Fire: Hi everyone and welcome to chapter 14. It's almost the end now, so bear with me.
Sasuke: The end? Already! What about Naruto!
Fire: Naru--who?
Naruto: Waah! Fire forgot about me!
Fire: No, I didn't. It's called a joke, Naruto. A joke!
Kakashi: Aren't you being a little too defensive?
Fire: No, I'm not!
Sasuke: Ignore Fire. We have a story to continue. (pulls up the next chapter)
Kakashi: What about these? (holds up the Big Bag of Reviews)
Fire: Give me the reviews!
Kakashi: (hands the windows to Fire) …
Fire: Yay! Reviews! Thanks to everyone who reviewed!
Kakashi: Nothing else?
Fire: (stares at the reviews) I just wanted everyone to know that I received them, read them, replied to them and filed them in storage for later reading. (smiles at Kakashi)
Kakashi: You're insane.
Sasuke: I'm going to go on with the story now. (pulls up chapter 14)
---------------------------
Chapter 14: Light of the Sakura
Tsunade wasn't sure if she had done the right thing. As Hokage, she had to think about the entire village, about everyone's welfare. She couldn't just think about one person. But, she couldn't help it. After all, she was only human. It was natural that she would worry over people with whom she had an emotional attachment.
So, the antic behaviour of Uchiha Sasuke hadn't escaped her watchful eyes. It was hard to escape from Tsunade's sight when his presence practically screamed out, "Danger! Orochimaru!" But it wasn't just because of that. He had Naruto–someone that Tsunade considered a little brother–with him.
She was beginning to grow worried.
From outside her window, she could see them sitting there. For some reason, Sasuke liked to sit on the roof adjacent to the Hokage tower, and Tsunade could see everything they did.
It wasn't anything private, or anything that Tsunade hadn't seen heartbroken lovers do in public before, but she couldn't shake the eerie feeling that shivered through her body whenever she caught a glance of the Uchiha's sad gazes into the empty air and the blank expression on his face as he whispered Naruto's name.
Tsunade could read lips like all other adept shinobi. It was a required skill for spying, but she was regretting it now. She didn't want to know how much pain the Uchiha was feeling.
'No! Stop thinking about it!'
Tsunade tried to focus on her work. She had to stop thinking about it, even if it was hard.
'Stop thinking about it. Stop thinking about it. Stop thinking about it. Stop thinking...'
Tsunade looked at the medical reports on her desk. Even if she was Hokage, she still had medical reports to go through. She was still a medic-nin, and she still had to take on the especially difficult cases.
Like the problem with Sakura.
She had to find a way to cure Sakura, to pull her out of that depression.
The woman sighed as she went over the thick document again. It wasn't as if she needed to read it–she was the one who took care of the incident the night before–but at least it took her mind off what was happening right outside her window!
And it wasn't as if there was anything she could do to cure the kunoichi. That complicated condition couldn't really be cured...at least not by any outsider. Sakura would have to decide when she would be ready to face the world again. On her own.
Relief rushed through Kakashi's body when he saw Sakura sitting on her bed a few days after the incident, her eyes staring forwards as if nothing had happened. She even looked more lively, even though there was still an aura of terror in the morning air.
Then, she would continue her daily routine with the same sightless expression that was always on her face. She would get out of bed, walk around the hospital room–she didn't share it with anyone since Tsunade was afraid she would endanger someone if she did–and do the weirdest things–like rearranging the furniture, walking around the walls fifteen times, staring at the window frame for two hours, compulsively washing her hands in the sink until her skin was red and peeling, and lying on the ceiling and staring at her bed for a while–before literally falling back into the white blankets of her futon and burying herself in her protective cocoon again.
And the entire time, she was holding that little thin book.
Kakashi didn't know what it was. He only knew that she wouldn't let go of it. Even when she slept, she clutched the book tightly. He could only imagine that it was important to her. She never let go of it...not since he first saw her holding it that time on the bridge. Even at this moment, when he was sitting and watching her rock back and forth on her bed, staring forwards with unseeing eyes, he could see her clutching the book to her chest. It was still there.
"Sakura..." He exhaled the name with a slow shake of his head. He was worried, and he knew that everyone else was worried as well. Lee...Ino...Sasuke...Naruto... He still couldn't get over the idea that Naruto was worrying about the girl, even if he wasn't around. If he was still alive, he would...
The grey-haired jounin threw the thought out of his head before he could continue thinking it any longer. Those were dangerous thoughts. He could easily depress himself if he kept thinking like that.
"GomenGomenGomenGomenGomenGomenGomenGo..." With wide, unblinking eyes, the pink-haired girl repeated that word as she rocked back...as she rocked forwards. There was no other word on her lips, and there hadn't been another word on her lips for a very long time. "...menGomenGomenGomenGomenGom..."
Kakashi heard the doorknob turn and the door open, but his eyes never turned from the kunoichi. He already knew who it was. "No. There's no change," he said swiftly before the young man could ask him the question. How is Sakura today?
Lee slumped slightly as he walked across the room, a single yellow daffodil in his hand. He hadn't forgotten what Sakura had done for him all those years ago when everyone thought he would have to quit being a shinobi, while he was in the hospital with unhealable fractures in his arms and legs. He remembered that yellow daffodil which gave him the strength to go on. It reminded him that there was hope, and the source of that hope was Sakura. She might not have thought that it was important at the time, but it was precious to him. He couldn't just give up on her now.
The boy placed the flower in its tiny vase of water before turning to look at Sakura. Kakashi was right. There really was no change. She was still just sitting there, staring at nothing, rocking back and forth, and repeating 'gomen' over and over and over again.
"Sakura-san." Lee stood at the edge of the bed, unsure of what to do. He wanted to tell her that there was no reason to apologize. He wanted to know why she kept repeating that word like that...but he already knew why she was doing it.
Even Kakashi knew what was holding her back. It wasn't just what she had done in Otogakure no Sato. It wasn't just Orochimaru. For those acts, the kunoichi knew that they could forgive her. But it was the impossible decision that had stuck in her mind. It was hard to get over what had happened.
Naruto or Sasuke. That was what the jounin sensei had asked of her that first day in the field. Survival training. What if she could only save one? Kakashi just never thought that it would come back like this, that Sakura would have to actually make a decision like this. Especially since Sasuke had left not too long ago. The emotional strain must have destroyed her.
"She can't hear you, Lee-kun," Kakashi said sombrely from his side of the room. "You should stop."
"Sakura-san!" But Lee really wanted Sakura to hear him. "Sakura-san!" He just wanted her to wake up, even if he looked and sounded like a fool. He didn't have to be the one to do it...but he had waited for so long. He couldn't just watch her mumble like that any longer. "Sakura-san!"
"Lee-kun!" Kakashi grabbed the boy and threw him into a chair. With a slight slouch in his shoulders, the jounin loomed over the green-clad chuunin. "Get a hold of yourself, Lee-kun. You already know she can't hear you."
Lee slumped into his seat. "I know that." He pulled himself to his shaky feet, utter dejection encompassing his heavy limbs. "I'll just go now."
But as the door closed behind Lee, Kakashi felt a cold chill come over his body. He could feel a freezing stare boring into his back. The masked man turned around slowly... "Sakura?" ...and saw Sakura staring back at him.
"Kakashi-sensei," the girl said slowly, the thick words pressing out through a heavy sob. It was the first real emotion from the kunoichi in a very long time. "I..." Her eyes were still staring forwards, blank and unseeing as round teardrops fell from her eyes with every blink. "I'm really a horrible person." Her arms hugged her legs against her chest tightly as she spoke. "I–I let Naruto die." Her mind throbbed at the memory. 'Sasuke must hate me.' Her hands raked against her scalp, her tight fists tearing at pink hair as her body slumped to the pillows. "I killed Naruto!"
The jounin stood rooted to the ground, his body unable to move as the girl curled into herself, the quiet mumbling sobs escaping from her torso. He tried to force his feet to shuffle forwards, but they wouldn't obey. His joints had rusted shut through the shock of her tears.
"They've left me. I'm such a horrible person!"
Kakashi didn't know how he found the will to go forwards, but he dragged his leaden body to the side of the bed and allowed himself to plop down heavily at Sakura's side. "No, you're not," he said slowly. It wasn't reassuring. She was still crying. But it was still an attempt.
'Think of something to say! Think of something!' His mind was screaming. He couldn't think of anything to make her feel better.
"I'll be here for you," was all he could think of to say. His hand found her head somehow and the words softened the air between them. "What's wrong?"
"I..." Sakura curled against Kakashi's back, absorbing the calm air that only her sensei could draw around him. "I don't deserve to have Sasuke-kun." Even her words were suddenly calmer.
'It's my fault. I can't stop hating him. Why do I have to share Sasuke-kun?'
Thin arms wrapped themselves around Kakashi's waist. Pink hair matted against the jounin's lower back. "He'll never forgive me, Kakashi-sensei!" The sound of a softcover book hitting the ground cut through the air for a single moment, slicing through his calm nerves and sending into his body the desire to peel those arms off and run away. He wasn't good at handling emotions, and he was worse at dealing with crying girls.
'Kami-sama, help me. I'm not good at this.' He laid a gloved hand on Sakura's shaking arm. It was the incident with Rin all over again. What could he do to comfort her when she stared so sadly at the stars?
"He'll forgive you, Sakura," Kakashi said slowly as he tried to keep himself from pulling her digging fingers from his jounin vest. He could distinctly feel them through the thick material of his flak jacket. "And don't worry about Naruto. He'll forgive you, even if..." He was about to tell her that Naruto would forgive her, even if she killed him. But he had meant it hypothetically, and she was literally berating herself about it. "Naruto will forgive you," he said instead.
And Sakura was silent for the first time in a long while; the senseless mumbling that filled the air only a few moments ago was suddenly forgotten. With her face buried in Kakashi's back, the kunoichi was finally calm. Only the occasional sniff and the slow soaking of Kakashi's shirt signified that she was still awake.
The grey-haired jounin made a mental note to wash his shirt later.
"I guess he would," she said finally, her voice cracking slightly through the thick jacket. Slowly, the mountain was crumbling.
On the roof where no one could see him except for the Hokage whose office lay to his left, Sasuke stared out at nothing in particular. His sight wasn't the focus of his attention. No. He had other, more important things in mind.
He was focussing on his thoughts. The thoughts that swirled in his mind called forth scenarios where Naruto might be here. He tried to picture Naruto standing at his side, annoying him with his half-witted remarks, but he didn't have the imagination for it. He was a realist. He couldn't warp reality at his command like Naruto with his overactive imagination; it had to be overactive if the blond could imagine defeating him. But he wasn't Naruto.
With the thoughts roiling in his head, the dark-haired boy stared at his clenched hands. He had killed Naruto with these hands. These were the hands that had thrown that fuuma shuriken, which had held the string he had attached to the shuriken's core. It was with these hands that he had directed the shuriken back to him. It was these hands that had killed Naruto.
Within the Uchiha's mind, he could clearly remember his death, but after that...he remembered nothing. Was he happy? Was he in pain? He couldn't remember anything. All he knew was that it was probably a nice place. He was sure that Naruto was there, but he couldn't remember. Naruto hadn't told him about his death. Naruto hadn't explained why he had left. He didn't come to him. He hadn't seen him.
Sasuke had to read it all from reports in the Hokage's public library records. No one would even speak to him about it, and the only person who could actually explain anything worth listening to was currently in a state of mental and emotional turmoil.
"Chikusho." 'Naruto, why couldn't you have waited for me?'
If only Naruto had stayed. If only Naruto had waited for him. He would have returned. He would have made his way back, even if it was from beyond the grave, he would have pried open the doorways to the afterlife and forced his way back, back to Konoha, back to Naruto.
"So, why aren't you here?"
Sasuke could feel insanity filling his mind. Insanity. That was the right word for it. Insanity. He was going insane! He needed Naruto to be here. It didn't work if Naruto wasn't here. It wasn't right if Naruto wasn't here. No matter what he did...if he felt inadequate...if his brother was threatening him...if he was in pain...if he tried to kill him...if he left for Orochimaru without a word of goodbye...if he was gone for almost three years without a word of explanation...if he ignored him for not apparent reason...if he left...if he died...if he did anything...Sasuke always knew that Naruto would be here. Naruto would be waiting for him here. Naruto wouldn't care, as long as he was still Sasuke inside, as long as he returned to him.
That was why Naruto had to be there. Somewhere in Konoha, Naruto was waiting. Sasuke could feel it. Even with frantic insanity seeping into his mind, he could see it. He would bring Naruto back. He would tear him from the heavens. This blond star would fall, and he would stay with him. Even if Naruto should hate him until the day he died–again–Sasuke couldn't bear to lose him.
End Chapter 14
---------------------------
Fire's English tidbits for those who care:
Here's slang! I don't know if there are a lot of people reading this one since it's about something everyone knows well, but written slang is slightly different from spoken slang. If you didn't already know, it's best to avoid slang when writing, because slang is a temporal thing; it changes as time passes. Words that have a meaning in slang during one decade will no longer have that meaning in another decade. So in order to keep your writing comprehensible, it's best to leave slang out. However, there is an exception. The exception has two points, a pro for slang, and a con against it, and they both deal with anachronisms. Anachronisms place persons, events, object or customs out of their proper time. For example, since there aren't any cars or mechanical devices like guns in Naruto—not even a horse—there is no reason to make any reference to cars, mechanical devices or even a horse in your story. That would make no sense. So not only should you avoid writing about them, you should avoid using them in your devices. For example, don't use, "pain spread through Sakura's chest as if a barrage of bullets had hit her." Because guns don't exist in Naruto's world, bullets wouldn't exist in that world either. The same would go for any slang expressions you might use. This is why I only use profanity I've already heard on Naruto, and I only write them in Japanese since that's the language I heard them in. The pro for slang is that if you're writing something that brings the characters out of their original universe, it's a good way to anchor them to their new reality. It might be difficult to imagine Naruto in a middle school uniform since the normal image of him with his orange outfit and hitai-ate is so ingrained into our minds from watching hours of Naruto and reading the manga several hundred times, but if he was speaking differently, or if the writing style conveys the images properly—not just with descriptions of their surroundings, etc—then the readers will receive the message. I hope that wasn't too long. Gomen nasai for the long explanation. I'm trying to be thorough.
Fire's babbling:
Fire: Tell me honestly, Sasuke. Was that too long?
Sasuke: Too long? OF COURSE IT WAS TOO LONG, BAKA!
Fire: (cowers behind Kisame) Kowai.
Sasuke: Stop hiding behind him! It's disgusting!
Itachi: (sneaks up behind Naruto) …
Naruto: Aaah! Sasuke! (tries to wrench his arm out of Itachi's grasp)
Sasuke: (grabs Naruto from Itachi) Don't even think about it!
Kakashi: Did you have to explain anachronisms with slang? I thought it was a little too much.
Fire: I had to. :( If I didn't, people would wonder why I'm talking about slang when everyone already knows what it is!
Sasori: Why aren't I in this chapter?
Fire: Really? (looks at the story) Waah! You're not!
Sasori: (pulls out Orochimaru) Write me in this chapter!
Orochimaru: (clicks) Click. Click. Click. Click. Click.
Sakura: (punches the Orochmaru hitokugutsu and sends its limbs flying in every direction) It's refreshing not to have you around, baka!
Sasori: And why are you cheating on me!
Sakura: Cheating on you? This is a KakaSaku!
Sasori: (glares at Kakashi) I don't like you.
Kakashi: (glares at Sasori) I don't trust you.
Sasori: (glares at Kakashi) …
Kakashi: (glares at Sasori) …
Sasuke: Is it just me or do you like old men, Sakura? You know that Sasori's older than Orochimaru, right?
Sakura: He's not that old!
Fire: He was in his twenties when Chiyo saw him in Kawa no Kuni and she said that he hadn't changed from when he left. That meant that he was in his twenties when he left. Assuming that he was only twenty-five at the time, that was twenty years before the beginning of the series. That would mean he was twenty-five plus twenty before timeskip. That makes him forty-five. After timeskip, which was about three years, that makes him forty-eight.
Sakura: See!
Kakashi: (smug tone) That's still older than me by twenty years.
Sasori: I look younger. (glares at Kakashi)
Fire: Waah! Save it for the third book! (turns to the audience) Please review and tell me what you think. The next chapter is the last chapter, and there's an epilogue for the SasuNaru fans or just anyone who wants to know Sasuke's thoughts before going into the next book. It will definitely help you understand what he's doing better if you read it. But I'm warning you now, the epilogue is yaoi and if that's not for you, why are you even reading this series!
Kisame: Waah! Stop hugging me so tight! (trying to unsuccessfully pry Fire off) If you're annoyed, take it out on them!
Fire: I'm not hurting the readers, Kisame!
Sasuke: That's it. We're leaving. Ja!
Fire: Ja ne! Say goodbye, Kisame.
Kisame: (glares at the audience) Samehada's hungry.
Fire: (mumbles under breath) It's a good thing I don't have any chakra. (turns to the audience) Kisame says, "see you next chapter too! Ja ne!"
Kisame: I DID NOT!
---------------------------