"

What? Dally thought incredulously. Not leave you orphans? Bull! How can this guy read a line like that here? He almost couldn't stop himself from shooting his mouth off right then and there. Orphans! What did this guy know? Johnny had been an orphan long before the death of his parents. So had Dally himself, for that matter.

The minister kept reading and Dally continued to feel anger until something the minister said stopped his thoughts cold. "Then you will call, and the Lord will answer: you will cry for help, and He will say: 'Here I am.' Isaiah 58:9"

Here I am. The words seemed to echo in Dally's mind.

And there came a moment then where something inside Dally froze. It was a moment during which he could not say for sure, but he would always wonder if God had spoken somehow, someway, directly to him. He had a jolting and sudden memory of lying in the rain, on the pavement, crying... thinking that Johnny was gone. Begging God not to let Johnny be dead. He remembered the lightning and running home. He remembered how he had felt when he saw Johnny lying in his bed asleep, safe and sound. He thought of the gang, how glad he was that when he called them, he didn't have to tell them that they'd lost Johnny. Because they were his family. They had always been his family. He had always thought of himself a loner, a vagrant...unwanted and unloved but that had never been true at all. He'd never been truly alone. He didn't have his parents, but he'd never been alone.

He sat there in stunned silence for a moment. It was something he supposed he had always known, but never processed until now. And then he looked behind him. There was Will and Matt. And beside him was Wendy and Tom and Grandma Cade... more family. Johnny's family. He glanced briefly to his left. Johnny sat, with his head down, his black hair trimmed neatly in the back and no longer hanging over his eyes. Dally watched him with renewed solace. He was going through a lot of pain, but he was alive. And Dally knew he would be ok.

Johnny sensed Dally looking at him and met his gaze for a moment. In that brief glance, in those sad and soulful black eyes, Dally saw a trace of that ernest admiration that Johnny's eyes always held when he looked at Dally... something Dally had become so accustomed to seeing that he had sort of forgotten about it. But with the realization that it was still there, and had always been, he found a sense of peace. He had never been alone. They had never been alone.

He can remember the times that he thought,
'Does my daddy love me? Probably not.'
But that didn't stop him from wishing that he did.
Didn't stop him from wanting or worshiping him.

He guesses he saw him about once a year,
He can still feel the way he felt standing in tears,
Stretching his arms out as far as they'd go,
Whispering Daddy, I want you to know,

I love you this much
And I'm waiting on you
To make up your mind,
Do you love me too?
No matter what it takes
I'm never giving up,
No matter what, I love you this much.

He grew to hate him for what he had done
'Cause what kind of father, could do that to his son
He said 'damn you daddy', the day that he died
The man didn't blink, but the little boy cried

I love you this much and I'm waiting on you
To make up your mind, do you love me to?
However long it takes
I'm never giving up
No matter what, I love you this much

Half way through the service
While the choir sang a hymn
He looked up above the preacher
And he sat and stared at him

He said "Forgive me Father"
When he realized
That he hadn't been unloved or alone all his life
His arms were stretched out as far as they'd go
Nailed to the cross, for the whole world to know

I love you this much and I'm waiting on you
To make up your mind, do you love me to?
However long it takes
I'm never giving up
No matter what, I love you this much