Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot, and any OC's you don't recognize.
A/N: -blows dust off fic- Wow! Can we say H-I-A-T-U-S? And not just from the folks at GG, but more importantly (yeah, right :P) from moi! This fic has been gathering dust so long that it's become AU! Well, anyways, based off the first few chapters you can probably tell where it turns AU- after But I'm a Gilmore! And from there we assume that the fight at the Huntzburger dinner caused Rory to decide she couldn't handle being Logan's girlfriend anymore than his casual gal. So the stuff with Mitchum didn't happen, there is no Lane/Zach (but I might change that, I kinda like them together), no April (let me know if you want me to add her or not, I know there is plenty of anti-April sentiment right now) and saddest of all, no Paul Anka. Ah well, I can always add him later…
Now, onward Knights of the Diner Table!
A brief recap…
"Okay. We get a replacement."
"A replacement?"
"Yeah, someone who I trust, who you trust, who knows what I'd want willing to stand in and go try samples of wedding cake or hire a limo driver with you."
To be truthful, it wasn't a bad idea. Rory should have known he'd think of something brilliant. "Okay…Have you got someone in mind?"
"Yes. Actually, I was kind of thinking that Logan should do it."
Chapter Four: Grade-A Okay
Rory sat up, holding her phone against her ear. She took a moment to breathe and griped the arm of the couch tightly. Then, after carefully choosing her calm, rational words spoke into the cell phone at a calm, rational volume.
"What? Am I going deaf or are you going crazy? Because I think I just heard you say Logan's name. Tell me I'm going deaf, Colin, please, because out of the three options we've got here- you suggesting Logan seriously, me losing the ability to hear, and my groom in need of psychiatric help, I'm rooting for number two."
"Rory…"
"Uh, no go on the hearing impairment for me. I just heard my name, so I guess that means you're losing your mind." She stood up, starting to pace and tug at the long sleeves of her nightshirt. "Well, this sucks. So close to the wedding, but I'd be willing to wait for you! Yes, I'll stay true until they release my poor, delusional Colin from the loony bin. Or we could get a hospital wedding- like a prison wedding? Do they do that? Tell you what, give me a minute and I'll check search results at yahoo-"
"Rory! Relax, breathe, close the search box on your computer… this is not that big of a deal. Logan's fine with the situation, I'm fine with the situation, and I thought that you were fine with it too, but I guess if you aren't okay, then we could get Finn or Robert to stand in."
Rory blanched. She was totally over the awkwardness of this I-used-to-sleep-with-your-friend-now-I'm-with-you thing. There had to be another reason warning bells were going off in her head, though. She couldn't determine what exactly was causing her to be so against the idea at this very moment, but she was under stress- it was a biological thing, right? So after telling Colin how fine she was, she could just… Make something up. Then find the real reason when thinking time wasn't wasting minutes on her cell phone.
"Not okay? What do you mean I'm not okay? Of course I am! I'm peachy keen, one hundred percent grade-A."
"As okay as a dozen eggs?"
"Definitely. Grade-A eggs are as okay as eggs come, right?" She paused, stopped pacing and sighed. "I just think it wouldn't work very well. Logan and I… we probably have conflicting schedules, that's all. Besides, isn't it some sort of wedding superstition? I'm pretty sure having your former love interest help plan the wedding is a bit higher on the bad luck list than seeing the bride in the wedding dress before the wedding."
"Look, Rory, I really think that going with Logan would be the best idea here. Finn would be great fun as a stand in, but do you really think we can trust him not to hit on every female dress maker, every caterer, every redhead involved in the planning process? What if he starts on a naked phase? And we'll probably spend more on supplying him with regular doses of alcohol while planning than on the actual wedding."
"Alright, I agree that Finn is not a good choice. Now, list your reasons against Robert, because I'm sure you've got some, I feel like you anticipated this."
Colin chuckled a little. "Well what can I say? I was Madame Duvall in a former life, fortune teller, palm reader, interpreter of the future."
"Or maybe I'm just a little bit predictable sometimes."
"Or maybe I saw it in my crystal ball. Now, back to Robert- my list of why he would make a crappy stand in- he's an ass."
"So are you, but that's not stopping me from marrying you, is it?"
"Ah, but if one ass leaves and is replaced by another, he might steal my thunder and the bride to boot."
"So you think I'm marrying you because I just can't resist the arrogant, jerky type of guy?"
"No, I think you're marrying me because I asked. And Robert's enough of an ass as to try to steal you away. Probably thinks it'll even the score, I do owe him some cash from last week's poker game…"
"Just how much? I think I'd like to know my worth as compared to bets during a poker game…"
"Ah, I'll never tell. But to me you're worth much more."
"Aw, nice try, Col, but you know I'll keep asking."
"And I also know I've eliminated the other two options mentioned for stand-ins."
The grin that had managed its way onto Rory's face slipped off immediately. He was right; she could only take so much of Robert and is attitude at a time- Rory found two, maybe three days in a row. No way could she see him every day for a period of a few months. And Finn… It would be hard enough to arrange a wedding without planning it around on Finn's daytime sleep schedule.
"I'll think about it."
"That's all I ask, Ror."
"Alright, I've gotta go get some coffee to clear my head."
"I'll talk to you later, love you."
"Back at cha babe."
Coffee. Black, steaming hot, rich coffee. No fancy creamers, no grainy packets of sugar- just pure, unadulterated caffeine java goodness. It was Heaven in a cup, but with a large, meaty cheeseburger and a side of fries, it was the ultimate comfort food, better than any fine dining dish Grandma served on Friday nights.
Rory imagined the first sip, the sharp bite of flavor and heat, and fantasized about squirting her condiments on the lunch she was headed towards at Luke's Diner. First, a little ketchup for the fries, and some where the lettuce Luke added to her burger formerly was.
She was crossing the street towards nirvana and the mustard had just come into play when she was ambushed by a walking camera. Or a walking person with a camera in front of their face, who just so happened to jump in front of her ten feet from the glass doors.
"Miss Gilmore, when will this wedding take place? Are the rumors about your so-called 'delicate condition' true? Do you plan on taking Lulu up on her bridesmaid offer?" A walking person with a camera in front of their face who sounded a lot like Kirk.
"Go away Kirk, you're separating me from my coffee." Rory said, shoving her hands into her coat pockets roughly and walking on. Kirk back-treaded in front of her, obviously not giving up.
"Please answer my questions for the Stars Hollow Gazette, Miss Gilmore, and I would be happy to consider-" Kirk broke off, nearly tripping over a disgruntled passer-by.
"Kirk, the Stars Hollow Gazette is a newspaper."
"Yes, I am aware of that. But I find if I give the illusion of being paparazzi, people are more willing to answer my questions. Or throw things at me and call me an intrusive idiot, but I've gotten used to that par-" He stopped mid-sentence as he moved; just barely missing the door of a nearby store that someone was opening.
Rory held back a laugh, and just picked up her pace. In order to stay in front of her and continue filming, Kirk began to walk faster too, only he was at a disadvantage because he was doing so backward. Rory could see the sweet freedom of the diner, its glass doors and checkered drapes. She could also see the three trashcans placed outside for pickup tonight, which, apparently, Kirk could not. He tripped and fell back into them with a yelp, causing shampoo bottles and old egg shells to spill out on the street.
Feeling a little guilty, Rory finally ducked inside her step-father's establishment. She waved at Luke where he stood behind the counter, and went to sit down where her mom was already eating.
"Whoa, did you see that? Kirk just did a back flip into this week's garbage bins!" Lorelai exclaimed, moving to the window. "And look! Taylor's lecturing him now."
"Probably writing him up for littering." Luke said, placing a cup of coffee in front of Rory before she even had to ask.
"Thanks Luke." She said, finally getting her java fix. "Can I get a burger and-" He came back carrying a full plate, and some pie to boot.
"You see why I married this man? I'm telling you, babe, you should have married the heir to the Folgers family coffee supply. Heaven on earth- men dressed in backwards baseball caps and flannel shirts who serve coffee all day."
"I'll pass on the flannel. Colin looks better in suits, but I'll seriously consider leaving him if I'm ever introduced Mr. Folgers personally."
The door of the diner opened just then, and a disheveled Kirk came in. An odor followed him, and a few customers made faces as he passed to get to the counter. He lugged a broken camera onto the surface in front of him, and brushed some egg shell off the black device.
"What died in here?" A woman asked, holding her nose.
"It smells like rotting road kill!" Her companion complained.
"Uh, Kirk, you've got a little something in your hair." Lorelai called from her table.
Kirk's hands immediately went to the top of his head, searching it for garbage. "Darn, I thought I got it all out. I think it was lettuce of some kind." He took his finger out of his hair and looked at the red goop covering it. "This is new." He continued to inspect it.
"I think it's ketchup." Lorelai said, leaning a bit to see better.
"Nah, the consistency is more like the strawberry shampoo Lulu uses at home. Though the smell is more like burnt hair."
Luke came back from the kitchen then, taking in the red goop which had dripped down Kirk's back to the floor of the diner and the horrible smell. "Ah, jeez, will watch where you're dripping, Kirk!"
"I can't help it!"
"You smell like you slept in a dumpster, go home and take a shower, use a lot of soap, rub sanitizer in your hair and come back later."
"But I can't! Lulu let me borrow her camera to follow Rory around with and I broke it, then she'll be mad at me, and won't talk to me, and if she doesn't talk to me, she defiantly won't let me use her tape recorder."
"Go home!"
"But-"
"I'll lend you my tape recorder, if it'll get you outta my diner before you infect the place with last week's leftovers." Luke said firmly, grabbing him by the shoulder and shoving him toward the exit.
Turning away from the scene, Lorelai looked at her daughter with a raised eyebrow. "Why would Kirk be following you with a camera?"
Rory rolled her eyes. "Kirk still wants his interview for the paper, and he decided to imitate paparazzi to get my answers."
"Well next time he comes around, sweets, call me instead of causing such a scene. We'll go Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz on his ass."
"Absolutely." There was a pause here, in which no crazy Stars Hollow regulars made an entrance, and there were no witty remarks about coffee made. Rory decided that she should tell her mom about the situation with Colin and his business trip soon, but thought the diner wasn't the place. Anyone could eavesdrop, and she hated having everyone in town knowing her business, especially when it involved things in her life she wasn't quite sorted through yet.
"Mom, I have some news."
"Ooh, wedding news? Give mommy the details! Have you picked the date?" Lorelai asked, leaning forward eagerly.
"Well, yes, it is wedding news, but it's pretty serious stuff. The kind we need to talk about."
"Good thing we're at the diner."
"But we don't talk here, we talk at Weston's."
"Are you sure? I recall some words being exchanged at this very table."
"It doesn't matter. I don't want to talk here or at Weston's, this time. I think this is more kitchen table material."
Lorelai put on a shocked look and gathered her purse. "Well! That is serious. Then we'd better get going." They headed toward the door, but Lorelai faltered for a moment. "Just a sec. Luuuke! We're leaving. Come to me, love slave, and give Mistress Lorelai a kiss."
The diner owner appeared from behind the counter, holding a pot of coffee in one hand, and used the other to grip is wife's hip as he leaned in for a kiss. Lorelai smiled as he pulled away. "Ah, my coffee man. I'll see you at home."
"Looking forward to it." Luke replied, kissing her again before the two Lorelai's headed out the diner door.
When Rory and Lorelai reached the driveway, they were engaged in a debate about what to have for dinner. Rory was defiantly for just asking Luke for some hearty home cooking, but Lorelai complained that she hadn't had Chinese in quite a while. The argument, however, was halted as Rory spotted a familiar silver car in the driveway parked next to her mother's jeep.
"Oh, no." Damn Colin and his arrogance. Just like that, he assumes that she was going to agree to this, and calls Logan up. Hadn't she said that she'd think about it? Rory didn't even get the chance to tell her mother what was going on.
"Isn't that Logan?" Lorelai questioned, looking at the porch where a blond man sat in expensive clothes, standing out against the plain white wooden steps of their house. Taking in her daughter's dismayed face, Lorelai raised an eyebrow. Well, she hoped that this wasn't the wedding news Rory had for her. Lorelai would hate it if her daughter left Colin for Logan so suddenly.
"Hence the 'oh, no' Mom. I really wasn't expecting him. Colin is going to get his ass kicked." Rory groaned as they approached him.
"Hey Ace."
A/N: Voila! Finally got the fourth chapter out, even if it is a little short compared to the previous three. I hope you enjoyed it, I know it didn't have too much to do with Logan yet, but relax, if I ever get around to updating again (cross your fingers, folks!) you'll be seeing plenty of him soon, especially since he'll be in the starting scene of next chapter. Also, I'm more of a dialogue writer, and I really like Kirk, so if you see a lot of dialogue and our favorite SH resident, don't be too shocked!
Onward to the review button, Knights of the Diner Table!